A/N: Hey! I had a sudden inspiration for a Moulin Rouge fic while listening to The Killer's "Mr. Brightside" because I thought that it fit Christian so well… anyway, please review and tell me what you thought. This would be taking place kind of after "El Tango De Roxanne" while Christian is just… waiting painfully for Satine. :D
Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the characters… :D
Christian leaned against the peeling wall and tried to clear his mind. His chest heaved as he took several deep breaths and he rolled his shoulders to loosen all of the tension built there. None of this melted that tight knot in his stomach that hurt him terribly each time he moved or breathed.
Coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine. Gotta be down because I want it all.
"Come on Christian… it'll be fine," he murmured out loud to himself, trying to ease the sting. Christian knew he had to trust Satine… had to trust that she didn't care for the Duke at all.
"Ah… but how do you know for certain what she's thinking. She's a courtesan… a prostitute Christian! She lives off of lies… and you are vulnerable."
"You don't know anything about anything!" Christian snarled, trying to drive the voice away. He had worked to keep this part of him at bay… the part that resembled his father with surprising accuracy. His stern father… telling him that his dreams and views on love were blind and foolish.
It started out with a kiss how did it end up like this? It was only a kiss… it was only a kiss.
Christian closed his strained eyes and remembered that night… that night when destiny had rushed the young man and woman head on. It had been a chilly night but she had been so beautiful. Christian swore he heard a song… a mournful song that spoke of Satine's secret desires and hopes and dreams. It gave him hope that Satine wasn't too far-gone for love's special gift to envelop her in it's wonderful warmth.
Oh she had resisted him… had pulled every trick that she could out of thin air. This of course only fueled Christian's determination and made him fight harder against her cold and detached logic. He thought he had made progress just in that one kiss… she had opened up willingly to him. And somehow Christian knew that Satine had relished in the kiss and that she had given part of herself to him… and only him.
Now they're going to bed and my stomach is sick. And it's all in my head…
Christian could only imagine how long "dinner" had lasted. They would pick at a few food items and then the Duke would throw himself at her. He would slobber on and control Satine… and she would be forced to endure it. He saw them up on the Gothic Tower… she had a fine diamond necklace around her neck and he was whispering greasy promises to her. All Christian could promise was love… he couldn't offer wealth or fame.
"I can't provide for her… I can just give her my heart!" Christian whispered into the darkness of the room. "Is that such a terrible gift? The gift of my life… my faithfulness, my adoration, my love!" he shouted; now feeling bitter and unappreciated.
But she's touching his chest now he takes off her dress, now. Letting me go.
Christian glanced over to the dark and terrible tower… and he could just see a flicker of light coming from it. The seduction was taking place there, just like she had been accidentally assigned to him. She would make small talk, he would return it, then she would tease him and provoke him. Finally she will succumb and give herself to him.
Somehow Christian knew that a terrible choice was before Satine this night. If she chose the Duke she would give Christian up entirely and he knew he would never take her back. Not after she gave herself to the Duke. The jealousy would drive him mad otherwise.
Christian didn't realize that he was biting his lip until blood rushed from his mouth like a stream. Even then all he did was wipe the blood away casually, staring intently at the light in the tower. Then he looked away, burning tears behind his eyes.
And I just can't look it's killing me! And taking control…
Christian covered his eyes painfully, trembling and trying to fight the rage inside of him. Over and over he could hear her words replaying in his mind…
"I don't want you to sleep with him…"
"Oh Christian…"
"Please!"
"Come what may…"
He had pleaded with her… begged her even like the miserable wretch he was. Yet her mask was firmly in place, not betraying any emotion to him or really showing him what she was thinking. All he had were those sung words that were meant to comfort.
Well maybe that was a lie too!
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea! Swimming through sick lullabies!
"Does the song even mean anything to you?" Christian suddenly screamed into the emptiness. "That came from my very soul and does it mean something to you?" he cried again, sinking further into despair.
"Look at what you've done to me Satine! I feel a strong jealousy that I've never felt before!" he whimpered. His heart was bursting with fire and flames, scorching and tearing right into the compassionate part of him. His love and his hate was bleeding greatly, dripping into his insides and mixing with the firm pit in his stomach. Eventually everything blurred together until Christian couldn't tell what was real or not.
Choking on your alibis!
That night she didn't show up… was she lying then too? She claimed she was sick… but was that just one of Zidler's poorly supplied tricks?
"Where were you last night?"
"I told you… I was sick…"
"You don't have to lie to me Satine!"
Yet there was a hint of something there… some kind of monster looming in Satine's shadow. It lurked and it fed greedily on her health… that night at the club when she fell… the occasional break during rehearsals because of a coughing fit…
"No!" he cried. Jealousy and betrayal were purer thoughts than those.
But it's just the price I pay! Destiny is calling me! Open up my eager eyes…
"I'm so stupid… I KNEW this would happen!" Christian cried mournfully. "She makes a living from false love… oh god…"
But it had seemed so real… but then that's what they pay her for right? Zidler mentioned he had raised her… did that mean she spent nearly her whole life learning the ways of a courtesan. How he wished she would open up to him… take down the proud mask that made her such a martyr.
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside!
She always came to him hoping for a way to lighten her mood. That was him… the poet whose head was always stuck in the clouds and his thoughts in a daydream. He always saw the best in every situation… but not this time. This time there was no good to be shown or displayed, only malice and deceit. Even the other bohemians who preached "freedom, beauty, truth, and love" were trying to bring Christian back down to earth.
"Never fall in love with a woman who sells herself. It always ends bad!"
"Leave me alone!" Christian moaned, crouching on the floor and looking at the typewriter. Suddenly an idea occurred to him… a thought for a scene in the play. It would make the Duke happy all right… he would love this new addition to the play. If the cast could learn a new ending before opening night the next day they could learn a new scene to go with it.
The sitar player waited up all night for his beloved but she never came back… she was supposed to be seducing the dreaded Maharajah that night. The sitar player felt so betrayed and alone… he knew he could never provide the courtesan with what she needed.
"Love is not enough in the real world!" he remarked coldly. All love and will had been drained of him in this one night. But what a night it had been… a night of agony and a burning desire that no amount of affection could cure. It was a night of cold realization that there was no brighter tomorrow. Not everything ended the way they were supposed to… and the sitar player was overwhelmed by this. He tried desperately to play his sorrows away but not even the special sitar could ease his mood.
"You should not have loved her so deeply," the sitar remarked. Since we all know that the sitar can only speak the truth the sitar player knew that this was correct. He didn't follow his instincts on this matter… instead he blindly loved without cause.
I never…
Christian now remembered that he never got an "I love you" from Satine unless he said it first.
I never…
Christian realized that with every tap of the typewriter it opened his muddy eyes more to this new world. He had never seen things so clearly.
I never…
The sitar player packed his few belongings and waited a moment more for the courtesan. When he did not see her the sitar player left the area with only a small note and a bag of money. He figured he should repay his debts.
Christian stormed away from the typewriter and instead went to what he liked to call "the balcony". It held so many memories… false memories but special moments in his life nonetheless. As he leaned against the short entryway and stared into the night, he waited a while longer. He could never just leave like the sitar player did. The show needed its writer and director after all.
Suddenly the door burst opened and he turned to see a tear-stained half dressed Satine.
A/N: I'm gonna leave it there because we ALL know what happens next… please review and let me know what you thought.