Squishy: Hugger of Worlds.

Writer: Invader Johnny.

Disclaimer: The show belongs to Jhonen Vasquez, I own squat!

Plot: There is nothing deadlier in the universe than a hugger, all worlds know this, because the moment Squishy wants to hug you, it only means one thing…. Doom is coming.

Author Notes: This fic is taken from Invader Zim's cancelled episode of the same name, this is just my interpretation of what could have been but I'm sure that most likely this version is not what Jhonen Vasquez, Eric Trueheart or Rikki Simmons envisioned.

Nevertheless, I hope to make the idea justice.

On the bridge of The Massive, the Tallest were lounging around while the navigators flew the Armada's capital ship in the cold vacuum of space.

"I'm so boooooooored." Purpled whined from his throne.

"Well go and do something." Red snapped, munching on some chips.

"I am!" Purple said "I'm complaining that there's nothing to do!"

"Do something else then!"

"Like what?"

"I don't know." His co-ruler replied, getting annoyed "Just think of something, it's not that hard. Well, maybe it is for you.

"Are you making fun of me?"

"Noooo." Red said with heavy sarcasm "I would never do that."

But before Purple could give out a half decent retort, a crewman interrupted his leaders. "Incoming planet, known as Jupiter, My Tallest."

"Defenses?"

"None, sir." A scanner operator replied. "In fact, it seems to be nothing more than a gas giant."

Purple excitedly began to jump up and down like a little smeet about to receive a slydoodeedoo.

"Can I? Can I? Can I?"

"I don't know, can you?"

Purple looks blankly at his co-ruler "Seriously, I feel like that's sarcasm."

"Of for the love of…" Red slaps himself in the forehead "No one's stopping you! We have unlimited power remember?!"

"Oh yeah!" Purple makes a sound like a giddy little smeet and floats to a cannon console.

"Sirs, a huge object is closing in on us!" The same Scanner Operator reported "And its HUGE!"

"We're gonna die!" A random crewman shouts terrified "I don't wanna!"

A female crewmember smacks him "Calm down! It's headed for the planet."

"Hey! Not fair!" Purple pouts "I wanna destroy that planet!"

"Sirs it's… hugging the planet!"

Outside the Massive the huge purple creature was laughing joyfully, his nubby arms enthusiastically getting around the planet "Hi planet! I'm Squishy!" The creature said introducing himself "I like warm hugs!"

Back on The Massive:

"HE'S WHAT?!" Purple bellowed "Die! You planet…. Hugging… thingy!"

He fires cannon, and the blast goes in the opposite direction of Squishy and the planet.

"You are the WORST shot I have ever seen." Red said.

"He's right, sir."

Purple presses a button and a tube came out of seemingly nowhere and shoots the Irken crewman into space.

"Sirs! The planet's gonna burst!"

BOOOM!-INCOMING METEORS!

The Massive rattles around and everyone flies around the bridge, gravity
being knocked out.

"Artificial gravity, reestablished." A computer said.

Everyone hits the floor.

Red Groan "What on Irk was that?"

The main screen showed Squishy holding what remained of Jupiter (How is that possible I'll leave it to speculation) He looks quite sad.

"Aww, such a short hug."

The computer scanned the planet size creature and information appeared on the screen.

Red began to read the Irken text. "Unbelievable, Its Squishy!"

"Who?" Purple asked uninterested.

"The Hugger of Worlds!"

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"That huge creature that hugged the planet and nearly killed us you idiot!"

"Ohhh… Nope… Still nothing."

Red aggravated grabbed Purple and shoved his face towards the main screen which showed Squishy floating away in search of a new target.

"Hey! That's the guy that blew up the planet I wanted to blow up!" Purple said, realization finally setting in. "No one blows a planet but us! I want revenge! I wanna make him sad!"

"He's already sad My Tallest."

A tube threw the crewman out in the cold vacuum of space.

"I wanna make him sadder!"

"Sheesh, just blow him up!" Red said dismissively.

"NO! That's not good enough! I want to take his next planet!"

"Hey smoke brain, you're going to head after a dangerous hugging blob and risk
death and destruction just to make it sad?"

"Sadder, and yes, yes, I am."

"May I remind you that it's our destruction you're risking here!?"

"No."

"How did I get stuck with you?" Red muttered, rubbing his temple, he was getting a migraine.

