"My God, Garrus, it's huge." Shepard gasped, her eyes widening.
"Well, as I learned in my time among humans, size does matter." Garrus replied in his usual deep sexy voice. "But it doesn't hurt that I'm pretty good at using it too."
"You could read one of Udina's diplomatic briefings and make it sound sexy." Shepard said, brushing an errant strand of her shoulder length red hair behind her ear.
Garrus chuckled. "Well here I thought you just had a thing for scars. And handsome snipers, vigilantes, ex C-Sec operatives, and guys with big-"
"I'm not sure that's going to fit." She interrupted.
"Oh, it's going to fit, one way or the other. I think..." He grunted slightly in effort. "Hold on a minute."
"Maybe it would be easier if you used more of a twisting motion instead of just trying to ram it in."
"Well, it's possible, I suppose you have done this more often than me."
"What, no, I just heard about this from Joker yesterday."
"Commander! This is hardly an appropriate activity to conduct in the armory, not to mention that you are both on duty." Dr Mordis Solus stated indignantly as he strode through the door from the lab.
"Oh Shit!" Shepard exclaimed, jumping a little. "Mordin, come on, we're in the middle of something here."
"Yes, overheard problem, would not have come to you without a solution. Recommend you use a lubricant. WD-40 perhaps, no, would be toxic if ingested, which is your next logical activity, need something edible, yet oily, butter a possible choice, but given Garrus's dextro genetics, could cause an allergic reaction, wait, could use an inorganic, non toxic medical oil, have some in the lab if you want me to get it?"
Garrus sighed and set the marshmallow gun down, pulling the ragged remains of an oversized marshmallow out of the barrel. "Nevermind Mordin," he said, handing the marshmallow to Shepard who popped into her mouth, leaning back against the table with an expression of bliss. "I'll just use the smaller ones."
"I cannot claim to understand the purpose of this device, surely it would be more efficient to just pick them up and eat them. Must be an alternate purpose, feeding dangerous animals perhaps?" Mordin said as Garrus loanded a smaller marshmallow into his newly constructed Widow MK2 Ultimate long Range High Velocity Marshmallow Delivery System.
Garrus pointed the rifle at Mordin and pulled the trigger, and a 1 inch white cylinder of spongy candy bounced off his chest with a loud thump. Shepard collapsed onto the floor of the armory, giggling uncontrollably.
"Ah, I see." Mordin proclaimed. "An immature toy designed to waste time and detract mental function from mission critical tasks. I should have arrived at this conclusion sooner given that the two of you are involved. I should be happy, while this is still not a productive behavior, it better than trying to engage in copulation in the elevator."
Garrus and Shepard exchanged an uncomfortable glance.
"We didn't just try to copulate in the elevator, we succeeded." Shepard said, grinning widely, as Garrus proved that Turians can in fact blush.
"Yes, I am aware." Mordin stated. "As a result, I have begun listening for unusual noises before entering the elevator."
"So, anyway, how's the tree coming." Garrus asked hurriedly.
"Accelerated growth hormones and concentrated nutrients have been successful. Tree should be full size by tonight. Pine is a relatively easy species to clone, much easier than Krogan. Still, glad you came to me." Mordin said, a smile briefly touching the corners of his mouth. "Someone else might have gotten it wrong."
Shepard groaned loudly at his signature line and Garrus shot him with another marshmallow.