Tonks numbly put the key in the lock and open the door. She let the door swing open as she walked in. She looked around her dark flat, searching for something, anything. She took a few more steps, the approach of the tears she'd been holding back for so long, stung her eyes. She looked around again and saw scorch marks on the wall from where Mad-Eye had burst in one night to give her a surprise drill. She gave a small sob and shut her eyes tight. She opened them and her eyes fell on a pile of clothes and papers. She tore the pile apart, looking for what was at the bottom. She sobbed again when her hands came into contact with a old red telephone set. Her father had given it to her the day she'd moved out say,
"The most magical thing of all for me, is to talk to you,"
She clutched the old phone to her chest and curled up on the floor. She'd never used it. Not once! She let out a distraught scream cover in her sobs. He was gone. She could never ever call him, never just pop in to say hello. She should have done it more often, spent more time with him and now he was gone.
She felt alone, hopeless, regretful, and there was nobody who could help her. She fumbled in her pocket for her wand she wasn't functioning properly as the cried. She looked through her tears at her wand and tried to conjure the light of her patronus, it didn't work. She sat up and tried to clear her head.
She thought about the day her dad had brought her her first broom. She been so excited she'd grabbed in from him and leapt on, she chuckled slightly as she though of her younger self giggling as she rose higher and higher. Then she cast her patronus. But her memory didn't stop, suddenly she was falling, she was screaming and falling. Tonks Patronus flicked slightly. She had thought she was going to die but then she was safe. She had landed in his arms. Her patronus looked at her but all she could think about was how he'd never be there to catch her again, to hold her. Just before her patronus disappeared she sobbed out a strangled cry
"Remus!" she cried desperately and send it away. She collapsed again sprawled helplessly on the floor clutching the phone as if it was her life line.
Remus was sitting on a park bench in the dark. He was staring into nothingness, his mind was blank. He didn't want to think any more, he was afraid of what would go on in his own mind. Suddenly a frail light burst into his vision. Tonks patronus stood before him, he heard sobbing,
"Remus," came the strangled cry. Remus stood and without a seconds hesitation she spun on the spot and disapperated.
He was running up stairs but the only thing going through his mind was,"Get to Tonks, get to Tonks,".
He got to her door to find it open he, gave a cry as a look of panic crossed his face and he dashed into her apartment.
He looked around frantically and finally saw her small anguish-ridden body, shaking on the floor. She rushed to her and scooped her up into his arms and held her close. She clutched his shirt with her hand and cried harder.
"He was waiting, all this time and I never called!" She screamed. Remus didn't flinch, he didn't say a word. She didn't need his empty promises or his patronising words. She just needed him to be there.
He rocked back and forth on his knees, stroking her slightly tear-damped hair as tears slipped out of his own eyes. He held her for a long time like this, until her last sobs racked through her. She finally fell into a less than peaceful sleep and Remus picked her up gently, wobbling slightly from being in the same position for so long.
He placed her carefully on her bed and covered her with the blanket. He noticed the small bump for the first time. He wanted to be happy, his own child, living inside the one he truly loved, but he couldn't help but grimace at the prospect. He went over and stood by the window looking out onto the oblivious world.
This is how Tonks found him hours later when she woke. It was late, the moon was still high in the sky, she thought about how in two weeks time it would be full.
"He understood, you know. He knew you loved him." Remus said catching Tonks unaware, he hadn't even turned around.
"I know, but it doesn't mean I can't regret it," She whispered only just loud enough for him to hear. Her throat was sore from crying and her eyes were still puffy.
Remus turned to look at her, she noted the tear tracks down his face that showed in the moonlight.
"Remus," She whispered he voice catching "I feel so alone," She sobbed again and Remus rushed to her side.
"Never," He whispered defiantly in her ear as she wrapped herself around him.
"I don't want to fight any more! There is nothing left to fight for! It's hopeless," She sobbed into his chest.
"Nymphadora! Never let me hear you say that again! There is always hope, you may not see it now, but it's there, always! And this," he said, placing his hand on her stomach, "this is what we're fighting for," Tonks threaded her hand through his hand that was still on her stomach.
"Don't ever leave me," She said into his neck.
"Never again," He said back, a pang of guilt hitting him for leaving her the first time.
They sat there for hours whispering sweet nothings to each other and finally they fell asleep curled up with each other. Thoroughly distraught, and scared and unsure, but thoroughly in love, and no longer alone.