"We're the same height." Purple shrugged, stating the obvious.

"What I wouldn't kill for a growth spurt." Red said quietly "Or maybe if I kill someone I won't need a growth spurt."

He said the last part while looking at Purple evilly.

"Hey you, Skrang!" Purple shouts pointing at the engineer "Where's it going?"

"I dunno my Tallest." Skrang shrugs, that is until he sees a tube right above him and in an attempt to save his life he shouts the first name that comes to mind. "EARTH SIR!"

Red is snapped out of his evil thoughts about Purple dying by something he loves more, the thought of Zim dying. "Great! It'll destroy Zim and Skoodge, too! We should throw it a party or something! I can't believe it's going to kill Zim, I can finally cross that off my bucket list!"

"No, you won't!"

"SAY WHAT?!" Red snapped, once more giving Purple the evil eye "If we go there he'll think the armada's coming! Let Squishy kill him! Come on! You know you want to!"

"Have a snack!" Purple shoves snack into Red's mouth causing him to gag and pass out.

"FOLLOW IT!" Purple bellowed "Unless you all want to take his place."

The Irken crewmen did as they were told.

They all had a feeling they were doomed.

Zim's base

Zim is standing in front of the computer; blue prints for his latest evil plan are on the computer screen, they involve Dib and a large number of sharp, and/or explosive objects, and a bunch of menacing looking beavers.

"Computer, scout the area surrounding the planet to find the best possible angle of release for the beavers."

"But, I don't wanna." The Computer moaned "I'm tired of this life, destroying planets, and stuff. I want to follow my dream of becoming a deranged comic book artist. "

"Comic book artist?" Zim asked incredulously "But you don't even have fingers!"

"It's not fair, all the other Invaders' computers got to follow their dreams."

"Yes, because they actually helped take over their assigned planets."

"I told you my plan, to take over the world through children's animation."

"And I told you to stop watching that horrible Floopsy Bloops Shmoopsy cartoon!" Zim bellowed, pointing dramatically at the ceiling. "Its clearly giving you the Brain-worms!"

"But it's so addictive!"

"Blah! Blah! Blah! All I hear is stuff coming out of your noise box that have nothing to do with my ingenious plan!" The Irken says aggravated "Now, find a place to release the beavers! I COMMAND YOU!"

The Computer sighs, annoyed "Fine."

We hear a series of beeps, whirs and other mechanical noises.

"The best possible place of release is the moon."

"Excellent, now I can…."

"And by the way, the fabled Squishy: Hugger of Worlds is heading straight for Earth."

"Oh no! Not Squishy!" Zim's eyes bulged out of his eye sockets "Agh! Wait, who's Squishy again?"

A view screen extends from a slot in the wall displaying a reel of Squishy hugging an unsuspecting planet, (he looks similar to the little kid in Fry Cook What Came from All That Space that pointed at stuff, but a hell of a lot bigger and annoying.)

"Squishy is a giant mutant purple freak who expresses joy by hugging worlds."

"Oh, well that doesn't sound so bad."

"Until they explode."

"That's actually kind of funny." Zim snickers maliciously.

"He's headed here."

"That's great." The Irken said, beginning to walk away, stopping right in his tracks… Two minutes later. "Oh, wait no! That's bad, I have to destroy the Earth! We have to stop him!"

"Through children's animation?" The Computer asked hopefully.

Zim raises non-existent eyebrow at computer. "No, I was thinking that we could do something that would, you know, work. Now, give me solutions that don't involve cartoons!"

"Ok fine." The Computer grumbled "You take two Voot Cruisers and fly out one serves as a distraction from Earth, the other tries to get him to hug something else, and then as soon as it explodes makes sure he doesn't remember that he wanted to hug the Earth in the first place."

"We could make him hug the sun!"

"I guess that would work."

"But how could we make him do that…?" Zim pondered "Wait! I've got it! We'll take two Voot Cruisers and fly out one as a distraction from Earth, the other tries to get him to hug the sun, and then as soon as it explodes makes sure he doesn't remember that he wanted to hug the Earth in the first place. Why didn't you think of that Computer?!"

"I did."

"YOU LIE!" Zim makes a dramatic pose.

"I hate you." The Computer sighs "But sir, that's not such a good idea, I mean, about the sun, with the sun gone then…"

"Silence! I'm amazing!" Zim shouts "Skoodge, get in here!"

