The Wild Tale Of Luxord
I was bored and a crack idea wouldn't leave me alone so first I made a fan comic outta it then I made it into a fanfic.
This is a Humor fanfic with some Romance in it. This means that this comic was made due to my caffine addiction and crack ideas that were put on paper.
Warning: There will be some yaoi in here or maybe just mentioned and some cussing in this fanfic. There's also a tiny bit of naughty humor in it too.
Pairings:Most of the pairings are mainly just mentioned and the are mostly Xigbar/Luxord with sides of Demyx/Zexion, Roxas/Xion, and a small bit of Axel/Larxene and maybe a bit of Lexaeus/Vexen too.
I was bored and a crack idea wouldn't leave me alone so first I made a fan comic outta it then I made it into a fanfic. Oh and the pmsy Luxord jokes are by no means of intending to offend any of my fellow female fanfic writers, I just love using the pmsy jokes for some male characters, that's all. Oh and I'm sorry if there are some/many spelling errors, part of my brain broke while writing/typing this fanfic (call it brain farts if you will).
I have and will never in my life have owned any Kingdom Heart characters, I'd be a very rich woman if I did. I'm just borrowing them for a bit.
The Wild Tale Of Luxord
It started like a normal day in Vexen's lab. He and Zexion were discussing which one of Vexen's experiments they should try out. Lexaeus would normally join his icey lover and little friend but Xemnas had the silent hero pick up the groceries with Saix. Zexion was wearing his regular emo outfit and Vexen was wearing his favorite shirt that Lexaeus got him, a pale blue long sleved shirt with a big white splooch at the top part.
"What are we going to try now, Vexen?" Zexion asked, eager to start the experiment.
"Well, let's see..." Vexen said, going through some files, "It seems like experiment #33 is ready. Let's try that."
As Vexen and Zexion started the experiment, they failed to notice that someone else had came into the lab.
Zexion noticed that one of the high up shelfs were unstable and looked on the verg of collapsing.
"Hey Vexen, that shelf looks a bit unstable." Zexion said, pointing to the shelf.
Vexen looked at the shelf and scowled.
"Damn that Xigbar, I told that moron to fix it." Vexen said, thinking of how many times he asked the sharpshooter to fix the stupid shelf.
Suddenly the latch that was keeping the shelf up against the wall snapped. The unknown figure walked further into the lab, oblivious to the event that was happening.
"Holy Crap." Zexion exclaimed, "It broke."
Vexen's eyes widened in horror as one of his potion bottles slide down.
"Zexion, quick catch that bottle before it falls." Vexen yelled, urgently.
As the bottle slide down in slow motion, the figure walked toward the two. The figure turned out to be Luxord,who had a clipboard in his hands. He was wearing a long red sleeved shirt with a black vest over it. The black vest had a red club on one side.
"I say, I hate to bother you during experiments but Xaldin wanted to know if..." Luxord said, before Vexen cut him off.
"# 10 , hurry and catch that bottle before it falls." Vexen shouted, urgently to the gambler.
"What?" Luxord asked, right before the bottle fell on him and the whole room was filled with smoke.
As soon as the smoke clear, Vexen cast a stren look in Luxord's direction as he cleared his throat.
"# 10, you tea drinking moron." Vexen grumbled, "Did you not hear me?"
"Are you ok, Luxord?" Zexion asked, looking a little worried.
When the smoke cleared both nobodies were shocked at what they saw. Where the gambler stood a tan dog with platnium blonde hair stood. Both nobodies rubbed their eyes in disbelief before realizing that this was no trick of the eyes. They stared at the dog for a bit as the dog looked up at the two.
Vexen was the first to act after a short moment of exchanging glances with the dog. He picked up the dog. Zexion began fishing through books in Vexen's library for an animal book. Once he did he walked back over toward his guardian.
"Great, just great, I just turned #10 into a dog." Vexen said, worried on what the Superior would do if he found out that he turned one of the organization members into an animal, again.
As Vexen was having a small mental breakdown, Zexion was flipping through pages throught the animal book until he found a picture that matched the dog's features.
"Uh Vexen, I think you turned Luxord into a coyote."
"What in the name of Kingdom Hearts do I tell the Superior or better yet Xigbar?"
"You may want to hold off on telling Xigbar." Zexion said in a uneasy tone, "I hear that Xigbar's been rather testy lately."
Vexen gave out a long sigh as he set the coyote down and went through his medical items.
"Well, we might as well try to figure out how to fix this mess." Vexen said, taking out a shot, "Zexion, hold him still as I get a blood sample from him."
Zexion turned to the now canine Luxord making sure not to startle the wild dog by taking nice and slow steps.
"Now Luxord, please stay still." Zexion said gently, as Vexen walked toward them.
Once he saw the shot, Luxord backed away from both nobodies, whimpering slightly.
As Zexion was about to grab the coyote, he started freaking out.
"No Luxord, stop squirming."
"# 10!"
