Winter Solstice Fiasco
by
Beckers
*****
"This is the stupidest thing I've ever done!" he exclaimed to himself, the trees, wildlife and anything or anyone else who cared to listen to the exasperated lament. Iolaus stood, knee deep in cold river water, holding an errant salmon upward, in both hands, close to his face. He looked into the round, strangely intelligent eyes. "Will you *please* just cough up that eyeball so I can get back to the academy before I'm recorded AWOL?"
"I'm sorry. I really am." the large salmon apologized with a fishy whine, "I didn't mean to swim away. It's what I do. Instinct, you know."
Iolaus squeezed his eyes shut and suppressed an urge to squash the salmon into a flat, pasty pulp. The academy, with all its rules and regulations, was the Elysian Fields compared to this latest mess Iolaus had gotten himself into. "You told me," he spoke with strained calmness, "you were a beautiful princess, cursed by The Graiae. 'I'm human.' you said." Then, through clenched teeth, "You shouldn't *have* fish instincts!" Iolaus was clearly at the end of his tether.
"Well, I've been this way for months." she mourned, "Can I help I've developed a water-type's aptitude for survival?"
How could a great Winter Solstice weekend like he just experienced end on such a sour note? Five days ago Iolaus' mother had sent him a note, letting the academy student know that his father, Skouros, would not be home for Solstice. He had been called away to Crete. What Erythia was trying to tell Iolaus was that she and his foster sister, Lahti, would be all alone and they wanted son and brother to come home for the holiday weekend; instead of doing what he usually did, following Hercules to Alcemne's for a solstice celebration.
At first Iolaus was indecisive. He used to go to Hercules' home for the holidays because he couldn't conceive of being in the company of his father for too long. Even an hour was awkward. Skouros, the great general, often sneered and voiced disappointment over his son's many short comings. He had wanted a tall, dark, brave warrior-child; a man's man who could proudly stand beside his father and discuss war-time strategy. He wanted someone like Ares. What he got, in no one's opinion but his own, was a short, fair-haired, lily-livered, girly-boy thief. "There's only one thing I can hope for." Skouros once told an impressionable preteen Iolaus. It was during one of Skouros' few visits home, and he was drunk. "When you die, boy, you'll go out the hero you aren't, not the coward you are."
Even after Iolaus had been accepted into the warrior academy ("You were forced to go, boy!") and Chieron told Skouros of his son's many accomplishments, the general was doubtful. However, he beamed his gratitude in front of the centaur. It was later, after mounting his horse to leave, that Iolaus heard Skouros' sarcastic, "I'll believe it when I see it." to Erytha, who gave her husband a cast-down look.
Maybe it was that visual but never verbalized turmoil that wounded Iolaus most. Why didn't his mother ever stick up for him? Why didn't she tell Skouros that he shouldn't say such things? Iolaus was a good boy. He was a *good* boy! Yet, it never happened and what Iolaus thought of as a refuge during holiday breaks had become pleasurable and comfortable. Alcemne was his second mother, a beautiful lady who loved her own son and treated Iolaus like he belonged in her home. Unable to do different, Iolaus gravitated to Alcemne more and more, asking her advice with simple teenage problems, even at the expense of losing his bond with Eryitha.
Then there was Lahti. Iolaus delighted in the little girl's company but it didn't take a genius to figure out that the foundling Skorous had one day brought to their home was, indeed, his own child. She was born from an affair with another woman. What amazed Iolaus was that Erythia could look at the girl, an example of Skouros' faithlessness, and still love her. Did she ever even question him? Still, it was hard not to love Lahti. She was a sweet and unassuming girl. Later of course, when she got older, questions would be asked but, for right now, Lahti remained naive ... and she worshiped her big brother who, she told everyone, was going to be a great man one day.
Ah, but to the problem at hand ....
"Umh, I hate to ask but could you put me back in the water. It's the air thing. I'm getting dizzy."
Iolaus rolled his eyes and looked down at his prisoner, "Last time I did that I had to chase you two hours up river."
"Well, find a bucket or something because this is getting *really* uncomfortable." The fish began to wheeze heavily.
"Oh." Desperate, Iolaus looked around. He was in the middle of a Corinthian forest. Where the Hades was he going to find a ...? Then he saw a break-off from the river. It was just a tiny hole really but it would serve their purpose. Iolaus walked over to it and dumped the fish unceremoniously inside. "Better?" he asked, dropping to the ground, sitting cross-legged in front of the water-hole. Then, before the fish could reply, "Better be, because you're going to stay here until you give up that eyeball!"
The salmon balanced it's upper weight against the edge of the leaf-leveled edge, shrugged her gills, and poked her head out of the water, "Grumpy." she commented, "I got this way because I was having a little fun where there was no sense of humor. What's your excuse, He Who Has Much Hair?"
Iolaus glowered and bit his tongue, afraid he might say something indecent. Closing his eyes, the young warrior in training thought of happier times ....
The solstice holiday had been great, despite the fact there was no Hercules or Jason to hang with. Iolaus, at the last minute, bought two cheap quills and three rolled, blank parchments at the student store. He wrapped them awkwardly, and presented them to Erythia as a present. For Lahti he whittled-out a very small wood doll on his way home. It was respectable work, on the run, if he did say so himself. Both females were thrilled, more by his appearance than the gifts, but they gushed their pleasure anyway, expecting nothing but a hardy appetite from the wayward member of their small family.
Later, after a satisfying meal of wild pheasant, bread, garden greens and hot apple cobbler, Lahti bestowed a gift to Iolaus. He smiled, expecting a quickly drawn picture of some kind but, instead, she presented her brother with a single gold earring.
"Skouros ordered me a set, one for each ear, from Athens." She piped innocently, "But I want you to have this one." she dangled the glittering loop in front of his face, "Wear it always, Iolaus. It will be our bond as brother and sister."
