A skeleton sits awkwardly at his sentry station, impatiently tapping a foot against the snowy ground. He looks left, than right, his bones rattling slightly as he shifted in place. Though he wasn't as sensitive to the cold as some of the other inhabitants of the snowy region of the Underground, it was still a bit too chilly for his taste. Even his battle body didn't help.

Perhaps it would conduct the heat better if he'd constructed it out of real metal and chain links rather than paper maché and masking tape, but it was better than nothing.

"Shouldn't he be here? He blazed through all my other puzzles so quickly! He's clever. Very clever."

This is the point where he would have added "But not as smart as ME, the great Papyrus!" or something similar, but, in an unusual turn for the skeleton, he was deep in thought, not even talking.

Of course he still wanted to capture the human, he told himself: otherwise, how was he going to get into the Royal Guard? That seemed to be the only thing that would convince Undyne to let him, since everything from his bountiful gifts of precious bones to hand-crafted puzzles on her front lawn seemed to have failed.

And yet…the human seemed much more affable than he'd expected. They weren't some kind of walking engine of destruction like the legends said: they had fun with his puzzles, made terrible jokes almost as bad as his brother, and he hadn't killed any monsters that Papyrus had seen.

He pictured his fri-foe in his mind's eye, trying to calculate where best to strike and KO him. Tall, muscular, wearing shockingly minimal clothing for the cold of Snowden, and with a tricky glint in his eye.

Wait. That wasn't his mind's eye he saw him in.

"Ah! Human!" Papyrus shouted in surprise, stumbling out of the sentry booth and to his feet.

"You know…I told you I have a name," the human said irritably. He adjusted his scarf, and half considered going back to town to see if that rabbit sold a coat or something. He was almost freezing his ass off by now.

He paused in the middle of further buttoning his shirt, frowning in exaggerated concentration, and leaning to the side to try and see something over Papyrus's shoulder.

Papyrus turned to look at-

"No! I won't fall for that again! I have a speech to make to you!" Narrowing his eye sockets, Papyrus turned back and glared at the human mid-dash, having moved halfway across the battlefield-to-be in the span of a second.

"Eh. It was worth a shot," he grumbled, his half-hearted look-over-there plan having failed as expected.

A thorned vine snaked out of his sleeve. His eyes shot down to it, but didn't try to shake it off as they had the other three or so times it had shown up that day. Instead, he held out his arm, the oddly-colored plants extending outward the length of his ulna.

"Still have no idea what this…eh, it can wait," he muttered, noting how the vines vanished into thin air when he decided he didn't need them. Had he figured out how monsters used magic for himself?

If so, why, then, did the library say magic was projected from the body?

Sleeves this one time aside, when it had started appearing throughout the day, the vines came from behind him.

As if someone was standing beside him.

"Now, I think I was at the start…I…Actually, hold the speech. While we have been waging our battle of wits, I have observed some complex feelings. On your end."

"Really?" The human rifled through his pack, only paying half attention to Papyrus.

"It's so very clear to me! The joy you felt upon meeting another pasta lover! The admiration of another's puzzle-solving skills! The desire to have a cool, smart person think you are cool! These-"

"Let me guess. Next, you'll say 'these must be the feelings you are feeling right now!'"

"-These must be the feelings you are feeling right now!" Papyrus paused briefly, upon realizing the human had predicted his exact words. "Ah! Great minds do think alike!"

"Not to be an asshole about it," they said, "but I think I know where this speech is going." The tall human's stomach growled. Pulling out a small paper bag, they unwrapped the small bunny-shape pastry and casually bit off the ears. "So let's skip the pretentious crap, shall we?" he finished, in between mouthfuls of delicious baked goods.

"So you do have these feelings!" Papyrus cried, the human's meaning flying right over his head. "Of course…I knew that already. I am very great. I never have…those…feelings!"

Barely stifling a yawn, Papyrus pulled out a small bone and began fanning himself with it. In spite of Snowden's cold environment, he felt like things were heating up. Obviously, the human was so embarrassed at being so transparent that his blushing was warming up the entire region. Or something: while Papyrus considered himself a very smart skeleton, even he had to admit his knowledge of human biology was limited.

