Drabble #80: Missed
Summary: He missed them
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Characters and places belong to SquareEnix
He thought he would be used to it by now. Used to the pain and loneliness. But he wasn't. As the days went on, it only seemed to get worse. He would spend hours at a time in her Church, just staring blankly into space, lost in his thoughts of the past. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Aerith kneeling before him, hands clasped in prayed. He would see her look up at him and smile. He would see Sephiroth descend and thrust his Masamune through her back. He would see Zack falling to the ground, covered in blood. He wouldn't be surprised if he had gone insane with the amount of times he replayed their deaths in his mind.
Pushing them away didn't work either. Every time he tried to ignore them, the stronger the memories became. He missed them, pure and simple. He missed the way Zack believed in him, the way he always tried to be there. He missed Aeris' cheerful smile, the way she would clasp her hands behind her back and lean towards him in a flirtatious manner. He missed the way she had made him laugh the first time they met. He hadn't laughed before then for a very long time, he wasn't even aware that he could still laugh. Then he met her and somehow, his mouth learned how to smile again.
Now she was gone, and Zack too. He may have still had Tifa and his Avalanche companions but it wasn't the same. Zack was his first real friend. Tifa had rejected him when they were younger but Zack had stood by him. And as for Aeris, well, who wouldn't miss the sweet flower girl? None of Avalanche could make him laugh genuinely like Aeris did and they couldn't provide that comfort that just seemed to spread from Aeris every time she smiled. He couldn't let them go. He didn't want to let them go.
Maybe if he had been stronger, quicker, they would still be here. If he had been stronger, he wouldn't have suffered from Mako and Zack wouldn't have had to carry him. They could have made it to Midgar. He had slowed them down by being too weak. And Zack suffered for it. If he had been quicker, he would have been able to push Aeris out of the way before Sephiroth had a chance to strike her.
He didn't think he could ever forgive himself for letting them die. He missed them more than anything else on the Planet. Ironic, when he was the one to blame.