AN: So, this is my second ever fic, and if it gets even half the love my first got, I will be immensely proud!
Warnings for alcoholism and a tiny amount of self-mutilation
The Daxamite invasion had been thwarted only weeks ago, but already there was a new attack being mounted against Earth. These guys were different, though. Cybertronic in nature, and powered by the glowing blue half-sphere attached to their mother ship. Their number were insane, and Kara had already blown her powers just trying to get to the ship that lead the invasion. She was devastated, furious and crying as J'onn dragged her back to the sunlamps the DEO kept set up for her. She was currently under those same lamps, as she watched the DEO try to push the aliens back, to no avail, on the screen in the med bay. She watched in horror as Alex and several others were severely beaten, civilians dragged and thrown around like rag dolls. There was nothing she could do.
Suddenly, one of the smaller craft that had carried the cybernetic aliens from their ship to land was shooting across the screen before her, heading straight towards the large craft hovering over the city. Using DEO drones with cameras, scanners and various cloaking capabilities, Winn managed to find a single human aboard the jet-like vehicle. Alex was being carried in just as Winn identified the unknown pilot
Lena Luthor
It took altogether too long to realize what the young CEO's plan was, as the ship sped through the sky, angling towards the glowing battery-esque bubble. And Kara's adrenaline peaked seconds too late to do anything but scream, as the craft containing her best friend plowed into the offending warship, thus ending the attempted invasion. Kara grief was instantaneous, forcing her to the floor as she pounded at it, screaming and sobbing for her loss.
It was all of that which lead her to this day, four days later; standing in a cemetery, surrounded by people sprouting alligator tears, as they praised a woman they barely knew, and had never had faith in. Kara grew more incensed as the ceremony wore on, false eulogies by little-known acquaintances of the amazing woman Kara had come to know were the main reason; followed by the armed soldiers to her right, standing by to perform a 21-gun salute, and the carefully folded American flag resting atop an empty coffin. They treat her as a hero, well after she had earned the title, and that fact made her livid. The only thing that could have possibly been worse, is if Lex and Lillian had been granted the furlough they both requested to be at Lena's funeral.
Supergirl was to give the last eulogy; Kara had determined that, even if Lena was now gone, the brunette, her best friend, deserved to know who she really was. She stepped up to the podium, not bothering to curb the rage that bubbled beneath the surface of her being, throwing the speech she had prepared out the window as she decided to speak from her heart. And her heart was angry.
"You all, every single one of you, disgust me. You show up here, like this is just the year's main event, like it's just somewhere you can be considered someone. You didn't care about Lena. You didn't even know her! How many of you were there for her, when her brother tried to kill her? How many of you stood by her, when she was accused of xenophobia and terrorism? How many of you saw her smile, danced with her, curled up on the couch and watched movies with her? None of you. I know that for a fact, because I was the one doing those things. Everyone who has spoken today, has had this heartfelt speech prepared, but did you all actually listen? Every single one of those speeches was exactly the same. Probably all written by the same person, just reworded slightly. They all spoke of Lena's intelligence, an obvious fact. Her business acumen, she's a CEO, of course she has a great business acumen! And what has that got to do with who she is...was...as a person? Nothing! Did you know her favorite colour is purple? Did you know that her go-to food when she's sad, is custard filled donuts? Did you know she can cook? Did you know she's terrified of flying, or that she loves pandas, or that her favorite movie is Frozen? No! You know nothing about her! But I do, and the one thing that you all need to know, is that she was the best of you." The crowd was awash with stunned silence as they gawked at the hero.
Kara turned from them, striding to the empty casket, the only tangible evidence that a person was lost. She scowled at the neatly folded flag before she picked it up, tossing it to the side as she removed her own cape - the one Kal-El had given her, her last remaining piece of home - and draped it carefully over the mahogany box. She leaned down to the polished wood as tears streamed down her face, placing a lingering kiss against it, before she whispered the apologies and appreciation that no one else had given the woman. She didn't care who saw, who took photos, or where they ended up. She just needed to show her friend this last kindness. She raised herself from the casket, tears still pouring from her eyes, and turned back to the silent crowd, leaving her right hand to linger on the empty box.
