It all began with the pie.

It had been a special pie that Sanji had made for Nami and Robin. Special because it had been made with care, love, and integrity. Also sleeping pills. Thus, Sanji was a little put out when Luffy downed it in one bite and promptly passed out in front of the whole crew, causing Nami to get so infuriated everyone else fled to the N-Shelter.

The N-Shelter was the most recent addition to the structure of the Thousand Sunny. Franky had built it when he realized that, inevitably, one of them would fuck up and make Nami so angry that no amount of tangerines, money, or tranquilizer darts could calm her down. So Franky built a room big enough to hold ten people on the deck of the Thousand Sunny made of solid, high-quality diamond. The shelter was put into use immediately after it was built (who do you think paid for the diamond?)

Anyway, the crew had been hiding in the shelter for 17 months now (the all-time record: 47 months. Luffy swore that Nami's jewelry looked like food) and, as always, they were running low on food.

"SOOOOOOO HUUUUUUNNNNNGRRRYYYYYY!" screeched Luffy as he began searching the room. Everyone else was simply too tired to search for the only food source in the shelter (Chopper, who had gained several scars each time they stayed in the shelter).

"ALRIGHT, WHERE IS THAT MOTHER FUCKING LITTLE FUCKER FUCKING PIECE OF FUCK I'MHUNGRY!!" roared Luffy, who had just learned swear words from Brooke and was putting them to good use.

"We wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for the shit cook!" said Zoro angrily.

"Shut it, Marimo!" roared Sanji, and the two began slowly crawling towards each other to thumb wrestle. Everyone whipped around to watch. If one of them died, it would mean food!

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Nami was looking in through the window.

"I've calmed down now." She said.

"REALLY?" yelled everyone but Luffy, who instead opted for "FUCK?"

Chopper emerged from his hiding place, which turned out to be inside of Brooke's hair. "Is it really safe?" he asked.

"Wait…how was there enough room in my hair for you?" Asked Brooke.

"…I was hungry."

"YOU LITTLE BASTARD MY HAIR YOU ATE PART OF MY HAIR I'LL FEED YOU TO LUFFY FOR THIS!" screeched Brooke.

"Oh boy! Food!" said Luffy gleefully.

"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! Now, I've made an important discovery! There's a new island coming up and I need you for brutal ship related labor. If you hurry I'll let you eat the scraps from my lunch.

WE INTERRUPT THE STRAWHAT'S FRANTIC STUMBLING FOR THE HALF CAN OF DOGFOOD NAMI PLANS TO FEED THEM FOR A COMPLETELY UNRELATED GROUP

(Note. The author has been asked by a close friend of his to make One Piece versions of himself and a few of his friends for this story, so if you think the idea is stupid-and if you do, keep in mind you are reading a story about a reindeer pirate-don't blame me. The author has also decided to use this opportunity to make the original character version of himself a total badass.)

The massive Brig of War, the Blow It Out Your Ass, continued to float towards its destination. Upon its deck were four figures. One was a dark young man with curly hair and black and white gloves (one white, one black). To his left was a slightly shorter man, carrying two swords across his back. Standing behind him was a slightly tanned pirate that emanated an aura of sheer bad-assery and awesomeness that, if a man named Chuck Norris existed on the grand line, would even make him look bad. Beside him was a burly man carrying a gun about half the size of the ship's mast.

"So, where are we headed now?" Said the man with the gloves.

"If there's one thing that should have been learned from this place, it's that our destination is always the same." Said the badass.

"Yeah, even if it's a bit different every time." Said the one with the sword.

"We need to hurry up, we're out of food again." Said the man with the gun.

"WHAT? When did this happen?"

"I dunno, but I thought I saw you vaporizing some for fun."

"You dared me to!"

"Yes, but I was drunk, so I'm totally free of responsibility."

"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! Let's hurry up and get to the one place we always go: wherever there's money that can be made illegally!"

End of Chapter 1

AN-Sorry it took me so long to get started! I've been having a lot of fun enjoying being, you know, free from slave camp (it goes by other names, but you know what I'm talking about). Updates will probably be slow, but this story will continue, I swear!