And with that the gambler dog made a mad dash out of the lab and into the hallway. He continued walking around until he caught Demyx in the TV room and decided to keep Demyx company. He walked into the room and saw Demyx flipping through TV channels boredly. The musician nobody wore a aqua shirt with music notes on the edges of the collar, sleeves, and bottom. A big note was on the center.
"Man, this totally sucks ass." Demyx grumbled, "There's nothing on."
The gambler barked at the musician to get his attention. Demyx heard the bark and looked down.
"Hey, a doggy, How'd you get in here?" Demyx said excited as he saw the dog's tail waging and his toungue out slightly, "Aren't you a friendly fellow? Wanna be my friend?"
Demyx knelled down and petted the dog. Xaldin walked into the room and made a noise to get Demyx's attention. Demyx looked up at Xaldin and got back up. Fortunately Xaldin didn't notice the dog and continued looking at Demyx. Demyx noticed that Xaldin had an apron on, meaning he was in the middle of cooking a meal. He reconized the apron as Xaldin's favorite. The apron said 'If you don't like my cooking.. then starve!' on it and was a orange-red color. Demyx remembered that Luxord gave that to Xaldin as a Christmas gift and had said that it seemed to described one of his kitchen rules and Xaldin agreed.
"Demyx, have you seen Luxord?" Xaldin asked in an annoyed tone, "I sent him to Vexen's lab to ask him something but the gambling asshole didn't come back."
"Luxy's missing?" Demyx asked, "No I haven't seen him, have ya asked Xigbar? He might know."
Xaldin gave out an annoyed sigh.
"No, Xigbar's been kind testy lately you should know that." Xaldin replied, "It's weird, because normally Luxord is the one who goes PMSy on people not Xigbar."
The dog glared at Xaldin before biting him in the arm. Xaldin looked down at the canine and sent it a few glares.
"Ok, who let this damn mutt in here?" Xaldin growled, "And give me a good reason why I shouldn't murder the damn thing."
Demyx stomped over toward Xaldin and sent him a intense glare.
"If you do then I'll tell everyone where you hide your favorite sake, especially Xigbar and Luxord." Demyx growled, as he started buffing up his cheeks and scowled at the lancer.
Xaldin sighed again, he knew Demyx would do it too. That was the last thing he wanted, because Xigbar and Luxord were notorious for downing booze like it was water. Luxord prefered rum and wine but he was willing to drink any acoholic drink if he was desprate enough for a buzz. Xigbar liked any type of booze but mainly drank Xaldin's sake just because he liked pissing off his old friend.
"Fine, but you better keep an eye on him." Xaldin grunted, as the musician nodded.
Demyx nodded before looking down at the ground only to notice that the tan dog was nowhere in sight.
"Uh oh, the doggy's gone." Demyx said, pointing to where the dog use to be.
Xaldin rolled his eyes at the musician.
"I can't believe you, Demyx." he sighed, "You take your eyes of him for five seconds and you lose track of him."
"Hey, I'll find him, Xaldy just you wait." Demyx replied quickly, glaring at the lancer.
"Well you better hurry then, cuz if Axel or Saix comes across him then that doggy's done for."
Demyx nodded at Xaldin before running off. He knew that the lancer was right. If Axel came across the dog he would most likely set the dog ablaze. Axel wasn't really that mean but he did love setting things on fire, alot. As for Saix, the berserker didn't care for animals in the castle and enforced that rule ferociously. Wheither or not it was because he felt threaten by other animals was uncertain but he made it clear that he didn't want any of the members to keep pets.
He raced into the halls trying to find the dog or anyone who could help him search for the dog.
Meanwhile Luxord was walking around the castle to cool off. He was so focused of what to do that he failed to see the the animal trap lying on the ground. Not seeing the trap the dog accidentally triggered it and it close up on his hind leg. The trap set the dog off guard, causing it to crash to the floor with a loud yelp.
Nearby Roxas was looking around the area with a pair of binocolars and sighed irratablily. Axel had just got him outta bed shouting something running around the castle and they had to catch it. Apparently Zexion had told Axel about the creature, but he couldn't help to think that maybe there was more to Zexion's story then Axel heard. Knowing Axel, Roxas figured that Axel ran off before Zexion could fully explain the situation.
So here he was watching for a wild animal in the castle while Axel set up animal traps all over the castle.
"Axel, I think this is a bad idea." Roxas said, "This would be considered animal creulty you know?"
"Don't be such a baby, Roxy." Axel retorted, giving Roxas a sour look.
"I'm not I just don't wanna do this."
Suddenly they heard a loud yelp, so they ran in the direction of the noise. Axel smirked as they saw a tan dog in one of Axel's animal traps.
"Look we caught it, awesome."
"But Axel this is wrong."
"Enough Roxy." Axel growled, as they saw the tan dog trying to get out of the trap.
Roxas glanced at the pitiful animal tugging on the rope that was attached to the trap. The animal gave up after a while of tugging and lyed down on the floor. It gave a whimper sound as it looked up at Roxas with pleading eyes.
"Take that you mangy bastard." Axel crowed, laughing at the poor animal.
