ALERT: I WAS FEELING GOOFY AND BORED AT THE TIME OF THE WRITING OF THIS CRACK FIC!
Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING IN THIS FICTION OTHER THAN THE PLOT!
Warnings: This fiction contains general stupidity, some profanity, my fan girlish friend(name changed for her sake), Mass Effect characters, and violates the laws of sanity. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Crack Fiction: Number One.
I woke up at 13:74 P.M. Yet another wonderful morning. Admiral Ackbar came through my roof pointing at my pet chicken-monkey saying "It's a trap!" when all of a sudden Tali crashed through the only intact part of my roof holding Miranda's breast implants. Ackbar flipped both of us off and exploded into a cloud of pixie dust and rainbows. Tali then came up to me, ripped off her suit, and revealed that she was being controlled by Harbinger. She quickly ASSUMED DIRECT CONTROL of a Medi-Gel pack because a speck of dust landed on her arm. Harbinger then proceeded to scream loudly "We gonna kill you with our awesome lasers of DOOM!" and released control of Tali who was now in the middle of a make out session with Legion. Garrus walked in and instantly vomited liquid rainbows on the floor.
Miranda punched though my door and hit Garrus in the face causing him to fly through my window. Next she kicked Tali in her balls and took back her breast implants forcefully shoving them back in to her chest. In a sudden explosion of chickens and fairy dust a husk came into my room. It was wearing a blond wig and a sparkly dress, it began singing Barbie Girl, and as such Miranda bitch slapped its skanky ass into the dimension full of the Teletubbies to die from terrible plot and music. Steve Cortez ran into my room with a Justin Beiber cut-out. Garrus shot the cut out in the face with his Mantis. The cut-out flailed on the floor making noises that sounded like a manatee getting its testicles slammed in a car door. Steve promptly broke down into tears while whining about how he took it from the back of a Space GameStop and fell in love. G
arrus didn't give two shits and proceeded to pull a pole out of his ass. Joker commented in this distance about how it was worse than he thought. Garrus began to use the pole for the purposes of stripping. Floating into my room because it could was a Hanar. The Hanar look at Garrus and said in a lusty voice "This one would love to enkindle some of that." Sensing someone was hitting on Garrus other than her my best friend Dero Tarian crossed dimensions into this weird fiction and made her army of Garrus-Bots tear it apart.
Of course Dero Tarian then proceeded to drool over the stripping Garrus, typical. However it seemed that the gods of time and space, Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley, would have none of that and shoved her back into her home dimension with a life sized Garrus plushy to insure she would never return. They should have known that wouldn't be enough to keep the fangirlism of Dero Tarian away from her awesome Turian. With a wave of her hand she summoned an army of mechanical dragons powered by human souls and the blood of orphans. Hovering above her they all used their Japanese anime powers to tear a hole in the multi-verse. She ran through, grabbed Garrus, ran back out, and got married to him before anyone was able to even blink. They both lived happily ever after in their house overlooking the portal to hell.
THE END.