"But I don't have a pierced ear." Iolaus smiled, awed by the generous offering.
Erythia pulled out a sharp needle from her sewing basket and passed it over the flame of a candle, "You will."
Slightly nervous, Iolaus looked from Erythia to the earring and back to Lahti again. His half sister, only eight years old, had grown so profound and proud. It tugged at his heart. "Thank you." Iolaus took the gift from the girl, then reaching forward suddenly, he hugged her. Skouros had managed to get one child right anyway, Iolaus thought. He then gently tickled the little girl's ribs.
It produced a delighted giggle.
Erythia watched and wiped a silent, undetected tear from her cheek.
****
"How did you swallow that thing anyway?" Iolaus questioned, watching the fish swim back and forth in front of him.
"I'm enchanted. This sort of thing comes with the territory. I was hungry, the eye rolled into the water and I opened my mouth. Boom. Instant lunch. Would have tasted better with salt." She told him during her laps. Earlier the salmon, who Iolaus dubbed Pinky, said if she moved around, shaking up the magic eye as it rested in her stomach, it might pop out on its own.
It was worth a try. Iolaus was willing to wait a little longer. He really didn't want to pull his dagger and commence with surgery, despite what was demanded. He knew he'd regret it for the rest of his life. Distracted, he looked over his shoulder to see if **they** were lurking. So far, so good. 'Why didn't I just keep walking?' he thought, bitterly.
The trek back to the academy had been filled with fond memories. Iolaus reached up and touched the gold erring as it dangled from his freshly pierced ear. Erythia had been quick, thorough and accurate. Iolaus was grateful. The guys, of course, would probably tease him about it.
"Oh Iolaus, earrings are so .... *pirate*." He could practically hear the mock causticity spewing from Jason's patrician mouth.
Hercules, on the other hand, would only nod, "You know what they say, Jase: *Pirates can happen to anyone*. It's nice, Iolaus." and that'd be pretty much it.
But it didn't matter what they thought. Iolaus promised Lahti he'd wear it and he would.
Then: "Help ... oh, help us please."
Iolaus halted in his tracks and looked from side to side. He then looked down a gently sloping rise and saw the Hestian River. What met his vision was at once comical and weird. Three old ladies, all in ratty-draped clothing, stumbling and falling all over themselves at the river's apron. They were attempting either to go somewhere or stand their ground. Whatever they were doing they seemed very confused.
"Oh no." Iolaus whispered as recollection hit him like an Olympian thunderbolt. He knew them. Pephredo, Enyo and Deino. The Graiae. Or, as Hercules called them, The Witch Sisters. They'd met them once before, when an uncharacteristically calculating Hercules ran off with the sister's lone eyeball. In retaliation, they turned Jason into boar and made Iolaus life Tartarus by having live foliage attack him at every turn. He thought he'd seen the last of these three crones but, as The Fates would have it, here they were again. And, from the looks of them, they were in trouble. "Turn around, Iolaus." he told himself, "Nothing but trouble here." But, as he watched the old women from the hill, saw how helpless they appeared, as they dropped on all fours searching for something, his good heart couldn't ignore the obvious need for assistance. With a sigh, he walked slowly down the hill. "Can I help you?"
"Who are you?"
"What are you?"
"Where are you?"
"The name's Iolaus. Er, we've met before ..."
"It's the shaggy boy!" Deino announced.
"Should have known!" cried Enyo.
"Did you steal our eye, boy?" asked Pephredo.
"No!" Iolaus stated quickly, having always hated being called 'boy'. "You lost it ... again?" he asked, noting the way the semi-divine sisters wavered and cackled, feeling the ground with their talon hands.
"Enyo dropped it." Pephredo accused.
"Did not. It was Deino."
"It should be near the river here somewhere."
Iolaus studied the situation and realized there might be an opportunity involved with this predicament. If he did the right thing, helped The Graiae find their eye, thus scoring possible point with the Olympians, he might have an interesting tale to relate to academy students. Heck, he might even be able to write home and tell his Mom about it. And if Skouros happened to be around when she got the parchment he would know just how brave and heroic Iolaus was.
On the other hand, he could always turn tail and run as fast as he could to the academy before something went wrong. It usually did.
Iolaus sighed, "Can I help you find your eye, ladies?"
"What a sweet boy." Enyo crooned.
"He probably stole it in the first place." Pephredo accused.
"Did not." both Iolaus and Deino said simultaneously, startling each other.
Iolaus hunted with the three sisters for over an hour but could find nothing. Only the occasional jump from a merry fish splashing about in the rushing river announced that there was anything to see on or near the smooth riverbank.
Then curious, he watched the fish do it's tumbling act. Iolaus could have swore he heard a voice coming from the river. He stood erect and watched the salmon closely. Was it actually laughing? Iolaus then caught sight of something really odd. That fish, as it leapt about and managed to stay in the same place, had a tremendous belly. It was almost as if it had swallowed something whole or ... "Oh no." Iolaus whispered and not for the first time.
"What is it?" Pephredo asked, alerted by the alarm in his voice.
"I hate to tell you this but I see a fish out there, much bigger than the rest, and it has a mighty distended stomach. I think it swallowed your eye, ladies."
"WHAT?!" the crones cried in unison.
"I'm sorry." Iolaus sighed, brushing damp hands against his trousers. "I guess you'll have to find another."
"What, another eye?" Enyo exclaimed.
"Stupid boy, you think these things grow on trees or something?"
"Go get our eye!" Deino demanded.
Iolaus stared at them, "How am I supposed to do that? With a fishing pole?"
"No, go in the water and catch that fish with your hands." Enyo insisted.
"Then cut it open and pull out the eye."
"And give it back to us!" Pephredo added.