It was making him feel a little big fatigued, but he continued on in spite of his sapping strength. Papy-the human needed to hear this.

"Your loneliness is…clear to me! I, the Great Papyrus, will be your-"

"Friend?" the human finished. "Look, I don't mind a little chit-chat, but I need to get going." He looked left, then right, as if he were getting ready to cross a busy street. While Papyrus was still the midst of his moral dilemma, he chose this time to quickly walk past him. "If I don't make it back to the surface soon, my Granny will-"

He was cut short when a wall of bleached bones manifested itself in his path. The human only barely froze in place before the energy humming off the magical constructs struck him square in the face. He could hear the edge of his scarf sizzling as he jumped backward from the wall.

"No…no, this isn't how it's supposed to go!" Papyrus cried, vigorously shaking his head as he pushed back that last word. "I can't be your friend! You're a human!"

"…Really?" the human groaned, looking right at Papyrus now. "Alright, look. It's clear you're not interested in fighting me, so I'll just skip by and-"

"I…must capture you!" the skeleton declared, trying to ignore the human's conflicted feelings and continue through the stations of his speech.

"…son of a bitch," the human said. "There goes the easy way out. Let's get it over with, then."

"Then, I, the Great Papyrus…" Papyrus's eye sockets briefly shrank, as if his nonexistent eyelids drooped half-shut. "Okay, fine! We can skip the speech! I am determined to capture you, human!" he continued, shaking in place and rattling his bones to regain his energy. He wiped the sweat from his brow, and got into a fighting stance.

"Alright, fine! Guess I'll just have to kick your ass 'till I get through! Before I win, though, I'll tell you my name again. I have one, so don't forget it again!"

He sighed ,and adjusted his scarf to protect from the cold, briefly revealing the star-shaped birthmark on his shoulder in the process.

"It's Joestar. Joseph Joestar. Bring it, you bag of bones!"

Monster Oddyssey

A crossover between JoJo's Bizarre Adventure and Undertale

Written by Gamerex27, proofread by Coiler

Chapter 1:

In which a friendly brawl gets way out of hand, our hero harnesses the power of shrubbery, and Papyrus is undone by his own culinary tastes.

Both men dropped into a fighting stance: Papyrus calling forth a bone club and producing a bag of smaller bones from seemingly nowhere in his other hand, while Joseph simply balled his fists and focused on the monster.

He looks about as strong as Toriel. Sans did warn me about some blue attack…but he's not trying to kill me. Which means he can't kill me. Which means, Joseph finished, smirking, I can afford to have some fun.

"Nyeh heh huuuuuuuuwh-" Papyrus quickly brought his arm up to cover his yawn. Why was he so tired, anyways? Did Sans go to all the trouble of learning a sleep spell just to annoy him in this moment of glory?

"You know, you really shouldn't fight if you're so bone weary."

The skeleton instantly snapped to attention. "No."

Joseph's smirk widened. "I mean, you could just take it easy. This isn't a fight to the death, right? It isn't some back-breaking labor here."

"Oh, no! Stop that!...that last one barely had anything to do with bones!" Papyrus swung the club through the air, creating and discharging a small animal's worth of bones at his foe.

"You're smiling!," he replied, sidestepping the projectiles and leaping atop the branches of a nearby tree to avoid a second volley. "Guess your brother was right-you do like those puns!"

He paused. "Though, come to think of it, you're always smiling, aren't you? Well, guess it's true what they say. Fake it until you make it!"

"Human! Please take this battle seriously!" Papyrus demanded, rummaging in his bone bag.

"Well, if you insist on that, why don't you take your own advice!" The human smacked the branches of the trees, causing the mass of snow piled on them to fall and knock another set of bones out of the air. "Let's see that [Blue Attack] I've heard so much about!"

"Very well!" Papyrus exhaled, and his hands and club glowed a dark blue. Flailing in the air with his weapon, he conjured yet another set of flying bones, these ones glowing light blue.

