Yeah, there weren't many people like Commander Shepard, you sure as hell didn't want to be on her bad side, and a heated argument with her could spell your demise if you met on the battle field. But if you got her nice side... Joker wasn't really sure he knew if she had a nice side, sure he'd seen her chatting with the crew, but nothing really special, no closeness. Anderson had left her the ship, and, well... after that he'd seen her wandering around with a sort of lost look on her face, almost as if she was scared of leading.

However, whenever she walked past the helm, she would flash him a grin, a special grin, their grin. Sometimes it was a face, tongue poking, weird open mouth expressions, especially when she was coming back from a mission with that jerk, Alenko. That guy thought he was such hot shit, Joker knew he got headaches, but he was sure his bones broke more often. Chakwas talked non stop about him and how he was a poor lost soul, and blah blah blah, ugh she should just marry him already, since she liked her men tall, dark and brooding. You'd think his legs were a bit more important than a few headaches. But no... that never stopped her talking about him nonstop while setting whatever he'd broken accidently. His only salvation was Shepard coming in to check up on him, or he'd find a joke 'Get Well Soon' greeting on his omni-tool.

Suddenly his vision went black, hofuck, shitfuckcrap, he was flying a fucking ship for Chris sakes... who the hell... his vision was returned to him, of course, he was so awesome, the Normandy hadn't even moved a micron up or down.

"Heeey Joker." Shepard drawled as she flung her arms over the back of his chair, her fingertips floating above his chest, head cocked to one side. A lazy grin started to spread across her face, and her fingertips began to dance up to his shoulders as she pulled back. He kept his breathing as steady as he could manage, her breath was tickling his neck. She scared him sometimes, coming in like that.

"Commander?" Part of him wanted to ask her if she was drunk, but he knew better than to assume his Commander was anything more than bored. And since she didn't have any close friends on the ship at the time, Joker assumed, he would be the first person she'd come to at... hang on, 3am? Ohhh Jeez...

"Joker..."

"Yes Commander?"

She began to giggle as she ran her hands over his chair, it was kinda... pleathery, like those cheap office chairs back on Earth.

"Jeff..."

He gulped, having no idea what she was thinking, his heart started beating faster at the use of his name and he decided it best if he said no more. He was sure, even at his age, his voice would crack.
That's when he heard the odd noise, like a strangled gasp, then an unmistakeable sniff...

"Commander... are you... crying?"

That set her off, she started cackling so hard, she began to hit the back of his chair as her body heaved with laughter. He swivelled his chair around slowly, turning to face her. There were tears in her eyes, but, well, from laughing. A big dopey grin spread across her face as she regained her composure, she was wearing her N7 t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants with some cutesy animals on them. He couldn't really see what the animal was, but knowing his Commander, they were Pyjaks or Varren or something.

"So... not crying then...?"

"Oh Jeff..." She let out a huge sigh, followed by a few giggles as she sat herself down in a chair, facing him. "It was supposed to be a sneeze.. it kinda... failed on me though..."

"You came up here to sneeze on me Commander?"

She began absentmindedly picking at some non existent fluff on her pajama pants, yeah, pyjaks... pyjak pajamas... "If that's a problem, I can leave if you like. Jeff."

It suddenly clicked, maybe she was lonely, I mean... middle of the night, coming to see the pilot... using his first name... just... didn't add up.

"Come on Commander, don't tell me you actually came all the way up here just to talk to me. I mean, you've got a pretty busy social schedule to keep and all."

"I'm sorry my social awkwardness doesn't apply to our conversations, Jeff. It's after 3am... would I honestly come up here if I had nothing better to do than sneeze on you? As much fun as that sounds."

"Oh?"

"Something scary has been happening lately..." She glanced around, she'd been doing that a lot lately, as if she was afraid of being watched, or heard.

"Something scary is always happening, Commander. It just depends... why, are there puny pyjaks crawling over you every night just before 3? And you want me to get rid of them? I can't... really get
out of the chair, remember? What with the Vrolicks' and all." Oh God, he'd mentioned pyjaks...

"Fine, well, someone's been acting... scary lately..."

"Isn't that always? Jeez... am I the only one who knows that you have Commander Shepard; the strong leader, and Scardy Shep; the social retard, locked up inside?"

"I thought, maybe... Jeff... you of all people would understand... understand the inability to communicate with people..." She feigned a dramatic sigh and flopped back in the chair, oh God, he could see some skin between the hem of the N7 shirt and the pyjaks... he bit his lip.

"Hey, just because I'm alone, doesn't mean I'm lonely. Unlike you Commander... seriously, MY company? Must be a hell of a gap you need filled in your life." Gaps and filling... ah Jeez... with the Commander...

"I'm not lonely!" She spat, childlike in her huffiness as she curled into herself as much as she could. He couldn't help but feel she was acting again. Then again, HE was lonely... HE was the one getting all hot and flustered.

"Sure you're not. That's why you're talking to the cripple about scary people."

"Scary person..."

"Oh, it's a person now... Oh come ON Commander, you dodge bullets, you fight some Geth, beat up a few Krogan, take on Turians, challenge Asari to strip poker..."

"Joker." She glared at him from over her crossed arms. Oh dear, she only used his nick-name if she was pissed at him.

"Hey, couldn't hoit, I'm sure Liara's willing."

"Liara..." She got a weird look on her face... like she forgot who Liara was, just for a second. Yeah right she wasn't focusing on the conversation, she was ALWAYS focused.

"The blue one."

"Oh, because I forget she's Asari sometimes, like I forget we're human. Come on Joker..."

"Commander... are you okay...? I thought you were friends with her... and Tali...? Garrus, I can see why you'd avoid him, he's got a pretty big pole up his arse..."

