I'm Not Asking For The World

Stormy Seas

"Loretta!"

"I'm coming Grandma" I am Loretta Tailynn Tremaine and this is my story. My parents died a few days ago and we have to go to their funeral. I can't even think straight and I have to make a speech. Then I promised my grandfather I would sing. I will, for them, but after that I won't do it again. I was singing in my recital when my parents died. They were on yacht and a storm came. I didn't ask for this. I just want my life to go back to the way it was. Now I have to move from Manhattan to Forks, Washington. I have to leave everything I have ever known. I feel like I am in a dream, I'm sorry I really mean nightmare. My sister, Theodora, isn't taking it well. She doesn't even try to argue with me. She has just been sitting there on that damn couch for an hour not talking. She won't even look at me. I think she blames me somehow. Like maybe if it wasn't for my recital we would have been with them. I don't see how that fixes anything, we'd be gone too. Theodora doesn't know this, but she is my forever best friend. Sometimes I really can't stand her, and hitting her seems like the best idea ever. But most of the time, she is just my sister. We are so different, I don't get it. We were raised by the same people. Thea (which I so affectionately call her but she hates) is a free spirit. She doesn't care what other people think. She just is. Me? Oh well I am terrified of the world. I act like I know what I am doing, but I know she knows I am scared. Now we have to uproot, and I don't know how I feel. I am going to be a senior in a school with people who have been friends since birth. Where is the justice in that?

"Teddy, come on, we have to get in the car now." She doesn't even say anything she just looks at me. The drive there is miserable. I try to make a joke but everything is so inappropriate. All I want to do it curl up in a ball and cry alone in my closet. There are going to be so many people, and they are going to look at us like it was us who died. It might as well have been, our old life it dead now.

"Loretta, stand up" How long have we been here? Did everyone else finish talking? I walk up to the front of the church and I realize that I left my note cards on the bench. I wrote a beautiful speech about my parents and their lives. I can't read it to these people. They'll be sad now but they'll go home and move on. I can't give that speech, it isn't worth it.

" Hi, for those of you who don't know me, I am Peter and Laurel's daughter, Loretta. I love my parents. I mean loved. They loved me and my sister. I didn't know my mom. She spent all of her time trying to make me her perfect daughter. I never could live up. I didn't want to shop for hours or ride horses. I was a mistake you know? They didn't mean to have me. Dad thought I was his shining star. He didn't know I loved him, because he was never around. I mean I just have to move across country and start over because they were too busy partying together to come to my recital. They didn't care; it was paid for they could watch it on the big screen at home. Mom would point out my imperfections. Dad would say Loretta; you are gunna be somebody someday. I would smile and nod. I don't care anymore ya know? Whatever, they are gone- They LEFT me! And they can't fix it. "I didn't say any of that. All I did was turn around and get my note cards. I said how beautiful they were, how much we'll miss them, what great parents they were. People cried because of my speech. I sang my mom's favorite Celine Dion song. I sat down and stared at my sister. She didn't even look at me. People came by and said what a beautiful voice I have, my parents were so proud. They told me everything would be alright. I would nod and smile and thank them for coming. I would assure them that my parents cared about them. We lied to each other so easily.

/\/\/\/\page break/\/\/\/\

I sat on the couch of the funeral home picking the paint from under my nails. My parents where dead. It really hadn't hit me yet, it seemed too bazaar. You always hear about parents having to bury their beloved 17 year-old child, but you never hear of the 17 year-old child having to bury their parents. Both parents.

Loretta kept trying to talk to me but I just ignored her, I didn't want to hear what she had to say. There would be words about the future, and I couldn't even deal with the present.

"Thea?"

I knew the could shoulder wouldn't last long. Only I would be blessed with a sister so oblivious to body language.

"Can we not do this now?"

"Then when do you propose we do talk about this?"

"There is nothing to discuss."

"I don't understand why you're taking this tone with me."

"What tone?"

"That t-, we're not getting into this now."

"Then what are we getting into?"

"We have to talk about this."

"No we don't. Why does everyone in this family insist on talking?"

"It's good for you to talk about things."

"I don't know why you want to talk to me anyway, I've got the tone remember?"

"Ugh! Fine" she through her hands up. Victory!!!

"Later."

Damn.

I watched her go with a scowl on my face. I loved my space and she loved her space yet she insisted that we always share space. Ugh!

"Miss. Tremaine, the limo is here to take you to the cemetery."

"Thank you." Piss off!!!

I didn't want to put my parents in the ground, mom hated dirt. A flash of a smile appeared on my face, Laurel "every thing must be spotless" Tremaine was about to be surrounded by dirt. My idea of a funeral at sea was quickly shot down. No one appreciated my humor.

As my mom and dad where about to be lowered into the ground, the grey clouds opened and rain poured down.