"If I am disgusted by you, then I am not the one to protect you. I quit". The stunned gasp as she turned and pushed herself into the sky, was not missed, but she genuinely didn't care for their opinions on the matter. She removed her DEO comms, personal phone and anything else she thought Winn could trace, as she flew silently through the clouds; dropping each item one-by-one, and listening for the sound of each smashing from its connection with the ground far below. She couldn't go home, Alex would find her, and right now, she despised humanity enough to do and say things that she could never take back. The DEO was off-limits for the same reason. Winn and James would be in just as much trouble as Alex, so they were non-options as well. She let the pain in her chest overtake her as she sobbed among the clouds; her whole body ached with grief. And by the time the tears finally subsided, she had made a decision. She decided to go to the one place she would feel safe, and comfortable; Lena's loft. Not the in-city penthouse apartment that everyone from the DEO, to the kids in the secondary school down the road knew about; the quiet, homey loft on the outskirts of the city, that Lena kept for those times she needed to get away from it all. Kara had been there twice, but she knew the directions like the back of her hand, determined that she would know how to get to Lena if ever she was in trouble. She turned herself towards her intended destination, casting one last glance down to the graveyard that held her best friend's tombstone, before launching herself towards the loft.
The main issue with the loft, the one thing Kara had not taken into consideration, was that Lena's scent was everywhere. She had barely made it past the threshold of the door before she had crumpled to the floor, head in her hands as she sobbed loudly. The scent, the memories of smiling lips and cheeky green eyes, was utterly overwhelming; and Kara spent over an hour canted against the closed front door, as she was reminded of everything that was now missing from her life. She had lost a lot, her family, many friends, even lovers; but nothing had hurt this much before. The second she met Lena, she had felt connected to her; the soothing heartbeat, the kindness of her eyes. Everything about the business woman drew her in, implored her to stay close; and Kara had, as often as possible. This loss was not the first, but it was definitely the worst. Never before had she closed herself off from the people she cared about, Alex especially; but this time she had spoken to no one, contacted no one. She didn't go to work, she didn't even take on Supergirl missions. She stayed in bed, not eating, not even bothering to bathe. Lena would hate to see her like this, and she knew it, but she couldn't help it. This loss was raw, tearing at her skin and clawing at her heart.
She wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve, the sleeve of her Supergirl uniform. It had once been her armor, but now it burned as it clung to her skin, cruelly reminding her of the one she couldn't save. Of the best friend she hadn't even bothered to tell. She tore at the material, ripping along its seams in an attempt to stop the burn it now created. The skirt went the same way, now tattered as it lay close to the ruined shirt. She sat, still leaning against the front door, and took the room in. Breathed Lena's scent as if it were her oxygen, and surveyed the comfortable domicile she had chosen to take residence in. This was where Lena kept her most valued possessions, things that would be meaningless to others, but held great value to her. Trophies and awards from her years in boarding school, photographs of lost friends and even lovers, trinkets she had collected on her travels, and little pieces of foreign technology that fascinated her. While she had lived at the penthouse near L-Corp, this was her home. Kara glanced at a picture above the fireplace, the one she knew was Lena's favorite. It was of them, making ridiculous faces at the camera for whatever stupid reason. The picture was taken on one of their lunch dates, at a particularly high-end restaurant, and Kara remembered the confused looks of the snobbish patrons as the two had giggled and pulled faces at each other. She chuckled wetly at the memory.
After taking some time to gather herself, she stood from her place on the ground, and made her way to the bedroom. She was tired and emotionally exhausted, and only in her underwear now that she'd destroyed her Supergirl outfit. She wanted comfort and warmth, the all-encompassing safety that Lena had given her, and there was a single piece of clothing in the loft that she knew would provide that in spades. Lena's well-loved MIT hoodie. Kara had laughed at the idea of Lena Luthor in something so unprofessional as a hoodie, but had adored the item on her best friend from the moment she had seen it. The burgundy jumper was crumpled on Lena's bed, hanging precariously off its edge, and Kara snatched it up like it was some kind of life line, pulling it on quickly and immediately relaxing into it's embrace. She crawled up onto the bed, luxuriating in the soft cotton as she curled herself up in their warmth. She looked at Lena's pillow, the place that still held an indent where her head had once rested, and pulled it to her, inhaling the scent deeply as tears pricked her eyes once more. She brought a sleeve to her eyes, only to stop halfway and look at the tattered hem, where Lena often chewed when she was focusing on something, or watching a scary movie. Tears overwhelmed her once more, and cried herself to sleep, wrapped around her best friend's pillow
It was nearly a week later when Kara had a revelation. A painful, heart wrenching revelation. All those things she felt, memories that stirred her heart; those things were love. Not the platonic love that she had known was present from the first brunch they ever shared, but real, powerful, painful love. She was in love with Lena. The mug she had been holding as the knowledge finally took hold crashed to the ground, shattering and spilling coffee in its wake. Kara dropped a second later, screaming in anguish and pain, as the pieces clicked together to reveal the truth. Her heart broke again, completely, this time. There was no coming back from this kind of sorrow. It was enveloping her quickly, causing her to scratch at the swathes of flesh that held her heart in her chest, digging into the skin to try to tear the broken thing from its place, trying to ease the pain. But it was no use, and as blood trickled down between her heaving breasts, she gave up. She curled herself into the fetal position and lay down on the floor among the broken ceramic and wasted coffee. She didn't care
She learned very quickly that she had been wrong about human alcohol. It could affect her; but only in truly massive quantities. Lucky Lena had a room dedicated to her collection of fine wines and scotch. Kara spent every second, of everyday, with some kind of alcohol in her hand. She hadn't even bothered to use a glass most of the time, just swigging straight from the bottle. Once she hit that numbing buzz that dulled the pain, she simply drank enough to maintain it. It wasn't like she slept long enough to sober up, nightmares of watching the love of her life die kept her awake, so she just kept drinking. She rarely showered, and her current wardrobe consisted of Lena's MIT hoodie, and whatever pair of underwear seemed the cleanest, and even that she didn't care about. The loft was kept to Lena's standard, as Kara would never disrespect the woman, no matter what the circumstances, but otherwise, she really didn't care. She watched whatever was on television, even watching the golf with numbed awareness. And every night, she curled herself around Lena's pillow, and cried herself to sleep.
