i never thought that i would find myself
in bed amongst the stones
the columns are all men
begging to crush me
no shapes sail on the dark deep lakes
and no flags wave me home

in the caves
all cats are grey
in the caves
the textures coat my skin
in the death cell
a single note
rings on and on and on...
- All Cats Are Grey, The Cure

*****

How did I get lost down here?

~none of them need me, really.~

How did I get so gone? It's not very nice down here, but the dark is comfortable. Better than up there. Up there...

Love hurts, you know that? Love's just a way for you to get hurt, when it all comes down to it.

~tk doesn't need me~

They're all better off without me.

I hate them all.

All of them.

I don't need them. None of them.

And they don't need me.

Who would need me, anyway? Nobody really notices me except TK...

~and tai...~

Don't think about that, Matt. He doesn't notice you. You notice him, but...

Okay, fine. I love him. Are you happy now, voice?

But he doesn't love me. He COULDN'T. What is there to love? Not even TK loves me, and he's kinda obligated to do so, right?

Right?

~you fucked up big time, ishida.~

Right.

God, I'm far gone. I'm sitting in a fucking CAVE talking to a voice. There's a word for this kind of thing. It's "crazy."

~right~

You're not supposed to agree with me.

~sorry~

At least you're acting a bit better.

~fuck you, ishida.~

That sounded forced. I think you're getting to like me.

~can't. nobody likes you. not even you.~

Right.

~especially not tai.~

ShuttheFUCKup.

~nobody loves you.~

What the fuck ARE you? At first I thought you were me, but...

~i AM you.~

Then why do you call me "you?"

~why do YOU call ME 'you'?~

Because you're not me.

~then you're nothing.~

I'm...what?

~nothing.~

I am not.

~being nothing's okay. nothing hurts when you're nothing.~

That made no sense.

~it wasn't supposed to.~

You're getting more vocal, too. You know that?

~it's because you're losing it more.~

Probably. But you know what? Sparring with you has made me feel better.

~it...what?~

So if you were trying to make me commit suicide or something it's not going to work. So just shut up.

~you can't ignore me.~

Sure I can. Watch me.

~ishida?~

~ishida?~

~matt?~

~hello?~

~don't leave me here.~

~please~

~ple...~

*****

Okay, that was strange and I think I confused myself. In case you couldn't tell (and you probably couldn't) it started out with Matt in the cave, thinking. Then this thing which was supposed to be the other end of his internal conversations started taking over. He realized what was going on (which puts him one up on me...) and shut the little bastard up. I think...