"Demyx is so gonna kill us if he sees this." Roxas said, casting the dog a sad look.
Suddenly Demyx stormed into the hallway. Once he saw the poor dog in a animal trap, he sent a few intense glares in Axel's direction.
"Axel." he growled, "How can you be so mean?"
"Too late." Roxas said, "Let's please just release him."
Axel shook his head as Demyx set more harsh glares in his direction. Demyx even looked on the verge of summoning his weapon out and fight Axel himself. Roxas returned his gaze at the dog. Suddenly as the dog looked into his eyes with rich blue eyes, Roxas was hit with a sense of Deja Vu. Those blue eyes looked very familaur.
"Hey, Demyx." Roxas said, "Doesn't this dog remind you of someone?"
"Yeah he does." Demyx nodded, "But I can't figure out who, do you know, Roxy?"
"Wait does he have earrings on and actual hair?" Roxas asked, noticing that the dog was wearing earring and had plantuim blond hair.
"Who cares." Axel snapped, "Let's burn him."
That comment started a big arguement between the pyro and the musicain.
Apparently their arguing disturbed Xigbar's TV time, caused the sharpshooter stomped into the hallway and shot them a few dirty glares. He was wearing a red sleveless shirt that said 'Super Shooter' on it.
"What the fuck is going on here." Xigbar yelled, "Can't a guy watch TV in peace anymore?!"
"Axel was gonna kill this poor doggy." Demyx said, pointing at Axel then at the dog.
"Doggy?" Xigbar questioned, pointing at the dog, "You mean this coyote?"
"A coyote?" Demyx beamed, "How cool."
"Not cool." Axel scowled, "He's wild meaning he doesn't belong here."
"That still doesn't give you the right to kill it, Axel." Demyx retorted, glaring at Axel.
"Hey Xigbar, I've noticed that you've been rather testy lately." Roxas addressed, "So what's up with you?"
Axel smirked at Xigbar and rushed over to him.
"Yeah, did ya say or did something stupid ta Luxord and he got pissy?" Axel asked, nugging Xigbar , "That means no sex for you for a while."
Xigbar and Luxord's relationship wasn't exactly something from a storybook. They're relationship was a off-on relationship, sometimes they're booze buddies other times they're 'friends with benefits'. Despite how much the two got along, there were times where Xigbar mess ups end up getting them in a 'I'm not talking to you' period. Xigbar often didn't think things through and that often got him into trouble with Luxord. When that happens Luxord pours a bottle of rum on Xigbar, give him a lecture, and storms off to his room or to the organization's bar or even Xaldin's room. Xaldin kept on warning Xigbar not to screw things up with Luxord, but he knew that sharpshooter can't help it.
"Pfffftt, As if Axel, if that was really the case then Luxy, would be the one who's pissy not me." Xigbar scoffed, "Besides, I ain't telling ya, pyro boy."
Then more whining caught thier attention again. Xigbar looked at the dog then it struck him. He knew that scowl like pout look the dog was giving him. Only one person could cast him a look like that.
"Luxord?" Xigbar exclaimed, "Dude is that really you, Lux?"
"What?" Demyx, Roxas, and Axel questioned in unison.
Axel gave Xigbar one of those 'what the hell are you smoking' looks as if he was crazy.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Axel questioned, "Luxord isn't a damn dog."
"Yeah I know it sounds crazy but I know Luxord even his little habits." Xigbar said, giving Axel a dirty look.
"That ain't Luxord, Xigbar." Axel said, "Are you high?"
"Look only Luxord would give me a look like that, so shut it Axel." Xigbar growled, "And I would be if ya started burning some of Marluxia's prized plants.
Axel started laughing. Whenever Marluxia was caught trying to make a move on Roxas or Xion he would go over to Marluxia's greenhouse and burn some of his favorite plants. Xigbar hung around when Axel did it cause some of Marluxia's plants had a rather 'interesting' effect when burned.
Xigbar notice that the dog had animal trap attacted to his ankle.
"Axel, What's on his leg?" Xigbar demanded, "If that's what I think it is then you'd better take it off him, Now."
"It's an animal trap." Roxas said, "Axel got it to catch him."
"That's what I thought, Axel get it off him."
Seconds later the animal was freed from the trap.
"There happy now?" Axel growled, upset that the fact that if he didn't Xigbar would most likely shoot him or beat the tar outta him.
"Sorry Lux, hope that flaming asshole didn't hurt ya." Xigbar said, petting the coyote Luxord's head.
Xigbar then turned to Axel and gave him a dirty look.
"And for the freaking record I can totally prove that this is Luxord."
"That so." Axel scoffed, "Then prove it ya trigger happy ass."
"Fine I will." Xigbar retorted, "I've got at least five ways to prove this is really Luxord."
Xigbar then rushed over to the TV room and came back out, holding a deck of playing cards and a cheesy smirk on his face.
"Method number one, Luxy's all time favorite thing to do..play a card game." Xigbar said, then looking at the dog knowing it was looking at the deck of cards, "Ya remember these, don't ya boy? How about a card game."
