A/N: This has been sitting around for a few years now, but I finally decided to get up and finish it. It's inspired by Oh, To Be Old Again on FiMFiction, but I imagine it will take its own path as I write more of the story. Those of you who dislike cussing in stories, there is quite of it bit here, but it will peter off as more chapters are published.

Also, for those wondering, I haven't given up on Ranma the Warrior, it's constantly on the back of my mind X3

Disclaimer: Redwall is owned by Brian Jacques

Have you ever woken up in an unfamiliar place? Had that sorta, confused mental state when you wake up, then feel even more confused when you realize you don't know where you are?

It happens to me all the time. Well, not all the time; just when alcohol and I get together (I tend to drink a lot). Unfortunately, I'm a lightweight, so I tend to lose myself pretty easily. That, coupled with my bad sense of direction, has landed me in some...er, interesting situations. You'd think I'd have learned by now.

Why is this relevant? I'll give you one guess, as I'm not feeling too well at the moment.

"Uuuuuhhhh," I groaned, my head pounding furiously. Bright light stabbed my eyes as I opened them, forcing me to blink rapidly. I sat up slowly, feeling a little queasy, though I had yet to discern its cause. A white, quilted blanket fell off of me; I merely stared at it in mute confusion.

As the gray matter that was my brain began to shift into gear, I took a look at my surroundings. I was sitting in a bed. The room was composed of red bricks, huge ones that towered over me. A row of white, neatly made beds lined the opposite wall and to my sides, each with its own little nightstand. Sunlight streamed through two pairs of equally spaced arched windows in front of me. A single wooden door could be seen at the far end of the wall to my left.

Hmmmm...why was I here again?

Let's see...oh yeah! I had been in a local bar, celebrating my friend's birthday. I had one drink too many, per my usual, and somehow had ended up proposing to some customer's girlfriend. Then it was a bit muddled after that, but I did remember the bit where my face met up with my old friend, the floor. Good times.

Thinking about drinking reminded me about hangovers, and how I had one right now. My head was beating like a drum; I really needed to rehydrate myself. I've heard that if you drink an equal amount of water to the amount of alcohol you consume, you can skip the hangover entirely. Unfortunately, I'm a glutton for punishment, and forget that every time I drink.

So, water. Right now. I seized the blanket and prepared to fling it off when something caught my eye. My mental haze suddenly evaporated when I saw that the hand grasping the blanket, was in fact, not a hand, but a tiny brown clawed thing.

Now, I'm not usually one for language, unless I feel the situation requires it. I don't have anything against cussing, it's just a thing of mine. Nevertheless, my first words of the day came out in traditional cussing fashion as a high-pitched squeak:

"What the fuck!?"

The arm I was looking at was not my own! Mine is long, white, and hairy, not tiny, brown, and furry! (Okay, not much difference on that last point). And my voice! I have a deep, manly voice, not the voice of a whiny, little kid!

That was when I took a closer look at myself in dreadful anticipation, and realized that yes, I was a little kid. Only not a human kid. Some sort rodent child; I could see tiny whiskers sprouting from my nose(I suppose that would be my 'snout') and feel something like a tail beneath my butt.

I flipped.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck," I muttered to myself in shock. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck."

I zoned out for a bit, still cussing, until a loud crash to my left snapped me out of it. A brief scan of the area revealed nothing, but I had read too much fiction to simply brush it off as, 'nothing'. My genre savviness was rewarded when I found a giant mouse sprawled on the floor next to my bed, what looked like broken pottery scattered among it, a tray, and bits of food strewn everywhere.

"Hey, are you alright?" I called out, trying to get a reply. The mouse stayed silent. I would have poked at it, but I was too far away.

This was becoming way too weird. I was conscious and rational and thinking, and that part of me was saying that I must be dreaming, because there was simply no explanation for the sight in front of me. Unfortunately, I had no digital clock to test that theory, so it probably would be best to treat everything as if it were real.

In any event, there really wasn't much point in me staying right where I was. If this was a dream, I probably would go on some great Adventure. If not...well, I certainly would have an Adventure trying to fix things.

"I wonder who runs this joint," I muttered to myself as I removed the blanket and carefully made my way off the bed. It sucked being little; I had completely forgotten what it was like. Everything was too damn tall, either way out of your reach or too high for comfort.

Slowly...slowly...there you go! Off the bed! I breathed a sigh of relief, as I was unused to having a tiny body. It was throwing my balance off by quite a bit; I hoped that any other feats requiring good coordination would not be required of me in the near future. Also, I wasn't going to be allowed to drink alcohol anytime soon either (damn my new kid body!).

So. Priority number one: get out of here, find whoever is in charge, and get out of this mess. I had no clue how I was going to become human again, but you never solve anything without starting off with something. Planning can only get you so far.

I carefully made my way down to the monster-sized wooden door, tiptoeing around the giant mouse. It wasn't moving, but I could hear steady breathing, so it probably was okay. Honestly, I felt bad about leaving it there, but I also didn't want to risk waking it up, in case it tried to eat me or something. I'm a mouse, it's a mouse, but where I come from, they don't grow to be eight feet tall. Best not to take any chances.

