If Love Is Blind (Rewrite)

CH - 01 - Benjamin Hale

Haley and I sit alone. Both of us within our designated corners of the room carrying on with whatever it is we each desire. It's Friday night, and both of us have found ourselves grounded for the second time in one week; Haley for breaking curfew, and me for skipping my advanced placement trig class.

Now normally I would be upset about this arrangement. You know, being stuck with my bitch of an older sister, who although is supposed to love me instead hates me with pretty much everything in her. While that has become a daily routine for me now to the point of it becoming almost trite, I have recently noticed that on top of Haley's normally mean behavior, she has adopted a cold shoulder for me.

The last couple weeks have shown that it's almost as if she were trying to avoid me at all costs. The fallout of this new action being that I've come to seriously evaluate the sustainability of our relationship. That and whether we will become estranged from each other's lives once I'm out of her hair for good.

In despite of this growing distance between us and the very ornery adopted mindset, I have found myself wanting to spend even more time with her, whether it's forced upon or not.

I still have yet to come to terms with how someone driving me away is in turn driving me closer to them. This is why I have been running through the events of the past couple weeks through my head with steady consistency. Weird right? But can it really be considered weird?

I mean, all I want to do is try and seek out an answer to all my unanswered questions about Haley and her cryptic nature around me. All of these questions, however, will remain unanswered so long as Haley and I's seeming to be doomed relationship remains stagnant in time.

I tend to recall my replaying those last couple weeks to see if I can find anything else about the ordeal that I haven't already thought out or have left analyses. One conclusion I drew a while back, stemmed from the harsh but inevitable realization that in only a few short years,

Haley will be moving off to college. This cognizance hit me like a fish out of water, and got me to re explore all those times that Haley and I hadn't spent together like we should have been. All of the secrets we never shared or gossiping about boys we never laughed over. The braiding of each other's hair while discussing the normal things that girls would talk about. Even breaking a house rule in valiant unity against our parents.

I guess what I really wanted though was to leave our relationship on what I think was good terms. So when that looming move out date does arrive, I will at least be able to say to myself that I gave it my best shot with her. But then I quickly come to realize that my best shot, wasn't even a shot at all. I never went up to her with confidence and poise and asked to hang out or spend time with her. It was always this timid, mouse like squeak that would come out. My greatest weakness it would seem to be not only manifested in school but also now at home. Trying as hard as I can to make friends with someone I really admire or find interesting.

But making friends with Haley shouldn't even be a thing. It should be a given. She's my sister if nothing else, it should be easy. I mean, we live in the same house for god sake. We eat the same food and sleep in the same room. Share the same bathroom and go to the same family events and functions. How hard could it possibly be to ask her to do something with me? I guess time has only proven such a feat to be nearly impossible.

"You shouldn't give up after one day" I would tell myself all the time. These things take time. Especially given we spend very little private time with each other on any given day. But after failed attempt after failed attempt to make advance, I decided to take track of every excuse and learn from my mistakes.

In conducting my research, I noticed that her excuses always seemed to tie along the lines of being with her 'real friends' or what not. Either she was way too busy with parties, drunken bonfires, going to the mall, seeing dumb movies, or trying to pass the very easy classes the school had handed to her.

I guess that in conclusion of all these excuses you could say that Haley actually lived a very productive and hectic life. I of course being unable to see it until now given my chaos of school and clubs lay in a much different boat then the pressing demands of her social life.

But even so, I still reside under the belief that there had to have been some point in time over the course of our time as teenagers together, that we would have been set up to have a social interaction. Like tonight, where the two of us sit in the same small room grounded without our phones or any outside contact.

A rare time in that our interaction, if it were to occur, would not have exclusively been her kissing up to me for money or trying to get me to lie to mom and dad about her not being drunk.

I guess you could say that due to our lack of bonding over the years, my want and desire for Haley has brought about an unhealthy crave, the result of our lacking sisterly bond that has gone unsatisfied for the last two to three years. Leading me to think of her in unfavorable circumstances.

