He didn't know if he was dreaming or awake. He felt pressure as if someone was making compressions on his chest, strong and then not so strong, just taps, slight taps of tiny hands. He opens his eyes slowly, the images still foggy and confusing, his mind taking its time to adjust.
The foggy shapes clear out and he sees a little girl on top of him. He doesn't know her, but he does. Her red hair, ginger like his, falls in curls around the girl's freckled face, her blue eyes matching his. This is his daughter. She touches his face with her small hands, he feels them warm against his skin. Is this real?
"See? I told you he would wake up!"
"Sure! Who wouldn't wake up with you jumping on them?" The voice of a boy comes from beside him, it's a child's voice, but older. Almost teenager. Eleven years old. His eleven year old son. He looks to his side to find the boy smiling at him. Brown hair, blue eyes, smile just like his mother's. If the little girl was his copy, the boy was hers. His wife's.
He furrows his eyebrows, still confused. The last thing he remembers isn't this. He was running. Shots were being fired, he could hear shots mixed with the crunching of leaves beneath his feet as he ran, he was in the woods. He held something on his hand. A gun, it was a gun. On the other hand, not a gun, a hand. Her hand.
"Daddy!" The scream of the girl wakes him up again, and the pictures come back. He's in a bedroom, a warm cozy bedroom, the smell of breakfast taking over the house, taking over his senses. Maybe that was a dream.
He tries to stand up, the girl slides from his chest to his side, putting her arms around her brother.
"Are you alright, dad?" The boy asks, worried. He puts a hand on his boy's arm, and shakes his head.
"Yes, Sam, I'm fine" he speaks, and he doesn't know how he knows the boy's name, but he knows. Sam, like her father. "Where's your mother?" He asks instinctively.
"Downstairs, cooking. You have to hurry, dad! Call the fire department!" The boy chuckles, and so does he. It's an old joke between them, even though she has improved her cooking skills in these ten years. She doesn't burn things anymore, and some of her cooking is actually edible.
"Come daddy, come daddy, breakfast! Mom's calling!" The little girl grabs his t-shirt as he sits on the bed and he grabs her by her waist and pulls her to his lap, tickling her.
"Alright, alright! Let's go!" He stands up with her on his arms, and she puts her little legs around him, clinging to his body and resting her head on his shoulder. The boy climbs off the bed and joins them as they go down the stairs.
"Did you wake your father?" Her voice comes from the kitchen, and it causes his body to freeze. It can't be her, but it is. His fuzzy memories remembers the ten years, the wedding, the births of their children, the happy life.
He walks into the kitchen and is welcomed by her wide smile that always made his heart melt. She comes closer and as the girl transfers from him to her arms, she leans and kisses him.
"Good morning, sleepy!" She says, and he is confused, how can this be so normal?
"I... I don't... Liz?" He says, and she frowns, worried.
"Are you okay, Don?" She asks as she puts their daughter down, and the girl runs to the table where her brother already is eating cereal and fumbling on his phone. Liz turns around and calls on Sam's attention.
"No cellphone on the table, Sammy, you know that"
The boy grunts and then locks the screen on his phone, and then helps his sister to pour cereal for her.
Things are still confusing in his head, but also not. He knows this, this is his life. Liz puts her arms around him, and looks into his eyes.
"Don, honey, is everything okay?" He looks from the table with their kids to her and then settles "yeah, I'm just sleepy, that's all" he raises a hand to put a lock of hair behind her ear, and them lean down to kiss her.
"C'mon, I made pancakes" she takes his hand and leads him to the table, where he sits next to Sam.
"You hate pancakes, Liz!" He laughs as she places the plate with a stack of pancakes in front of him, and they smell delicious.
"I know, but you love them. And I love you!" He stops when she says it, she says it all the time but it seems as if it's the first time. His confusion comes back, and it seems as if the whole scene is disappearing, but he fights to get it back, and they are back into focus. Liz is handing him a bottle of maple. He pours it on top of his pancakes as she sits down in front of him, eating a crispy bacon strip.
"Honey, don't! C'mon Audrey!" She says as the girl is splashing milk all over by hitting the spoon in her bowl of cereal.
Audrey? Yes, Audrey. She decided to name their daughter after his dead girlfriend, it was a lovely gesture. The Bidwells were Audrey's godparents, they forgave Don for her death.
"I'm sorry, mommy" the girl said, and then stood on her feet on the chair to kiss her mother on the cheek. She was a loving girl. They had a loving family.