But Joseph had dealt with these kinds of spells before earlier today. He stood still as a statue, and Papyrus's attack washed over him harmlessly.

"Really?" Stretching, Joseph pointed down at Papyrus in a mocking manner, as if he was ready to burst out laughing. "That's your famous att-"

He was cut short by a sudden impact to his gut, and a faceful of snow. Gasping in surprise, he struggled to right himself on the branch.

Oh, wait, he was on the ground now. Papyrus must have somehow yanked him off the tree when he wasn't paying attention. Basic tactics, but he was cleverer than Joseph initially thought.

"That is my [Blue Attack]," said Papyrus, wiping the sweat of exertion off of his vertical plate. "Oh, I see! You got the shades of blue magic confused! A natural mistake!"

Joseph rolled his eyes and stood up.

No, he stood up. Stood u-why was it so hard to move? Grunting in pain, the human was barely able to get back to his feet. It was as if suddenly had huge weights strapped to every part of his body.

He looked down at himself, and blinked in surprise. His skin had taken on a blue tint, as if he were holding his breath and about to pass out.

"Dark blue increases gravity, and limits your movement!" Papyrus said, proudly. "Do you like it? The darker shades of blue aren't used too much, so its near-uniqueness multiplies my cool factor by tenfold!"

"Alright, it is impressive," Joseph admitted, wincing as his foe readied his club again. "With me stuck to the ground, it'll be harder to dodge your attacks.

"But," he continued, wrenching his heavy body into a roll to avoid the now much more dangerous bone waves, "there's still plenty of cover here! This sentry station will do nicely!"

"Darn you!" the skeleton shouted melodramatically, shaking his fist and sounding much more camp than he intended. "I'm not going to smash up my own station!"

"I'll come out if you give me a second to catch my breath!"

"Oh! In that case, take your time!" the skeleton responded. Secretly, he also needed the break. Some spaghetti would do wonders to have a cooler and better fight.

A spectral arm emerged from behind the monster, a bowl of undercooked and oversauced spaghetti in its hand.

"Thank you, stranger!" Papyrus said, slurping up the noodles without a moment's thought. Or even noticing where they had come from.

On the other side of the field, Joseph stuffed the last of the rabbit into his mouth, sighing in relief as his bruises and cuts vanished in seconds. Say what you will about monsters getting the short end of almost every other stick, but their cooking was great.

"Can't say I expected this." He wracked his brain, but he came up very short on how to counter the dark blue gravity power of his foe. It looked like the spell was still in effect, and he had no idea how to undo magic. Sort of came with the territory of falling down and going through all this in the span of two days, really.

If Joseph could just hit Papyrus with his own spell, he would be just as disabled as he was, and it would be smooth sailing from there. Or finding some other way to hit him, without having to get close to him and thus waste energy.

"I wonder…" What about the vines that kept showing up near him? Those might help. He concentrated, eyes narrowed and inhaling deeply.

"Whatever you are, now's a good time to show up. Monster, ghost, magic…I don't know what you are. But as long as you show up now-"

The air around Joseph began to shimmer, and vines snaked their way out from under his shirt and out through his sleeves.

"Great!" He grinned.

"Human?" Papyrus's voice called, concerned. "If you'd like, we could take a short break. I have a refreshing, cold can of cola! Since I started our battle, I must allow you some advantage to be fair!"

Slowly, Joseph's head rose over the station desk's top, and stared in disbelief at Papyrus. "Hah! No way I'm falling for that!"

"Er…what?" Papyrus tilted his head in confusion, some more beads of moisture falling from above his eye sockets. "Oh! You must be worried about the kind of soda! Fear not: I, the Great Papyrus, wouldn't lower myself or others to drink diet cola! As with all those as cool as me, I have zero-calorie cola! All the taste, none of the…whatever makes diet soda taste awful!"

"Oh…my…God," Joseph muttered to himself. "He's serious. Well, won't look a gift horse in the mouth," he said, raising his voice so the skeleton could hear it. "Alright, toss it here and we can take a break before I'll kick your ass!"

