Restless Hearts
by cenagurl-is-now-astrogirl
A/n: This is my first ever FFVII fic, so please be kind in your comments.
0o0
Tifa Lockhart carefully opened the old, dusty door which looked in the verge of breaking down, of the church, and entered.
The place held the same peacefully chaotic look it had months before she had last entered it; wild blossoms sprung everywhere, glimmering under the shafts of sunlight that entered through the tattered remains of the roof, contrasting the destroyed pillars and furniture that littered the place.
This church had been a very memorable place not only for her, but everyone as well. It was the place where both battles and reunions took place. The place where sweet miracles occurred, where everything began and ended.
She didn't really know the purpose of her visit to this abandoned place, but still she knelt down in the middle of the carpet of wildflowers and closed her eyes as she felt a warm breeze caress her face.
She wanted to pray.
She wanted to release all the things she had bottled up inside her for the longest time; she wanted to reflect on certain things, and she wanted to attain the same peace everyone seemed to have obtained since the day they were rescued by a certain departed flower-seller.
"I…"
She didn't know how to begin her litany. Her whirlwind of emotions that were screaming for release were confusing her more than ever.
"I'm not… I'm not happy," she began with uncertainty in her voice. "I mean, I'm not happy inside. Sure, I'm glad everyone's happy and at peace now, but I can't seem to understand why I'm the only one suffering from strong bouts of loneliness, depression and… envy. There, I finally admitted it. I'm envious… of someone who's long gone."
She bit her lip to halt the threat of tears stinging the corners of her closed eyes before continuing.
"That's really wicked of me, right? I know envy's a sin, yet I can't stop myself from feeling it. Every time I remember her… every time I look at him…"
"She was always better at everything… she's of more use to this world than I am, so why did she have to be the one to die?... Maybe… if I was the one who died, he wouldn't have been that sad. He wouldn't have left."
"She had been the reason why he lost his ability to smile; she had been the one to bring it back. I should be happy he's smiling again, but I can feel deep in my heart, there's this nagging feeling that I'm not. Maybe that's because…his smile isn't for me."
"I want this ache in my heart to end once and for all; I don't want to wallow in self-pity any longer. I want to take away this ugly feeling of envy in my heart, but I don't know what to do. So please… will someone please help me?"
She seemed oblivious to the silent tears that rolled down her cheeks, and to the transparent figure that lingered by a fallen pillar, watching her with compassionate sea-green eyes.
"I can help you…"
0o0
Tifa Lockhart opened her bleary eyes as the remnants of a vague dream she couldn't seem to remember swirled into nothingness. She glanced at the alarm clock perched on her bedside table, which read 2:23 AM.
She heard a familiar rustling sound from the room next to hers—Cloud's bedroom.
"He's back," she whispered to herself. "You can rest peacefully now, Tifa."
But lying back on the bed didn't seem to appeal to her; realizing how parched her throat was, she stood up. She was heading towards the door of her bedroom when she got caught of her reflection in the mirror.
She covered her mouth to stifle a scream, and was horrified to see the image in the mirror do the same thing. Feeling a wave of nausea at the pit of her stomach, she closed her eyes, praying that when she opened them, every thing would be back to normal.
She slowly opened one eye, and gave an involuntary moan when her reflection stayed the same.
Taking a deep breath to calm her frazzled nerves, she walked over to the mirror and touched her palm to its cool surface.
"Goodness, what happened—?"
Again she was startled at her voice, which sounded anything but her own. It was the voice she had tried to bury deep within her memories, one she tried to forget.
She gave the mirror a helpless stare, and a beautiful girl with long, unbound mahogany hair, luminescent complexion, and sea-green eyes looked back at her.
0o0
Cloud had just taken a shower and was just changing into cleaner clothing when he heard some strange noises from Tifa's bedroom.
He had checked on her right after he had arrived during midnight, having just finished his delivery services. She had been sleeping, but she tossed about frequently, mumbling incoherent words as a small frown marred her smooth forehead in what seemed to be a troubled slumber.
He walked over to her side and touched a gloved hand to her temple, which temporarily stilled her movements.
"Tifa." he had called out gently, but she did not seem to hear him; she seemed to be sinking further into her dreams—or rather, nightmares.
Then her muttered sentence caught his attention.
"Maybe… if I was the one who died, he wouldn't have been that sad. He wouldn't have left."