"That damn dog doesn't understand a damn word you're saying,you sharpshooting asshole." Axel growled, "It's a damn dog, it can't play a card game."
"Oh yeah then I dare ya to play a few games of poker against him." Xigbar dared, "If you win at least ten games then I'll acknowledge that you were right, after all there's no way that you can lose to a wild dog."
"Fine, if I win then I can set that little doggy ablaze." Axel said, as Demyx whacked him on the head.
"No you won't or else I'll tell Saix that you were spying on him while you were suppost to be on a mission for a week." Demyx growled, "I hope that doggy kicks your ass."
"Uhh, Axel." Roxas said, "Remember that you're not that great in card games."
"Yeah but there's no way I can lose to a damn mutt." Axel replied, "I hope you like feeling like a dumbass cuz I'm about to prove how much of one you are."
"As if, Axel." Xigbar scoffed, as he turned to the coyote, "Ready to beat this flaming asshole in a game of poker, buddy?"
The wild dog nodded and took a seat at the table as Axel did the same.
Fifty-one games of poker later and Axel was getting pissed. His head was down on the table and the coyote had all his muney with a cheesy smile on his furry face, complete with his tongue sticking out slightly.
"This proves NOTHING." Axel grounded out, as Xigbar continued to laugh his ass off and point at Axel.
"Man, Axel you lost to a dog fifty-one times." Demyx chuckled, "You really do suck at card games."
"Come on Axel, only Lux can win that many damn times in a row." Xigbar said, "He's that good."
"Hey Xiggy, what other stuff can you have him do?" Demyx asked, as Xigbar thought for a minute.
"Well method number two is one where only me and Xaldin know."
"Really, like what?"
"Well you see once in a while me, Lux, and Xaldin get really smashed and do some crazy ass dares."
"How is that different from any other day?" Axel asked, in a sarcastic tone.
"We do dares that are so damn crazy that Saix wouldn't do them even if he was completely shit-faced drunk." Xigbar said, "Like writing 'I suck' or 'I like it up the ass' on Mansex's door."
"Hey, Xiggy." Demyx said, "I have an idea do ya mind if I try it out?"
"Sure, go for it dude."
"Well, I have this special journal I like to write in and the only ones who know where it is, is me and Luxy." Demyx explained, "Luxy saw me hiding it one day and I was able to get him to keep it's hiding place a secret very easily."
"So you want him to fetch it, right?" Xigbar asked, as Demyx nodded.
"Please bring me my special journal boy."
The dog nodded and ran off to fetch the requested item. Ten seconds later he returns with a teal book with silver music notes on the cover. On seeing the dog with the book in his mouth and tail wagging, Demyx smiled.
"Hey you found it boy, that means you really are Luxy." Demyx said, taking the book and petting the dog on the head.
It was then Zexion walked into the room. He noticed the dog and gave a relieved sigh.
"There you are Luxord, I've been looking all over for you." Zexion said, as the dog made a mad dash out of the room, "Damn it not again."
"Hey Zexy." Demyx said, "What's up, dude?"
"Geez, Who knew that Luxord was such a damn pansy." Zexion grumbled, placing his hands on his hips.
Xigbar stormed over to Zexion and grabbed him by his shirt collar.
"What the hell did you and Vexen do, you emo little shrimp?"
"I'm sorry Xigbar, it was an accident. For some strange reason Luxord was in Vexen's lab and a potion fell on him." Zexion explained nervously, "As Vexen got out a needle to get a sample of blood from him, Luxord ran off as soon as he saw the needle."
Seeing his Zexion getting treated like that got Demyx upset. He stormed over to the sharpshooter and gave him a intense glare.
"Xigbar, you let go of Zexion right now." Demyx barked, "He said it was an accident so knock off your bullshit."
"Demyx?" Zexion questioned, confused that Demyx snapped at the one member you don't wanna snap at.
"You're just pissed off that Marluxia took your favorite guns and replaced them with crappy nature friendly guns." Demyx continued to bark at Xigbar, "Don't take out your anger at Marly on the rest of us you ass, if you are so pissed off at Marly then go beat the snot out of him or use him for target practice."
"Uh I hate to interupt you guys, but we need to find Lux before he gets into trouble again." Roxas said, as Axel rolled his eyes.
Suddenly they heard a howl and yep from the coyote and shouting from a very annoyed Xaldin.
"Damn it Luxord, you flea bitten ass..get back here." Xaldin's voice bellowed, throughout the hallway.
"Aaaaaaarrrrrroooooooooo." the canine howled happily, right before a crash was heard.
"Got you."
Xaldin then stormed into the room, his hand on the scruff of the canine's neck. He gave the group a hard stare.
"Alright who's the asshole that turned Luxord into a damn mutt? He won't leave me the hell alone." Xaldin demanded, "And don't you dare tell me that this isn't Luxord, because only Luxord or Xigbar would choose to annoy the hell outta me while I'm cooking."
"Who else would ya think?" Axel scoffed, "The damn mad old man scientist."
"Vexen, did this?"
"Duh, fuzz face."