Stretching his arm back, Papyrus hurled the can through the air with all of his might. It made it all of ten feet before plopping unceremoniously to the ground.

Both men were silent for a moment.

Wordlessly, Joseph willed the vine by his hand to grab the can. Carefully, so as not to prick it with its thorns and waste his prize, the vine brought the can to Joseph, and he eagerly popped it open.

"Fear not! My blue attack is holding steady, so this fight will be over soon!" Papyrus opened his mouth to continue, but another yawn sneaked into his speech. "Huff…huff…this was a long, memorable battle!"

"It's been three minutes!" Joseph objected, noting how the vines were now extending behind him, attached to a spectral purple and gold arm.

The vine from the other arm brushed against the wooden wall of the stall, and it changed. In an instant, it took on a metallic shine and texture. It still retained its shape and structure, but its properties…

He touched the wall, and then grabbed the can from the other vine. They felt the same. Light, frail, and easily crushed. Whatever this thing was…could it somehow force different objects to have the same traits?

Joseph pushed himself to his full height, against the restrictive curse's power, and grinned. He was a wonderful idea.

As Joseph discovered this strange new ability, Papyrus found himself in a similarly bizarre situation.

His vision blurred, and he shook his head to clear his eyesocketsight. He really hoped the human would finish their break soon. He hadn't been this tired in…ever, really.

He wiped more perspiration off of his brow.

"Hurry up! I have to beat you, or I'll never be able to make any friends!"

Wait, that came out wrong. It wasn't what he actually meant. He thought.

He dismissed his club and raised both of his hands to cup around his jaw and get the human to hurry. But, halfway to his face, he noticed the liquid on his hands.

It wasn't sweat. It was a milky white, as pale as his own bones.

Papyrus scratched his forehead in confusion, then yelped as a spike of white-hot pain pierced his mind. Slowly, and with more caution, he tapped his forehead again. It left oddly…soft. As if that part of his body had turned to oatmeal. Or melting ice cream.

He felt something wet land on his shoe. His hand had begun dripping as well.

"Er…human? Could you…"

"Alright? You want to finish this? I will!"

"ARO!"

The wall of his precious sentry station, which he had spent precious…minutes…building suddenly split open with a gaping hole, as if someone had taken siccors to a soda can's frail aluminum casing.

The human stepped out of the hole, and a titan about nine feet tall followed. Its muscular golden limbs further ruined the station as it passed through. The purple vines snaking through its body, as if woven into its flesh, writhed and brimmed with life. Papyrus saw its steely gaze lock eyes with him from underneath its wide-brimmed hat.

"Oh, you…brought a friend?" Papyrus asked. "Well, then I'll use my strongest…wait, no, that's dangerous!...I'll…just use this normal one instead."

With a herculean final effort, Papyrus created a vast line of tall bones, much bigger than Joseph would have been able to jump over or dodge even without the blue curse.

"Not this time," the human said, smirking. "This time, I'll make those bones break! NOW!"

"ARORA!" Whipping its free arm out, the vines spring out of the figure's limb and launched its thorns at the bones. A series of soft thwacks echoed as the thorns hit their marks, and became stuck in the calcium constructs.

"My bones are…too sturdy to be broken by those tiny thorns!" Papyrus announced, trying to ignore that his vision was beginning to blur. "Don't worry; you'll be fine!"

"Oh, is it me you're worried about?" Even with the crushing weight of the blue curse bearing down on his body, Joseph still found the strength to lift his hand to the air, pointing at Papyrus despite the magically-imposed gravity ruining the gravitas of the victory celebration he had intended. "You don't get it? Then I'll explain."

He shifted his hand to point at the bones, now mere feet from his body. Which now possessed a metallic sheen "I've already won."

The plant-like figure rushed forwards, swinging its fists faster than any mortal eye, human or monster, could follow.

"ARORORORORORORORA!" In the span of a few seconds, the bones having taken on the consistency of a soda can, were blown into useless chunks of scrap metal and powdered dust.