Feeling ill used, Iolaus placed indignant hands on his hips. Being helpful was one thing and trying to impress his father was another, but this was just too strange. "Look, I'm sorry you lost your eye and if it were possible for me to get that fish and and bring it back, with the eye, I'd do it. But there's really no way I can ..." Iolaus trailed off as he noticed the sisters moving gently back and forth, distracted, almost as if they were lulling themselves into a trance. He heard a murmuring of words then an almost violent tug at his ear, "Hey!" he cried.
Pephredo opened her clawed hand to reveal Iolaus' gold earring.
"What the ..." Iolaus felt his ear. Nothing torn or bleeding but the earring was gone.
"An earring?" The sisters all felt it with their arthritic hands, "*This* is what is most precious to you?" Deino questioned and lifted her eyebrows, "My, you lead a rather shallow life, Shaggy."
"That came from my baby sister. It was a Solstice gift. You give it back!"
The sisters all nodded and smiled, understanding.
"Right now this object is what is most precious to you. When you catch the fish and bring us back our eye, you will get your earring back. Don't disappoint us, boy, or there will be dire consequences."
"And what's to prevent me from walking over there and taking it from you?" Iolaus asked, fed up.
"Wanna be turned into a chicken?" asked Enyo.
The water was cold as Iolaus waded in. The fish was still there, happily flipping about and, yes, laughing. "I don't believe this." Iolaus whispered to himself, feeling foolish. The Graiae explained to him that the salmon had been enchanted the moment it swallowed their eye. "I guess that makes sense." he said. It didn't really. Still, when your best friend was a halfgod you took this sort of thing in stride. Sure, the eye of The Witch Sisters had enchanted the fish that swallowed it. Why not? There was a time he didn't believe in dragons either.
****
"What are you doing? Get your filthy mitts of me, you cad!" cried the salmon as Iolaus handled it firmly. He couldn't believe his luck, He managed to get right behind the fish and as it did a reckless flip Iolaus was there to catch it in mid air.
"You're a girl!" Iolaus was so surprised he nearly dropped her.
"Yes, I'm a girl. Now, do you mind?"
"You're a girl-fish!" Iolaus further exclaimed.
"No, bachaai-dung for brains! I'm a girl. I'm human. I was cursed by the Graiae because I, accidentally mind you, came upon them whilst they were conjuring magic."
"They told me it's their eyeball that's enchanted you. It's what's making you speak."
"And you believed them?"
Iolaus glanced over his shoulder at the sisters. They stood there, attentive but not seeing a thing. As far as he could tell they couldn't hear them either. "*Why* did they curse you?"
"Well, one ... or *six* of their scrolls with a few insignificant magic tricks might have came up missing ..."
"You're a thief."
"No, I'm not. *I* am a beautiful princess. My father is the King of Scapia, a small but powerful kingdom just east of here." Then, less boastful: "I've been gone for quite sometime. He's probably worried sick. Mother too." she paused, then: "Hey, if you can turn me back into myself he'll reward you ... and you'll be called a hero."
Iolaus paused, thinking about this. "Those sisters have something that belongs to me. I want it back and the only thing I can do ..." he then paused as something she said hit home, "You're beautiful?"
The girl-fish turned coyly away, "In my original form, sure. That's what they always told me, anyway."
Torn, Iolaus closed his eyes and opened them again. Beautiful girl. Hero. Eyeball. Earring. What was a guy to do? "Okay, we'll play it your way. What now?"
"Let me go."
"Let you go?"
"The curse can only be broken if I approach the witches on my own, without the aid of mortal hands."
"What will happen?"
"You'll see."
With a shrug, knowing something was wrong, but not quite knowing what, he laid the large fish gently in the water and watched as it at first slowly moved to shore than unexpectedly veered quickly and started to head up river."
"Hey, wait!" Iolaus shouted, racing through the water, kicking up a mighty splash, to catch up to the escaping salmon.
"What's going on, boy?!" Deino shouted.
"Do you have the fish?" Pephredo chimed in.
"What about our eye?"
"Patience, ladies!" Iolaus gasped, "I'm working on it!"
*****
"You know, they're going to be here any minute." Iolaus reminded as the she-fish paused in her purposeful laps, "And I don't see anything, well, coming up, Pinky."
Again the salmon poked her head out of the water. This time she stared at him and if a fish's lower lip could tremble Pinky's was doing that now. "I don't feel anything moving around, either way." she stated calmly then wailed, "Oh Iolaus, what am I going to do? I don't want to be flayed! Life as a fish wasn't so bad ... Swimming up stream was actually kind of challenging! Oh gods, I'm doomed!"
"Sh!" Iolaus put a finger to his lips then looked over his shoulder, "Look, there *is* a way out of this. There has to be. You said to break the spell you had to approach the sister without the aid of mortal hands. Is that true?"
"Yes. I have to go to them and have them touch me. But no one can just carry me to them. I have to do it on my own."
"But how? You can't spend much time out of the water and if they see you coming ..."
"If they **see** me coming." Pinky repeated.
Iolaus understood where she was going but, "That still tough. After a few seconds they'd hear you wheezing. They'll know something's up."
"Boy, boy are you here?" came a voice from a short distance away.
Standing, Iolaus saw the three sisters crawling over the nearest dune.
"We heard you ... Where are you, Shaggy?"
"Oh no." Iolaus, whispered. Upset and indecisive, he suddenly bent down, picked up the heavy, over-sized salmon like he might a baby, and began to run down river. 'No,' he thought, '*This* is the stupidest thing I've ever done.', "Pinky, you better expel that thing quick or neither of us are coming out of this mess as humans. I won't do well as a chicken. I hate worms and laying eggs goes against my nature!"
"Try avoiding a male salmon sometimes." Pinky began to wheeze, "Especially when he's hoping you're about to lay eggs."
*****
"We know you're around her somewhere, Shaggy! Give us what we want and no one gets hurt!" The Graiae called.