"Axel, don't you dare 'duh' a person who has a countless supply of sharp weapons that can easily have you neutered."
"Sorry."
"Hey Xaldin what did he do?" Xigbar said laughing, "Did he pee on you or did he hump your leg?"
"No if that was the case I would of had him neutered on the spot." Xaldin replied, "He kept nipping me in the ass while I was trying to cook."
Then without warning Xigbar released his hold on Zexion's shirt collar, and let the short nobody drop to the floor hard. Upon hitting the floor, Zexion swore loudly at Xigbar.
Demyx helped Zexion to his feet and dusted him off.
"Zexy, are you ok?" Demyx asked worriedly, "You're not hurt are you?"
"Don't worry Demyx, I'm fine." Zexion replied, before sending Xigbar a series of hard stares, "You didn't have to drop me so hard, Xigbar."
"That was a warning little dude, that Luxord isn't some damn lab rat to be tested on." Xigbar growled, "And for the record, Luxord gets really nervous around medical needles."
"Look, Vexen needed a blood sample to create and test out the antidote, honest." Zexion said, "But seriously how else are we gonna give Luxord the antidote..up the ass?"
"Up the ass, definately up the ass." Axel said snorting and laughing alittle, "Luxord would most likely prefer that. He does like it up the ass..alot."
Xaldin heard a growling noise beside him. He turned his head to find the tan dog growling ferociously at Axel. Yep, this dog was definately Luxord. Luxord didn't often get mad but when he did, whoever that was stupid enough to make him mad was in for a world of hurt. Not too many members were stupid enough to try either, Larxene inculding and that was saying something. Larxene loved pressing people's buttons, but even she avoided pissing off the gambler too mich. Xaldin knew despite not having a really deadly weapon on hand Luxord made up for it with his skills. He, Zexion, and Saix knew of one of Luxord's training methods that he uses to stay in shape. Luxord stuffed mutiple decks in his cloak and was still able to move around freely in it. Each deck of cards were as sharp as razors and could do a good amount of damage if used well. One topic that got the gambler mad was metioning what he does with Xigbar or himself, Xaldin when they were alone. Alot of the older nobodies knew to speak about it was taboo to Luxord and some of the younger nobodies were either too naive to understand or just didn't want to try to upset the gambler.
"He's such a wussy little bitch." Axel continued as the coyote began snarling veciously, "And he..."
Xaldin noticed that the more Axel opened his big mouth the more livid the coyote became.
"Uh..Axel I think you should shut your stupid ass mouth before it gets your stupid ass killed." Xaldin said, feeling the intense murderous aura that was emiting from the wild dog.
"What?" Axel asked, before turning to find the raving mad canine, "Uh Oh."
The wild dog jerked out of Xaldin's grasp and tackled Axel to the ground. The dog began mauling the poor pyro guy. Demyx and Roxas stood there horrorifed at the scene that was happening before them. Xaldin and Xigbar just stood there. Xigbar seemed to be laughing at Axel and Xaldin was shaking his head sadly.
"I tried to warn you, Axel." Xaldin said, as Axel's voice went into high pitched screams.
Unfortunately all that screaming attracted Larxene. Larxene loved it when some of the organization members fight each other. It seems like the sounds of a scuffle always seems to summon her from where ever she was.
"Ooooo, Drama." Larxene sang, peeking from the corner.
"No...Not my beautiful face." Axel wailed, "No please mercy."
The coyote continued growling as he continued mauling the pyro nobody.
Larxene smirked as she watched Axel getting mauled by a wild dog.
"What did I miss, boys?" Larxene smirked, as the coyote look up at Larxene and growled.
Larxene didn't seem fased by the coyote's growl and looked intently at the scene
Axel looked up to see Larxene standing there and sighed.
"Thank God, I'm saved." Axel said, hoping Larxene would help him out.
The coyote's second growl got Larxene's attention. Once see saw the canine she got a miscevious smile.
"Oh my gosh, What a cool dog." Larxene said, "He's kinda cute."
"What do ya want Larxene?" Xigbar asked, "If you're bored, then go bug someone else cause we're kinda busy here."
"I wasn't bored, I actually want to know it you guys seen Luxord." Larxene replied, "That card asshole ran off with my 'Lady Gaga' cds and I want them back."
"Damn Luxy, that's the 28th time this month ya ran off with Larx's cds." Demyx said laughing, "You must really love her cds, man."
"What?" Larxene growled, giving Demyx a questioning glare.
"Larx, That dog is Luxord." Axel said, "Vexen did it."
"Damn that old bastard." Larxene growled as she grabbed the canine and started shaking him, "Where the hell are my cds you ass?"
"Larxene, why don't you just go out and buy new cds so he can keep the old ones." Xaldin said, "You know he's gonna keep running off with those things until he gets a copy of those or something."
"Hey, I don't wanna hear him blasting 'Pokerface' 24/7." Larxene growled, summoning her knives.
Later that day Xigbar and coyote Luxord was sitting on the couch in the TV room.
Xigbar was petting the coyote's head as they watched some TV.
