Lost Myself.
So, I'm a total hypocrite. I've always said that I disliked Jarlos so much, I will never read it, let alone write it.. But.. That was concerning Jarlos in romance. Jarlos friendship? Full steam ahead! I love Jarlos friendship, mainly because it suits well.
Warning: Mentions of self-harm.
James closed the door to their apartment, making it quite enough to avoid gaining some sort of response. He looked around the living quarters, realising it looked completely clean and tidy, a small white note sat on the table. James' pulled a puzzled look, putting down a collection of magazines onto the side. He had gone out to the nearest store and brought out all the Pop Tiger magazines he could buy, simply because their photoshoot spread was in the dead centre.
Call it vanity or call it being proud. Either way, James needed to make sure he got enough evidence of his rising fame.
He moved across the room, picking up the small note that seemed scribbled and rushed. He looked at it examining the words.
Guys,
I don't know why I'm writing this. But I guess, you need a reason. So, if this brings you comfort, then I guess I should at least do that, seeing as I've put you through so much crap these last few months since moving to Cali.
It got too much.
I don't know how to really put, I mean, you guys know I've never been good with words. I can barely put proper sentences together without them coming out wrong. But Cali got too much. The fame got too much. Sure, it sounded awesome when Gustavo offered us the chance, but now, it's not.
I've lost myself. I've lost who I was, the real me when doing this travel.
If you really think about it, I am the weak link. James, you have your looks and powerful voice. Kendall, you have the leadership and the eyebrows that drive the girls crazy. Logan, you have the brain and the backflips. What do I have? I'm not a real singer, I'm not a real dancer.. I'm just the 4th part to it all.
I tried to change, guys. I tried to make myself something. But that's what got me here. That's what got me into this mess. I tried to make myself something I'm not, just to please Hollywood. I've been putting it off for ages now. But it seems like the perfect time. You've all gone out and left me alone. Just me, alone in the apartment, with my suicidal thoughts.
I'm sorry everyone.
It just hurts. I have no other choice. I'm not the same, I'm not happy, I don't even feel alive anymore..
Love you with all my heart and beyond,
Carlos.
A small tear formed in James' eye, streaming down his cheek. It was a suicide letter from Carlos, the supposedly happiest member of their quartet. Then, reality hit him as he heard the muffled sound of sobs and a broken voice. Hastily, James threw the paper onto the table, not even noticing it completely miss the side and falling to the floor, tucking itself lightly under the blood orange couch.
James sprinted through the apartment, following the broken cries.
He moved into the bedroom that Carlos shared with Logan, noticing the bathroom door open, the cries seemingly bouncing off of the tiles. James moved over, pushing the door open in a rush, fearing the worse.
There, sat on the floor with knees brought to his chest, was Carlos. Tears streamed down his face at a fast pace, his cheeks turning slightly swollen and becoming puffy and red, matching his bloodshot eyes. His body shook violently as James noticed the glimmer of a shiny, metallic object gripped in one of Carlos' hands, pressed against his other wrist, the tip piercing into the skin enough for a small amount of crimson blood to begin to pool around the cut.
Carlos, with tear filled eyes, looked up at James.
"I-I c-c-couldn't do it.. I-I'm w-w-weak.." Carlos croaked between sobs.
"Carlos.." James breathed, crouching down beside Carlos, wrapping his arm around the broken Latino and pulling him into a hug. He soothed and hushed as Carlos continued to cry, until finally, his grip loosened enough for the blood-stained blade to fall to the floor ungracefully.
"I-I-I.." Carlos started again, his voice raw and raspy.
"Carlos," James said, with a tint of croakiness in his voice. "You are stronger than this. You are amazing, just the way you are. It's cheesy, and everything. But it's true. You are one of the most golden-hearted, kind and genuine person to ever grace this planet. Hollywood doesn't deserve you, because unlike the others, you're pure. Uncorrupted. Carlos, w-why didn't you tell me?"
"..I-I-I didn't wanna b-bother you.." Carlos replied, before breaking his tears again.
James quickly scooped Carlos up into a deeper hug, allowing the Latino's tears to soak into his shirt. He didn't care, cause right now, his friend was broken.
"Carlos, you aren't a bother. You're one of my best friends, no matter the time of day, I'll always have time for you. Just.. Just promise me that you'll talk to me about it, instead of, erm, trying to take your life.." James responded, his voice almost breaking at the end of the sentence, the realisation of Carlos trying to kill himself hitting home.
Carlos nodded into the hug, unable to control the flow of tears that seemed to burst from his eyes.
The taller boy continued to soothe and comfort him, until finally, Carlos grew quieter and quieter, when suddenly, a faint snore could be heard from him. James smiled, realising that Carlos had tired himself with the tears. But for James, his heart hurt. He didn't even see the signs. He didn't see that Carlos was broken.
His gaze fell onto the sleeping Latino's bloody wrist, a small gash scratched near a vain.
If he was any later, Carlos might have hit that vain. Carlos might have been dead.
The words hurt, even if they were in his head. A twinge ran through his body.
Then, at that very moment after noticing the bloody metallic object sat on the floor, James made himself a promise. A promise that no matter what, he would be there for Carlos. That no matter what, he wouldn't let the innocent boy be corrupted by fame and fortune. That no matter, he'd show Carlos that he is extremely important to him.
A promise to help Carlos find himself again.. No matter the cost.
I'm getting well daring now. I do my first ever Kogan, and now, I've gone and done a Jarlos friendship fic! Trying a little bit of everything out, at the moment. :)