"For three old blind women they're relentless!" Iolaus murmured as he ran.
"They have the advantage of witchcraft." Pinky said. Her breaths were coming out in small, painful gasps now.
"I've got to get you in water." Iolaus stopped, looked down at the paling salmon, then turned to the river. Gently, he deposited her into the water, "Go now." he said, "Swim away and don't come back. You're better off in there than out here, especially when the sisters catch up to me."
Pinky poked her head out of the water, "But Iolaus, without the eye you're doomed! I can't just ..."
"GO!" he shouted and all at once felt his feet sinking in the dirt and sand next to the river. He couldn't move. Magically, he was being held in one place and sinking further and further.
Then he heard their cackle.
"Enough of this nonsense!" Pephredo exclaimed as she and her sisters closed in on Iolaus, "Where is our eye!?"
"Where you'll never find it." Iolaus announced bravely, now up to his knees in damp muck. "Guess you'll just have to turn me into a chicken."
"The fish escaped?" Enyo barked, perturbed.
"Never send a mortal in to do an immortal's job." Deino replied.
"I let her go." Iolaus proclaimed, "I couldn't murder Pinky just to retrieve your eye."
"Fish means that much to you?" Deino asked, puzzled.
"You named it *Pinky*?" Pephredo chimed in.
"She's not a fish. She's a human being and you changed her into a salmon!"
The dawning of knowledge appeared very suddenly in the ladies expressions. Thoughtfully, they gathered themselves in a circle.
"He's talking about that homely little princess." Enyo recalled.
"The drab one who stole our conjuration scrolls? I forgot about her."
"It's been about a season, hasn't it?"
"We do have *copies* of those scrolls ... "
"Hey!" Iolaus, now up to his waist in quicksand, sounded desperate."Are you going to turn me into a chicken or what?!"
The Graiae broke apart and turned in his direction.
"Here's the deal." Pephredo said, "If you give us the fish, we'll turn her back into the plain human mortal she is but *you* have to figure out a way to get us back our eye before sundown."
Plain? Drab? Homely? Iolaus winced. Well, beauty really was in the eye of the beholder, he thought. Then Iolaus frowned at the unintentional pun. He shook the thought from his head. It didn't matter. "What will happen if I *can't* get the eye from her before sundown?" he asked, now up to his neck in sand.
"She's a fish once again and you, Shaggy, will learn to cockadoodledoo."
"It's a deal!" Pinky, who had been listening, bounced herself out of the water and flipped over and over until she got to Deino's feet.
"No!" Iolaus shouted, fearful of the outcome.
A single touch against the witch's slipper caused an explosion of purple light. Then, there before them stood a young girl, in her late teens, slim, with long, dark hair. She wore a gown of forest green.
Up to his nose in quicksand, Iolaus eyes grew wide. She hadn't lied. She was beautiful.
"Quick!" Pinky shouted, excited. "Get him out of there before he suffocates!"
"Oh dear," Enyo lamented, "Without our vision we can't see and ...Girl, are you okay?"
Pinky began to cough and gasp.
Iolaus, after a hand wave in his general direction, found himself on solid ground again. His happiness at escaping sure death was short lived, however, when he saw the princess doubled over. His first instinct was to run to her and he did, "Water? Do you need water?" Then to the Graiae he shouted, "You forgot to take her fishiness away! She can't breath ..."
Crucially, Pinky waved her arms in front of Iolaus and stamped her feet. She pointed to her mouth, then to her left eye in a bizarre imitation of "charades". She then put hands on her throat and slowly collapsed to her knees."
"The eye! She's choking on the eye!!" Iolaus, without a single thought other than he had to do something to save her, jumped behind the girl, put his arms around her mid section and pushed up quickly.
With a very unladylike "Bleeech!" the eyeball burst out of the princess' mouth, popped Deino on the forehead and landed on a grassy mound at Iolaus' feet.
"Is she okay?" Enyo asked, "She didn't die, did she?"
A hand on her shoulder, noting an exhausted smile as the princess looked up at him, Iolaus determined Pinky would be fine. He picked up the eyeball at his feet and grimaced, "Eww." he said with a shiver then put the eye in Pephredo's out-stretched hand, "Here."
"Oh my!" the witch exclaimed. "We're back in action, sisters!"
"Let me see!"
"No, let me see first!"
Without so much as a backward glance, the Graiae turned and walked up the mound, back to wherever it was they came from.
"They didn't even say 'thank you'." Pinky pouted, accepting the hand Iolaus offered to help her stand on her shaky feet.
Iolaus reached up to touch his ear and felt the smooth ring that hung there. He smiled. "In a way they did." Then, more satisfied: "At least you're back to normal."
"Yes, I am." she looked down at her human hands, nearly unbelieving. "My poor mother and father ... I've got to go home!" She then softly bit her lower lip and her expression turned hopeful, "Come to the palace with me, Iolaus. My father will throw a feast in your honor."
Tempted, Iolaus looked into her lovely brown eyes then glanced upward at the darkening sky. "I can't." he said, regretfully. "As it is I'm not going to make it to the academy until tomorrow morning. Then I'll just make it to my first class."
"So conscientious and such a hero. Your Mom and Dad must be so proud of you." she spoke dreamily.
Iolaus shrugged, thinking of Skouros. "I'm not a hero. Not yet, anyway."
"Iolaus, if it wasn't for your heroics I would still be swimming around in that river." Then, slyly she smiled, "Let me show *my* appreciation." Pinky stepped gently forward and leaned in to kiss Iolaus on the lips.
Unexpectedly, she was thwarted when he backed up a little. "What's wrong?"
"Um ... er ... I'm sorry but it's the smell."
The princess, appalled, breathed into her hand. "Fish?" she asked.
"No." Iolaus grinned, "Eyeball breath."
