Hello and welcome to this fic. I've had this idea for a while, and I decided to write everything down. This is the story of glee, told by Blaine. He tells his friend Logan everything, despite the fact that Logan died.

Because of this, this story follows pre-2x06 and canon season two till six. Yes, everything is still the same, even the things I wished had never happened. Hence the Blainofsky and Kadam midgames.

Since 98% of this fic will be one-sided dialogue, chapters aren't that long and the lengths may change. Sometimes Blaine is in a talkative mood, sometimes he isn't.

Beware... Blaine isn't always very happy, especially in the beginning. Warning for talk about depression and suicide.

The title is from the Andy Mientus version of the Kerrigan-Lowdermilk song Anyway.

I keep thinking about how the timing seems false.
How some days seem faster than my fucking pulse.
And others go so slow.
Like this morning
Feels like a month ago.
Oh. Oh.
Oh. Oh.

- Anyway, Kerrigan-Lowdermilk

"Blaine… You gotta come to the hospital. I can't- please Blaine, just get over here!"

2009

"So, you really did it." Blaine kneels next to the tombstone. "It's been three days since the funeral and I still don't know what to think, Logan. I'm not going to ask why you did it- I know why you did it. I just wish I could've helped you. But it sucks that your parents couldn't afford to send you to Dalton.

I'm not gonna lie, Logan: it is still hard. I still see bad things when I close my eyes. The medication helps, but sometimes I think I'm okay and I stop using it- only to fall back to hell. Wes and David help me remain calm and sane.

Yes, Wes and David are still talking to me. They went to your funeral with me, you know? They didn't want me to go alone. I know you never said you were jealous of Wes, but I still feel like I left you behind. After the dance, I left so quickly and our contact wavered, but trust me when I tell you you're still my first best friend. And that I love you."

Blaine can feel the tears forming.

"Platonically. I know you liked me as more than friends, and I know that got you killed. I mean, not directly, although it was a miracle we both made it out alive. But suicide, Lolo?" He sighs. Lolo. Logan Bandwill, the best friend, the other gay guy, his date to Sadie Hawkins.

"I know this is going to sound awful, but why didn't you die that day? I mean, if you were going to die after all. Gosh- I didn't mean that I want you to die, it's just… It feels like I'm reliving the aftermath of the dance all over again.

The Dalton therapist says that's not unusual, but that doesn't make it okay. I don't want to do this. It's been seven days since you killed yourself, and I'm not okay anymore. I guess I'm going back to the dark places. But I will get to the light, I have to."

He gets up and looks around. Still alone. He looks down on the grave and shakes his head. "I miss you, I will always miss you. I'll be back next week. Take care, Lolo."