Blinding Light
Rurouni Kenshin fanfic by sensora

A/N: Just because Kenshin's past was never revealed in the anime (unless you watched the Tsuiokuhen OVA/read the manga), I'm just going to point out that Tomoe was the girl he was.. involved in.. before he became a wanderer. She jumped to protect him from an attack but was caught in Kenshin's strike instead and died in his arms.

Disclaimer: I obv. don't own Rurouni Kenshin or any of its characters. (Sassy, I know.)

Struggling, she cursed as she felt around, trying to reach her wooden sword. Seeing this, he walked over, picked it up, and placed them in her hands. "Yahiko?" she asked. "Uh, yeah..." He answered meekly. She gave him a humble smile. "Sorry, I'm not used to it yet." Soft, gentle, and almost fragile even. Caught off guard, he looked away, biting his lips as he did. "It's nothing."

Night was falling. It had been hours since she had been swinging her wooden sword. The same hit over and over. Her two hands never moving, never letting go of the handle as she raised her arms above her head and dropped them in one swift motion. Hyah! she exhaled, each time with more power, more vigor than the next. Strike after strike, her voice grew each time until it became a screeching, indiscernible scream.

"Kaoru!" He called, out of breath and full of worry as he stood at the entry of the dojo. She lowered her sword, back still turned to him. Kenshin, she confirmed in her head. He waited, afraid to move any closer. Sweat dripped down the back of her stiff neck. She was shaking. Her whole body was shaking.

"Kaoru." He repeated her name, this time more gently, his voice like a soft breeze glazing through the room in hopes of calming her down. But it died out before it reached its destination.

She cried out as she lifted her arms once again to continue, forcefully producing another high-pitched, screeching exhale as she swung down. Just as she went for the next one, he stopped her, placing his hand over hers. "That's enough, Kaoru."

She kept her head down, avoiding contact with him. He looked down at her hands, still gripping the handle as hard as possible. White with streaks of red. They were strained from her overusing them. He sighed painfully, nudging the wooden sword and taking it from her as she reluctantly loosened her grip.

She broke down. Fell on her knees and broke down, crying. Screaming as loud as she could, but she had lost her voice by now. A raspy, ugly and harsh, pitiful scream.

He embraced her. Useless, he thought, so useless. But he didn't know what else he could do. He couldn't tell her to stop. Even though it was tearing him apart seeing her in this mess, tormenting herself all the more. He didn't have the right to tell her to stop. He couldn't even say sorry. It was all his fault.

She hit him as he embraced her. He took everything. I'm sorry, he kept repeating in his head. He wanted to say it so badly, but nothing would change. It would make things worse, because it only confirmed the unwanted reality of the situation. She was blind. Stuck in a deep pit of emptiness, never getting another glimpse of light.

"Show me!" She screamed. "Show me your face! Let me see it! Stop hiding it from me!" She hit him with each word. "Show it to me already... please..." Her withered voice fading. He cringed. I'm sorry, Kaoru, I'm sorry.

She cried, saying the same lines over and over. Each time less audible than the one before. She began to stumble her words until all that came out were streams of broken consonants.

Except the last words she said that night. Clear as ice. "I hate you."

A lie that she wished was more true than the bitter darkness that surrounded her. The words rang in her head. The separation between love and hate is no thicker than a whisper. She was engulfed in hatred. Hatred in herself. She wants to regret loving him, but she doesn't. She can't.

Just like Tomoe. An ill fate.

But he selfishly begs, "Please, Kaoru. Don't leave me."

[End]
May 2013