A/N 1: Me again. So this is based on a request from my tumblr. Still angry about Stalerie by the way, but this helped me work through some of my angercissues on the subject. LOL. Enjoy 💜
A/N 2: This is set in 6x22 After Damon suggests using the twins to siphon the door to get in to the armory.
"We'll find Valerie"
He abruptly hung up the phone to Enzo and Damon. The less they talked the better. Bonnie could be listening to everything they were saying and he did not spend three years running, just to put the twins in danger of a huntress now. If she thought they were looking for Valerie, she wouldn't go after the girls. And that was enough to keep them safe.
They sat awakwardly silent for a long few moments. Neither wanting to address the elephant in the room. Or rather car.
"Why don't you know where Valerie is?" She finally broke the silence.
"Why would I know?"
She shrugged her shoulders, her lips pouting slightly out.
"I figured you should know where your girlfriend is?" His brows furrowed at that.
"We broke up. I thought you knew that"
"Well I mean that's what you said right? But does she know that? Or did you just wake up one day and abandon her too?"
He deeply sighed at that. Clearly she was stll mad.
"...The poor girl's, probably still waiting where you left her". She gave him a smug, sarcastic smile to which he responded with a grim one of his own.
"Technically, she left me"
She chuckled at that.
"Oh wow... Now it makes perfect sense" she announced in an oddly chipper tone.
"What does?"
"Why you're here... You got dumped and thought you try your luck with poor, desperate, pathetic Caroline..."
Stefan bit the inside of his cheeks, shaking his head from side to side as his notrils flared. Anger building within him. He hated it when she did that. Put herself down. Like he didn't know that she was as perfect as people come. That she's none of those things. That she's so far out of his league, that he doesn't deserve her. Never has.
"..Am I close?"
"Caroline-"
"-Don't..." she interrupted, not wanting to hear whatever pathetic little speech he had prepared. She turned her head to face away from him, gazing out the window.
"... just don't. I don't want to hear it."
Silence engulfed the car once again. Stefan placed all his attention on driving straight ahead, until the noise rustling of the map in her hands drew his attention back to her. She pulled a map out from her bag trying to decide where their next destinantion should be. She wasn't looking at him. Attention fully on the task at hand, but his gaze took in her beautiful features. The blonde bounce of her curls, falling on her shoulders. The slight pink blush of her cheeks, the wisps of her eyelashes, highlighting those hypnotic eyes of hers. The way her brow furrowed in concentration. Did she have to do that right now? Like it wasn't hard enough for him sitting here not reaching out and touching her like his basic instincts were screaming at him to, without her pulling those adoable expressions that are just so Caroline.
He couldn't let it go anymore. How many times was he going to deny himself what he wanted? How many times would he sacrifice his hapiness? He wasn't going to let her get away so easily. He couldn't let her escape out of his life for a second time without her knowing. May be she didn't want to hear it, but he wanted to say it. He needed to say it, so she needed to hear it for once.
"I never loved Valarie"
"Well I guess we had that in common" she murmered distractedly, all attention being drawn to the map in her hands not even sparing him glance.
That made Stefan snap. He snatched the map out of her hands, shoving it back in the bag by her feet. He then turned his heated gaze to her.
"Don't do that"
"Do what?"
"Pretend like I didn't love you"
"Well don't pretend like you do"
"Of course I do! And you ignoring it everytime I say it won't make it go away...Believe me, i've tried" he mumbled that last part under her breathe.
"Well try harder"
His hands gripped the steering wheel. Why was she being so stubborn?
"Caroline. I've acccepted the fact that i'm never gonna stop loving you. You need to accept it too. I'm not asking you to like it, i'm not asking you to forgive me. All I want is for you to acknowledge it"
"No!" She screeched outraged, and shook her head from side to side. "... No, you would never of started things with Valerie if you loved me"
"I only started things with Valarie when I knew I lost you"
"You didn't lose me Stefan. You gave me up"
"Rayna wasn't gonna stop Caroline. I had no choice I-"
"-No I had no choice.." she again cut him off again. "... You had every choice Stefan. And you choose her"
"I didn't choose her over you Caroline. I had nothing left. Valerie was just there. She was a distraction from all that... She was a distraction from you. Ok?"
And there it was. The honest, ugly tuth. He used Valerie. And it was wrong and selfish and completely unfair to her, but that's what it was. She knew it. He knew it. Apparently the only person who didn't was Caroline.
"No you knew. You knew how insecure I was about her back then. And you told me time and time again there was nothing there. And low and behold after all that you decided to travel the world with her.." her voice wavered at that.