Papyrus stared in disbelief.

Joseph stared back, the blue curse fading as his body's coloration returned to normal.

"Well…you won," Papyrus said, slumping to his knees in exhaustion.

"I had to admit, that was one of the toughest fights I've ever had," Joseph said, approaching his defeated foe cautiously as the phantasmal figure faded behind him. "Those bones were too strong to counter head on. But, with that magic…or, whatever it is…I've discovered, I gave those bones the same consistency as the drink you so kindly gave me. And if any average Joe could crush a soda can with their bare hands, well…"

Joseph trailed off. "Wait…are you melting?"

"It seems that I am." Papyrus announced, "Alas, poor Papyrus-"

"Wait…no… OH NO! I didn't mean to kill you!" Joseph interrupted, his voice rising in panic and obvious distress.

"-cut down in the prime of my life," he continued, shockingly blasé about how he was dying. "I only fought because I'd hoped people would be my friend for-"

"No, nononono!" Joseph knelt to the ground, holding his hand to Papyrus's forehead in a vain attempt to stop his forehead from running down the rest of his face. "I didn't know-I thought because I didn't want to kill you, I couldn't" He gritted his teeth in frusturation, his entire body starting to shake in the heat of the moment. "Isn't that how magic works?"

"Well…at least you seem cool." Papyrus pointed towards Joseph's knapsack, which had fallen to the ground along with the panicking human. He gestured towards the bottle of spider cider that had fallen out. "You're…supporting local buisnesses! And…helping the…economy!"

"Damnit, damnit!" Something dripped down Papyrus's face. But it wasn't liquefied bone.

Joseph quickly fell backwards, his tears clearly only making the problem worse. "There has to be some way to stop this! The magic food, green spells, anything!"

"You can't heal what's falling away!" Papyrus smiled sadly. "I guess I was too cool to live. My body can't handle it, and it's losing its mass as a result. It's not your fault, human…well, it is, but, I don't blame you. It…was nice meeting you."

"Losing mass-" Joseph repeated, his eyes widening in surprise. Then, they immediately narrowed in determination.

The ghostly figure reappeared behind him, pressing a thorned hand to Papyrus's side, who had lapsed into unconsciousness as his body continued to deteriorate.

"If I gave the bones the same qualities as the can, then could I give you…"

Joseph gritted his teeth. "Only one way to find out. This is probably going to hurt." His entire body tensed up. "For both of us."

The air around the two began to shimmer and glow.

As it turns out, Joseph was right. It hurt. A lot.

Many monsters nearby heard the yelling, but many were too intimidated or uninterested to investigate. No doubt one of those Waterfall folks went on a stroll and fell into a snowdrift (ah, the cons of being cold-blooded). Or similar excuses.

The skeleton sitting at a sentry station between the borders of the two towns was not one of them. He paused in idly skipping stones across a small puddle (while he was still sitting at the desk).

"hey, didn't that come from where papyrus said he wanted to fight the human?"

For a moment, the monster almost decided against going there-he had just gotten a new record for most skips per stone, and didn't want to break his streak. But…this fight sounded like it had escalated way from a friendly bout with his brother to serious injuries.

Ignoring the Echo Flower next to him repeating what he had just said, Sans rose from his seat. The air around him distorted, and he was suddenly right outside (what was left of) his brother's station.

He could have just walked there, since it was less than a quarter mile's walk, but his shortcut spell was quicker. Also, he didn't feel expending the energy'd b worth it. That was valuable calories that could be put to better effort. Like thinking up puns. And cooking hot dogs.

A burst of cold wind blew his sweatshirt's hood back, and he shrugged his bony shoulders to settle it back into place.

And then he stopped.

On the ground, lying faceup in the snow, were Papyrus and the human visitor. Joseph, wasn't it?

Were this the surface (and were he not a lazy bum), Sans would have been far more concerned than he was now. But he, as everyone else, knew monsters instantly turn to dust upon death. Meaning Papyrus was fine. But the human?

