Prologue
She had a name, but it was irrelevant. She was Negan, in more ways than most. She was his, he would beckon her with a crook of his finger or a single look and she knew she had no more choice than those who bowed their heads and knelt for him. She wasn't like his other wives, of that she was proud. She fought for what was hers, the meagre but comfortable room she had at the compound was more than enough for one person and when Negan wanted her he would stride in with the knowledge that he could take everything, every book she had scavenged, every piece of clothing, every bit of what her life was also his and she hated it.
At first the attention of a leader like Negan had thrilled her. It reminded her of her college fling with a married man. Yes, she slept with a married man but the way he would speak of his wife… well she was in far too deep back then to turn away. That was her problem, she fell in too deeply, too quickly and God she knew that. She had been flattered by Negan's attention, bringing her small gifts a soda, or candy bar, flowers and then books when he discovered her love of reading. By the time he had mentioned that she had a choice to leave the hard working ranks to be a special person to him she knew he had been buying her and she had no hope of refusing him. This man loathed rape, but coercion was not beneath him. The only consolation was her freedom, she didn't wear scanty dresses she was a fighter and Negan had sense enough to not demand her give that up. Instead she would stand by his side, ride in the cars and trucks next to him, constantly in the sphere of his reign of terror and protection that kept everyone alive so far.
The hatred grew slowly, every group they came across, every poor sod that had their heads caved in by Lucille. Every group that assented or was slowly decimated or they would slowly submit and be puppets gathering supplies only to have them taken chipping away at every part of their souls until usually they became nothing more than slaves to Negan. The options for leaving weren't there, not for her. She had made the mistake of being different from the start and Negan had started to rely on her as a soldier and as a fuck, on some level she was sure Negan loved her there was a possessiveness in those eyes whenever he spotted her talking to another man in their group. Eventually the men wouldn't dare look in her eyes, she was off limits and everyone knew it.
This new group had broken her, they had children, it was after a session Negan relaying the information he had been given that day about a group of survivors with a good place, Alexandria. He had been chomping at the bit to get his hands on the group after all they had already crossed him, killing his people. He had retaliated and what did this foolish group do? They killed more of his people a special kind of humiliation awaited their leader she could tell Negan was working through an idea or two in his head but they would have to wait for the right time. He wouldn't go to them he never let any group have the advantage he wouldn't have long to wait. Dwayne that two faced idiot who couldn't even stop Negan taking his own wife from him relayed information, the leaders name, Rick, made her think forlornly of the man she had loved for a handful of months years ago but he had been shot and killed. That's what his friend at the time had told her when she came to the station demanding to know where Rick was. The old memory wasn't a pleasant one and she had made the mistake of drifting off, day dreaming remembering the demanding embraces and hurried snatched kisses whenever he came across her or she came to him. She didn't hear the remainder of what Negan was telling her she closed her eyes remembering, wishing she could be back in that life again.
It was a cold night when Negan had gotten news the group from Alexandria was moving, on the way to Hilltop. They walked right into the men ordered to wait for them. She had ridden with him in the RV, gun at her hip, a thick hunting knife sheathed beside it. She had his leather jacket on the white t-shirt he wore straining against the physique she knew he was proud of. For a man his age he was good-looking, and she would concede to that fact. She had shrugged the jacket off when they arrived and walked out first as the group was being knelt down she didn't look at the faces any more it made whoever was going to die an easier thing to face. She stalked over to a car, the lights shining to illuminate the faces of a group that looked… terrified. No surprise there. She sat on the floor, obscured by the light she waited as Negan played his theatrics her eyes on a man who held a gun to a boy, she had made herself look at this boy his eye right eye obscured by bandages she wandered briefly what had happened to the kid? Then she heard the leaders voice and her world plummeted and spun into disarray.
Rick. That was the name of the leader, she had remembered that but right now a ghost was talking, pleading with Negan. Two members of the group are dead she had listened to the skull breaking with nausea rising in her stomach wishing she had refused the food Negan had brought before they left. She made herself look up at the man knelt in supplication. Rick Grimes, her lover from a lifetime ago was a few feet away. Now what?