It's not only that I crave for Haley's time and attention, it's that I've found myself feeding desire for every aspect of her being. I yearn for her attention and I hope in desperation that she will one day notice me. That one day we will be the sisters that I always wanted us to be.

That maybe if I were to just be more like her, then maybe I would meet her unreasoning approval. Like a son who wants nothing more than to be accepted by his father, I've found that in the recent months I have started acting, dressing and even speaking as Haley would. A complete and total loss of my individual character.

All of this being done in what I see as being a last ditch desperate attempt for her to approve of me. To finally allow myself some sort of self seeking approval that I can at least say I tried on. Losing who I am as a young girl in order to prove to my sister that I'm worth her time to hang out with.

I can dress in skinny jeans and low top shirts, put on a lot of makeup and flip my hair like so. All to play the part of the cool girls I once despised that now I want so badly to be a part of. All of Haley.

While I am ashamed of myself, it was this behavior that got me two detentions in school and grounded to the confines of my bedroom for two weeks. I am as of now under the firm belief that the risk I'm taking here is going to be worth the reward. That acting as if to be one of Haley's bitchy friends, will allow her to notice take notice of me.

That of course will lead us to spending those long nights gossiping, joking, and getting into mischievous things together… all of course leading us to becoming the good friends I so wish we were. More importantly though, to help I find out if Haley's love for me and my love for Haley is true.

Now I've always believed that love can be loosely defined and shaped into many different types of definitions and meanings depending on the person. However, the actual dictionary definition of love states 'an intense feeling of affection for someone' or love can also be defined as 'a deep romantic or sexual attraction to someone'. With Haley, I tend to lean toward one side as opposed to the other side.

If you haven't already found out my choice by now, then you're about as innocent as they come. I mean, yeah it's kind of gross. But there is always a method to my madness, and more so a reason to my logic. I mean, it's somewhat childish if you ask me. I don't spend countless hours dreaming and wishing of how her sweet body tastes, or how I wish to cuddle up next to my protective sister as I bury my face in her soft warm neck. Caressing my fingers down her silky skin with undying passion as I feel her warm embrace next to me.

Oh my god how I want her to love me so much. How I want to not only share her physically but emotionally in every facet of those words. With long and wasted nights just sitting and playing with each other's hair as we talk like sisters should. How I want her and I to share each other's gaze, our love becoming locked into each other's eyes as the both of us are overtaken by an unknown lust. Our heads slowly inching closer to one another, our lips slowly encroach on one another until finally we meet in the pure lust of our love.

Don't get me wrong, I would love for that to happen. But I have always prided myself in being a realist, and my optimism for anything like that to ever happen between us is second to none. No one would care less if I were to one day come out to be bisexual or a lesbian.

The acceptance of Cam and Mitchell into the family proved such to me without fail, that the acceptance of same sex relationships are not a sin of god and that how one chooses to live their life is how one would choose to do so. I'm free to pick my life in whichever way I want to.

The main issue then would be the elephant in the room. Haley is my sister. Aside from this being a huge taboo subject and is never really talked about anymore in society. Aside from being the butt of jokes by pretentious northerners and intellects about the 'hick' lifestyles of the south, I have yet to come to see a problem with my imposing thought of luscious affairs with my older sister. It's not like I could get her pregnant or show any signs of it at all. Nor would it impede upon my vision of her, or lead me to any delusional ideology that would give it away to anyone who may want to stop us in some form. I see no issues with it.

Yet even in spite of my endless contemplation, I found nothing to disproved the theory of how much I want this girl. Furthermore, I have found myself becoming more and more attracted to Haley with each and every passing day. Not only in an emotionally capacity, but physically as well. As time has passed I will notice those small things about her that turned into massive obsessions and in some cases even the highlight of my day. Like how her silky brunette hair flows behind her head as she walks, softly bouncing off her back with each step she'd take.

How her incredibly cute and perfect ass just drops in those tight short shorts or skinny jeans. You could catch me looking at any time of the day at any place we go… all in lure of my beckoning desire to catch just one more look of her sweet body that I would catch no doubt.