Sans bent down to look at the unconscious youth. Did he look a bit…different from when they first met? His clothes hung loosely on him, and he seemed smaller somehow.

Well, not like he was an expert on humans, much less anyone with flesh on their bones. He'd ask Joseph himself about it when he woke up. He was still breathing, after all, and his SOUL…

Wait. Something about his SOUL seemed different. One of Sans's eyesockets went dark, and the other glowed a piercing blue, as the magic of all things around him became clear to see.

In the center of the human's chest, Sans could see his SOUL pulsing softly, the red heart symbolizing his spirit beating strong. But now, it was as if it was bigger. As if someone had drawn thick outlines on a 2d shape.

"huh." Sans cocked his head slightly, a sharp crack sounding as the air pockets between his neck's bones popped. In the corner of his eye, he saw Papyrus's white SOUL overlaying his body.

With the same lines.

Sans's breath caught in his mouth, and he froze ramrod still.

He was absolutely silent, until he saw that the SOUL looked pretty stable, showing no signs of shaking itself apart or becoming too strong to hold in a monster's semisolid body.

Papyrus's brother breathed a sigh of relief. "wow. guess things got kinda out of control. didn't see that coming."

Still, at least both of them were in two pieces.

He looked down at Papyrus, and flinched, eyes flickering for a moment. Nothing major had changed…but those cracks above and below his respective eyesockets were…

…just a coincidence, and nothing to look into. At least, that's what Sans told himself. There was also a discoloration shaped like a five-pointed star on his scapula, but he could probably chalk that up to the human's own DNA getting mixed in.

The noise of loud panting caught Sans's attention. He turned around to see the Greater Dog, the leader of Snowdin's Royal Guard outpost, towering over him and the unconscious duo.

"hey, boy," Sans said. The Dog leaned down to sniff at Papyrus's sleeping form, and his brother scratched the guard behind his floppy ears. "looks like papyrus beat the human. but, uh…he wore himself out. this is why I take it easy, bro. can you help me get them home?"

Greater Dog barked in affirmation, picked Papyrus up by the collar of his laboriously hand-crafted armor, and bounded off to the skeleton brothers' house.

With strength one would not expect from a chubby, short, muscle-less skeleton, Sans hoisted Joseph over his shoulder and hauled him back home.

"Nnngh," Joseph groaned, eyes still closed and barely awake.

"jojo, right?" Sans paused. "i mean, joseph joestar's a bit long. mind if i shorten it?"

"Mmmmhhhhgh," the human grumbled. "Whappen'ed? Did-"

"he's fine. thanks for that, by the way." Sans rummaged in his pocket and grabbed his house key, unlocking the front door. "if i were you, i'd sleep for a bit. sleep is always great."

"FFFne," JoJo mumbled, climbing out of Sans's grasp, and making it all of five shaky steps before falling into an immediate sleep on the nearby cough.

"and we've got a lot to talk about later," Sans finished to himself, as he moved aside to let Greater Dog get Papyrus to his room. "[stands]…never thought i'd see another one ever again. much less two. looks like things-"

"-just got interesting," the tiny figure at the outskirts of town said. He withdrew the vines he had extended beneath the house: while it was too risky to get close enough to see what the human had done (thanks to him), he could still hear perfectly well from the vibrations of sound waves.

It was already great enough that another human had fallen down into the Underground. For all of the problems that pesky Barrier the humans threw up after their war posed, it wasn't impregnable. From the outside.

But this human in particular?

"Hee hee hee…guess that's the 'shining star.'" The figure mused, petals blowing slightly in the breeze. "Time to make a wish. Even with the problem he caused, it's still the perfect time for the fun to begin."

Flowey the flower chuckled.

"All the pieces are in place. Now, it's time to kick it all off! Maybe by kicking that big moron's face in!"

The chuckling turned to full-blown laughter.

"I hope you put on a hell of a show…after all, I've been waiting for you…JoJo!"

Flowey laughed, harder than anything without lungs should've been able to. He burrowed into the ground, vanishing deeper into the Underground.