".. you wanted her the whole time just admit it."
She'd be the first to admit she was always insecure. Especially when it came to love, and especially when it came to Stefan. He made her vunerable. Because that's what love is. Losing control. And when she didn't have control, past insecurities flared up. When Valerie first showed up those insecurities flourished once again. Stefan squashed those thoughts back then. He declared she was the only person he wanted, and she believed him. She trusted him and made a leap of faith. Gave up control. In hindsight those insecurities may be weren't so ridiculous. She left her heart vunerable and he broke it. Because he didn't love her. How could you love someone and do that?
"I loved you!" He yelled in aggrevation. She just wasn't getting it and it was frustrating. His relationship with Caroline, has never compared to any relationship he's had in his 160 odd years. He couldn't put it in to words how he felt about her. And that was the problem. He could never communicate what he felt for Caroline because he's never felt this way about anyone.
"It was always you Caroline. And I tried to let you go. I tried to let you move on with your life. To let you be happy. And yes... I tried to stop loving you. And if you just read the letters-"
"-Why on earth would I want to read about Stefan and Valerie's adventures around the world"
"You thought that's what was in the letters?"
"I don't care what was in them Stefan..." she reached back into her bag smoothing ou the scrunched up map and looking for the next turning they should take.
".. it doesn't matter anymore so just drop it. We'll find Valerie, deal with this whole Bonnie situation. You two can deal with your own problems, get back to your life and i'll get back to mine. Ok?...
Ok? No. He didn't want Valerie. And what they had wasn't the life he wanted to live. It was existing. Surving. What he had with Caroline was a dream. The life he yearned to live. But a year on the run. From dead end to dead end he needed to accept the fact that she was just that. An unreachable, fantasy life.
His life with with Caroline was as cheesy as unicorns and rainbows. And for someone as brooding and miserable as him it was invigorating. It took him to a place he's never been in all years of his exsistence. He was in pure euphoria when he was with Caroline, and nothing could tear him down. But he screwed it up. He gave up on that life and needed to live in the real world. Where he couldn't hold onto her.
He didn't deserve her. Never had, never would. He knew even if he could get rid of the stupid scar, it would be too late. She would of moved on. Living a full and happy life without him. And some other lucky bastard got to live his fantasy. With the love of his life. And that person wouldn't let her go. Because who in their right mind would let Caroline Forbes go?
"We should take the next left" she announced.
"Look... Caroline. The reason Valerie left was because she knew I was still in love with you. It was pretty obvious I never got over you. And as soon as she and the scar were gone, and I wasn't a danger to you or the kids. I came back... I told myself I could apologise to you in person, tell you why I left. And then i'd let you go again to move on with your life.."
She rolled her eyes at that, to which he caught in the corner of his eye. He cleared his thorat, looking down ashamed at the lie he just tried to sell her. As if she wouldn't see through that hero persona he put on as a front to everyone else. She always saw through it. Saw the real him. And she loved him anyway. If he was going to win her back she wouldn't be suaded by the false bravado image he presented himself as to others.
"Ok... Fine. I..I thought... if I .." she looked to him eyebrows raised expectedly as he struggled to stutter a sentence together. Her eyes narrowed to slits as he took a deep breathe trying to articulate what he wanted to say. It better be more truthful then that bullshit he just tried to sell her.
"When the scar was gone, I thought if I could just talk to you.. That may be I could win you back. I figured if I still loved you after all these years, may be there was a slim possibility you might still feel something for me and I could win you back".
And there it was. The honest truth. He was being selfish. When Valerie left she told him he deserved to be happy. Well his happiness lied with Caroline. And after 3 years of living hell he felt like he deserved the chance of hapiness again. And may be a miniscule part of her would feel that way too. That was becoming less and less believeable as the minutes rolled on and she spoke no words. Gave no acknowledgement of his. Just continued to stare straight ahead as if he didn't even exist.
"...Caroline?"
She didn't respond. Meerly stared straight ahead. Because she couldn't look at him. She couldn't face him. She couldn't deny there was a part of her that still loved him, beacuse there was. And if she admitted to that little bit of her that still cared for him she will fall into his arms. She knows she will. And she can't let herself do that again. He took away her decision 3 years ago and she was making this one now. To not let him back in. To not let herself be vunerable again and the only way she knew to do that was to freeze him out.
"Caroline?..." What now she was gonna pretend he didn't exist again? Go on living this fake life of hers. Denying her own hapiness as well as his?