I guess you could say that I've been becoming a borderline stalker of sorts. Finding myself browsing her profile for slutty picture, or for a peak at her boobs or ass, praying every night that I could just bury my face in deep into her delicious ass. Praying that I could just take in her sweet aroma. All the while feeling every inch of her curves that have become so perfectly chiseled and carved as to turn her fifteen year old body into that of a goddess.

I'll dream of what I would do if I ever got my hands on her perfect c-cup breasts. Oh but the pleasure I would give to her so perfectly. Yet as I lie here tonight, scrunched up in a ball facing the barren poster that's covered by the pitch-black room. I realize... What I am waiting for? All the emotions bottled up inside me have led to so much tension and conflict within me. It has in turn led me to subconsciously drive myself away from her out of fear and loathing in my own negative self talk. I realize now that I can't hold it in anymore. I can't contain my screaming thoughts anymore, the nights of wanton exploration and wasted tissues on a girl that I have never even tried to pursue even once in my life.

Tonight. I will break that trend, and I will face her woman to woman. I am more then willing to take any reprisal that I'm for sure going to be faced with because tonight, the bottle is being popped, raining down all the tension the world has put between my lovely sister and I.

I take a deep breath in, relaxing my nerves as I look over to see if I could possibly talk to Haley about my feelings. To my pleasure and pain, I find that she is fast asleep atop her flower comforter. Her light snores echo through the tiny room as I roll over completely and sit up on my bed for a better view. I adjust my position in order to get a better look over to the clock. It reads 11:45PM exact. Knowing that my parents have most likely gone to bed, and that Luke has been fast asleep for almost 2 hours now, I'm more than confident in feeling safe enough to make a move on her if I wish.

Considering that Haley is a medium to light sleeper (depending of course on how drunk she is) I can approximate that tonight with no alcohol consumed that I know of, she will be more in the lighter range. This equates to my margin for error being very little to none I were to try and seduce her in her sleep.

Don't get me wrong, I've regretfully seen it in the porno's. Some girl goes to stimulate the other as they sleep, and in the pure ecstasy of the moment the unsuspecting sleeper find themselves engaging in the act of love making. That is how I see this going between Haley and I.

On that rather uplifting and convincing note, I prep myself with one last deep breath. With it, I slowly slide off the bed as if to go and use the bathroom. Carefully making sure to step over the piles of clothes and magazines that litter our floor like a garbage dump, I slowly walk towards the door of our room, opening it slightly to try and overlooking the pitch-black hall for anyone who may be roaming it.

Concluding my investigation, I lightly close the door, trying not to catch the attention of the frequent midnight snack monster Luke, or the possibility of my parents getting up to use the bathroom or get a snack also. In doing so, I also take some time to turn on a dimming lamp, allowing just enough light into the room for me to see what I am doing. But not enough light though to cause such a great change that it would lead to Haley awakening. I slowly check my outfit to make sure that it's easily flexible and comfortable. Pulling up my yoga pants till they feel like a wedge in my ass and adjusting my green tee-shirt to fit more over my shoulders. I'm ready.

My heart's pounding a million beats per minute. I'm ready to throw up from fear as I slowly approach the left side of Haley's bed. My mind is in hyper vigilance, trying so hard to make sure that I am careful with my step and any other movements. For I do not want to take up my sleeping beauty just yet. Upon reaching the edge of her bed I quickly realize that my sisters sleeping position is in a much more revealing state than I thought, giving me a beautiful view of her incredibly poised and well fitness built figure.

Taking in this marvelous moment, I just can't help but gaze down upon Haley's beautiful body. My only thoughts around complete admiration of her beauty in all it's finest forms. As her figure reveals more detail with the adjusting light, I can now see how evenly close together legs are from one another. To my excitement I find this position on her stomach leaves her soft ass very defined and curved like, a taste of sweet haven from her thighs all but down to her neon pink nail polish that outlines her toes and thus marks the end of her body.

Scanning back up her legs, I come to gaze upon her arched upper back and the unexposed nape of her neck and shoulders, to which they are covered only by a thin spaghetti strap tank top. I stand there for a minute or so in admiration of her seemingly perfect skin, wishing so bad that I could just lean down and bury my face within the nook of her neck. This act probably would have been met with little resistance given the immobilization of her arms acting as pillows.

