Author's Note: So, I've been working on this one on and off between projects for months, and now, I finally feel that it is worthy for posting. I wanted it to be perfect. The style I used is very precise. There is a lot of repetition involved, but know that it is intentional. There's nothing I hate more than people who miss the point =p. Itachi deserves every accurate portrayal he can get. This one takes place directly after the Uchiha massacre.
Is the disclaimer necessary anymore? Really? Nah. Hope you enjoy this oneshot. If it makes you cry, don't blame me. You've been warned ;)
Forsaken
By: Angel Wings-008
"The sacrifice was much too high,
Our greed just made us all go blind
We tried to hide what we feared inside
Today is the end of tomorrow ..."
- Forsaken, Within Temptation
Itachi could explain none of the voices who called him, and yet, he could hear them crying softly on the wind. He could explain none of the cold, clammy fingers that held him tight, and yet, he could feel them slithering like snakes upon his skin. He could explain none of the dread that choked the life straight out of him, and yet, he could scarcely draw a breath into his lungs. He could explain none of those things...that was what he'd like to think, at least. But of course, he was lying to himself, and what a thin deception it was.
Of course it was his clansmen, and they would never let him go. Forever would they live. Forever would they taunt him.
Sluggishly, he trudged through the streets, so barren and still. That was all he knew of them now. As good as his eyes were, he could make out nothing before him. His vision was anything but focused in this moment of truth, but he didn't need his eyes to see. These streets were as familiar to him as the back of his hand. They were a prison, complete with bars, shackles and chains.
Itachi wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to run, run, run as fast as his legs would carry him...but the world was veiled in a shroud of darkness, and his eyes were unfocused and dim. What a sick sort of irony. His kinsmen had been defenseless against the very same eyes mere moments before, and yet now he was the one who felt helpless and weak. He couldn't see straight. He couldn't walk straight. He hardly knew his own name, and he was blissfully numb to such a horrible truth. For now, maybe. He was working hard to keep it that way, but if that would be enough, he could not say.
He just couldn't kill him. He couldn't. He couldn't. That little boy had been the only bright spot in his bleak existence for a long, long time, and now, he'd been forced to betray him in the worst way possible. It made him sick. Sick of the world as a whole and most of all, sick of being born into the Uchiha clan.
Drive him away. Make him hate everything you are. He'll bring you to justice someday. He will be glorious, and you will keep all of the shame.
Despite repeating those words like a mantra, putting up such a cruel facade had almost been worse than killing the boy. Itachi's heart had shattered more and more with every word.
Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me with those eyes. As soon as his baby brother had gazed upon him, the truth threatened to spill from his lips as quickly as a waterfall streams into a river bed , and yet, just as quickly, he locked the agony away and continued to lie through his teeth.
Run, run, and cling to life.
Foolish little brother...
The words cut into both of them as sharply as the blade of a knife.
Itachi should be oblivious; he should be cold, dead, ruthless. He should be numb, out of reach from his emotions, for if he wasn't, they could and would tear him apart. He could feel everything. He could see everything. No matter what, Itachi would always be the one who cared too much. Such a valuable strength, and yet such a tragic, dreadful weakness. A wondrous blessing, and yet it was a curse. Why must he bear it alone?
Itachi was the gifted genius; the trump card of the Uchiha. His kin had ultimately seen him as a thing of power. A useful tool, nothing more. Oh, they might have told themselves otherwise. They might have been convinced it wasn't cruel. They might have constructed pretty little lies inside of their heads, all to ease the guilt they wouldn't allow themselves to see within their hearts. In the end though, that was all they were. Excuses. Lies.
Itachi was clever. Itachi was kind. Itachi was brave, courageous, and strong. Itachi was the shining star of the Hidden Leaf. Itachi was a master of the sharingan, at an age when he should still be throwing kunai at the trunk of a tree.
Itachi was a Genin. Itachi was a Chuunin. Itachi was a Captain of the ANBU Black Ops. Itachi was unmatched. Itachi was the heir to a legacy as old as time itself.
Itachi was the only way to take over the village.
Itachi was the only way to save it.
Itachi was the best big brother you would ever meet.
Itachi was whatever you wanted to see.
You'll be happier this way. You will no longer have to carry the burdens you now bear. It is a better life, a better future. Why can't you understand that? You'll be happier then, I promise.
