Flipping the Switch
by AAR
Disclaimer: Everything goes to their rightful owners, except stolen things.
"'I've…I've got a beard,' said Olimar to Ike, which really was Ike to Olimar, because through an undetermined experiment Crazy Hand performed—" Akira's head was suddenly slammed down onto the book she was reading from as the previously mentioned Hand flopped down on her. "Cr-Crazy…" she croaked as he laid lifelessly on her. "Get off."
"I'm hurt," he replied suddenly, "that you didn't remember that this is my entry into their contest. So you're not the narrator." He popped the knuckle of his middle finger, and an outraged Akira disappeared to go back into her own story. Clicking his fingers, a video camera and a tri-pod set themselves up before him, and with another snap, it turned on.
"Hello…LLB and GSG! Just saying, this event was not my fault!"
-0-
Okay yeah, it technically is my fault, having Olimar exchange souls with Ike, but hey, look what they got out of it! Anyways, on some Tuesday afternoon in the middle of the official tournament, I got bored. Like, really, really, really, really, really, really, really bored—bored so much, that I exceeded the kind of boredom you sometimes get in long car trips. Either way, I was completely and irrevocably bored out of mind, that I switched the lava in Norfair for this red substance I was working with in a lab.
…of course I'm smart. What a horrible thing to say!
So, Olimar and Ike were in a duel to the end, because through a lot of string pulling and poisonous odors his Pikmin emitted, Olimar was one of the last ones standing up to Ike. Mario had fallen long ago to Olimar's poisonous fumes. It was my turn to choose a stage, and even though Master had looked at me (he doesn't even have eyes! not unless he builds a temporary humanoid form!) and sighed.
I chose Norfair because it was one of the smaller stages I had built, plus, that really big humongous wave of lava that sometimes floods the camera screen, aka the entire stage? Priceless. So there I was, fiddling around with the stage, and five minutes before the match started, I had the brilliant idea of testing out that new substance which just so happened to make people exchange souls. Don't ask me how it works, it was that spark of inspiration and mindless mixing that doesn't register in your head.
By the first ten minutes of the match, the wave came in and with my unmatched form of meanness and crotchety-ness, I glitched that blue shield thing so that it wouldn't let them in. A play-by-play of their dialogue:
"No! No! Noooo! Why can't I get in?"
That's Ike screaming his denial. He's using those ultra-moon jump kind of jumps that don't register on a human level. Personally, I think it's just awesome how my brother messed with the physics in the virtual simulators, but that's child's play. Seriously. He did it when he was a child, to me of all the Hands of our family.
What, you think I did something to warrant that kind of abuse?
This is Olimar panicking.
"Okay, okay, calm down, it's just lava, it won't burn through the suit, oh my sweet Pikmin, it will!"
I cackled at the time—I'm sorry. But really, it was probably the only chance I could take to test out that substance. Even Master congratulated me on it after the…slightly loud results. Ah, I somehow see Akira coming into the room and sadly into this recording—no, c'mon sis, I wanna finish this now. Can't the Man wait? What do you mean, 'who's the Man?'? It's Master Hand, but seriously? We just can't—She's approaching the camera really, really fast, so I have to finish this segment within the next ten seconds.
I'll finish it soon, I prom—!
-0-
"How did you even get in here?" demanded a sullen Crazy Hand to a smug Akira. "I threw you back into your own story!"
"Obviously," retorted Akira, "seeing as you don't have that speech impediment that your other self does. And you might as well call him the Master, like Doctor Who."
"No, nuh uh. If you want to indulge your Doctor Who fantasies by calling the Man Koschei, be my guest, but I'm just going to call him the Man from now on."
The silver-haired woman looked at him, raising an eyebrow, and she turned the video camera towards her. She flicked the power button on again.
-0-
He'll continue this soon, probably after he apologizes to Ike again. But the likelihood of him being able to test it on someone else is definitely zero.
…Crazy, I should call you Koschei. Hear any drums?
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Master—Crazy, you're right; this is awkward, calling your own brother that. I'll just call him Kosch and you Chei, how about that?
You'll see Crazy record the second part sometime later. For now, he has to…attend a match in Smashville, and after that a convention in Delfino…and plus that little meeting at Mushroom Castle, eh, Chei—no! I wasn't finished!
-0-
Crazy, evidently weary of Akira's excuses for him to delay this clearly fascinating and true story, turned off the camera and sent a protesting silver-haired woman back to her own world. At least this was only the beginning, though.
Author's Notes: Okay, so I should apologize for the (apparently) cliche'd approach towards this contest. There's only two chapters to this little drabble-ish story, because I didn't really feel any inspiration coursing through me except the image of Ike having a beard. Doctor Who references are ablaze because of my obsession, and...well, let's face it. Calling your brother, 'Master', is undoubtedly going to be the most awkward thing ever.