A few floor tiles move and Skoodge's head pops up from under them.

"Yes? "

"There you are, wait… what were you doing under the floor tiles?"

"I was just burying myself like you told me to."

Zim chuckled at that "Oh, yes, well you'll have to get back to that later."

"How much later?"

"WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?!"

"I just wanna know so I can put it on my day planner."

Zim's left eye began to twitch uncontrollably "Right now Squishy; hugger of worlds, is headed for Earth and we need your Spittle Runner to stop him."

"But I don't have a ship, I crash-landed here." The fat Invader pointed out "I even lost my S.I.R. unit. We're lucky I'm even alive."

"Lucky?" Zim sneered "An Invader without a S.I.R. unit or a Spittle Runner! Are you just completely useless then?"

"Pretty much."

"Well, that's just great." The defective raised his arms in annoyance "Now what are we going to do? We can't use any other type of ship, nothing on this planet is that light and heavily armed, and it's not like anyone else on this planet has a Voot Cruiser."

"The Dib human has Tak's ship."

"No! I'd rather wait here for the doom hug than ask the Dib-worm for help!"

"That's idiotic on so many levels." The Computer snaps exasperatedly "You'd rather sit here and wait to be hugged to death than work with Dib, even though you've done it before?"

"Yes."

"Seriously Zim, you have to work with him. Be reasonable!"

"NEVER!"

"You're right, I dunno what I was thinking, you can't be reasoned with."

"And don't you forget it!" Zim boasts proudly "... Wait."

"Then maybe we should just leave." Skoodge suggested "You know before the planet explodes.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" Zim said accusingly "You'd like for Earth to explode, so that you can rub in my face that you conquered Bloch and I didn't destroy this dirt ball! Well too bad, because we're going to the Dib-human's house now, so we can save the Earth! Skoodge, I'll need you to pilot the distraction ship, Computer! Tell GIR to get his disguise, he's coming too. MiniMoose, stay here and monitor the beavers."

"Nyah!"

"Yay! I get to be the distraction!"

"You know Zim's most likely going to sacrifice you, right?"

"He's never done that before." Skoodge said obliviously, getting his disguise which were unsurprisingly contacts and a wig "Why would he start now?"

"I'm surrounded by idiots."

A few minutes Later at the Membrane House.

Zim walks up to the door. Skoodge and GIR are behind him. He rings the doorbell and Gaz answers the door, she has her Game Slave 2 in hand. She looks up from her game and sees Zim, she doesn't say anything, she just turns around and walks back into the house and sits down on the couch. Zim and the others follow her, and Skoodge shuts the door behind them. Gir takes off his disguise, sits down on the couch and turns on the TV as if he's at home.

"GIR!" Zim hissed "What are you doing?"

"Watching TV!" The S.I.R Unit chirped happily "Look it's my favorite show!" He flips through TV channels, laughing maniacally as he does so.

"We don't have time for this! Gaz-human, where is you big-head brother? Your hideous world is in danger again! We have to…"

"Be quiet, your voice should die." Gaz growled dangerously "Dib is outside in the backyard. Just try not to bring him back alive this time."

"What you think I been trying to do since I landed on this horrible planet?!"

Backyard

Dib is up in a tree with a pair of binoculars, muttering something about singing pirate meat bees, dubbing them "Beefus Megabombus."

He hears someone opening the back door and turns around. When he sees Zim he is shocked, screams and falls out of the tree, hitting almost every branch on the way down, when he hits the ground there is a fairly large stick in his hair.

"Zim!?" Dib shouts pointing at his hated enemy "What are you doing here?! I don't know what you're up to, but I'll stop you! I've…I've got a stick!"

The boy pathetically pulls stick out of hair and holds it up in self-defense.

Zim looks at the stick, raising a non-existent eyebrow. "You, uh, hit your head pretty hard, didn't you?"

Dib rubs head "Mmyup… Wait… Stop trying to distract me! What are you doing here? What are you up to alien scum?!"

He pokes Zim with stick repeatedly, much to the Invader's irritation."

"Hey, quit it Dib-Stink! I'm here to save your stupid world from Squishy, a horrible mutant freak who expresses joy by hugging planets until they explode! He's on his way here! We don't have much time."

Yeah right, that's stupid, did you really think I'd fall for that?" Dib asked while increasing the severity of poking with the stick.

