Not again….why are we here again? She looks at me with those innocent eyes and I can't breathe. She wants me to open up and say what I feel, but I can't. I just can't. And now we are back where we started…here.
Once more…we are back at the same spot we were before. He looks me with such intensity and I know he wants to say something. It is on the tip of his tongue, but he won't do it. He doesn't even try and now we are back to where we started…once more.
She looks so sad. So…disappointed. I want to open my mouth and let all of my feelings just fall out of my mouth. Do I even know what my feelings are? Do I have any idea what I want to say? Not really. I will just mess it up so I will keep my mouth shut and let her walk away.
That's it. I can't take it anymore. I am so tired, so …disappointed. I can't stand here any longer and watch him look at me with fear in his eyes. I need to get out of this room. It takes all of my strength and determination but I walk away…and he lets me.
And I let her go. Why? Why didn't I run to her and grab her and hold her and do all of those romantic things that grown-ups do in the movies? It's because they are in the movies and this is real life. Real life can really suck.
Why did he let me go? Why didn't he stop me? I sit in my room and close my eyes and think of all the romantic heroes in my favorite movies. They run after the girl. They break down the door, grab the woman, and kiss her until her knees weaken. I guess it's just as well. I don't have the money for a new door.
How can I fix this? How can I make things right? I am racking my brain coming up with the right thing to do. I walk to her door right as I am about to knock, I stop myself. I still don't know what to say. So I stand there, thinking…and pacing. Pacing and thinking…and a little more standing. I am about to walk away when her door opens. She is looking at me very timidly, and I see a small, but sad, smile.
How long will he be outside of my door? I can see his feet moving. He is psyching himself up for something. My guess is he doesn't even know what he is psyching himself up for. Should I take pity on this poor soul? Should I give him one more chance? I better. He doesn't look like he is leaving anytime soon.
We are standing face to face. I open my mouth to speak….
"Shhhh…"