Disclaimer: I own nothing, it's all owned by the BBC and Tiger Aspect Productions.
Author Notes: Set in the future of the outlaws. This could be read as a sequel to my fic 'Taking the Future', but it also works as a stand-alone. There are two more chapters to come. Originally posted at robinhoodbbc lj comm., thanks to the kind folks there for their encouraging and positive words – you make me feel like I'm doing something right. All feedback is welcome, enjoy!
When Djaq discovers she is pregnant, the confusion and annoyance outweigh the shock. This was not planned and Djaq does not like surprises concerning the things she is meant to be in control of. She was careful to take the supplement that her father taught her would prevent conception. But, Djaq remembers with a sudden clarity, that sometimes these things have been forgotten in the rush of her recent life and that it was tucked into the back of her mind 'to do later.' It was not the opportune time to become infected by such a foolish English notion – things must be done when you think of them, otherwise situations like this occur. She decides she will blame her husbands for this unasked for change in her.
But this accident, this lapse in her careful concentration, tugs at something else deep inside Djaq. Once she had cut her hair and become her brother, she threw aside all thoughts of having a family of her own. The very idea of having a child belonged to Safiyah, in the same way that thick long hair she could feel down her back and encompassing skirts and veils did. But of course the boundaries have blurred before; Safiyah also had been betrothed and now Djaq has two husbands. Djaq can feel her identity shifting again and a headache beginning at her temples. She may look like Djaq but Safiyah, it seems, is still very much alive. It is that part of herself that first responded to Allan's suggestion of marriage and she does not regret that, for would she want to live in England without Allan or Will close in her life? It is a thought that makes her stomach drop in the same way that losing her brother did.
It is some weeks later that she is ready to tell her husbands. For it is only now that this new piece of information, which so upset her identity and turned it liquid again, has settled. She is a different person now from the child who was betrothed and followed her father like a shadow, and from the hollow angry girl who took up arms for her brother and landed on England's grey shores.
She has been changed by her time in Sherwood Forest, living in a land and amongst people so foreign to her own, and allowing the unexpected love from Will and Allan to seep into her life. At her core she has her faith and her memories of the family she will never see again and the land she doubts will ever see peace. She is a woman, she no longer denies that, but she has been a man and continues to wear that on the outside. Because Djaq plans to survive, whoever she is. She is a wife now, something she will never allow to define her, and is bound to such opposite men who see Djaq and love the people she is. Soon she will be an oumm, a mother. England continues to change her.
She tells Allan and Will when their tavern is quiet before opening time. She has just returned from checking that both Marian and her recently born son Samuel are both healthy at Robin's request. Marian hates to be fussed over so often but Robin insists on Djaq's weekly visits, infected by a father's paranoia that so many men seem to attain in the face of their first newborn. Allan is sorting through the ale bottles behind the counter and Will is silently moving chairs around tables. She speaks her news into the silence with a casual air, her eyes continuing to focus on the medicines she is taking out of her bag as though her words are of little consequence.
"Bloody hell, Djaq!" Allan breaks the quiet as he practically jumps over the counter with a stunned expression which is slowly giving way to excitement. "You're being serious?! We're going to have a kid! Hang on, I thought that couldn't happen? That herb thing you take……"
"It appears that I forgot," she replies with a hint of accusation at them both and their English ways that have been passed on to her. But the tone fades and her smile informs them that she is happy with this.
"We're going to have a kid!"
Allan's joy erupts out of him in a way that Djaq did not believe possible and it causes her smile to broaden. Allan has told her of the childhood he endured (unhappy and hard to Djaq's ears); his parents' absence too soon into his life and he and Tom learning to survive by any means that they could. He is a survivor and she knows that for all his jokes and his lies and ridiculous plans, he will love their child as he never was and will raise it to survive the hard life it will be born into. She is glad of this because she knows how terrible it is for a child to die before its parents. Their child will be a survivor.
Will is silent with wide eyes and looks very young as he gazes at her. But he squeezes Djaq's hand and pulls her to him for a still-hesitant soft kiss and whispered words of awed gladness. He stays close to her throughout the evening when the tavern is full of rowdy patrons and smiles boyishly at her whenever she catches his eyes. Will is constant and steady. He will teach their child what is right and wrong (which Allan will surely challenge by teaching the child to pick pockets). Unlike Djaq and Allan whose identities have changed to protect themselves (Djaq decisively once, and Allan constantly with every lie he has told), Will remains the same to protect his family. He was steady for his father and brother, and he remains this way for his husband and wife too.
The pregnancy is hard on all three of them. Their lives have changed since emerging from Sherwood to become free men and women, but the struggle continues. Nottinghamshire has not magically become a safe and pure place because of a King's return and one bad man's defeat. The outlaws all still battle against those who would suck the county dry for their own comfort and greed. There are many pockets of greedy barons and lords and their supporters who like the way Nottinghamshire had been run under Vaysey and many more would love to kill the former outlaws for what they have done and continue to do. It was this fact that caused Djaq, Will and Allan to choose to live in Nottingham after their wedding. Someone needed to make sure that Sir Edward stayed safe and they found the tavern perfectly placed. It provides them with all that they need and is proving most useful as every evening it is full of rumors and interesting information. It is a scavenger existence, if it was stable and normal Djaq does not think it would work. They were not meant for that.
For the first several months of her pregnancy, Djaq continues traveling around Nottinghamshire on horseback to where she is needed with her medicinal skills. Despite the fact that her skin is a distrusted colour and she wears breeches, the people of the county know her as 'one of Robin's outlaws' and that she can help them when they are sick without asking for payment. When her morning has been filled, she returns to the tavern that has become Allan's pride and joy and assists her husbands in preparing it for opening time.
However, once she begins to show, Will and Allan ask her to stop. She tells them that it is her body and that she will know when she is unable to ride a horse or administer medicine. But when a cruel baron's man-at-arms sinks a dagger into her thigh during a secret night visit to a sick maid's room that forces her under a hood, she concedes that it is perhaps time for her to rest. Her step has become slow, too slow for that man to have gotten so close with his blade. She had felt something inside of her flutter and, although she knows this to be impossible considering how early it is in her pregnancy, her baby moved in response.
She was frightened for her child's safety and the child had known it.
That night, Djaq curls into the shape she knows her child to be and Allan and Will curl around her and comfort her quietly. Will's breath on her neck and Allan's hands on her stomach soothe what has begun gnawing at her. Because now something else has changed – this child's life that she will nurture and shape, she will also be protecting and keeping it safe. Safiyah is beginning to feel maternal.
-to be continued…chapter 2/3 coming soon.