She could hear the city falling apart without her. Heard the screams of women being mugged, shops being robbed, and various law-enforcement agencies trying to keep the mess under control. She didn't care. Simply sat there, curtains drawn, television on, and a bottle of whatever she could find dangling from her fingertips. She stayed like this, destroying herself in her own grief, for nearly a year. It was only two weeks away now, the anniversary of her love's demise. She watched the news as it reported the crime occurring in the city, the burning buildings and crying children. It looked like a war zone. Kara didn't care. Not until a story on the anniversary of Lena's death came on. The woman reporting was telling the viewers about how there would be a memorial for Lena Luthor. How candles would be lit. How people would rejoice in the sacrifice she had made. For the first time in a year, Kara felt something other than pain. She felt rage. Pure, unadulterated rage, as she threw her quarter-bottle of expensive wine at the television, before following after it, punching and kicking and screaming at the broken and twisted box. When she was finally done, she was panting, her rage had evaporated, but she was still angry. They dare act as if they care! As if they ever cared about the beautiful, sweet, kind, gentle woman that was Lena. If Kara were a little less good, or maybe a little more drunk, she would have joined the trouble making rabble outside, destroying everything in her wake as she went. But she was good, and not quite drunk enough. So she fetched a bottle of whiskey from Lena's secret stores, and stumbled into bed, curling herself around a familiar scent as tears stung her eyes once more.
She hadn't even finished two full rounds of her worst nightmare when a noise forced her eyes open. Footsteps, inside the loft. No one was to be here, no one. Not ever. It was her and Lena's space, and the idea of someone trespassing so freely reignited the rage that had boiled down to a simmer as she had slept. She made no attempt to quiet her movements, making damn sure her 'guest' knew they were in for hell, as she stomped her way down the hall to the sound's point of origin. She turned to face the threat, somehow surprised, but not at all surprised to find a woman in the lounge area. But not just any woman, no. An alien. An alien whose species were known for being warriors, trained so well they could easily take down creatures ten times their size with the strength to match. The all-female tribal group were fans of masks which covered the entirety of their face, each mask crafted with feathers and beads to determine their standing in the group, and Alex had once told her that they sounded like the amazons of Earth. The woman before her wore a chest piece of a similar cut to a crop-top, but made of the thick hide of some alien animal that the woman herself likely killed. There was a vast expanse of midriff before more cloth was present, and it was little more than a pair of unbelievably tiny shorts, with a belt that held a sheer black skirt in place. But the slit up the side of the skirt made the attempt at conservatism useless, as it hung so far open that she may as well not wear it at all. To top it off, the uncharacteristically small N'Valian, wore the mask of the queen; the one who was best trained, and often the most deadly. Even in her inebriated state, Kara recognised that she may not stand a chance against the woman before her, even if she was particularly small.
Even still, her alcohol addled mind decided it'd be fine to goad the little queen.