My feet felt cool as they walked upon the floor; hmm, barefoot I was. There was an old-timey door knocker on the door, which was weird, but not nearly weird enough. I reached out, grabbed hold of it, and pulled it with as much strength as I could muster.

WHAM!

I nearly smashed myself into the wall, but luckily, let go at the last moment, and the door did instead. The sound reverberated in my ears, and I stared at the entranceway for a long moment before letting out a sigh of relief. No one seemed to have heard it, or at least no one had immediately come running. I was safe for the moment.

"I'll uh, be leaving you now," I announced, more towards the giant mouse than anything else. "If I find whoever's in charge, I'll let them know you're here. Um, well, goodbye now."

I poked my head outside of the doorway, looking left and right. No one seemed to be running about, so I left, closing the door behind me as I did. Many doors lined the long hallway; I took a quick peek at a few of them, but all I found were more beds, nightstands, and chests. Shrugging, I left, and wandered about until I came across a large set of stairs. Okay, scratch that, a huge set of stairs. I don't know whether it was my tiny form, or my aching head, but they were positively enormous! Who the hell needed such gigan- oh wait, giant mouse people.

They were a nicely curved set of stairs too, made from the same red brick that this entire place seemed to be made of. However, there was no guard rail, so that ended any hope of me walking down them. I was not in the mood to trip and fall all the way down like some sort of cartoon character; unfortunately for me, I don't run on cartoon physics.

Shrugging my shoulders, I was about to head back, when I heard voices floating up from below. The first signs of life since the encounter when I woke up, likely to give me a clue as to where I was and what was going on.

"...are likely growing stronger by the day. I have never heard of such a thing in all my seasons, not even in the Abbey records!"

"What can we do? We are not fighters, and of those who have the inclination, we do not have the numbers to even help make a dent."

"Abbess Jetta, we must do something! It is clear to everybeast that we must send as much aid as we can spare!"

"Aldwin, as much as I see the need , I do not wish to throw away anybeasts' lives away frivolously."

"If I may, Abbess Jetta, I think that we should pay heed to Martin's message. While we have yet to determine it's intent, it is quite apparent that..."

Forget it, that was essentially gibberish speak (aside from the whole fighting thing). But it was interesting to listen to, so I leaned in closer to better hear the conversation happening below.

"Alright Chanle, you've made your point. However, I want to wait until we figure out the rest of the message's meaning."

"That might be a bit difficult. I have never heard of such a title in my life! 'Master of Forces'? What does that even mean!?"

"You aren't the first creature to voice the opinion that clearer messages from Martin would be more appreciated, Wymer. I imagine that there is some reason why they are delivered to us in the manner that they are."

"What are you doing here?"

The female voice from behind me boomed like a loudspeaker. I spun around and found a large...thing looming over my miniscule form. It was big, wearing a cream-colored apron, had greyish fur, and black and white stripes all over its face. It's angry maw opened wide, and for a fleeting moment, I thought it would eat me, when it spoke again:

"You should be resting in the infirmary, not sneaking about like some sort of scoundrel! Why isn't Sister Seranti with you?"

"D-Don't come near me, monster!" I squeaked in fright as I backed away from the sentient zoo-exhibit, my foot landing on a step on the stairs. My, what nice sharp teeth you have, grandma. "I know kung-fu! Mister Miyagi taught me everything I know! Wax on, wax off!"

I waved my hands in wild motions, trying to ward it off. It looked confused, mouth opening and closing as it grasped for words. Finally, a worried look settled upon its face.

"Don't be scared," she it continued, talking in a softer tone, hand-paws reaching for me. Hah, you can't fool me! I know all your tricks! "There's nothing to be afraid of. Everything is alright now."

"That's what they all saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!" I let out a high-pitched scream as I misstepped and fell into empty space. I was graced by a brief falling sensation, before I hit a wall with the all grace of a flying brick.

Instinctively, I covered my face with my arms and gripped my head as I fell and hit a step at an awkward angle, and started to roll down. I hit the next step a bit harder, and I started to pick up speed, going faster and faster, all the while swearing like a drunken sailor every time I smashed into the red brick. Did I say brick? I meant stone. That was made painfully clear to me after the first few times I made sweet, sweet contact with it.

"I-want-off-this-fucking-roller-coaster-right-now!" I raved as the world spun around me, and tightened my grip upon myself. "Where-the-hell-is-OSHA-compliance-when-you-need-it!?"

All of a sudden, stone floor! One muted THUD! later, and I was groaning and moaning at my pitiful state...no, I am an adult, I will not cry.

But it fucking hurts.

"Are you alright!?" a bunch more creature-faces crowded my vision. I was hurting all over, too much to care, but not enough to keep my mouth from moving.

"Owww...," I grunted, tears of pain leaking out of my eyes. "I'm going to be feeling that in the morning...didn't even get over my hangover yet..."

Well, it wasn't like the situation could get any worse.