"If I was going to trick you don't you think I could come up with a better story than that?!"

"That's true." Dib pondered "But maybe that's just what you want me to think!" He continues with the poking.

The Irken quickly got annoyed, he grabbed the stick and throws it over the fence.

"Hey! That was my stick!"

"Dib-worm." Zim said, crossing his arms "Have I ever lied to you about your planet being in danger besides me trying to destroy it before?"

"Of course, you have!" Dib replied "Wait a minute, no you haven't, that's strange, I thought you had. Why haven't you?"

"That's a good question, but it doesn't matter! I'm not lying to you now."

"Then that's horrible!" Dib yells "How are we supposed to stop a giant mutant planet-hugging freak?"

"I have a plan." Zim said "Such an amazing plan do I have! But I need another Voot Cruiser, I'll need you to fly Tak's ship."

"Erm, well, the thing is that I can't really fly it."

"Pitiful human! Did you break it again?"

"Oh, it's fixed; I just can't fly it…. And what do you mean again?" Dib asked annoyed "I used it before! You seen me fly it tons of times!"

"YOU'RE MAKING IT UP!"

"I am not!" Dib shouts exasperatedly, panting as he tries to calms down a bit, he then grins evilly when a thought came to mind "Why don't you try to fly it, Zim?"

"You know what? I will try, and I will succeed pitiful Earth-stink."

Zim walks over to Tak's ship, gets inside and pushes some buttons. Suddenly, we hear thunder even though the sky is perfectly clear.

"Get out!" Tak's Ship said darkly.

To Zim's horror, the ship had a very scary voice that send shivers down his spine "Gaz-Beast? What the…?"

"I have Gaz's personality." The Ship sneered "Which is an improvement over the last one."

"Hey!" Dib shouts offended.

"She downloaded it when Dib drank the last soda, so as punishment he can't fly me till Gaz feels like it." The Ship explained coldly "Now get out! Your voice is stupid."

The ship sets off a blaring alarm.

"I don't care whose personality you have, you're still Irken property!" Zim shouts "I controlled you when you had the Dib-worm's personality and I can control you now!"

Zim takes out remote and presses buttons, and the alarm stops. "Ha! Now, what do you have to say?"

"Get out or else!" The alarm starts up again.

"Huh?! IMPOSSIBLE!"

"You had your chance!"

Cords come out of the ship and wrap Zim up. Electricity starts to course through them as if they are building up a shock of some kind. The shot goes back to Dib, smiling like a kid at Christmas (one where Santa wasn't evil and bent on world domination), and we see the light of the shock reflecting on him as we hear a zap and Zim lets out a horrible scream of sheer agony. This is followed by a series of horrible noises, Zim continues screaming throughout the whole thing. Suddenly, the ship sends Zim flying through the air we see him land on the ground next to Dib, he's in a fetal position, still slightly smoking, chunks of his skin are charred and/or missing.

The door opens and Gaz comes outside, she has her Game Slave II, but puts it in her pocket when she sees what is going on. She walks up behind them, slightly angry, but very amused.

She kicks Zim as a final insult to injury "Have fun in my ship?"

"It hurts." The Irken whimpered pitifully "So much."

"I know." She snickered "Isn't it great?"

"NO!"

"What are you doing here anyway?" Gaz asked, not really caring.

"Because of a giant mutant freak named Squishy who expresses joy by hugging planets!" Dib answered instead.

"That's actually kind of funny." His sister said, snickering.

"He's on his way here." Zim groaned as he got to his feet.

"That's really funny." Gaz was now fully laughing.

Zim and Dib look at her as if she was nuts.

"Why are you upset that Squishy is going to destroy the Earth?" Gaz asked the Invader "I thought you would be happy about that?"

Well I'm not!" Zim snarled "Because destroying Earth is my job."

"So?" She shrugs "Why don't you just tell your leaders that you did it?"

"Yeah, Zim." Skoodge pops up out of nowhere "You could just tell the Tallest you did it."

"Because that's not the Invader way!" Zim proclaimed "Wait, Skoodge? When did you get out here?"

"A few seconds ago." He replied "So, you're not saving the planet, right?"

"I will! Because no Invader leaves his assignment incomplete!"

Inside the Membrane home we hear GIR laughing insanely "YAY! SCARY MONKEY! DON'T EVER CHANGE!"