THE END
December
2001
Beckers@att.net
by
Beckers
*****
"This is the stupidest thing I've ever done!" he exclaimed to himself, the trees, wildlife and anything or anyone else who cared to listen to the exasperated lament. Iolaus stood, knee deep in cold river water, holding an errant salmon upward, in both hands, close to his face. He looked into the round, strangely intelligent eyes. "Will you *please* just cough up that eyeball so I can get back to the academy before I'm recorded AWOL?"
"I'm sorry. I really am." the large salmon apologized with a fishy whine, "I didn't mean to swim away. It's what I do. Instinct, you know."
Iolaus squeezed his eyes shut and suppressed an urge to squash the salmon into a flat, pasty pulp. The academy, with all its rules and regulations, was the Elysian Fields compared to this latest mess Iolaus had gotten himself into. "You told me," he spoke with strained calmness, "you were a beautiful princess, cursed by The Graiae. 'I'm human.' you said." Then, through clenched teeth, "You shouldn't *have* fish instincts!" Iolaus was clearly at the end of his tether.
"Well, I've been this way for months." she mourned, "Can I help I've developed a water-type's aptitude for survival?"
How could a great Winter Solstice weekend like he just experienced end on such a sour note? Five days ago Iolaus' mother had sent him a note, letting the academy student know that his father, Skouros, would not be home for Solstice. He had been called away to Crete. What Erythia was trying to tell Iolaus was that she and his foster sister, Lahti, would be all alone and they wanted son and brother to come home for the holiday weekend; instead of doing what he usually did, following Hercules to Alcemne's for a solstice celebration.
At first Iolaus was indecisive. He used to go to Hercules' home for the holidays because he couldn't conceive of being in the company of his father for too long. Even an hour was awkward. Skouros, the great general, often sneered and voiced disappointment over his son's many short comings. He had wanted a tall, dark, brave warrior-child; a man's man who could proudly stand beside his father and discuss war-time strategy. He wanted someone like Ares. What he got, in no one's opinion but his own, was a short, fair-haired, lily-livered, girly-boy thief. "There's only one thing I can hope for." Skouros once told an impressionable preteen Iolaus. It was during one of Skouros' few visits home, and he was drunk. "When you die, boy, you'll go out the hero you aren't, not the coward you are."
Even after Iolaus had been accepted into the warrior academy ("You were forced to go, boy!") and Chieron told Skouros of his son's many accomplishments, the general was doubtful. However, he beamed his gratitude in front of the centaur. It was later, after mounting his horse to leave, that Iolaus heard Skouros' sarcastic, "I'll believe it when I see it." to Erytha, who gave her husband a cast-down look.
Maybe it was that visual but never verbalized turmoil that wounded Iolaus most. Why didn't his mother ever stick up for him? Why didn't she tell Skouros that he shouldn't say such things? Iolaus was a good boy. He was a *good* boy! Yet, it never happened and what Iolaus thought of as a refuge during holiday breaks had become pleasurable and comfortable. Alcemne was his second mother, a beautiful lady who loved her own son and treated Iolaus like he belonged in her home. Unable to do different, Iolaus gravitated to Alcemne more and more, asking her advice with simple teenage problems, even at the expense of losing his bond with Eryitha.
Then there was Lahti. Iolaus delighted in the little girl's company but it didn't take a genius to figure out that the foundling Skorous had one day brought to their home was, indeed, his own child. She was born from an affair with another woman. What amazed Iolaus was that Erythia could look at the girl, an example of Skouros' faithlessness, and still love her. Did she ever even question him? Still, it was hard not to love Lahti. She was a sweet and unassuming girl. Later of course, when she got older, questions would be asked but, for right now, Lahti remained naive ... and she worshiped her big brother who, she told everyone, was going to be a great man one day.
Ah, but to the problem at hand ....
"Umh, I hate to ask but could you put me back in the water. It's the air thing. I'm getting dizzy."
Iolaus rolled his eyes and looked down at his prisoner, "Last time I did that I had to chase you two hours up river."
"Well, find a bucket or something because this is getting *really* uncomfortable." The fish began to wheeze heavily.
"Oh." Desperate, Iolaus looked around. He was in the middle of a Corinthian forest. Where the Hades was he going to find a ...? Then he saw a break-off from the river. It was just a tiny hole really but it would serve their purpose. Iolaus walked over to it and dumped the fish unceremoniously inside. "Better?" he asked, dropping to the ground, sitting cross-legged in front of the water-hole. Then, before the fish could reply, "Better be, because you're going to stay here until you give up that eyeball!"
The salmon balanced it's upper weight against the edge of the leaf-leveled edge, shrugged her gills, and poked her head out of the water, "Grumpy." she commented, "I got this way because I was having a little fun where there was no sense of humor. What's your excuse, He Who Has Much Hair?"
Iolaus glowered and bit his tongue, afraid he might say something indecent. Closing his eyes, the young warrior in training thought of happier times ....
The solstice holiday had been great, despite the fact there was no Hercules or Jason to hang with. Iolaus, at the last minute, bought two cheap quills and three rolled, blank parchments at the student store. He wrapped them awkwardly, and presented them to Erythia as a present. For Lahti he whittled-out a very small wood doll on his way home. It was respectable work, on the run, if he did say so himself. Both females were thrilled, more by his appearance than the gifts, but they gushed their pleasure anyway, expecting nothing but a hardy appetite from the wayward member of their small family.
Later, after a satisfying meal of wild pheasant, bread, garden greens and hot apple cobbler, Lahti bestowed a gift to Iolaus. He smiled, expecting a quickly drawn picture of some kind but, instead, she presented her brother with a single gold earring.
"Skouros ordered me a set, one for each ear, from Athens." She piped innocently, "But I want you to have this one." she dangled the glittering loop in front of his face, "Wear it always, Iolaus. It will be our bond as brother and sister."
