**DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T COMPLETED MASS EFFECT 3**
Disclaimer: Content below is an 'alternate perspective' of my FemShep's choice at the end of ME3. No copyright infringement intended.
Death. Countless human, turian, asari, salarian, krogan, drell, batarian, elcor, volus, and hanar souls were gone. Mordin. Miranda. Admiral Anderson. Thane. The weight of it fell heavy on my battered shoulders. My breath was hitched as I struggled to breathe while I stood. The Catalyst's words fell upon me with little effect. My choices were simple. Kill all, kill some, or save everyone. The galaxies lost a brilliant mind when Mordin sacrificed himself so the Krogans could reproduce. Miranda would never be able to put her origins behind and try to truly live as every human deserves. Admiral Anderson would never follow through on his promise to cement his relationship with Kahlee Sanders. And Thane…
He lay there on the hospital bed, coughing and bleeding. I remember when I first met him, witnessing him praying for the soul of an enemy. He had killed so methodically, like he was doing nothing more than slicing bread. He seemed cold and distant, as if he had no soul. How wrong I was. "Time for me is short, siha, but any I have is yours to take." The empty assassin I had instantly judged would change and morph into a love so great it conquered all others.
"Siha, I'm afraid I've picked a bad time to leave." His croaked words sent hot tears to my eyes that threatened to spill over. I leaned forward and took one of his hands in mine. His reptilian scales had always fascinated me, so foreign from my own skin.
"You couldn't disappoint me, Thane. Not even now," I assured him, the attempts to steel my voice working so far.
"Such pleasant things to hear from your lips." He coughed more, and I bent my head to hide my face as he pulled his hand from mine to cover his mouth. "Excuse me. Breathing is difficult."
"Only you would apologize as you lay dying before me, Thane Krios," I muttered indignantly, hiding behind my ready sarcasm. I chanced another look at him. He met my gaze with a small smile. I tried to return it, but my solid soldier resolve failed me finally and a tear slipped down my cheek. He lifted his hand but faltered, as if that were too much for him. I caught his wrist and held it to my cheek. The rough pad of his thumb wiped away my tear, causing more to spill.
"Siha, it will be soon. There is something I must do before it gets worse. I must—" Another fit of coughing interrupted him. This time I held onto his hand even as he turned away from me as if to spare me the sight of seeing him so defeated. I placed my free hand on his back and rubbed it gently. Such a childish move, as if I could stop his death from coming by a mere touch. Blood from the wound that the Cerberus assassin gave him had spread out from his lower back. It touched my fingertips, and I withdrew my hand. He took this opportunity to lay back, holding my other hand close to his chest.
"Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness. Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand—" Again he coughed. My throat tightened against the onslaught of grief. How I wish I had paid more attention to his religion, that I might help him finish.
"Kalahira, wash the sins from this one and set him on the distant shores of the infinite spirit," Kolyat continued for his father. I glanced up at my lover's son gratefully, for Thane had been worried about the path his son would take in life. That he knew the prayer by heart, meant that he had turned from violence.
"Kolyat…you speak as the priests do. You have been spending time with them." The relief in Thane's tone, the peace I felt in him, helped me push aside my grief. I would not send my love off begging him to stay with me. I would let him go with dignity and the knowledge that I would see him again.
Kolyat moved to stand beside him and pulled out a book. "I…brought a prayer book. Commander, would you care to join me?" Straightening, but still holding tight to Thane's cooling grasp, I nodded.
"Kalahira," he began. "This one's heart is pure but beset upon by wickedness and contention." He held the book out to me.
"Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lo-" I paused briefly, meeting the dying light in Thane's eyes. "The lover never leaves, the hungry never starve. Guide this one, Kalahira, and s-she will be a companion to you as she was to me." I stuttered over the last part, catching Thane turn his head as I finished. His grip went lax. I lifted a hand and held it over his mouth for signs of life. I felt no breath. My heart raced as two more tears fell down my cheeks.
"Kolyat," I whispered, unable to take my eyes off of my fallen comrade and love, "Why did the last verse say 'she?'"
"The prayer was not for him, Commander. His wish was for you."
A smile crossed my lips as I made my decision. I will await you across the sea, siha. I began to walk, slow at first, but I quickly gained speed pushed by adrenaline I couldn't have possessed. As my deteriorated combat boots rang against the metal floor, I could almost feel the waters of the ocean rush over my toes and hear gulls calling to each other in the distance. The sea breeze ruffled my hair as I gazed into the sun, the beam of the Crucible.
I neared the edge, finally letting go of the grief, the agony, and the endless suffering. As I jumped, I embraced the peace that came with the knowledge that I was giving everyone in the galaxy a new life. The light grew brighter as Kalahira embraced me. My cells were pulled apart and broken down, but I felt no pain. I only saw his black eyes, filled with love and welcome. His arms caught me as if I had jumped in them, and held me close.
"Siha, I have been waiting for you."
As the Synthesis spread through each relay, I let go of the final piece that tied me to mortality.
"I told you," I said as I wrapped myself around him tighter. "You wouldn't be alone long."
We stayed like that, both our legs encased in sweet ocean water. Eventually Thane pulled away first and looked me over.
"So," he began in a matter-of-fact tone, "You've saved the galaxy as we all knew you would."
I smirked and cocked a brow. "Yeah...?"
"What are you going to do next?"
I slid my hands down the length of his shoulders and arms until they met his palms and held on. Turning us both, I led him from the Ocean of Souls and touched the beach. Pointing to the horizon, I smiled lazily, already adjusting to an afterlife of peace.
"Now, we go to a desert."
He caught his breath on a chuckle and I savored it, for it was the first time I'd heard him laugh without a cough. Peace truly was found in Kalahira, and I sure as hell earned it.