Naru's Road Trip, Or How She Learned…
By Major Mike Powell III
This situation should push my suspension of disbelief to the absolute limit. Here I am, in the back of a post office shipping van heading for a port town to board a ship to Okinawa, all to deliver home this…this…lost puppy of a beautiful woman that I seriously wonder whether or not is related to the star-and-love struck idiot next to me.
Otohime Mutsumi and Urashima Keitaro…these two weird, clumsy, airheaded idiots that immediately hit it off the second they met back when we first arrived in Kyoto, thanks to that weird, cute flying turtle, Tama-chan, which actually belongs to Mutsumi-san…I honestly feel like a third wheel here. I feel like an ignorant one-person audience to a two-straight-man tsukkomi act that is just, jam-packed with references and inside jokes that I'm a complete stranger to…and I…I can't believe I'm telling this to myself…I actually want to understand.
Damn it, Urashima Keitaro and Otohime Mutsumi!
Also, something that hasn't stopped gnawing at me…an issue that makes me feel like the absolute meanest, most shallow woman on God's green Earth…when I first left for Kyoto, I gave a kind and sweet and caring and just wonderful young man money to use a payphone. I let him sit next to me. We walked arm-in-arm through the streets of Kyoto to help each other because we both needed to have our glasses fixed because we broke each other's glasses. We rented the same room at a local inn. We even took a picture together in an instant photo booth, for crying out loud!
And then! The second that our glasses were fixed and back on our faces, we realized…I realized…that the kind and sweet and caring and just wonderful young man that I had spent an entire day with, an entire blissful and fun day, basically a day-long date…it was none other than Urashima Keitaro, the bumbling, clumsy, trips-over-air and perverted resident manager of Hinata Dorms that was loyal and faithful to a fault to a promise he made to a little girl whose face he doesn't even remember and I just…I flipped.
We both flipped, yes. But now, this feeling gnaws at me. It gnaws at me, it burns away at my conscience…as well as my heart. Just…what the Hell? What kind of woman, what kind of shallow and oblivious human being does something like that?! Keitaro is an utter sweetheart, any maiden's dream man...yet we, neither of us could see clearly and apparently, our ears were buzzing because we couldn't hear each other's damn voices! And we get along great! And yet…and yet…the glasses come on, we see each other and I'm the first to start firing shots, trying to bash his face off with table tennis balls and just…ugh! What kind of person am I?!
"Uh, hey, Narusegawa…are you Ok-?" "I'm fine! I'm fine! Just…there's…some stuff on my mind that's just about to give me a headache…"
"O-Oh…Ok…sorry."
You dumbass! You are on my mind! Mutsumi-san is on my mind! You two are on my mind, you two and your adorable, dorky, ditzy and wonderful chemistry that makes me burn up inside, you two make me choke on my own jealousy!
Oh my God. Sigh. If Kitsune saw me like this now, back at home…she would either laugh her ass off or offer me a drink and her lap for me to cry my eyes out on…and even if I were, the idiot and pervert, Keitaro would still probably be worshipping the ground Mutsumi-san walks on and try to breathe the same air as her…probably both at the same time…Sigh.
Keitaro gives me a look of utter concern. I don't meet his gaze, but I know he's looking at me. It warms my heart, but at the same time, it makes it clench painfully…Damn it, Urashima Keitaro. Damn you and damn your Promise Girl and damn you Mutsumi-san for making me feel this inadequate and for having Keitaro's heart in the palm of your gentle hand…and just…
"Narusegawa, seriously. You're starting to make me really worried…"
I choke at the sheer concern and care in Keitaro's voice.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" I slam my fist on the padded floor of the shipping van we hitched a ride on. I clench my fist there so hard, I know my nails will leave a really bad mark on my skin that's going to be Hell to mask.
"Narusegawa!" "Ara, Naru-san?"
I can't stand it. I can't dare meet their eyes. I let my hair hide my eyes, shield me away from their concern gazes.
"K-Keitaro…Mu-Mutsumi-san…please…just shut up and…" Fuck! Why am I tearing up?! Why is my voice breaking?! No, no! Not…not now… "You two…please, just, j-just…hug me. Please."
The two blink and recoil back, almost as if I slapped them both at the same time. But just one second later, a full eternity of a second later…they hug me. Keitaro takes my hand and pulls me into his arms, cradling me as I was sitting with my knees up against my shaking, heavying chest. I try to hold everything in. I try desperately not to cry right then and there, in Keitaro's loving embrace…
But then, Mutsumi-san crawls up to the two of us and she gives Keitaro and I the sweetest smile imaginable. A sweet and caring and loving smile. And then, I completely lose it and cry like I have never cried before when Mutsumi-san joins in the hug, wrapping an arm around my waist and the other around my collarbone, gently squeezing Keitaro's shoulder and smooshing me between the two.
Then, I relax and just cry and stop worrying and cry and let their warmth, the warmth and love and care of Urashima Keitaro and Otohime Mutsumi envelope me like a blanket, making me feel safer and more warm than ever before in my life. It's like…their embrace feels like a familiar cocoon that, in no time at all, makes my tears stop and myself feel utterly soothed, like, every single bit of angst and regret and sorrow and jealousy and all of the above…like all of it was gone. Gone, as if it was never there at all.
When I feel their lips, Keitaro and Mutsumi-san's lips touch my hot, blushing, tear-stained cheeks…I can't stay awake anymore and just pass out right then and there, sandwiched between these two beautiful, wonderful human beings, the man and woman that I know just changed my life for the better, as we rode in the back of a shipping van, surrounded by cardboard boxes and other such mail.
The sleep I get there, safe and loved in Keitaro and Mutsumi's arms…is the absolute best sleep of my life thus far and, well, when I wake up…I know I'm going to kiss them so hard, they will know I'll never let them go. They better appreciate it! Hmph!
The End
Author's Note: Yes. The title and summary of this story are two halves of a reference to the Stanley Kubrick movie of 1964, "Dr Strangelove, Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb". Why? Well, why not? :P
And why make a happy KeitaroxNaruxMutsumi one-shot based on the shenanigans of their Kyoto road trip? Why would I do write this, all things considered? Well? Why not? :3 There's already enough hate in the world right now. I see no need to add to it.
Anyway, thank you and please, review if you enjoyed this or review if you didn't enjoy this, and just, do whatever, eh? LOL
Semper-Fi! Carry on!