"Joker... Wrex said he's in love with me..."

"And Wrex... well... Wrex is a Krogan, so they're not very friendly... but then again, I'm not very friend- HE WHAT?"

"See... it's scary... Joker... I... I don't know what to do..."

"Oh come ON, first Liara... then Alenko... you turn them down and now the fifty million year old dinosaur guy says he's in love with you...?" He smacked his hands to his face and dragged them down in
a mock scream. Quietly muttering, "Why does this never happen to me?"

"I TOLD you it was scary!"

Joker rubbed his temple in frustration. Seriously, the dinosaur had... he couldn't believe it.

"Shepard... just go to bed and think about it... for all you know... the entire Normandy could be in love with you, and you'd never know. Except the actual ship is in love with ME. You can't have her."

She sat quietly, looking at her feet, a sullen look on her face.

"The entire Normandy...? Jeff... I just want..." She suddenly turned a bright shade of red. Gah, she was so slow sometimes, what did she think he meant?

"Ah crap, I didn't mean it like that... She's your ship too. We can share her. Make her scream a little, that sort of thing."

Shepard turned an even brighter shade of red. Only virgins blush like that, sure she was socially awkward, but not enough to still be a virgin... surely... at her age... whatever it was...

"Jeff... can I tell you a secret?" Shepard leant in close, and beckoned him to do the same.

"Mmmf-"

The kiss startled him more than it should have, and he could feel his stomach lurch. No way. No way did his Commander just do that... oh.. God... still doing... her tongue slipped between his lips almost straight away, quickly wrapping around his, while both her hands sat passively in her lap. He wanted to touch her, but something held him back. He found the strength to fight back with his own tongue and as she broke away, she slowly and purposefully licked his cheek.

"You're part of the ship too." She whispered in his ear, he could hear her grin in her voice.

Another kiss was planted on his forehead, and with that, she got up and left him.

It wasn't until she'd finally left the CIC, that he could let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding, and gently touch his lips... the nerves were on fire, just his own touch felt amazing. Of course it had been a long time... okay... a very long time... he felt his cheeks burning, he felt like he couldn't breathe and his hands were shaking. He turned his chair to face the void, and had never been so distracted in his life.

The next couple of days were excruciating, Shepard had buried herself in missions, and he could swear she was ignoring him on purpose. He felt as if he'd been played this whole time, the jokes, the awkward shyness, the pain she caused overriding the thoughts he had of her, especially late at night thoughts. The extranet did nothing for him now, well, especially right now, since he was browsing it, rather slowly... what he wouldn't give to see HER naked... aww shit... now was seriously not the right time to be thinking about that, especially since they were in Geth space.

Geth space... Pressley was bitching about not finding anything, well, it had better stay that way, then again, Shepard wouldn't speak to him... something had better happen...

"I'm picking something up on the scanners... it looks like a cruiser."

Oh here we go, something's happening... Joker closed the extranet window and checked up on the ship... that... was NOT the Geth... fuck... fuck... they were firing, oh shitfuck.

"It's not the Geth!" He yelled desperately. "Prepare for evasive manoeuvres!"

He fell into a trance, his ship was being destroyed, his entire livelihood depended on his ship, his baby... his... oh GOD they were coming back for another attack...

"Mayday! Mayday! This is the SSV Normandy! We're receiving fire from an unknown enemy!"

"Joker!" He felt a hand on his shoulder, it was Shepard... why now... why now?

"No! I can still save her!" He could feel his despair welling up, his job, his life, his everything could be taken away, she was still functioning, or at least he thought she was.

"Don't throw your life away, Joker! Come on!"

"Fine..." She went to help him, when an explosion rocked the helm, she tugged on his arm to get him standing, and put an arm around his waist. God she was strong, his feet left the ground for a moment and she half carried him out to the escape pods. His cheeks were burning, she'd come to save him... she was saving him.

"Shepard..."

"Not now Joker, we're dead if we don't get out of here." She clutched his waist a little more, they'd reached the escape pods, and she practically threw him in. God, he was going to take her in the pod, he never knew she could be that rough. He found himself getting a little excited... he knew he'd hate himself for the rest of his life if he didn't reach out to grab her. Just as he started reaching for her, the hull was breached, and the enemy ship's beam had thrown Shepard off balance, he knew she wasn't going to make it. His heart dropped.

"SHEPARD!" He screamed as she hit the button to launch the remaining escape pod. The door closed, and shot off on it's predetermined course, but he kept his eyes glued to her... there was something wrong... the Normandy began to break apart and sink towards the planet below, and Shepard... she was falling too... he could see her flailing, and then falling into the gravity of the planet... before long, she was nothing more than a spec. There was nothing he could do as his slid to the floor, he heard a snapping in his legs, but he didn't care. He leant back, and felt the tears stinging as they threatened to spill from his eyes. She was dead... and he really wished it had been him falling toward the planet with his ship.

Letting out a strangled cry, he found the tears flowing freely as he wished she was with him right now... he wouldn't have stopped loving her, the feeling from before found it's way back to his mind. There was so much he would have told her, so many ways he would have held her, and it would have been worth the fractured pelvis and broken thighs. Would she go easy on him? Would she be gentle? He could only imagine, and as his hand slid over the side of his waist where she'd held him, he began to shake... she'd held him tighter... was that kiss just a joke? What did she mean by he was 'part of the ship'? Did that mean she wanted him?

He ran his hand over his hip and shuddered, no-one had ever touched him like she had, and he always made a point of getting around by himself, so human contact was a rare thing. He bit his lip and sighed. It's not like he ever got any further than that kiss with her... why did he think he could get more...