"But I don't have a pierced ear." Iolaus smiled, awed by the generous offering.
Erythia pulled out a sharp needle from her sewing basket and passed it over the flame of a candle, "You will."
Slightly nervous, Iolaus looked from Erythia to the earring and back to Lahti again. His half sister, only eight years old, had grown so profound and proud. It tugged at his heart. "Thank you." Iolaus took the gift from the girl, then reaching forward suddenly, he hugged her. Skouros had managed to get one child right anyway, Iolaus thought. He then gently tickled the little girl's ribs.
It produced a delighted giggle.
Erythia watched and wiped a silent, undetected tear from her cheek.
****
"How did you swallow that thing anyway?" Iolaus questioned, watching the fish swim back and forth in front of him.
"I'm enchanted. This sort of thing comes with the territory. I was hungry, the eye rolled into the water and I opened my mouth. Boom. Instant lunch. Would have tasted better with salt." She told him during her laps. Earlier the salmon, who Iolaus dubbed Pinky, said if she moved around, shaking up the magic eye as it rested in her stomach, it might pop out on its own.
It was worth a try. Iolaus was willing to wait a little longer. He really didn't want to pull his dagger and commence with surgery, despite what was demanded. He knew he'd regret it for the rest of his life. Distracted, he looked over his shoulder to see if **they** were lurking. So far, so good. 'Why didn't I just keep walking?' he thought, bitterly.
The trek back to the academy had been filled with fond memories. Iolaus reached up and touched the gold erring as it dangled from his freshly pierced ear. Erythia had been quick, thorough and accurate. Iolaus was grateful. The guys, of course, would probably tease him about it.
"Oh Iolaus, earrings are so .... *pirate*." He could practically hear the mock causticity spewing from Jason's patrician mouth.
Hercules, on the other hand, would only nod, "You know what they say, Jase: *Pirates can happen to anyone*. It's nice, Iolaus." and that'd be pretty much it.
But it didn't matter what they thought. Iolaus promised Lahti he'd wear it and he would.
Then: "Help ... oh, help us please."
Iolaus halted in his tracks and looked from side to side. He then looked down a gently sloping rise and saw the Hestian River. What met his vision was at once comical and weird. Three old ladies, all in ratty-draped clothing, stumbling and falling all over themselves at the river's apron. They were attempting either to go somewhere or stand their ground. Whatever they were doing they seemed very confused.
"Oh no." Iolaus whispered as recollection hit him like an Olympian thunderbolt. He knew them. Pephredo, Enyo and Deino. The Graiae. Or, as Hercules called them, The Witch Sisters. They'd met them once before, when an uncharacteristically calculating Hercules ran off with the sister's lone eyeball. In retaliation, they turned Jason into boar and made Iolaus life Tartarus by having live foliage attack him at every turn. He thought he'd seen the last of these three crones but, as The Fates would have it, here they were again. And, from the looks of them, they were in trouble. "Turn around, Iolaus." he told himself, "Nothing but trouble here." But, as he watched the old women from the hill, saw how helpless they appeared, as they dropped on all fours searching for something, his good heart couldn't ignore the obvious need for assistance. With a sigh, he walked slowly down the hill. "Can I help you?"
"Who are you?"
"What are you?"
"Where are you?"
"The name's Iolaus. Er, we've met before ..."
"It's the shaggy boy!" Deino announced.
"Should have known!" cried Enyo.
"Did you steal our eye, boy?" asked Pephredo.
"No!" Iolaus stated quickly, having always hated being called 'boy'. "You lost it ... again?" he asked, noting the way the semi-divine sisters wavered and cackled, feeling the ground with their talon hands.
"Enyo dropped it." Pephredo accused.
"Did not. It was Deino."
"It should be near the river here somewhere."
Iolaus studied the situation and realized there might be an opportunity involved with this predicament. If he did the right thing, helped The Graiae find their eye, thus scoring possible point with the Olympians, he might have an interesting tale to relate to academy students. Heck, he might even be able to write home and tell his Mom about it. And if Skouros happened to be around when she got the parchment he would know just how brave and heroic Iolaus was.
On the other hand, he could always turn tail and run as fast as he could to the academy before something went wrong. It usually did.
Iolaus sighed, "Can I help you find your eye, ladies?"
"What a sweet boy." Enyo crooned.
"He probably stole it in the first place." Pephredo accused.
"Did not." both Iolaus and Deino said simultaneously, startling each other.
Iolaus hunted with the three sisters for over an hour but could find nothing. Only the occasional jump from a merry fish splashing about in the rushing river announced that there was anything to see on or near the smooth riverbank.
Then curious, he watched the fish do it's tumbling act. Iolaus could have swore he heard a voice coming from the river. He stood erect and watched the salmon closely. Was it actually laughing? Iolaus then caught sight of something really odd. That fish, as it leapt about and managed to stay in the same place, had a tremendous belly. It was almost as if it had swallowed something whole or ... "Oh no." Iolaus whispered and not for the first time.
"What is it?" Pephredo asked, alerted by the alarm in his voice.
"I hate to tell you this but I see a fish out there, much bigger than the rest, and it has a mighty distended stomach. I think it swallowed your eye, ladies."
"WHAT?!" the crones cried in unison.
"I'm sorry." Iolaus sighed, brushing damp hands against his trousers. "I guess you'll have to find another."
"What, another eye?" Enyo exclaimed.
"Stupid boy, you think these things grow on trees or something?"
"Go get our eye!" Deino demanded.
Iolaus stared at them, "How am I supposed to do that? With a fishing pole?"
"No, go in the water and catch that fish with your hands." Enyo insisted.
"Then cut it open and pull out the eye."
"And give it back to us!" Pephredo added.