"What're you, the little N'Valian that could?" Kara was startled when a muffled giggle came from behind the mask. N'Valian's were well-known for being intolerant of learning other languages. Kara had discovered on her visit to their planet long ago, that this was not so much about xenophobia, as it was about respect. If no one was willing to learn their language, why should they learn others? Kara remembered that it wasn't until she had started learning the language herself, that the women warmed to her, and started asking about Kryptonese. But if they were not fond of taking on other languages, or even if this little one had learned from someone else, how did she understand the reference to a children's book from Earth? Kara was confused, even more so when the alien queen tilted her head to the side as if she was waiting for something. Kara removed her glasses to rub at the headache building behind her eyes - she was way too sober for this - and that's when she heard it. The familiar thrumming of a heartbeat that had disappeared nearly a year ago. She halted all movements, raising her wide and suddenly teary eyes to meet the ones before her. Her heart skipped a beat, as she was met with green eyes that she could pick out of a crowd with her own eyes closed, surrounded by the mask of a N'Valian Queen.
The woman before her reached for the mask that kept her hidden from the blonde, and Kara was reminded of a long-standing tradition among the warrior women
"Y-you're only supposed to remove your mask for the one you l-love, your Majesty" That giggle was back, and Kara's heart soared as the tinkling sound made it's way to her ears.
"And I know for a fact, that there is no one in this, or any other universe that I would remove it for..." the mask was down by her side she first smiled at the shaking blonde "...Kara". Said women promptly fell to her knees, her whole body wracked by shuddering tears as she stared up at her lost love, while covering her gaping mouth.
"L-Lena" She finally breathed, and the brunette was in front of her, wrapping now muscle-bound arms across her shoulders, as she held woman close to her chest. Kara sobbed, gasping for the air that had been torn from her lungs the second that mask was removed.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Kara." She held the blonde a little tighter as she rocked them gently back-and-forth
"N'Valian is a difficult language to learn, did you know that? I only just figured out how to ask to come home" She breathed out a chuckle as Kara clutched at the loose fabric of the sarong-like skirt that clung to her waist. When Kara didn't respond, Lena decided to stay quiet, still gently rocking the blonde as she bawled into the crook of a well-toned neck. It wasn't until the sobbing finally ebbed into sniffles that Kara replied to the earlier statement, while still clutching at strong shoulders and nuzzling the flesh of Lena's neck
"Yeah, I-I started to learn when dad took me to N'Valia as a child." She didn't bother to worry about the Supergirl issue, Lena had probably seen enough in the past year that nothing would surprise her anymore, anyway. Lena just chuckled, and held the blonde a little tighter, whispering into her hair
"I knew you were Supergirl. That scar above your eye is a dead giveaway..." She realized too late that maybe 'dead' was not a term she could safely use, but relaxed when Kara giggled in response
"Well, you are a genius" She responded as she reluctantly pulled away from sweet scent that had long begun fading from her surroundings. Lena laughed and nodded, before concern wrinkled her face. It was in direct correlation with the pensive look that overtook Kara's own features. The blonde began before Lena got the chance to
"I'm in love with you...uh...well...I was kinda intending to lead up to that...but...uhm, I guess it's too late now" Lena looked shocked for a moment before it melted into adoration, and Kara decided she should just let it all out, the tears had already started again, anyway
"I didn't even realize, not until you'd been...gone...for a couple of weeks. I...kinda broke your favorite mug, by the way...sorry." Lena stopped her before she could even begin her apologetic ramble, and instead stood, offering an outstretched had to the puzzled blonde. A moment passed before Kara entwined her hand with Lena's and they were suddenly striding purposefully to the bathroom. It was at that moment that Kara realized that she had not showered in...how many days had it been now? She reeked of stale alcohol, and musky clothing, and Lena must be completely offended (Lena was not offended. Surprised by exactly how affected Kara had been, yes. Offended, no). The brunette began the process of running a bath, adding oils, and bubbly stuff, and all sorts of things Kara had avoided because the scents were powerful enough to bring back the gut-wrenching tears that came with Lena's scent. The now dulled aroma that surrounded her now was comforting, re-establishing that aroma in full-force was terrifying. Kara shuffled from foot-to-foot as she self-consciously cataloged the effects of her recent very poor hygiene standards. When Lena started undressing without even mentioned that Kara should clean her wretched self up, Kara was thrust into a state of completely flustered and totally baffled. She watched the criminally attractive muscles of the brunette's back twitch beneath her skin as she stepped into the tub, and her mouth went dry at the flexing bicep muscles that rippled as she lowered herself into the tub. Kara was as red as she could possibly be, and embarrassingly aware of it.