"...Seriously? We're back to the silent treatment?"
Caroline raised her chin, turning her head right gazing out the window. Because she wouldn't cave. She wouldn't fall for it again. Those perfect little words were just that. Words. She could force herself to stay strong. It's been one day on the run with him for crying out loud. She could control herself. If there's one thing Caroline Forbes could do it was control.
"Ok. We'll see how long this lasts shall we.. come on Caroline. We both know its just a matter of time before you snap at the next idiotic thing i do"
"I dont know. I survived 3 years without talking to you, I think I can last 3 hours"
He gave her a pointed loook with one raised eyebrow in recognition that she in fact only lasted 3 seconds.
"Shut up"
He sniggered at that, only to recieve a warning glare from the blonde beside him.
"You have no idea how much i've missed you". She swallowed at that cause in all honesty she did. She felt like she was dying some nights from missing him. He took a deep breathe as he prepared himself to bare his soul.
"When I was with you, it's the happiest i've ever been in my life. And no-one else has ever come close to making me feel that way. Honestly I didn't think I could ever feel that way... And going from that to loosing you, caused me so much pain, that I made myself numb to it... And when I finally gave up hope of ever coming home to you, I turned to anything I could to not have to think about you. Because it physically hurt just knowing I couldn't go back... knowing I screwed up my only chance of hapiness... And yeah, I can probably go back and fix things with Valerie, or go find someone new and let you go back to your life while I pretend to move on with mine. But I don't want to... I'm tired of pretending Caroline. And I understand that you can't forgive me. But I need you to hear it this time..."
Stefan gently pressed down on the brakes as the light ahead signalled red. The car came to a gentle stop, and he turned his head, shifting his full attention to Caroline. Looking into piercing blue eyes he swallowed hard. His eyes bore into hers desperately pleading with her to hear it this time.
"I love you, Caroline"
Her eyes very slightly widened. She swallowed hard. A light bulb moment for her. He meant it. He really did love her. Her mouth opened and shut a couple of times but no words escaped. Slowly she felt her head instinctively nod, so lighlty he would of missed it had he not been as focused on her as he was.
Their eyes bored into one another. Ocean blue meeting olive green. Stefan's eyes slowly shifted their line of sight, filtering down until they landed on rose plump lips. He saw the tip of her toungue lightly pop out, moistening her lower lip. His head subconsiously inclined at miniscule speed toward her. Her head doesn't move. Eyes still wide, stunned into silence. His breath hitches and eyes slowly close as their lips are now just a breathe away from eachother.
Suddenly a car horn beeps from behind them indicating the light has changed green. It wakes her from her daze, as she snaps her head away from him. He can feel the distance now between them though his eyes remain closed. His jaw clenches and she looks to the floor, then out of the window to her side. Anywhere to avoid her eyes meeting his. Because she doesn't want to see the pain there. He finally opens his eyes to see her looking away. It's like a punch to the gut. He raised his hopes for a fleeting moment, only for his heart to be crushed again. He turns his attention back on to the road to keep driving after the car behind beeps their horn again.
She clears her throat to try and relieve the akward tension. Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear she looks to her phone seeing a message from Ric.
'Hey, i just woke the girls up. Do you want to face time with them right now?'
Her eyes close, shame written all over he face. What was she doing? She had a fiancee and a family. This is the exact reason why she didn't want to talk to Stefan. She still lost control whenever she was around him. And she couldn't give up control again. Because he didn't respect her enough to let her make her own decisions.
Just then two adorable faces pop up on the screen. A wide smile graces her lips and nothing else matters in that moment.
"Hey"
"Hi mom" they say in unison, waving their little hand at the small screen.
"Where's daddy?" Caroline question not seeing him appear on the screen. Stefan had to swallow down the jealously that burned in his throat at that question.
"I'm back here. Making the girls breakfast" his voice announced, side of his head peaking in at the corner of the screen.
"Look mommy, I drew a picture of a dog!" Lizzie declared, displaying her artwork to the screen for Caroline to see.
"Wow! It's beautiful honey. But you're still not getting a puppy.." Lizzie pursed her lips looking down in annoyance.
"..What about you Josie? Did you draw a picture too?"
"I coloured in a rainbow."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I woke up and saw two outside"
"Two rainbows?!"
"Yeah. Daddy said I couldn't go outside to see it though, cause it was raining. But I drew a picture to show you! And then Lizzie had 3 cookies, and I only had 2"
Lizzie's eye widened as she shook her head in denial.
"2 and a half"