Feeling ill used, Iolaus placed indignant hands on his hips. Being helpful was one thing and trying to impress his father was another, but this was just too strange. "Look, I'm sorry you lost your eye and if it were possible for me to get that fish and and bring it back, with the eye, I'd do it. But there's really no way I can ..." Iolaus trailed off as he noticed the sisters moving gently back and forth, distracted, almost as if they were lulling themselves into a trance. He heard a murmuring of words then an almost violent tug at his ear, "Hey!" he cried.
Pephredo opened her clawed hand to reveal Iolaus' gold earring.
"What the ..." Iolaus felt his ear. Nothing torn or bleeding but the earring was gone.
"An earring?" The sisters all felt it with their arthritic hands, "*This* is what is most precious to you?" Deino questioned and lifted her eyebrows, "My, you lead a rather shallow life, Shaggy."
"That came from my baby sister. It was a Solstice gift. You give it back!"
The sisters all nodded and smiled, understanding.
"Right now this object is what is most precious to you. When you catch the fish and bring us back our eye, you will get your earring back. Don't disappoint us, boy, or there will be dire consequences."
"And what's to prevent me from walking over there and taking it from you?" Iolaus asked, fed up.
"Wanna be turned into a chicken?" asked Enyo.
The water was cold as Iolaus waded in. The fish was still there, happily flipping about and, yes, laughing. "I don't believe this." Iolaus whispered to himself, feeling foolish. The Graiae explained to him that the salmon had been enchanted the moment it swallowed their eye. "I guess that makes sense." he said. It didn't really. Still, when your best friend was a halfgod you took this sort of thing in stride. Sure, the eye of The Witch Sisters had enchanted the fish that swallowed it. Why not? There was a time he didn't believe in dragons either.
****
"What are you doing? Get your filthy mitts of me, you cad!" cried the salmon as Iolaus handled it firmly. He couldn't believe his luck, He managed to get right behind the fish and as it did a reckless flip Iolaus was there to catch it in mid air.
"You're a girl!" Iolaus was so surprised he nearly dropped her.
"Yes, I'm a girl. Now, do you mind?"
"You're a girl-fish!" Iolaus further exclaimed.
"No, bachaai-dung for brains! I'm a girl. I'm human. I was cursed by the Graiae because I, accidentally mind you, came upon them whilst they were conjuring magic."
"They told me it's their eyeball that's enchanted you. It's what's making you speak."
"And you believed them?"
Iolaus glanced over his shoulder at the sisters. They stood there, attentive but not seeing a thing. As far as he could tell they couldn't hear them either. "*Why* did they curse you?"
"Well, one ... or *six* of their scrolls with a few insignificant magic tricks might have came up missing ..."
"You're a thief."
"No, I'm not. *I* am a beautiful princess. My father is the King of Scapia, a small but powerful kingdom just east of here." Then, less boastful: "I've been gone for quite sometime. He's probably worried sick. Mother too." she paused, then: "Hey, if you can turn me back into myself he'll reward you ... and you'll be called a hero."
Iolaus paused, thinking about this. "Those sisters have something that belongs to me. I want it back and the only thing I can do ..." he then paused as something she said hit home, "You're beautiful?"
The girl-fish turned coyly away, "In my original form, sure. That's what they always told me, anyway."
Torn, Iolaus closed his eyes and opened them again. Beautiful girl. Hero. Eyeball. Earring. What was a guy to do? "Okay, we'll play it your way. What now?"
"Let me go."
"Let you go?"
"The curse can only be broken if I approach the witches on my own, without the aid of mortal hands."
"What will happen?"
"You'll see."
With a shrug, knowing something was wrong, but not quite knowing what, he laid the large fish gently in the water and watched as it at first slowly moved to shore than unexpectedly veered quickly and started to head up river."
"Hey, wait!" Iolaus shouted, racing through the water, kicking up a mighty splash, to catch up to the escaping salmon.
"What's going on, boy?!" Deino shouted.
"Do you have the fish?" Pephredo chimed in.
"What about our eye?"
"Patience, ladies!" Iolaus gasped, "I'm working on it!"
*****
"You know, they're going to be here any minute." Iolaus reminded as the she-fish paused in her purposeful laps, "And I don't see anything, well, coming up, Pinky."
Again the salmon poked her head out of the water. This time she stared at him and if a fish's lower lip could tremble Pinky's was doing that now. "I don't feel anything moving around, either way." she stated calmly then wailed, "Oh Iolaus, what am I going to do? I don't want to be flayed! Life as a fish wasn't so bad ... Swimming up stream was actually kind of challenging! Oh gods, I'm doomed!"
"Sh!" Iolaus put a finger to his lips then looked over his shoulder, "Look, there *is* a way out of this. There has to be. You said to break the spell you had to approach the sister without the aid of mortal hands. Is that true?"
"Yes. I have to go to them and have them touch me. But no one can just carry me to them. I have to do it on my own."
"But how? You can't spend much time out of the water and if they see you coming ..."
"If they **see** me coming." Pinky repeated.
Iolaus understood where she was going but, "That still tough. After a few seconds they'd hear you wheezing. They'll know something's up."
"Boy, boy are you here?" came a voice from a short distance away.
Standing, Iolaus saw the three sisters crawling over the nearest dune.
"We heard you ... Where are you, Shaggy?"
"Oh no." Iolaus, whispered. Upset and indecisive, he suddenly bent down, picked up the heavy, over-sized salmon like he might a baby, and began to run down river. 'No,' he thought, '*This* is the stupidest thing I've ever done.', "Pinky, you better expel that thing quick or neither of us are coming out of this mess as humans. I won't do well as a chicken. I hate worms and laying eggs goes against my nature!"
"Try avoiding a male salmon sometimes." Pinky began to wheeze, "Especially when he's hoping you're about to lay eggs."
*****
"We know you're around her somewhere, Shaggy! Give us what we want and no one gets hurt!" The Graiae called.