Would he? Would he really? Truly? Never.
Oh father of mine, you never understood. The fate that Itachi could have expected if he had followed the words of his sire was even worse than the one that befell him now.
He had the power to stop a war from happening. If he hadn't taken this mission upon himself, such a heavy truth would have eaten him alive. Although, the feeling wasn't at all foreign to him, now that the expression occurred to him. Eaten alive...how curious. Itachi had never thought of it that way before, but truly, he'd been 'eaten alive' for his entire life.
And still, they never knew what it was they were doing to him until they were already too late. Some still hadn't, even with death staring them in the face.
Don't any of you see? You've done this to me.
Oh, but they saw, indeed they did. Even now. Whatever they wanted. Whatever they believed. They saw the same things they had always seen. They said the same things they had always said. They could still hear him, you know. Forever did they watch. Forever would they taunt him.
Forever did they watch. Forever would they taunt him.
Forever.
Forever.
Forever.
Forever.
Motionless, he stood in the middle of the street; he could have been mistaken for yet another corpse, if not for the tears that streamed in waterfalls his cheeks. He had no knowledge of when he had stopped walking at all, and he certainly didn't know why he had stopped here.
Why. Why? Where...where? He didn't know where 'here' was. Where was here? Was it here? Was it there? Was it everywhere? Itachi didn't know. Why didn't he know? Itachi...Itachi? Who was Itachi? Was it him? Was it...him?
Sasuke...where was Sasuke? Sasuke...Sasuke?!
A figure was walking toward him. Who was he? Was it a he at all? Was it a she? Was it death come to greet him? Was anyone there? Was anyone anywhere? A figment of his imagination, that was it. Itachi had quietly gone mad as he'd made his journey 'here,' wherever that may be. That was it. That was what happened. There was no one there. There was no one anywhere. Itachi wasn't here either, not really. If he wasn't here, there couldn't be a man, or not-man over there.
Itachi...Itachi?
Who was Itachi?
Sasuke...where was Sasuke?
There wasn't a man still walking forward, rapidly appearing closer in distance. There wasn't a man who stood garbed in white robes, and a hat adorned with the symbol of the Land of Fire. There wasn't a man who reached out to grasp his bloodied hand within two that were calloused and worn, and he wasn't tilting his head up to look into Itachi's face. There wasn't. There couldn't be. That would mean the mission was over. That would mean he had killed them.
He'd killed them.
He'd killed them.
He'd killed them.
"Hokage-sama." Itachi felt his lips move to form the words, although his voice was strange; hoarse, and unnatural. It sounded so rough, empty...dead. It sounded wrong, and yet it sounded right.
"Itachi..." So that was his name after all. How peculiar. Now, if only he could remember why it was so peculiar in the first place.
No matter what the reason, no matter what the cause, it could not be nearly as strange as the sight he was seeing before him now. Itachi didn't understand. Surely his eyes were playing tricks. He couldn't see properly for the tears, that was why he thought he beheld what wasn't there. He couldn't be seeing what he thought he saw. He couldn't. He couldn't.
For Itachi's eyes told him something that he'd never expected before. They told him the old man was crying...crying freely in the middle of the street, holding a murderer's hand. But...that was impossible. He was always their fearless leader. Strong, infallible, remorseless. Why cry for someone as dirty and tainted as Itachi? A waste of precious time. A waste of everything.
"I'm sorry..." his Hokage choked. It was true then, it must be. The old man's voice was shaking with the tears. His leader was crying. His leader was crying. For him. For him.
"I cannot claim to know how you must be feeling, but know that if there is even the slightest thing I can do to ease your heart, do not hesitate to ask. You are not to blame, Itachi."
There was nothing he could do for him now. The Hidden Leaf was under his care, and Itachi couldn't ask for more. There was nothing left that he cared about. Except...
Sasuke. Sasuke.
Suddenly his plan took shape in the back of his mind, and for the first time in a long time, he could clearly see the path he wished to follow. He'd had this thought out down to every detail from the start, but now he knew just how to execute it. His job was not done.
Itachi had to protect him. Itachi would always protect him.
"I am not worthy, I know...but I need your help."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
We all know what happens after that ;_;
Thanks for reading, and reviews are always appreciated. Hope you enjoyed it :)