Authors Note: You know the usual speech, I don't own any of the characters except for the original ones and of course the story. Obviously none of this ever happened but I wouldn't be too angry if it did haha If you've gotten this far thanks for reading!

Sophie looked at the blank screen ahead of her, the expanse of white a mocking reminder that in the last two hours she had accomplished absolutely nothing. Never in her life had she been the kind of person who was unable to express herself but in the last few hours she couldn't even remember stringing together a coherent thought let alone a sentence. For the last four years this blog had been her journal, a diary of sorts, and a place where she could air out any feelings or grievances and move on. Seeing everything in writing always helped her work through her problems and when someone had suggested she start a blog she figured she had nothing to lose.

She had started this blog before she met him but it hadn't blown up till they had gotten together. Just one casual mention of it on his twitter account and overnight it had exploded into something she never would have dreamed about. Thousands of people began filtering through daily, she expected that with time it would die down, it was just one simple mention, but two years later it was still holding strong. In the beginning she felt so overwhelmed; she hadn't known what do to, what people expected or even what to say but he had encouraged her to keep on with what she wanted. To remain honest and open no matter what was happening and that was exactly what she had done and while she had received an astounding amount of support it didn't come without a price. 20% of people genuinely cared what she had to say, 5% spent most of their time tearing her down while the whopping majority tuned in just to see if she'd mention him. To get a glimpse of what life was like on a normal day but mostly it was just her thoughts and feelings; ramblings with the occasional mention of him when he was home. She was sure they were disappointed for the most part, they had spent their time attempting to find her obscure site only to be bombarded with the mundane problems of a 27 year old women and not the glamorous lifestyle of a superstar. But she hadn't stated this blog to lie, she had started it to tell her story and somewhere along the journey he had become a part of her story, in some cases the biggest part.

Sophie paused, her hands poised above the keys. She could remember the first time she had mentioned him, it had been a quick entry at a time when her thoughts were only read by friends, family and a hand full of strangers but she had a feeling like it would be significant; a moment she'd want to have documented for herself.

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"Went out with S tonight; I wasn't sure if it would feel the same after so many weeks. I've never dated someone whose face to face dates could be so far apart but you know that spark you get when you first meet someone? The little butterflies while you look over at each other and wonder who's going to say what next? Well the butterflies were definitely still there, but I'm not entirely sure if that has anything to do with him so much or the fact that I'm afraid I'll trip over my own feet haha. I mean sure there have been phone calls, and texts and endless Skype sessions but it's never the same as when you're face to face. When you're right across the table from one another and there's nowhere to hide and no one to interrupt. That's when you really learn about a person, when you can see the small nuances in their face when they like something or when you totally surprise them. When you can reach out and touch them when they need reassurance or hell you just feel like it *wink* I didn't realize how much I missed that until I finally saw him tonight. Feeling the warmth of his skin, the light in his eyes… *sigh* I don't wanna jinx it but it's going really well so far, he's more than I ever imagined and no matter how much I learn about him he never fails to surprise me."

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"S" for a long time that's what she had referred to him as. They'd talked about it, she had mentioned her writing to him when they had first met and when she'd asked he'd mentioned that he'd have no problem with her using him name. It was common enough that it really wouldn't draw attention but she had settled on initials, it was what she always used in lieu of names when mentioning people for the first time. It was what she had called him till he'd made the first step and mentioned her, and then it had become fair game.

A lot of accusations were flung at her when people actually realized who "S" was; when it all had been laid out and people had gone back to read her entries they had been down right mean. It's not like she was ashamed of him or embarrassed or any of that nonsense people accused her of. It's just that she had learned quickly how little privacy he had, seen firsthand how most people were looking to claim a piece of him and that was the last thing she wanted. All she was looking for was a small space on the internet that was her very own and if he was gonna be a part of that she wanted to make sure that he was comfortable with what was going on. Luckily for her he'd been as easy going about that as he'd been with almost anything else. His easy going nature was so infectious and his level headedness for the most part was what made them work.

God when she actually thought about it there was so many things that made them work that this just didn't make sense to her.

The white screen blurred in front of her as tears clouded her vision; soon the pounding in her head would start again so she had to do this quickly. Like a band aid she needed to get the words out so that she could crawl back to bed and continue to wallow for a little while longer. Taking a deep breath she typed out the words; seeing it in writing somehow made it all real, gave it a finality she wasn't expecting and when she hit the post button she split apart.

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"We broke up tonight and I am numb."

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