"Sorry Kara, please keep talking, I just feel sooo grimey" The crinkled nose at the word 'grimey' was completely endearing, and Kara was suddenly feeling exactly the same. As if she was covered in a year's worth of tears, sweat and stale alcohol. Probably because she pretty much was. Lena turned to face the blonde with a puzzled expression, it was rare for Kara to be quiet, after all, and she was quite sure nothing would change that permanently. She was met with a beet-red superhero who suddenly started to doff her own clothing. Lena raised an eyebrow at this, but an amused smile crept onto her face anyway. Kara didn't enter the bath, instead turning to the shower stall on her right, deciding to clean as much grime as she could off before even considering getting close to Lena again. She hoped that the darkened water wasn't noticeable from Lena's position in the bath, and suddenly found herself completely disgusted at the state she had let herself get into. She was lost in her own self-deprecation when the door opened behind her, letting in an unexpected draft that shocked her into turning around to face the intruder.
Lena stood before her, all rippling muscles and alabaster flesh, and glorious beauty. Gone was the hint of extra flesh around her midsection, as the brunette now sported an eight-pack that had even Supergirl envious. There had never been 'fat' on the woman's body, at least for as long as Kara had known her, but now there was none. She wondered for a moment if the battle-hardened muscles would make cuddling uncomfortable, before she remembered they were both naked, and quickly covered her eyes with a short squeak. Lena laughed as she reached around the blonde to retrieve the shower gel, and poured a generous amount into her hand before returning it to its previous shelf. Kara's whole body had blushed at the proximity, and Lena held back another laugh. She wasn't oblivious to the state Kara had worked herself into, and she realized how her own need for a bath may be misconstrued as a gentle attempt to make the woman take a shower, but that was not her intention by any means. She felt guilty that it had been taken that way. So she opted to do what she could to make her friend feel better. She lathered the soap in her hands before gently pressing them to Kara's shoulder blades. The move caught Kara off-guard, but she settled and leaned into the touch quickly.
As Lena massaged the suds into the strong back muscles before her, she felt the sharp intake of a breath, and inherently knew that Kara was crying again. She remembered the grief that came with losing her mother, remembered having no one to hold her as she cried into the night, so she gently stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the blonde, burying her face into blonde locks that used to shimmer in the sunlight, but were now dull from lack-of-care. Kara turned in her embrace, nuzzling into the muscular flesh of Lena's neck as the brunette slowly lead them to the floor of the stall. She let Kara cry against her, let her clutch at her back and choke out unnecessary apologies and 'I missed you's. The moment was heartbreaking for Lena, but she held the Kryptonian close, waiting for tears to slow to a halt before speaking again. When Kara did finally settle, Lena gently pulled herself away, not far enough to break the embrace, but far enough to look into dull blue eyes.
"Kara, sweetheart, you needn't apologise for anything, not ever. I'm so sorry this has caused you so much pain, I wish I could've come back sooner, but that bloody language...it doesn't matter, I'm here now, and I'm going to help you get back on track. We're going to get rid of whatever alcohol is left, we're going to get back into good eating, sleeping and bathing routines, and we're going to do it together. I'm not going anywhere, Kara, I promise. We're going to be okay" She whispered the last few words against Kara's forehead as she placed a soft kiss against it
"You...uh...*sniffle*...you never said anything...uhm...about me being in love with you. I was worried that I'd ruined everything, and then there you were, washing my back and holding me close and I just...I couldn't not cry more...sorry" She hung her head as she rubbed at her now sniffling nose, and as if Lena wasn't smitten enough, it was completely adorable. Lena cradled the low-slung head and raised it to look into her favorite shade of blue
"Kara, I took off my mask for you. I may not actually be a N'Valian, but even I know that's a pretty huge deal. Especially for the Queen. I'm sorry if that wasn't a clear enough demonstration of my love for you, but I will scream it from the rooftops if that's what you want; Kara I will do anything you need me to, to show you how much I love you, so please, plea-mmph!" She was cut off by the sudden presence of lips that were now against hers, and fingers tangling into her hair. Bringing the blonde closer, she wrapped her arms around a slim midsection, and pressed their bodies close. There was an unspoken agreement hanging in the air as they parted; neither was ready to take it further, there was a lot of healing to be done first, but this was perfect. They held each other close as the water began to cool, finally parting to stand and shut-off the rapidly cooling stream before they left the shower stall. They helped each other dry-off, and Kara zipped through the house to tidy and find clean clothes for them to sleep in (she also stripped and remade the bed, fearful that it smelled terribly). They curled into each other as they made themselves comfortable for bed, and Lena hummed into the thick comforter with a contented smile, while Kara watched her shyly. They shared another kiss before they closed their eyes for sleep. But some thing was bugging Kara, and after much tossing and turning, she let out an annoyed sigh. Lena chuckled next to her and raised a questioning eyebrow
"Lena, how in Rao's name did you end up Queen of the N'Valians?" Lena giggled as she pressed a chaste kiss to Kara's cheek
"Alright, let me tell you about my year with the N'Valian's..."