Hey! This is a 'No sgrub' AU. Which will probably be fairly Karkat centric. (no promises there though). Enjoy! rated T because Trolls are violent creatures who need to learn to watch their language.

Just to be clear, thoughts will be in italics. Character commands will be underlined. Author's notes will be in bold. Everything else will be normal.

I don't own Homestuck

Cover image found on deviantART. Made my deviant Vasheren

Your name is Karkat Vantas and it your 7th wriggling day. Not that you give a shit. It is literally just another day to you with nothing special about whatsoever.

"I hate life!" you say as you slump into a chair. "I fucking hate it." Normally you wouldn't waste the breath needed to swear at an empty room. But today just sucked that way.

You decide to see if anyone is online and wants to chat. A few trolls are. No one you really want to talk to though.

And then Gamzee Makara started messaging you.

Oh Fuck.

TC: HeY tHeRe BrO :o)

CG: OKAY, FIRSTLY: I AM NOT YOUR BRO. SECONDLY: WHY THE FUCKING HELL ARE YOU BOTHERING ME?

TC: cAlM dOwN. nO nEeD tO gEt AlL uP aNd MoThErFuCkIn MaD aT mE. I wAs JuSt SeEiNg HoW mY BrO wAs DoInG.

CG: well then, I'm perfectly well, thanks for aski-DO YOU REALLY THINK I BELIEVE THAT TRASH? YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF MOST OF THE TIME AND YOU'RE CHECKING UP ON ME?

TC: HeY nO nEeD fOr ThAt, BeSt FrIeNd. I lOoK aT iT lIKe ThIs Im StIlL alive AnD tHaT's A mIrAcLe. AnD tHe MiRaClEs JuSt kEEp CoMiNg.

CG: YEAH, EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, FUCKING HIGHBLOOD. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT CULLING OR ANY OF THAT SHIT. NO ONE'S GOING TO WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR CULLING SOMEONE WHO DEBATABLY HAS THE HIGHEST BLOOD IN THE WHOLE FUCKING EMPIRE FOR ANY REASON. FUCK, EVEN THEY WOULD, YOU COULD ALWAYS JUST PICK UP SOME LOWBLOOD TO-YOU KNOW-

TC: YeAh I KnOw BuT aLL bLoOd CoLoRs ArE MiRaCuLoUs. LiKe, WhO sAiD tO aLl ThEm WrIgGlErs 'YoU gOttA bE a LoWbLooD, aNd YoU GotTa bE a HiGhBlOoD'?

CG: NO ONE, IT'S JUST GENETICS. GET IT, YOU SOPER-DELUISIONED FUCKASS?

CG: GAMZEE?

CG: OKAY, BEEN A LITTLE LONG. YOU'RE STARTING TO FREAK ME OUT.

CG: STOP BEING SUCH A SHIT AND STOP WANDERING AWAY FROM YOUR COMPUTER IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION!

CG: FINE THEN, FUCKASS. BYE.

CarcinoGeneticist ceased trolling TerminallyCapricious.

Karkat: Be best friend.

Your name is Gamzee Makara and you have no clue what the motherfuck just happened. Maybe if you just think through it slowly you'll figure it out.

You were sitting at your computer, just all chill with your faygo, talking to your best friend. When some motherfucker went and bust down hive door. Now why would they do that? It sure wasn't anyone you know. Your Karbro isn't big enough to do that, Tavbro would knock, and if it was lusus (however unlikely you still hope he'll up and come back soon) he'd just bleat for you to come outside. And no one else really comes here, so...

You peek down the stairs and see imperial drones.

Holy motherfuck. You think, and then try to find a place to hide. You hide by your recouprecoon underneath the window and listen.

"A highblood lives here?"

"That's what we were told. Where is he? I want to get this over with."

"Don't you find it weird we're culling highbloods?"

"Her imperial condescension ordered this. I won't question her orders" your breath catches. They're here to cull you! Why? You're in perfect health, a highblood, and no threat to the empress's rule.

But she had told the drones to up and cull you anyway. Told them personally from the sound o fit.

You decide to climb out the window and run for it.

You hear the drones enter you room shortly after you hit the ground. You aren't badly hurt. Just a broken wrist, maybe.

This sure ain't miraculous. Where do I go? Eh, it doesn't matter too much, the Mirthful Messiah's will make it better.

Gamzee: answer private messaging device

You decide to answer the private messaging device you were given for your seventh wriggling day by Tavros. Weird receiving presents to commemorate the anniversary of your entering the world. that little motherfucker is just all up and sweet that way.

AT: uHHH. hEY gAMZEE.

TC: hEy, TaVbRo. SaY yOu wOuLdNt MiNd If A MoThErFuCkEr CrAsHeD aT yOuR pLaCe FoR a DaY oR tWo?

AT: i GUESS THAT'D BE ALRIGHT. wHY?

TC: i JuSt NeEd A pLaCe To HiDe FrOm DrOnEs. See YoU sOOn, MoThErFuCkEr.

AT: dRONES? gAMZEE, WHAT'S GOING ON?

TerminallyCapricious ceased trolling AdiosToreador

Karkat: continue speaking to Tavros.

CG: SO DRONES TRY TO CULL GAMZEE ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AFTER I SAID THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. SO HE JUMPS OUT OF A SECOND LEVEL WINDOW, BROKE HIS WRIST AND IS STAYING AT YOUR HIVE UNTIL HE THINKS HE CNA GO HOME WITOHUT GETTING HIS HEAD CHOPPED OFF. OR EVISCERATED. OR DYING IN SOME OTHER REEQUALLY BLOODY FASHION.

AT: uMMMM... yEAH. pRETTY MUCH. i TALKED TO sOLLUX, WHO TALKED TO eRIDAN. aND eRIDAN IS STAYING WITH fEFERI BECAUSE DRONES CAME TO HIS HIVE TOO.

CG: THEY CAME TO THEIR HIVES, TWO HIGHBLOODS, INTENDING TO CULL THEM. BUT NOT FEF'S. SOMETHING IS DEFINETLY ALL FUCKED UP HERE.

AT: wELL, i'M JUST A LOWBLOOD, SO i CAN'T PRETEND TO UNDERSTAND POLITICS. bUT i'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF gAMZEE UNTIL HE THINKS IT'S SAFE TO GO HOME.

CG: YEAH, SURE. WHATEVER. TELL THAT CLOWN FREAK I SAID HI.

AT: oKAY, i GUESS.

CarcinoGeneticist ceased trolling AdiosToreador.

Karkat: worry about Gamzee

Why should you worry about him? He is old enough he should be able to take care of himself.

But he can't. And now he may or may not be tied up in someone's political agenda. You always thought it was ironic, such high blood and he didn't care. You'd give your right horn for purple blood. Oh, who are you fucking with? You'd give your right horn of ANY blood color but your freakish candy red.

You decided to work on improving your hacking skill to try to take you mind off of Makara.

You fail miserably, both at hacking, and at not worrying about Gamzee.