"That was hilarious on how you messed up Axel, Lux." Xigbar chuckled, "That flaming ass was asking for it."
Xigbar started chuckling more at the mere thought of Axel getting owned by a wild dog in more then one time in a day.
"I can't believe you ran off with Larx's 'Lady Gaga' CDs." Xigbar continued, "You must really love those CDs, dude."
Xigbar thought for a bit, but then remembered something important.
"Since you're like that this I think it's be best if you didn't cross paths with Saix, cause he'll try to kill you." Xigbar said, before hearing a gurgling sound followed by a whimper.
"Ha ha ha, you rascal, you were so busy bugging Xaldin that you forgot to grab a bite to eat." Xigbar laughed as he picked up the coyote, "Come on, buddy let's see if fuzzface can fix you anything."
The coyote barked in reponse. The two rushed toward the kitchen where the lancer was cooking dinner. Everybody knew that Xaldin loved to cook and he cooked at weird times. He also cooked both the group meals and individual meals for the organization members.
Xaldin was cooking some bacon and eggs on the stove. He figured that since Luxord didn't have anything to eat since he was turned into a coyote he'd make something for the gambler.
"Finally, I can cook without any assholes bugging me." Xaldin sighed contently, before a sharpshotter stormed in with a wild dog close behind.
"Hey Xaldin." Xigbar blurted out, "We're hungry so fix us something, Biatch."
Xigbar was too busy trying to tease his friend that he didn't notice that Xaldin had summoned a few sharp knives and had them pointed at Xigbar. With a quick flick of the fingers the knives had Xigbar nailed to the wall. Xigbar heard a whimper and saw that the gambler was nailed to the wall too.
"Luxord?" Xigbar exclaimed, "Hey, you didn't have to throw those damn knives at him you know you ass."
"Well you interupted me cooking so you deserved it you, ass."
Xaldin sighed as he pulled the knives out of the wall that had the coyote nailed to. He paused when he got to Xigbar.
"Should I really release you?" Xaldin wondered out loud, "Let's think about this."
"Just get me down from here you hairy gorilla."
"You're not conviencing me to release you very well."
Snickering like whimpering was heard. Both looked down at the coyote to find him snickering.
"Luxord, quite laughing, you ass." Xigbar grumbled, as Xaldin patted the wild dog on the head.
Xaldin pulled the knives from the wall and let Xigbar drop to the floor.
Xigbar got up and sent a few glares at Xaldin.
"Dude you know since Lux is like this he can only handle so much right now." Xigbar grumbled, "Don't do that again."
"What do you want you ass?" Xaldin growled, "Nothing stupid I hope."
"Look just give us something to eat, man Lux is really hungry."
"Fine but only Luxord."
"Dude why not me too?" Xigbar exclaimed, as Xaldin slide the bacon and the eggs onto a plate.
"Because you called me a bitch, you ass."
"I was kidding you, hairy elf."
"If you want food then don't insult the cook." Xaldin growled, as he set the plate on the floor.
The coyote greedily gobbled up the bacon and eggs quickly. Normally Luxord would stress on the importance of table manners, but both nobodies guessed it was since he was turned into a wild dog table manners wasn't important right now.
Xaldin smiled slightly as the wild dog finished his meal.
"At least SOMEONE likes my cooking, thank you Luxord." Xaldin said, as Xigbar just flipped him off.
Later on that day, Luxord decided to take a nap on the couch in the TV room.
Roxas came walking into the room with Xion right beside him.
"..And that explains the situation." Roxas said, "So would you like to see him?"
Roxas then spotted the coyote on the couch, asleep. Roxas figured that Xion would like to see Luxord's new form. After all Luxord was basically like a lovable drunk gambler uncle to some of the younger nobodies.
"Hey there he is." Roxas said, as he and Xion made their way toward the couch.
The dog cracked an eye open at the noise of both Roxas's and Xion's voice.
"Is he asleep?" Xion asked meekly, reaching a hand to the dog, "Will he bite?"
"I don't think so, this is Luxord we're talking about."
The dog lifted his head groggly and looked up at the two.
"Sorry if we woke you up Luxord." Xion said gently, before the coyote gave out a loud yawn, "Awwww, how cute."
Xion gave a little giggle and petted the wild dog's head.
Then suddenly a hand reached out and pulled poor Xion away. It was Marluxia and he was looking down at Xion with a creepy sweet smile.
"Hello, Would you like to help me with something?" Marluxia cooed evilly, as he pulled Xion closer to him.
'I'm finally gonna get laid.' Marluxia added mentally, as Xion started shaking slightly.
'Oh dear not again.' Xion thought worriedly, trying to get out of the plant nobody's grasps.
Marluxia continued with his advances toward the girl nobody. Roxas glared at Marluxia as he saw the plant nobody trying to molest his girlfriend.
"Please stop Marly, you know I don't like that." Xion pleaded, "No stop it."
"Hey, you leave her alone, Marluxia." Roxas growled, as Marluxia just glare at him.