He looks to Sam and sees that he's texting under the table. He grabs the phone from the boy's hand.
"No phones on the table. You heard your mother" and he puts the phone into his pajama pocket.
"But dad! It's important!"
"What could possibly be so important for a 10 year old on a Saturday morning?" He smile as the boy protests "i'm eleven! My birthday was last week! You took us to wing wee's! Don't you remember?" He didn't, but he did. They went to Wing Wee's because it was their thing. Their family place.
"So start acting like an eleven year old boy and do what your mother says!" He says, and then glances towards Liz, who's smiling as she eats her toast. Their eyes meet, and he feels warm inside. They communicate naturally. After ten years of marriage, it was expected.
"I'm done. May I have my phone back, please?" Sam asked, his tone of voice rude and ironic like a teenager's.
"Kiss your mother first" he says, and the boy kisses Liz on the cheek.
"Thanks for breakfast mom. It was delicious!" He says, and then turns to Don, who hands him his phone, and then he runs upstairs and they hear he slam his bedroom door. Sam is a good boy, like he was at his age. He was raising him like his father did.
"Can I watch cartoons, mommy?"
"Yes, baby, go!" Audrey climbs down her chair, kisses Liz and Don and then runs to the living room, as Liz stands up and starts cleaning the table.
He observes as she comes and goes, taking the plates and bowls and glasses from the table and putting them on the sink, throwing glances at him and smiling back.
"Any plans for the Saturday, hon?" She asks from the sink, as she starts to clean the remnants of food off the plates before placing them in the dishwasher. He stands up and sways towards her, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her close, kissing her on the neck as she laughs, startled.
"I was thinking about having a lazy Saturday, stay home, watch movies, wait for the kids to take an afternoon nap" he is kissing her ear now, he knows it gives her goosebumps, and she giggles as she turns around in his arms and put hers around his neck, giving him a hot and passionate kiss on the lips.
"Sounds like a plan. I would love that, but you know you'll have to wake up first, Donald."
He laughs and furrows his eyebrows, confused.
"I am awake"
"I mean in reality, babe. You need to wake up" she means to kiss him again, but he moves back, looking at her puzzled.
"What do you mean?"
"Donald, you know this is all fantasy, right? You're in a coma, babe" she says, and it all comes rushing back to him.
He was in a cabin, they were under attack, they were outnumbered. He sees as the attackers approach the house, they are coming in, he uses his instinct to think of a last alternative. He grabs her hand, she is what they want, and he won't give her up. Not again, not anymore.
They get out through the back door and leave the house, running on the woods without knowing where to go, just going away. He knows some of the men saw them, they didn't have much time. He pulls her so she is running in front to him instead of behind, and lets go of her hand.
"Ressler!" She screams as he turns around to shoot at the men coming for them.
"Go, Liz! Run!" He screams and shoots again, he hit a man, the others are far behind, they have some time, he turns and runs, behind her.
He looks again, and more men are coming, three now, and they are getting close, but she is ahead of him, she's far, so he turns around and starts shooting, running backwards and shooting. He hits one man and dodges a bullet and shots again, but when he turns around to see where he's going, there's nowhere to step, he got to a cliff, a steep cliff and he is falling. He tries to grab onto something, there's nothing, then there's a hand. Her hand.
"Ress! No!" She grabs him as he falls and hits the wall of the cliff, there's nowhere to put his foot, he's dangling and he knows she can't hold him for long. Men are coming for her, she needs to let go of him and run.
"Let go, Liz!"
"No!" She's crying, making an outstanding efford to hold him.
"Let me go, Liz! They are coming"
"I'm not letting you go, Ressler!"
"It's not high, look! I'll survive" he didn't know that. It was at least 10 feet, and there were rocks on the bottom.
"No!" She screamed, he saw that hands were pulling her, and he panics, as it's probably her captors, and he can't help her. Her hand is slipping, he can't hold anymore, so he lets her go and hopes that she can't fight them off, as he feels himself falling.
He's back in the kitchen, she's holding him close, her head on his chest as he feels a tear on his face.
"Am I dead?" He asks, and she pulls back to face him.
"No, Don. You're in a coma" he starts to cry.
"Are you dead?" He asks, scared. She smiles.
"I'm not Liz. I'm your conscience. It's funny, I'm both your fantasy, and your conscience. So I don't know where she is, but if you listen closely" they both stop to listen, and he hears, far away, behind the cartoon sounds coming from the living room.