He went completely still as he waited for her to continue, but no more words followed.
His excuse of a heart seemed like it was being squeezed by an invisible hand, a familiar feeling he never welcomed.
He never knew…
And now that he did, he didn't know what to do about it.
When he saw Tifa's breathing return to normal, he slipped from her room and took a long, cold shower to ease his worries.
Now, as he slipped on his shirt, he went back to Tifa's room, no longer bothering to wear his shoes.
When he opened the door, however, he was greeted by a sight he thought he'd never see again.
His breathing came out in short intervals as he drank in her whole being, from the top of her mahogany-crowned head to her bare feet.
"Aerith?"
Even she had a disbelieving look in her face, as though she couldn't believe she was in the same room with him.
This had to be a dream, Cloud thought, sure that the image before him would dissolve in a blink of an eye.
He blinked twice, but still her lithe figure remained intact and very much alive.
Alive.
"Cloud?"
Her voice, her sweet voice, rang out in the small, dimly-lit room like a thousand sunshines and wind breezes.
"Aerith… is that really you?" his voice came out hoarse and faint as he asked that question.
His confused cerulean eyes met her sea-green ones.
"Y—yes." she stammered out. "It's me, Cloud."
With a hesitant step she neared him, her eyes full of unasked questions; he felt a sense of déjà vu with that look, like he had seen it somewhere before, on a different person.
"B—but, how could this happen?" his questioning gaze seemed to burn through her, as she gave a tiny flinch that was barely noticeable.
"Some things are better left unsaid, Cloud." Aerith spoke softly, reaching out to touch his face. "Aren't you happy to see me at all?"
Cloud's head was spinning; he was still in the stage where his system couldn't seem to accept the fact that he was now standing face-to-face with the person whose loss he mourned so keenly, looking very much alive and… real.
"I…"
"Did you miss me, Cloud?"
There was turbulence in her eyes that confused Cloud even more. The look in her eyes seemed terribly familiar…
"Yes, I missed you very much, Aerith." he found himself saying.
He was startled to see tears spring up her sea-green eyes. Strangely, she didn't seem happy to hear that news, and instead, hurt etched those green orbs.
"Aerith?" he called out questioningly.
"Do you love me, Cloud?" her sudden question shocked the hell out of him; it was just like when Tifa talked; her words never failed to amaze him… and sink deep in his heart.
As he gazed into her eyes once more, he saw the fear, the raw, unexplainable pain while she waited for his reply.
It seemed for a moment that his answer would be the sole dependence of her happiness, or rather, the condition of her heart.
"Yes."
It was odd, how she reacted then; her eyes drifted close, as if his response had been her death sentence, and she released a shaky breath that fanned his face. Two fat tears leaked down from her closed eyes, rolling in rivulets on her porcelain-smooth face.
He was even more puzzled, when she opened her eyes, they were clear of any turbulence. They were flat, as though she had finally accepted her fate.
But what surprised him the most was her soft plea.
"Then kiss me."
Time stood still for the two of them. Cloud's heart seemed to have stopped beating, not from anticipation, but by a different emotion altogether.
Aerith's face was nearing him, her eyes closed once more as she started to close the distance between them.
0o0
Tifa did not expect that she was going to die from actual heartbreak; but now, as she stood there in her room under Aerith's appearance, wrapped in Cloud's strong arms, all she wanted to do was die so the pain in her heart would finally cease.
Her request for a kiss seemed to be the final blow to her heartaches; it would seal Cloud's love for Aerith, and her bitter end as well.
She was stunned to feel Cloud gently push her away from him.
Her eyes snapped open, and she saw the guilt in his cerulean eyes.
"I'm so sorry…" he said, backing away from her.
Tifa was shocked by his sudden actions. Why didn't he want to kiss Aerith?
"Why?" she managed to ask in a croak.
Cloud shook his head helplessly, unable to answer, then sank on the side of Tifa's bed.
"I do love you, Aerith," he began, unable to look at her for the first time. "You have been one the people I have come to cherish the most. But…" he drifted off, burying his face into his ungloved palms.
"But what?" Tifa asked, sounding like something was lodged in her throat.
"… there's someone else whom my heart already belongs to."
