"Please tell me that's the last of them," Peter begged with a sigh of exhaustion as he closed the Containment Unit trap lock.
Ray made one more note on his clipboard and said, "That's the last of them... for now," as Peter pulled the lever and they listened to the familiar sounds of their newest guest heading for his new home.
Peter tossed the empty trap in the huge pile against the wall. "Then let's get out of here," he said as he trudged up the stairs. "I don't want to see the inside of this basement again for at least ten years." Ray went over to take one last look through the viewer and then followed him.
They found their other two colleagues in the rec room – Egon sitting at his desk with his calculator, PKE meter, and several papers scattered around him, and Winston collapsed on the couch. "Man, I forgot what it was like to be busy," the latter said as he massaged his sore neck. He sat up to make room for Ray and Peter. The office was still open for over two more hours, but as they'd already caught a week's worth of ghosts today, everybody intended to rest as long as that siren wasn't going off.
"I know – isn't it great to be back in business?" Ray asked, beaming, as he turned on the television.
"I can hardly contain my joy," Peter said in his most deadpan tone. Lying on his back, he reached over to the coffee table and picked up the newspaper he hadn't had time to read this morning. He smirked as he flipped through page after page of similar headlines, which he read aloud for his friends' enjoyment: " 'New Civil Suit Filed Against Grossjuck Industries' … 'Producer Formally Withdraws Bid for Film Based on Robo-Buster' … 'Grand Jury Indicts Paul Smart for Fraud and Reckless Endangerment...' " It was the same type of story they'd read for the past two weeks, but Peter knew none of the others were any more tired of them than he was. Because they concerned the current miseries of the person they all currently loathed more than anyone in the world.
They had multiple reasons to hate Paul Smart – there was nothing more frustrating than being beaten by someone so pathetic that he had to lie, cheat, and steal to get ahead – but each of them had a favorite reason. Peter hated the looter the most for conning his way to the top of the ghostbusting field, getting rich and famous even though he wasn't smart enough to catch ghosts with his own technology – how low could a cheating lowlife get? Winston hated the narcissist the most for risking the safety of everyone in the city with his idiotic vaporize-everything-that-floats strategy that created that giant mega-ghost – did he even feel guilty about how many lives his stupidity had endangered, all the damage his ghost hunting incompetence would have caused if it hadn't been for them? Ray hated the charlatan the most for stealing his designs and using them against them, for using his own inventions to put him and his friends out of business. And Egon... well, the primary reason Egon hated him was better left unsaid, but then again, it went without saying anyway.
Peter scanned a few lines of that last article before moving on, reading the headlines aloud again: 'Grossjuck Industries Vice-President of R&D Resigns Amid Robo-Buster Scandal' … 'Ghost Activity In Manhattan Up 150% – Victims Blame Robo-Buster's Faulty Extermination Methods' … 'Grossjuck Industries Stock Falls...' "
Before he could finish that last one, Egon called from across the room, "When you come across something that's actually interesting, please let us know." Hmm... Peter would have thought Egon would enjoy hearing about Smart's latest misfortunes more than anyone; apparently, his loathing was of the type that couldn't stand to hear the guy mentioned in any context.
Before Peter could continue, Ray said, "No more than you'd expect, after what he put the city through. He's never gonna recover from this."
Winston just shrugged. "Well, he deserves it. I hope we've heard the last of that guy."
Peter turned the pages to finish the story about Grossjuck Industries' disastrous financial state. "I'd say that's a safe bet. Guy's completely washed-up after that fiasco." It turned out people didn't take kindly to learning that the robot they'd been paying to protect them actually made the problem worse. Advertisers and toy manufacturers felt the most betrayed, trapped with shelves overflowing with Robo-Buster merchandise that no one would ever buy again (except, occasionally, to burn). As for the company's own sales, nobody would touch a piece of Grossjuck technology now, ghostbusting-related or not.
Egon now rose from his chair and walked over to his friends, one sheet of calculations in his hand. "I estimate we'll be cleaning up his mess for at least another three weeks." They'd known since the battle at Smart's headquarters that not all ghosts released from the mega-entity were trapped, but it hadn't become clear just how many got away until the phone started ringing off the hook the next morning. Two of his teammates groaned at the thought of another three weeks of this.
Ray, however, smiled and said, "Well, look on the bright side – he gave us a lot of free publicity."
It was true – Smart's strategy of centering his advertising campaign around how superior he was to the Ghostbusters, which had, admittedly, worked so well for him at the time, now served to their advantage; consumers no longer trusted what he'd claimed about his rivals, but they remembered their name. Smart had made their company name more well-known than their own commercials ever had.
"Which has accounted for at least half of the increase in business in the past two weeks," Egon commented.
"Does that mean it'll be over soon?" Peter asked hopefully. More publicity wasn't exactly something they desperately needed right now.