"Ressler, please, can you hear me? Ress?"
"It's her! She's calling me" he sighs, relieved. They made it, they are probably in a hospital, or so he hopes.
"Yes!" His conscience Liz smiles, "it's alright then. You have to come back to her"
He feels lazy, and looks around. This is so good, so real. Their house, their kids, no more Cabal, or Reddington.
"But here is so good! Why do I need to go back? Here I have you, I have the kids. There what do I have? I have nothing, Liz, nothing but pain and loneliness."
"You don't" Liz shakes her head, looking at him with pity as he sits back on the table.
"You don't love me back there. You love Tom" he looks up at her, and she comes and sits on his lap.
"You don't know that."
He cries again, fighting against his reality.
"I don't want to lose this!"
"What do you have to lose, Donald? This is not real! But it could be, you just have to wake up! I'm right there next to you! Tell me! Wake up and tell me!"
"Tell you what?"
"That you love me, silly!" She smiles and kisses him on the nose. "Tell me what you saw, what you dreamt. Tell me about Sam, and Audrey, and our house and how I can cook now,"
"This is not the future. You said it yourself, this is my fantasy. What if I tell you, and you don't like it? You don't love me back?"
"So you'll stay in this fantasy? You'll die because you're scared?"
He nods, and she smiles with pity.
"Donald, stop living in fear! You almost lost Audrey because you were scared, remember? She was going away, and you didn't stop her! Are you going to do the same now with me? How can it be that you'd rather live alone, in pain, or even die than just say three simple words!" She approached her lips to his ear and whispered "I love you!" Then she pulled back "see? It's easy, short and simple!"
He looks at her, pain in his chest, she's so real and he loves her so much, how can she not be real? Why isn't this real?
He pulls her head and kisses her passionately, an intense and hot kiss, breathtaking kiss. He feels his body reacts to the kiss, feels her turn on him, putting her legs beside his, straddling him on the chair, grabbing his head between her. It's real, this is real.
Her hands go down his neck, and his go under her shirt, feeling her skin, and he hears, on the back os his head, so far it's nearly inaudible.
"Donald, please, come back to me! Please!" It's a crying plea, and he feels something on his cheek, it's a tear, her tear.
He stops the kiss and looks at her, she isn't crying. She's smiling.
"It's so real." He puts a hand on his cheek, there's nothing there.
"It's only real because you're making it real, Don. It's your head. It's your choice." She leans down and starts kissing his neck, her soft lips and teeth grazing his skin, making him lose his breath. He wants her so much, loves her, but she isn't real.
He pulls her back, stops her and looks at her, serious. She stares back, and then understands, caressing his cheeks with the back of her fingers.
"You need to go, Donald." Her eyes glisten and she smiles and his heart flutters, he doesn't know what to do.
"I love you" he says, and her smile widens.
"See? You can do it. C'mon, say it again!"
"I love you, Liz" he says, and smiles, feeling his body shivering, and the image of where he was slowly blurring and fading away.
"Say it again!" He hears her screaming from afar, now nothing but white light in front of him.
"I love you, Elizabeth Keen" he says with all his heart, and then opens his eyes.
He's in a hospital, lying on a hospital bed, attached to all sorts of machines. He feels there's something on his nose to help him breathe and he feels his arm attached to a bag of fluids and he can hear the beeps of the machines around him, and he can feel her hands on his arms, and her weight on his chest as she is leaned on him, and he can see her face close to his, her eyes wet and wide, startled. Did he say something?
He rummages on his memory and remembers his dream, remembers what brought him back, what he said to his conscience, to her.
"Liz? What... What did I say? What...?"
Did he say it out loud?
"You... You said my name. You..." She was crying, sttammering between sobs, and she pulls back and he wants to grab her, pull her back to him, hold her, but his arms are weak, All he manages to do is move his wrist up. She looks at it and takes his hand.
"What did I say, Liz?" He asks again, and she is standing up, moving away from the bed and letting go of his hand, as nurses and doctors appear around him, checking up on him.
He fights them, look for her behind all the people, he needs to know.
"What did I say?"
"You said..." She tries to approach him, but a nurse stops her.
"Miss, you need to step out of the room, please." The nurse pushes her away, and he wants to reach out but other nurses stop him, and the doctor starts asking questions he can't understand, doesn't want to understand as she goes out, and the nurse closes the door on her.