"Shut up." Marluxia snapped, before several loud growls were heard, "Shut up you damn mutt."
Suddenly the tan dog leaped up into the air at Marluxia before setting his fangs into the pink haired psycho's scalp. The plant nobody released his hold on the hostage as the dog began mauling him.
Greatful for the coyote's rescue Xion imediately pulled away from Marluxia and stood beside Roxas.
"Thanks Luxord, you're a livesaver." Xion said sighing, as Roxas nodded.
"Yeah good old Luxord." Roxas added, "You can always count on him when you're in a bind."
Luxord, like Lexaeus, was protective of the younger nobodies and found it in himself to help them in anyway he could. Most of the time Luxord gave out advice for numerious topics but wasn't afaird to do manual work if needed to. He and Marluxia didn't get along very well. Roxas guessed it was the fact that Marluxia basically tried to molest any of the younger nobodies when he was horny or wanted to established domaniance to the others and Luxord probally got sick of it. That and the fact that Marluxia tries to molest the British gambler countless times. But that was just a guess.
Marluxia's wails and screams could be heard half across the halls. Roxas and Xion stared on in bewilderment as the wild canine continued to ripe and tear at Marluxia's beloved hair.
"Wow look at him go." Roxas muttered, as Xion nodded silently.
Five seconds later, Luxord pulled away from the mess that was now Marluxia in a huff. He lifted his head up in a snotty fashion.
"Damn you mutt." Marluxia growled, "You ruined my perfectly beautiful hair."
Marluxia started moaning as he started to limp back to his room or to Larxene's.
The tan dog made his way to the two nobodies and barked. Xion smiled and petted his head while giggling.
Vexen walked into the room and noticed the two nobodies but not the canine.
"Ah # 13 and 14, have you two seen a wild dog running around here?" Vexen asked cooly, before pausing so they can respond.
"Vexen." Roxas said, "If you mean Luxord then yes we have seen him."
"Did Zexion tell you?"
"Well kinda, but Axel didn't give him enough time to explain fully."
"Typical of # 8 to jump onto something without hearing the full details yet." Vexen said sighing, before now spoting the coyote next to the two younger nobodies.
"Ah, there you are # 10, now come with me." Vexen said, "I have finally created a substance that will turn you back to normal."
The wild canine didn't look convenced of the intent of Vexen's up coming actions and stayed where he was. Vexen just a simple motion for Roxas and Xion to pick up the dog and carry him to his lab. Both nobodies paused before following Vexen's instructions. After they got the canine to the scientist's lab.
Vexen let out a sigh before pulling out a shot.
"I am aware that perhaps you are uncomfortable around medical needles, but it's for your own good, # 10." Vexen said simply, "Now be a good boy and stay still."
Once he saw the shot the coyote back away from Vexen very slowly.
Then Luxord made a mad dash for the exit but was stopped by Lexaeus. Lexaeus had just got back from the store and asked some of the lesser nobodies to help put the food up. Saix told him that Vexen might need his help with something and that the younger nobodies could finish putting up the food and supplies. Roxas and Xion was already in the kitchen by the time Lexaeus and Saix started to put things up. Roxas told Lexaeus that Vexen had sent them to help with putting things up. Lexaeus didn't need to be told twice to help out his beloved and quickly headed for Vexen's lab.
He saw a tan dog run out just as he was entering the lab and grabbed the canine quickly as it colided with his muscular frame.
"# 10." Vexen exclaimed, as he rushed over before seeing his lover stand there holding the wild canine, "Good work, my dear Lexaeus."
Vexen turned to give Lexaeus a quick peck on the cheek, before motioning Lexaeus to follow him inside his lab with the dog.
As Lexaeus came in the lab with the dog, the canine in his arms was whining and squirming slightly.
"Vexen, what exactly happened when me and Saix were at the store?"
"You know the shelf that was hanging up above one of my lab tables?"
"Yes?"
"Well Xigbar didn't fix it properly, and it broke." Vexen said, "And for some odd reason # 10 was in my lab and one of my latest potions fell on him, thus transforming him into the beast you are now holding."
"I see." Lexaeus said stiffly, "You need me to hold him down as you turn him back, then."
"Right as always, my dear Lexaeus." Vexen replied, "The furry fool just will not hold still long enough for me to inject him with the antidote."
"Vexen I think you should find another way to give him the antidote." Lexaeus said, "You know like a potion or something."
"No time for that now." Vexen said, as Lexaeus looked down at the dog and gave him a 'I'm sorry' look.
All of a sudden Xigbar busted in and gave the two a curious look.
"What's going on here, Mr. Freeze?" Xigbar asked, "Is Mansex drunk again?"
"Does it look like the Superior's down here?!" Vexen exclaimed, sending Xigbar a nasty glare.
"Who knows, you could be hiding him." Xigbar shrugged, "You could lose a hydra and a big two headed dog in this room."
"Why would I hide the Superior down here."
"Cuz maybe he was hiding from a pmsy wolf boy." Xigbar suggested, "And it's not the Superior, it's Mansex."