Before Egon could answer, Ray said, "I hope not," his eyes burning with excitement at the thought of battle. He punched his fist in his palm and added, "We've got a lot of lost time to make up for. That was the longest dead period we've ever had... uh, no pun intended."
He was right. The city had had its lulls in ghost activity over the years, business went through cycles of feast and famine and intermediate, but they had never come so close to going out of business as they had when Smart took over the market. "No kidding. I can't believe people fell for that phony for so long," Winston said incredulously.
"Indeed." Egon cringed when he realized he'd said that out loud, but it was so quick, nobody but Peter noticed.
Peter grinned at his friend and repeated, "Indeed..." in a tone that said he knew exactly which specific person Egon couldn't believe fell for that phony, but Egon just turned away from him.
"Well, he'll never get away with something like that again," Ray said optimistically but with his eyes narrowed in anger.
"What's gonna happen to him anyway?" Winston asked with no more concern that he would have asked what the weather forecast was for tomorrow.
Egon clenched his fist as he answered, "No way to tell at this point," the smoldering look in his normally expressionless eyes plainly showing that, as far as he was concerned, no punishment was too severe for the man.
"I just hope we never have to deal with him again," Winston said next.
Ray shook his head and said confidently, "Nah, he's through. We never have to worry about him again."
"I agree," Egon said with a nod.
"Me, too," said Peter, sitting up. "Too bad..." While his three companions all turned to him with their eyebrows raised in confusion, he turned to the front page of the paper that showed Smart leaving the courthouse and sighed almost mournfully. "He would have made a great arch enemy."
"Who would have?" All eyes turned to Janine as she came up the stairs.
Peter glared at her. "You better not be bringing a new case up here."
"I don't know, let's see." Their secretary held up the papers in her arms. "Mail's here." She tossed each piece on the coffee table as she announced, "Electric bill, gas bill, insurance bill, hospital bill, some other bill, postcard from your father..." She tossed it to Peter. "... letter from Uncle Cyrus..." She walked around the couch and handed it to Egon. The last item she dropped on the table was "... and the latest issue of Spooks Illustrated." Ray picked it up and smiled at the cover story: "Robo-Buster Busted – Real Ghostbusters Make Resounding Comeback." Janine looked at each one of her bosses in turn. "Now, who would have made a great arch enemy?"
"Apparently, Paul Smart," Winston told her, still looking quizzically at Peter.
"What?!" Janine exclaimed.
"What?" Peter said nonchalantly with a shrug. "We're long overdue for one."
Egon crossed his arms and shook his head in annoyance. "Only Peter Venkman would see acquiring enemies as a fun pastime."
"Come on," Peter laughed. "Everybody who's important has an arch foe – a nemesis, a rival, an evil counterpart, someone who hates everything you stand for, who represents everything you hate, and will stop at nothing to bring you down, so you'll stop at nothing to defeat him, either. Every great hero has one."
"We're not heroes," Ray pointed out.
"Not super vigilante heroes, Ray," the psychologist clarified. "Heroes like Gilgamesh, Achilles, Beowulf – men who did great things and made great allies and great opponents because of it. Look at us. We save the world every month or so, we fight creatures nobody else can fight, we're strong, smart, talented, famous... We deserve a worthy opponent like Hector or Hotspur or Chauvelin. How come we don't have someone like that?"
"There's nothing 'worthy' about Paul Smart," Janine said indignantly, crossing her arms and shaking her head.
"Besides, we got more than enough enemies," said Winston. "What about your buddy Officer Javert Frump?"
Peter groaned at the name but dismissed it with, "He means well."
"True," Egon agreed. "He never hesitates to accept when we're innocent."
"Unfortunately," Peter grumbled, as if he wished he had justification to hate the guy.
"How about Walter Peck?" Winston said next. "That guy was a real pain in the neck."
Peter responded to this with, "Pfft, that guy wouldn't be a worthy opponent for mildew."
Egon actually grinned as he said, "Also true."
"Don't forget about the Bogeyman," Ray reminded him.
"That's Egon's arch enemy," Peter said as if that were the most obvious and uninteresting fact in the world.
Egon, looking very unamused, opened his mouth, but Janine beat him to the next word: "If Paul Smart's the worst enemy of anyone in this room, it's me."
Peter, however, shook his head. "Sorry, Janine, but the rules clearly state arch nemeses have to be the same gender. Met any female ghosts lately?"
"What?" Janine gripped both her arms in her hands and looked all around her but not at any of the guys. "This is ridiculous, Peter." She turned her face aside so she was facing away from all of them.
"Extremely," Egon added. "Smart's nothing but a weak, pathetic, greedy, selfish, dishonest, manipulative, egocentric, dishonorable, corrupt scoundrel who needs to rely on others' power and intelligence to succeed, with no concern for how much damage he causes or..." He finally noticed how all four members of his audience were looking at him.