As I finish my observation of the smoking hot teen, I finally decide it's time to make my move. Slowly kneeling in a jaw dropping gaze I try my best not to breathe too loud or hard on her vivacious skin. Upon taking my new stance, I wait all but a few second to soak in her bubble-butt which is unfortunately to my newly trained eye squeezed into dark blue skinny jeans, which now that I notice accents the white tank-top she wears so perfectly.

One perk for me though would have to be my newfound discovery of her left boob, which is slightly being shown from the loose position she lies in, which immediately trumps all for me.

I adjust myself now into a kneeling position on the floor as I begin to lift my left arm up. I do my best to make sure to keep it slightly hovering over her ass.

I'm scared to touch her. My hand is shaking as anxiety and fear courses through my body. I want to touch her but my body stops me again, this time the warm feeling of her lightly breathing body transfer into my hand. Sending warm pleasure along with a simultaneous nervous shivers down my arched and rigid spine. Hesitation has been the most crippling factor in my decision-making skills that has come with Haley and I am not going to let that be reinforced tonight.

"I will not let that happen!" I scream as loud as I possibly can in my head

"Just do it." I repeat every time even a small doubt pops into my mind.

With those words screaming at me,and before I even knew it, I find my hand slowly moving down to cradle Haley's ass for the first time in my life. One finger at a time, I start to place them ever so softly down upon the center of her plush ass. Starting with my middle finger, followed by my pointer then ring, and finishing with my pink and thumb until I find my entire palm resting upon the center of her left butt cheek.

"This isn't real. This isn't real!" I keep thinking to myself. For I am overcome with the biggest smile I've had in months. I can feel the fire in my fingers as my hand now moves with the motion of her body. The newfound excitement of not being caught having caused me to become more daring, enticing me to begin circling my palm among her ass cheek as if I were to be spreading butter on a piece of toast.

Continuing with along with this circular motion for the next several second, I take a deep inhale of my sisters staple lavender scent. It's aroma seeming to race through my body, igniting a tingling sensation in my core that snaps a line in my head. The line I said I would never come to cross.

But with this going so well and not a hint of resistance thus far I take a chance and slide my hand down my pants. Granted I have pleasured myself before. I have never done it in such 'scary' situations so to say. Yet my lust for Haley and her all incumbent body just takes me hostage almost. Forcing me to do it.

Once I start though I immediately love it. I can feel the release of tension that has built up inside me for years now just flood out of me. My self stimulation being preceded by the feeling of a wet liquid that begins to slowly soak my panties for sure. But not to get wound up in self-pleasure, I slowly regain focus on Haley, who now in lure of everything I notice is starting to softly moan in her sleep.

This only begs the question as to whether or not she is awake or not. Weather she is or not, I'm starting to get comfortable with the situation. Thus beginning the feeling as though I'm ready to take it to the next step.

I know her pants are too tight to go and get the real prize, which upsets me for the moment, but I keep my hopes up that I'll be able to find a way into fort Knox eventually. As I move between her left and right cheeks I notice a slight lump around the lower end of her butt that almost wraps around to her hip.

If I had to guess on it, I would say she's probably wearing panties, which would be another level that I would have to get through. An even bigger let down in a night that promised so much. My mother always told me though that beggars can't be choosers, so I try and stay content with what I've been given for tonight. I don't want to push my luck, but with every passing second comes the growing desire to make a real move.

Choosing to continue on with my little adventure, I shift my focus from her butt to her legs. I begin to move my hand down the dip of her ass until I reach the top of her thigh. Exciting me greatly, my hand slowly and softly places a grip her thigh, allowing me to move down to her ankle and back up in a consistent and exaggerated like motion, my mind continuously adjusting my grip as the width changes.

This risky motion with her right leg and her inner thigh has only confirmed to me that I am more than ready and willing to begin getting more veracious with my intentions on my unsuspecting sister.

Then comes the thought. "Touching with my hands is great and all. But touching with my lips will be a whole new pleasure for me."