"For three old blind women they're relentless!" Iolaus murmured as he ran.
"They have the advantage of witchcraft." Pinky said. Her breaths were coming out in small, painful gasps now.
"I've got to get you in water." Iolaus stopped, looked down at the paling salmon, then turned to the river. Gently, he deposited her into the water, "Go now." he said, "Swim away and don't come back. You're better off in there than out here, especially when the sisters catch up to me."
Pinky poked her head out of the water, "But Iolaus, without the eye you're doomed! I can't just ..."
"GO!" he shouted and all at once felt his feet sinking in the dirt and sand next to the river. He couldn't move. Magically, he was being held in one place and sinking further and further.
Then he heard their cackle.
"Enough of this nonsense!" Pephredo exclaimed as she and her sisters closed in on Iolaus, "Where is our eye!?"
"Where you'll never find it." Iolaus announced bravely, now up to his knees in damp muck. "Guess you'll just have to turn me into a chicken."
"The fish escaped?" Enyo barked, perturbed.
"Never send a mortal in to do an immortal's job." Deino replied.
"I let her go." Iolaus proclaimed, "I couldn't murder Pinky just to retrieve your eye."
"Fish means that much to you?" Deino asked, puzzled.
"You named it *Pinky*?" Pephredo chimed in.
"She's not a fish. She's a human being and you changed her into a salmon!"
The dawning of knowledge appeared very suddenly in the ladies expressions. Thoughtfully, they gathered themselves in a circle.
"He's talking about that homely little princess." Enyo recalled.
"The drab one who stole our conjuration scrolls? I forgot about her."
"It's been about a season, hasn't it?"
"We do have *copies* of those scrolls ... "
"Hey!" Iolaus, now up to his waist in quicksand, sounded desperate."Are you going to turn me into a chicken or what?!"
The Graiae broke apart and turned in his direction.
"Here's the deal." Pephredo said, "If you give us the fish, we'll turn her back into the plain human mortal she is but *you* have to figure out a way to get us back our eye before sundown."
Plain? Drab? Homely? Iolaus winced. Well, beauty really was in the eye of the beholder, he thought. Then Iolaus frowned at the unintentional pun. He shook the thought from his head. It didn't matter. "What will happen if I *can't* get the eye from her before sundown?" he asked, now up to his neck in sand.
"She's a fish once again and you, Shaggy, will learn to cockadoodledoo."
"It's a deal!" Pinky, who had been listening, bounced herself out of the water and flipped over and over until she got to Deino's feet.
"No!" Iolaus shouted, fearful of the outcome.
A single touch against the witch's slipper caused an explosion of purple light. Then, there before them stood a young girl, in her late teens, slim, with long, dark hair. She wore a gown of forest green.
Up to his nose in quicksand, Iolaus eyes grew wide. She hadn't lied. She was beautiful.
"Quick!" Pinky shouted, excited. "Get him out of there before he suffocates!"
"Oh dear," Enyo lamented, "Without our vision we can't see and ...Girl, are you okay?"
Pinky began to cough and gasp.
Iolaus, after a hand wave in his general direction, found himself on solid ground again. His happiness at escaping sure death was short lived, however, when he saw the princess doubled over. His first instinct was to run to her and he did, "Water? Do you need water?" Then to the Graiae he shouted, "You forgot to take her fishiness away! She can't breath ..."
Crucially, Pinky waved her arms in front of Iolaus and stamped her feet. She pointed to her mouth, then to her left eye in a bizarre imitation of "charades". She then put hands on her throat and slowly collapsed to her knees."
"The eye! She's choking on the eye!!" Iolaus, without a single thought other than he had to do something to save her, jumped behind the girl, put his arms around her mid section and pushed up quickly.
With a very unladylike "Bleeech!" the eyeball burst out of the princess' mouth, popped Deino on the forehead and landed on a grassy mound at Iolaus' feet.
"Is she okay?" Enyo asked, "She didn't die, did she?"
A hand on her shoulder, noting an exhausted smile as the princess looked up at him, Iolaus determined Pinky would be fine. He picked up the eyeball at his feet and grimaced, "Eww." he said with a shiver then put the eye in Pephredo's out-stretched hand, "Here."
"Oh my!" the witch exclaimed. "We're back in action, sisters!"
"Let me see!"
"No, let me see first!"
Without so much as a backward glance, the Graiae turned and walked up the mound, back to wherever it was they came from.
"They didn't even say 'thank you'." Pinky pouted, accepting the hand Iolaus offered to help her stand on her shaky feet.
Iolaus reached up to touch his ear and felt the smooth ring that hung there. He smiled. "In a way they did." Then, more satisfied: "At least you're back to normal."
"Yes, I am." she looked down at her human hands, nearly unbelieving. "My poor mother and father ... I've got to go home!" She then softly bit her lower lip and her expression turned hopeful, "Come to the palace with me, Iolaus. My father will throw a feast in your honor."
Tempted, Iolaus looked into her lovely brown eyes then glanced upward at the darkening sky. "I can't." he said, regretfully. "As it is I'm not going to make it to the academy until tomorrow morning. Then I'll just make it to my first class."
"So conscientious and such a hero. Your Mom and Dad must be so proud of you." she spoke dreamily.
Iolaus shrugged, thinking of Skouros. "I'm not a hero. Not yet, anyway."
"Iolaus, if it wasn't for your heroics I would still be swimming around in that river." Then, slyly she smiled, "Let me show *my* appreciation." Pinky stepped gently forward and leaned in to kiss Iolaus on the lips.
Unexpectedly, she was thwarted when he backed up a little. "What's wrong?"
"Um ... er ... I'm sorry but it's the smell."
The princess, appalled, breathed into her hand. "Fish?" she asked.
"No." Iolaus grinned, "Eyeball breath."
THE END
December
2001
Beckers@att.net