Janine leaned closer to him and said, "Yes, Egon? Please, continue – you're on a roll."
Egon cleared his throat and stuttered, "Yes, well... I think I've made my point."
"To everyone but you," Peter whispered, winking at Ray and Winston, who laughed softly but still audibly. Egon glared at them as Peter raised his voice and continued: "Yeah, you're right, Smart's a jerk, but he's the first ghostbusting rival we've ever had. And he's our complete opposite: we're honest, he's a fraud; we're geniuses, he's a thief; we care about doing a good job, he cares about putting on a show; we've got the talent, but he's got the publicity and rep; we work hard, he takes unfair shortcuts; we're businessmen, he's a looter; we earn money, he has to cheat. He's like... our Orren Boyle... the Flintheart Glomgold to our Scrooge McDuck – our dishonest, corrupt business rival." He sighed again and leaned back against the couch with his hands behind his head. "It would've been fun – him trying a new way to put us out of business every week, us beating him over and over and over again..."
"That does have a certain appeal," Janine admitted.
Winston, however, said skeptically, "Ghost hunters with a billionaire rival? Come on..."
Peter chuckled briefly before he specified, "No – ghost hunters with a billionaire rival with designs on a woman closely associated with us. That makes it personal."
"You seem to have forgotten the minor detail that he's no match for us," Egon said in an impressively even voice.
"In a fair fight, no," Peter conceded. "But he's got the bucks and the lack of conscience to give us a challenge."
"The challenge he already gave us is more than enough for me," Ray said decisively.
"And I'm the only one this was personal for," Janine said firmly. "Besides, his 'designs' were nothing but a lie anyway."
Peter nodded and said, "Of course, Janine. This wasn't personal for anyone else – why would it be? This was just business for us, nothing more. Nobody else here has anything personal against Paul Smart, right, gentlemen?"
"Not at all," Winston answered, shaking his head and winking at Peter. "Why, we all liked Smart when we first met him. It's not like any of us took an instant, personal dislike to the man the moment we met him."
Ray did likewise. "Nope, we have nothing personal against Smart. If he hadn't robbed us and tried to ruin our business, we'd have nothing against him at all, would we?"
Peter couldn't resist: "What do you think, Egon – would we?"
Egon seemed to be trying to pretend he couldn't hear them; unfortunately, Janine could, and, even though his face was turned deliberately away from her, she was looking at him very suspiciously but also with obvious satisfaction: "Oh, I know you have nothing personal against him – I mean, what possible reason could he have given you for that? I'm sure you liked him before we found out his true colors, right?" Peter had never appreciated just how wonderful it was that the singular-you and plural-you were the same in the English language. "Actually, you never told me what you thought of him before we found out the truth."
Keeping his eyes on Egon, Peter said, "Well, it was none of our business." Slight flinch there.
"But, yeah, we all liked him," said Ray.
"Well, except for Egon," Winston said, making the man turn his glare towards him. "He could sense something was off about him from the start. He never trusted him."
Peter was looking at his other two friends when he said, "Yeah, great, objective, impartial, clearheaded judgment there, Egon," before turning to Janine. "We're all sorry it turned out the way it did, Janine. We know you really liked him... well, who you thought he was."
"Yeah, we're sorry he did that to you," said Winston.
"I know, guys," Janine laughed. "I wouldn't expect you to be glad a guy I was so happy with turned out to be such a scumbag."
"So... you really did like him?" Ray asked sincerely.
"No – I liked a guy who didn't exist," Janine assured them. "All I regret now is that I was blind enough to let him fool me. Trust me, there's been no mourning for Mr. Paul Smart." She paused before adding, "But it was fun while it lasted." Egon finally turned and looked at her. She simply smiled triumphantly.
When it became obvious that the other three Ghostbusters had no intention of breaking the awkward silence, Egon said stiffly, "Well, it's over now, and he lost. He never deserved... any of it."
Peter decided that doublespeak earned him some leniency. "Yeah, we beat him good. Shame – such a potentially great arch enemy defeated in one fell swoop. We're just too good."
Winston followed his lead. "Yeah, he'll never bother us again, that's for sure."
"If he did..." Egon caught himself before they could hear anything else.
Janine finished for him: "... I wouldn't mind another chance to put him in his place."
"I wonder what he is gonna do now," said Ray.
Peter picked up the newspaper again, frowned at the photograph, and tossed it back on the table. "His company's doomed no matter what he does."
Egon rested his chin in his hand. "He'll have to do something..."
"... the fate of Grossjuck Industries." The sound came from the television, and the words instantly caught everyone's attention. All eyes turned to the screen and widened at the sight of a familiar face in the corner.