"You must truly have a death wish, Xigbar, if you keep on calling the Superior, Mansex even after he demands that you quit it." Vexen said, "What does Xaldin and # 10 think of your reckless behavior?"
"Xald's keeps saying that he'll video tape Mansex shoving his lightsabers up my ass and Luxy say that maybe through some pain I'll learn my lesson."
"My # 10 doesn't expect much out of you does he?" Vexen stated flatly, as Xigbar flipped him off.
A bunch of barking got their attention.
"Hey Lux, I was looking for you." Xigbar said, as the dog gave him a hard stare.
The dog started to bark again.
"Xigbar, you will do well to control your dear 'companion' so I can give him the antidote." Vexen said, "We are having great difficulty handling # 10 when he won't hold still long enough for me to inject him with the antidote."
"Look Vex, can't ya call him Luxord and not # 10, geez?" Xigbar asked, "And I've told you countless times that Lux hates med needles."
"And I've TOLD YOU to refrain from barging into my lab just to cure you're boredom or if you're hiding from Xaldin and # 10 when you've done something completely stupid." Vexen scoffed sourly, "Just help Lexaeus hold him down."
Xigbar did as he was told, for once and held the canine down on the table.
"Hurry up, will ya, he's getting anxious." Xigbar grumbled, hearing the dog whimper and start shaking the lab table, "If he bites me, I'm gonna be pissed."
"Yes yes yes, I will hurry in my efforts in curing your dear 'partner in crime'." Vexen signed, as the dog growled at Xigbar.
"Luxord, you better not bite me you ass." Xigbar growled slightly, as the coyote continued to growl.
Then the coyote bit Xigbar's arm, causing him to glare at the wild dog.
"Hey I said 'No Biting', now stop it." Xigbar demanded, as the dog whimper and licked the bite mark, "Yeah that's what I thought."
Then Vexen injected the wild dog with the antidote and the room then filled with smoke, again.
After Luxord was turned back to normal, Xemnas showed up in Vexen's lab to ask the scientist about what happened while he was taunting a brown haired keyblader. The Superior was wearing a blue shirt that said 'Like A Boss'.
"Now since Luxord is back to normal, we need to figure out how much damage he did as a wild dog." Xemnas said, scaning the area for any clues of damage.
"Well, Sir most of the damage was done while trying to catch him." Vexen said, studing the chemicals that caused the situation in the first place.
"It's shocking on how much damage one damn dog can make, # 4."
"Yes, Indeed Superior, but at least he's back to normal."
"Speaking of which, where in the hell is Luxord anyway?"
"Well Sir, he's busy taking care of some 'personal' matters."
"What's the side effects of the potion, Vexen."
"Well Sir, the one who is under the influence of the potion will remember the whole time they were an animal."
Meanwhile Luxord was taking care of those personal matters. Those personal matters was just getting his revenge on Axel for what he did to him as a coyote. Axel's screams was heard throughout the entire castle. He had tried to run away but he tripped and the gambler caught up with him quickly. The gambler had taken two of Xaldin's pans and was hitting him with the pans.
"I said I was sorry, Lux." Axel screamed, "Why did you even need Xaldin pans to even hit me?"
"You could have killed me, you unbelievable arse." Luxord growled, "I was lucky that bloody trap didn't break my bloody leg, you twit."
"Damn it Lux, stop abusing meeee." Axel whined, as Luxord slow down his pace of hitting him.
Then Luxord pulled away and started to walk away from the pyro nobody in a huff.
"Damn and I thought Larx was bad when pissy." Axel gurmbled, "Damn pmsy bastard."
Luxord just stormed out of the TV room and toward one of the castle's living room.
"Hey Lux, I've got a wicked idea." Xigbar said, "Let's go bug Xaldin again, if we get caught then I'll go buy the booze."
"Again?" Luxord asked, "Do you really want to upset him that much?"
"Do we have a deal, Lux?"
"Now, Xigba' you know how much I love a good wager." Luxord smirked, "Shall we then."
Saix walked up to the main boss of the organization.
"Superior #2 and # 10 are at it again." Saix said, "They're bugging # 3 again."
"Well it looks like everything is back to normal." Xemnas said, chuckling nervously.
Then Xaldin's voice yelled throughout the halls.
"Damn it Xigbar, stop it." Xaldin yelled, as Luxord was hooting and hollering.
"Seriously you two quite grabbing my ass while I'm cooking." Xaldin continued to yell, as Saix and Xemnas blinked blandly.
Xigbar and Luxord ran through the halls with Xaldin close behind with a bunch of knives floating in air.
"The 'Unstopable Duo' is back, dudes." Xigbar crowed, "Now 'Card Lad' to the bar, free booze on me."
"Indeed." Luxord said, as he and Xigbar gave each other a high five.
"Well as normal as it get around here." Xemnas said, placing his hands on his hips and sighed.
"Goodbye peace and quite." Saix said sadly, "I'll miss you."
The End
This fanfic was made for crap n giggles so if you didn't chuckle during part of this fanfic then you probally have a differ sense of humor than I have.