Title: Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

I thought I was going to be able to bypass all of their laws. It turns out that I haven't yet gained a full understanding of the American Justice System. Damn that French girl. She turned me in. I was mid way through another scheme, a very productive$$$ one I might add, and she turned me in. She was angry that I beat her to the site.

I've dealt with Fairies and I've dealt with Demons. It seems humans are still my last obstacle. I was informed by Holly, my PI fairy, about curses. At first, I was doubtful. Only at first. I discovered the secret society of fairies; I had to have an open mind by now. Anyhow, she said that there was a struggle for treasure. About one hundred years ago, a certain human dealt with nonhuman business. Apparently he was rather profitable.

Moving on, this treasure has been buried for a very long time. There are some powerful artifacts, wanted by the fairy people, with this treasure. And lots of gold. Lots and lots of gold. Being the greedy bastard I am, I of course want this gold. I find it with the help of my friends, give them the powerful artifacts and keep the gold for myself to further my investments.

Sounds like a plan, doesn't it? I thought so too. I became distracted. Minerva and I were having a get together (Butler called it a date) while I was breeching some security systems. I thought nothing of it—she was quite capable of doing it as well. I wasn't aware that she actually knew what I was up to. She turned me over to the American police (I was in their system searching out the possibly burial spots) and I was actually prosecuted.

And I was sent to a juvenile facility in the United States. I rarely go the U.S. I don't care for it. Doesn't it just figure that I happen to be caught by a country I despise? I think so.

Do you want to know what else is ironic? The facility I was sent to—it was the very place I had pinpointed as the burial site. I think my fairies had something to do with that. In fact, I know they were. So I was sentenced to about eighteen months in the hell that resembled Hybras. It honestly seemed like a chip of the island when I first arrived.

The yellow school bus screeched to a halt in front of the 'administration office.' Artemis Fowl II, in full suit, walked off of the bus, a scowl on his face. He had gone through many challenges to reach his goals before, but this one would be the worst. It actually required interaction. As he walked into a wooden 'building', more like a shack, he could hear voices behind him.

"Man, look at the new guy!" A southern accent said loudly.

"He looks like he just came from his trial," a Hispanic voice stated.

"Hope he's not in our tent," the first voice said, and then walked away. A large, cowboy looking man nearly hit him with a flying sunflower seed.

"Come 'ere, boy," he said and pointed to a chair, wanting him to sit down.

"I would rather stand." The Irish boy received a glare, but was allowed to stand.

"Says here you're in deep shit for hacking into a government program. Don't you know never to mess with the red, white, and blue, leprechaun?" More sunflower seeds were spit out.

"You do realize that Britain and France also have those colors as their own?" Artemis asked, a brow raised.

"Oo, we got a smart one, don't we? Well, you can't outsmart me! I know everything that goes on around here!" Artemis could tell that the adults around there were absolute morons.

"I'm sure you do, Mr. Sir," he didn't even bother to hold back the dripping sarcasm in his words.

"You know my name already, do you? I know yours too, Artemis. That's not a boy's name is it?" Mr. Sir said, mockingly. Artemis smirked.

"Neither is Marion."

"Don't you mouth me, boy!" The pathetic man was completely fuming now, though the color was drained from his face. He stood up abruptly, walking out with Artemis by the sleeve. "I will give you your jumpsuits and tell you what you have to do. Pendanski will take it from there. I might just hit you if I have to stick around you…" They walked into another crappy room and Artemis was tossed some ugly orange jumpsuits. "You wear it for three days for work, the other for relaxation, then switch. This is your shovel. It's your measuring stick. It's five feet. Your hole has to be five feet down and five feet across. Got that?"

"By saying that, it's rather misleading. I'm sure you mean: five feet in depth, and five feet in diameter. Select people with a brain, such as myself, could have interpreted your phrase with a multiple meanings. Be more specific next time," Artemis said coolly, enjoying the rise he was getting from the adult.

"You listen here—"

"Mr. Fowl, I'm doctor Pendanski and I will be your counselor. If you will follow me, I will take you to your tent," another adult male, whom was shorter than even Artemis, walked in before the southern man was able to get any words out. The Irish boy smirked and walked out after the sun-blocked man. "So, is this your first trip to the United States?"

"No," Artemis answered to the overly cheerful man.

"I see. I'm part Irish. My grandmother came over from Ireland," he said, thoughtfully. Artemis gave the 'I really couldn't care less' look, though Pendanski didn't see it. "Well, here we are. This is D tent. D stands for diligence. If you need anything, ask one of these boys here, I'm sure they will help you. Dinner will be shortly, be sure to listen for the bell!"

Artemis looked around the tent at the few faces that were in there. They all glared back at him. It was a mutual distaste.

t.b.p. I would like to dedicate this chapter to my dear friend, Lizi (darkbunniee13). She said OO COOL to my story right away. And I like that. Review!