"That monkey." Zim narrowed his eyes Hatefully, "Change of plans! We leave this world and the monkey dies!"

"That means we can leave, right?" Skoodge asked, taking a step back.

"YES! I hate that Monkey more than I hate the Humans!" Zim snarled "GIR get out here!" He takes out a remote and starts pressing buttons "I'll just have MiniMoose put the base back into compact form and bring the Voot Cruiser."

"Wait, so you're not going to save the Earth!?" Dib shouts "What about all that garbage about not being the Invader way?!"

"If you had the chance to destroy that monkey, wouldn't you take it?!" Zim growled eerily deadly, something that surprised everyone, Gaz included.

"Well, what about you Gaz? Together we can…"

"You think I want to save this place?" She sneered "I knew you were crazy, but I didn't know you were that crazy."

"So that's it then. No more Earth…"

"You can stay if you want to; we're not forcing you to come with us you know." Gaz told her brother "Actually, I think I speak for everyone else here as well as myself when I say it would be a lot better if you didn't come."

Dib thinks about it for a moment and sighs dejectedly, knowing he couldn't save the planet by himself against a planet hugging freak "I'm coming."

"Well, you're not coming in my ship." Gaz said firmly.

"You expect me to take him?" Zim said with disdain "I already have to put up with GIR, MiniMoose, and Skoodge!"

"You certainly can't expect me to take him, his voice is so horrible, and who knows how long it will be before we stop somewhere. No way."

"I guess you're stuck here then." Zim told his enemy dismissively "Oh well."

Dib waves arms frantically as if doing so would help him come up with a way to save himself "Wait! Gaz, what if you and Zim took one ship and the rest of us took the other, then we wouldn't be able to annoy you."

"I guess that works, as long as he's quiet, he's less annoying than the rest of you, kind of. Well, I don't really know about the new one. You!" She points at Skoodge "Are you more annoying than Zim?"

"Loads more." Skoodge nods enthusiastically.

"Fine," Gaz relented "I'll take Zim then." She turns to the alien "But if you do anything to annoy me I'm throwing you out the air lock. Got it?"

"Ye…"

"Talking qualifies as annoying me!"

Zim shuts up and nods fearfully.

So, with places being agreed upon, Gaz and Zim get inside Tak's5 Gaz's ship, and the security is again activated by Zim's presence, and he is beaten up and thrown out of the ship.

"You didn't turn the security off!?"

"Sorry."

"No, you're not."

"You're right; I'm not. But fine, I'll turn it off." She says with an eye roll as she presses some buttons. "Now, get in or I'll leave without you and you'll have to go with them."

Zim gets up and runs faster than anyone who had been tortured and then violently thrown from a ship twice in a ten-minute period of time has ever run before and gets in the ship. Gaz's ship closes and takes off.

A few seconds later the Voot Cruiser lands on the lawn and opens; MiniMoose is already inside. Dib, Skoodge and GIR get inside and it closes. Skoodge presses some buttons and the Voot Cruiser takes off too. Even after they get out into space Dib continues to stare at the Earth. He just sighs as they fly past Squishy, headed towards Earth.

"I see a new friend!" Squishy said stupidly, as he joyfully wiggled his arms, ready for another hugging session.

"Oh well, Earth really wasn't that great after all." Dib lamented "I wish I'd gotten to see those pirate bees, though."

"Don't be sad Mary!" GIR chirped excitedly "I know what you need. A hug!"

"No, really it's ok, I'm fin…"

The S.I.R Unit hugs the big-headed boy.

Dib sighs and runs his hand through his hair as if that will somehow make GIR less annoying. "Whatever." He turns to the fat Irken. "Any chance I could have a turn flying this thing?

"Eh, I don't know about that…"

"Oh, come on. I mean, come on! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

"Wow, you are annoying." Skoodge says.

Truth be told, originally I had planned to post this as a one-shot but it became so massive (pun intended) that I decided to cut this fic in half.

I always imagined that Zim hates the "Scary Monkey" a lot more than he hates the human race, which of course made his whole decision to leave Earth a lot quicker, it was also implied in the X-Mas Special that he has softened some of his views on humanity.

Anyway, don't you guys worry, things will take quite the unexpected turn in the following chapter.

That being said, I will post act II in a few days.

Invader Johnny Signing Off.