What am I to you? (working title)
By sorrowXdarkness
oooOOOooo
A month had gone by since they began their relationship. Kakashi still could not believe it; how much time had passed and how much he changed. He that only recently returned; the same he that changed the most since their time apart. Kakashi was not sure what sort of experience Iruka had before returning, but he was not pleased. They were in a relationship, and Kakashi thought that was enough for now, but it wasn't. The very thing that kept them close, apparently kept them apart. Iruka was different when they were alone, and not in the good way. He was more aggressive and suggestive. At first, Kakashi allowed it, and even tried to embrace it. Try as he might, he could not accept it. There were times that he had to push Iruka away, or walk out because Iruka was pushing it; the fine line that kept them together. It was as if Iruka was trying to figure out how far he could get with Kakashi before he or anyone else interfered.
Perhaps it was him, thought Kakashi. Maybe he wasn't ready for an intimate relationship, though he went toward Anko to get an outsider's opinion. He explained everything that seemed to have happened between the two boys, much to Anko's pleasure. Although she didn't look like it, she was quite the 'rotten' girl; being fairly amused by boy-to-boy interaction. Kakashi could relate, since he read an exotic series for well over five years. He enjoyed it for two reasons; by how descriptive it was and how comical it truly was. When he found out about Anko's sense of pleasure, he didn't mind it. Who was he to judge? That was what he thought then and still do now. Anko listened carefully, and took matter seriously. Even though there were a good amount of "moments" that would normally leave her dazed in ecstasy, she kept her composure.
She thought hard, before giving him her honest take on what was happening. Why was Iruka so physical yet, at the same time, inattentive?
"Honestly, you should break up with him?"
"W-What?"
"Yeah, he doesn't sound anything like he did when you two met at cram school. The person you are dating now seemed like a jerk, nothing like his former self. Face it. The person you like, truly does not exist. Not anymore."
Her words had a piercing effect to his chest as his head dropped down. If it wasn't attached to his neck, then his head would have fallen to the ground. Part of him felt that something was amiss. That the person he was dating was, in fact, a stranger. There was nothing sweet about his kiss, and definitely nothing endearing about his touch. Kakashi still had some bruises from the last time they got intimate.
"You may be right… I just didn't want to believe it."
He knew, but kept at it anyway. It wasn't because of what Iruka gave, but rather, what he didn't give. Kakashi wanted his love, but all he received was pain. Up until now, he believed that eventually the pain would disappear and the warmth may begin. Now, after hearing what Anko said, there was no need to believe. There was no hope. If there was no hope, then there was no point in believing. The next time Kakashi saw Iruka, it would be so they may break up.
"I'm sorry…" Anko said, frowning though was the one to look down at Kakashi. She had her hand on his shoulder and gave it a comforting grip. He brought his hand to grip hers back.
"No…thank you. You're a great friend to have. I hope you know that." Kakashi said, giving her a bittersweet smile.
"Of course!"
Their talk was over, though Kakashi still had one more talk to have. As they left for their respective class, Kakashi continued to think about the matter. The next time he would see Iruka would be at the end of school. They would usually meet up at the middle of the lobby before heading out. A few seats behind Kakashi, Iruka sat as he stared intensely at the back of Kakashi's head.
Kakashi didn't seem to be too keen in being together with Iruka for too long. Before they could really get it going, Kakashi would pull away at the very last minute. He tried different methods to further get Kakashi to submit to his will. Each time was met with a rough blow to his chest and, more importantly, his ego. Was he not trying hard enough? What more could he do? Should he get Kakashi drunk first?
Was not he the person that Kakashi loved? He began to remember that time when they were children, at the infirmary. When Kakashi dragged him to get patched up and where he ignited something within Iruka. His tongue that slid across his face, to stop the blood from leaking, was warm and enticing. Kakashi, then, though that he did something to his disliking. On the contrary, he enjoyed it, and more so, welcomed it. Unfortunately for Iruka, they came to the scene and approached Iruka about that wound. Eventually his mother arrived and found the awful truth. He was constantly bullied by the girls of his class and it eventually escalated to the point of physically harming him. During all of those times, he kept to himself as no one, even the teacher, cared. No. That wasn't true. There was one that held a worrisome expression each time they did something to Iruka. It didn't take long for him to figure out that look came from Kakashi.
At least knowing someone felt sorry and was worried about him was enough for Iruka to endure any punishment. There were times where he wanted to smile at Kakashi, to give him a sign that he was fine. Whatever they did, they could not hurt him. He never got the chance. That February 14th, he received a love letter. The person didn't leave their name on the letter, but mentioned that they were keeping watch from afar. Believing that it was Kakashi that wrote the letter, he followed its instructions to the letter. Much to his knowledge, it was a trap devised by the girls.
How foolish was he? The next day, his mother went ahead and transferred him out of the school. She could not stand having her son there, with those girls around. No matter what he said, she would not change her mind. She went ahead and spoke with the principal and the deed was done.
A lot happened since then; Iruka meet new people and new surroundings. A few of which approached him with serious intentions. He figured that he would never see Kakashi again, so he agreed to go out with them. Each one could not recreate the feeling he had with Kakashi. The most he dated was a few months, mainly because the other person would not allow him to speak his mind.
Class ended, and everyone began to leave. Iruka got up and noticed that Kakashi was already gone. Figuring that they would meet in the lobby, Iruka did not panic. When he arrived, he found Kakashi there. He didn't seem happy to see Iruka, but then again, he hadn't been for some time now.
"He-"
"I think we should break up."
"Huh? What do you mean?" Iruka couldn't believe what was happening. Kakashi was actually breaking up with him.
"I mean what I said. It's not working out for either of us."
"B-but…I…and you…"
Kakashi refused to give in. He kept a firm grip on his emotions as he brought up the question. "Iruka, what am I to you?"
The question took Iruka by surprised as he responded by the closing of his mouth. Kakashi was his boyfriend, right? What sort of answer was Kakashi looking for? What was the right answer? Was there a right answer? Kakashi let out a sigh as he slowly turned around. Iruka's body let out a tremble as he looked up to see Kakashi's back as he began to walk away. No…
"NOOOOOO! Please…don't go…." Iruka could not take it no more. He messed up badly as the strength he once had, left his body. His legs buckled down before bringing down his body. "I love you…" He whispered. "I went out with others in the past…no one could make me feel like you did all those years ago…when we were alone in the infirmary…but when I saw you, I thought I could re-create that feeling again. So I did countless things to get more and more. To feel like I did back then, but in the end, I seemed to have hurt you… It's now that I realize that what I wanted wasn't what I felt then, but you. It has always been you… I love you… I really do…"
Tears splattered the ground. He ruined everything. He had every right to hang his head down low.
"Iruka…"
Iruka looked up and saw Kakashi standing there. He looked down to him, with his eyes on his.
"Kaka-" Before he could finish his line, Kakashi went ahead and closed the distance between them. Iruka tightened his lips, surprised as he gave it his all in that kiss. Kakashi's hands took hold of his face as Iruka only tried to match up with Kakashi's passion. Kakashi pulled away slightly to remove the streak of tears with his tongue. Once he was done, he only resumed the kiss. There it was; the warmth. No one could take that away from them, as they continued to kiss in the main lobby. Not minding the amount of people present at the scene. All that matter, was their love.
oooOOOooo
-End of Story
Author's Notes:
Well, that was something. What did you think? Yes, no, maybe so? This one was less spontaneous and more deliberate. Please let me know what you think!-sorrowXdarkness