Cloud then turned to look at her, and Tifa's heart fluttered. "I can't seem to find the courage to tell her though. It just scares the hell out of me to see how she would react if I told her everything… I wanted to apologize for all the pain I put her through, but the words can't seem to get out of my throat… she had been there for me through everything, yet not once did I hear her complain or ask for anything in return. She doesn't know it, but without any effort she had managed to own my heart," he said softly. "I don't think I'll ever be able to say all of that in front Tifa." His eyes were glued to the ceiling, so he definitely missed the look that crossed Tifa's face as he said those words.
"I…"
Tifa couldn't seem to find the strength to speak. Her heart was overflowing with emotions, and she had to restrain herself from running to him and saying everything she wanted to tell him.
Finally, Cloud's eyes rested on her rigid frame, and a tender look crossed his features.
"Thank you, Aerith, for listening. That is one of the reasons I love you—you're so easy to talk to,"
Tifa didn't want to cry. She honestly didn't want to. But that didn't stop the tears that had threatened to burst from the confines of her eyes.
"Tifa loves you too, you know." She said softly. "And you can tell her anything,"
Cloud gave her a small smile. "I know," he answered, his voice void of any arrogance over that piece of knowledge. "But as for the reason why, the answer to that still eludes me…"
"She sometimes wonders why, too."
0o0
When Cloud opened his eyes, he was alone.
Had everything been just a dream? He wondered as he gingerly sat up. That was when he realized that he had been sleeping in Tifa's room.
Shafts of warm sunlight hit him in the face as he pulled back the curtains of the window. He glanced over his shoulder at the alarm clock on top of the bedside which read 9:15 AM.
Where in heaven's name was Tifa? And what was he doing in her room in the first place?
Then he remembered. Aerith.
He walked out of the room as fast as his feet could carry him, nearly crashing to Denzel, who had just come from the bedroom he shared with Marlene.
"Cloud, you're home!" he said cheerfully and Cloud gave him an absentminded pat on the head before proceeding to his own room.
As he opened the door, he saw Tifa's sleeping form on his bed, the rays of the sun coming from the window making her look ethereal.
He stopped as he took in her presence, a warm feeling coinciding in his chest. He was still a little confused as how they ended up in each other's beds, but that was least of his worries now.
As stealthily as the former mercenary he had been, he went to his bedside and sat beside her.
Her eyes opened as he leaned over to brush away some stray tendrils that had fallen on her face, her gaze as clear as the morning sky.
"C—Cloud?" she stammered groggily as she stifled a yawn. Then, as if remembering something, she let out a huge gasp and came bounding out of bed.
She hurried over to the mirror, and heaved a sigh of relief when she saw her very own dishevelled reflection staring back at her.
"Tifa, are you all right?" Cloud asked worriedly from behind her. She swivelled about, surprising him with the happy sparkle in her warm coffee-brown eyes. It was an emotion Cloud hadn't seen in her eyes for a long time; somehow, seeing her up close, her eyes bright with real happiness, made him blurt out the words he never thought he'd have the courage to say.
"You look beautiful."
0o0
Tifa could hardly believe her ears as he said that whispered statement. He had got to be kidding, right? She just saw from her reflection in the mirror a while ago how messy her hair looked, the circles under her eyes and her crumpled sleepwear.
Yet as she looked into his eyes, she was confident he wasn't lying.
"Cloud?" she called out his name hesitantly.
She was quite aware that his arms had somehow wrapped themselves around her waist, and that his face was a mere inch from hers.
"Yeah?" he asked, and Tifa shivered as his warm breath tickled her forehead.
"Do you love me?" she asked, seeing how Cloud's face scrunched into a frown as though he tried to recall where he had heard those words before.
Then, the frown was gone, replaced by a tender look that Tifa never imagined seeing on his face.
"Tifa," he started as he pulled her closer to him. "Didn't you tell me before that words aren't the only thing that tell people how they feel?"
Tifa nodded slowly, her mouth going dry as she saw the longing in his eyes.
"Then this might give you an idea about how I feel for you."
Those were his words before his lips came down on hers in an undemanding, achingly tender kiss.
0o0
The church was still as serene-looking as ever despite its tragic destruction when Tifa Lockhart came back three days later.
She walked over the same spot she had occupied a few days ago, and knelt down in a praying position.
"I have nothing to say, really… except thank you."
She whispered against the soft breeze that passed her, and the same transparent figure that had watched her when she first came gave a bittersweet smile.
"You're welcome, Tifa."
0o0
Comments would be most welcome. :)