The newscaster in the other corner went on: "The company has struggled to keep both its public and professional reputation afloat during the deluge of lawsuits, fines, and criminal charges resulting from the disaster with its most famous invention, Robo-Buster, two weeks ago. Well, it would seem that desperate times call for desperate, unheard of measures. President Paul Smart announced at today's press conference that he and the Board of Directors have voted to sell all stock and interest in the company to renowned business mogul Vlad Masters. The company and all its assets, facilities, employees, permits, patents, trademarks, and debts and liabilities will be transferred in entirety into the name of Mr. Masters and his company MastersCorp. Analysts are stunned by the drastic decision and even more so by the extraordinary rapidity with which the deal has been carried out. So far, all negotiations have been completed and all documents signed with unanimous approval at every point in the process, including by all judges and lawyers overseeing the legalities of the merger. When questioned about this shocking turn of events, Smart had this to say."
The footage now switched to Paul Smart and a very young but sharply dressed man with icy blue eyes and inexplicably white hair standing at a podium in front of Grossjuck Industries' 40th Street high-rise – not a very smooth transition, as the picture made Smart's eyes look red for a second before the color was apparently fixed. "Yes, well," Smart said in a somewhat unsteady voice. "After carefully weighing all our options, we decided, in light of recent events, that it was best to put our resources into the hands of a company that can be trusted to put them to far better use. It has been an honor working with Mr. Masters, and we are thrilled to have reached an agreement that satisfies everyone's needs."
A reporter raised her hand and called out, "Mr. Masters, aren't you concerned about the legal issues your company will inherit if the deal goes through?"
"Oh, no, not at all," the other man said (Janine gasped and stiffened up at the sound). "I intend to have everything smoothed over and settled for good within the year."
Janine's eyes narrowed in deep thought; she was clearly trying to determine something. "There's something familiar about that guy..." was all she said.
"Maybe you knew him in another life," Peter said half-sarcastically.
"Shh!" the other three said. The press conference clip had just ended.
The original newscaster appeared again. "All Grossjuck Industries operations will be transferred to MastersCorp headquarters in Madison, Wisconsin as soon as the merger is finalized. Despite widespread uncertainty, criticism, and accusations of some sort of cover-up from many sides, Mr. Masters has asserted he has no doubt of his success. His past experience certainly gives him grounds to think so. Unknown up until three years ago, he burst onto the radar fresh out of a prolonged stay in the hospital resulting from an explosion he was in on his college campus. It was shortly after his release that he came into a million-dollar inheritance and became a familiar figure on the stock exchange, with investments in just about every type of profitable venture. Since then, he has purchased companies, acquired other businesses, and conducted mergers with unprecedented swiftness (his only failure being a yearly attempt to buy the Packers' football team from the city of Green Bay), putting him well on his way to becoming one of the wealthiest men on the planet. The millionaire vows that he will be a billionaire within twenty years and finally succeed at the one goal he has held since college. This is Joe Logan, Channel 11 News."
The audience had watched the broadcast in various degrees of disbelief, confusion, and suspicion. They frequently turned to look wide-eyed at each other throughout the entire story, blinked, rubbed the backs of their heads, and occasionally whispered, "What?" or "Wow," and once, "You've got to be kidding." Once there was no need to watch any longer, Ray turned it off so they could try to make sense of the bizarre story in peace.
Peter, naturally, was the first to speak: "I'm no expert in the ways of the filthy rich, but that's not normal, right?"
"Not at all," Egon confirmed. "Even if such a move made sense, it's impossible it could happen this way."
"But it did," Ray said flatly.
"What do you think's going on here?" Winston asked. "What are these guys up to?"
"Whatever it is, it's none of our business," was Janine's conclusion. Baffled or not, the guys all felt the same way – they couldn't get concerned about some deal between corporations that wasn't connected to them at all. It satisfied their curiosity about the fate of an enemy; they weren't curious enough to dig into the new questions raised by the answer itself.
It was at that point that the phone downstairs rang. Janine snapped to attention. "I'll get it!" She took the pole down to save time.
"Break's over," Peter said despondently as he, Ray, and Winston rose and followed her.
Egon remained where he'd been standing, his arms crossed as he pondered what they'd just seen. He'd thought there was something familiar about that Vlad Masters, as well, but if he'd seen him or heard his name somewhere before, he couldn't remember. As for what he was up to, Egon couldn't deny Grossjuck Industries would seem like an easy conquest at the moment, but who could possibly be willing to accept the risks and liabilities that came with it? How could anyone expect to turn a profit from it again? What could he have to gain? Did he intend to get into the ghostbusting field, too?
"Let's just hope this isn't another smug, corrupt billionaire out to pick a rivalry with ghost hunters," Egon said to himself. But what were the chances of that?
The alarm rang, and he ran to the pole to join the others, wondering where Venkman got his crazy ideas.