Taking a deep breath once again, I begin to move my lips towards the top end of where her butt would connect with her lower back. Hovering over her for a second, I look up to back of her head, trying to see past the messy bun that restricts my vision to her beautiful face.

Not having a lot of time to worry about it, I move in to take a deep breath through my nostrils. Her smell of lavender perfume and stale cigarettes fills my nostrils, causing me to feel a warm and fuzzy feeling inside despite the not so permitting circumstances.

Finally, after mentally preparing myself, I place the tip of my top and bottom lip on her jeans, my top lip so delicately hovering over the lower edge of her tan lower back. Holding my position, I slowly extend my tongue to run it in a slow, circular and sensual movement along the sewed fabric, allowing me to pick up even more of her delicious scent, with every breath I seem inhale being more defined.

This, of course, only excites me more. My self-pleasure now taking a new turn by moving my hand from pleasing my clit, to fingering my tight pussy. Now feeling the full pleasure and moistness of my screaming core I can almost believe to hear a sloshing sound as I continue to slowly yet voraciously finger myself.

Of course, now having taken great joy in pleasuring myself I seem to have gained a severe lapse in my judgment. In completing the initial kiss, I begin to place a pleather soft kisses along her butt and upper thigh, really allowing me to start getting into it acting as though we were actually lovers.

In Acting out of blind lust, I remove my hand and slowly begin to straddle my older sister. Smoothly making the adjustment onto the low-lying bed without an incident.

Once I'm positioned on top of her I move myself to a position laying perfectly aligned on her beautifully plush ass, all while continuing to move my kisses from her lower back up to the nape of her neck.

In starting this new exploration up her back, I lightly massage Haley through her shirt, while at the same time starting to gyrate my hips on her jeans, causing me to moan in a soft like manner coming the light pleasure that courses through my body. I notice midst this, however, that Haley has begun to moan somewhat louder as well, causing me to look over to her side her and see her face.

I think to myself in light of such that she must either be a very heavy sleeper, or not wanting me to notice that she is awake and enjoying my pleasure on her. It didn't take long for me to convince myself into believing that Haley was more than awake. Meaning my plan was working. I could see a slight grin on her face now, and she moaned soft eloquent moans into her bed like she knew she had to be quiet.

Even in knowing this I choose not to stop. I do though take my lips off the thin fabric that covers her back and finally move it down a little to reveal her bare luminous skin. Admiring her body even more, I can't help but stare at the glistening skin as it reflects the dim light enough to blind me. I lightly trace her skin up to her hairline, as I can't seem to control myself in bowing down to smell her hair, igniting my motivation to continue.

After picking a sweet spot on the cusp of the back and nook of her neck to kiss, I curiously notice something odd about the situation. Not one to have studied the human body all that much, I did recognize however that the hairs sticking up on the nape of someone's neck could me that they're experiencing pleasurable sexual stimulation. This of course would prove my point as I notice the hair on Haley's neck is shooting straight up, staring me right in the eye as I continue to massage the teens back ever so slowly.

Though this may not mean anything. It could mean that I've turned on in some way with all that I have been doing to her. I try my best not to get caught up on this as I move to place my warm lips on her skin for the first time in my entire life. In doing so, I can feel Haley jolt and kind of squirm.

Lost in the trance, however, I ignore it and begin to suckle on her neck ever so softly, the joy of doing such bringing me to moan into the kiss as I send small vibrating pulses through her body.

Then suddenly, without so much as a warning, I feel two fingers grab my cheeks. They squeeze my mouth into an 'O' shape, my eyes wide with fear as my older sister quickly flips over to turn on the light switch that I forgot is very conveniently placed next to her bed.

The light harshly burns my eyes causing a quickly reacted squint and groan as she tightens her grip upon my face. Her eyes, as if reading a book, slowly traced up my body to meet my scared and quite sorrowful gaze.

As I slowly but ruggedly breath, I come to realize that Haley hasn't yet fully taken in her surroundings. I catch her as she continues to squint in tow of me and look around confusingly, finally moving her hand up to feel me straddling her body to which her eyes shoot open like the eyes of a child on Christmas.

"What the fuck are you doing to me?"