Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games or any characters created by Suzanne Collins. If I did, Rue and Finnick wouldn't have died.

A/N: I've always been fascinated by Johanna Mason, the character that I believed is the most 'real' out of the whole entire series. And Finnick Odair is just a sex god; I think it's probably impossible not to be in love with him :D As much as I ship Finnick/Annie, I think Johanna would've been as equally good with Finnick, just because she is so different from Annie. RIP Finnick, you'll always be loved.

Finnick,

I know this is ridiculous, but I have to talk to you anyway. No, I haven't gone out of my mind and suddenly believed that I can talk to the dead; this girl's still as sharp as ever. But ever since you're gone all the pent up emotions inside me are threatening to explode. I've never told anyone this before, but I guess there's a first time to everything. So here goes, Finnick. Here goes.

I guess I could start with how much you mean to me, and tell you how your sea-green eyes made me drown every time I look into them, but I'm sure Annie told you all that too many times already. I could tell you that you were the first to make me really laugh, that you were the first person to really understand me as more than just Victor, but that's too lame and not at all Johanna Mason. No, it's too cliché. I won't say I'm in love.

You were the worst, Finnick, you truly were. Breaking down my barriers and then leaving me to myself. The worst thing was I don't think you ever realised what an effect you have. I was born insecure, but meeting you and talking to you had made me more unsure than ever. Hell, I wasn't about to change who I am for anyone, but you were the first to make me question myself. I knew that I wasn't the friendliest or the prettiest, but that never really mattered to me. That's why I was so scared the day I found out that I do care, that it does matter what you thought of me. Whether it'd be as a friend or something more, I had wanted you to remember me as more than just the sarcastic bitch that I've been all these years. But old habits die hard, eh, Finnick? You and your sugar cubes, and me and my razor-sharp tongue. I can't change myself, not for the better or the worse. The independence, the sarcasm, the tough-girl attitude, that's all me. But I guess a boy born and bred in the coastal District Four preferred the grace and the flowing fluidity of a soft personality, not the prickly thing that I have to offer.

Perhaps all I needed was to cross the water to get to you, but I've always been too afraid. I was fire through and through, and you were flowing rivers and rolling oceans. I guess it was never meant to be, but it was my nature to be stubborn and go ahead with loving you anyway.

I don't think you ever knew that, Finnick. I don't think you ever realised how much I cared for you, as more than just the best friend and partner-in-crime. It's understandable; you had the whole world in your arms in the form of Annie. Annie Cresta, the wisp of a girl whose presence is other-worldly somehow, as though she's a fairy trapped in our very human world. She's the polar opposite to me. Maybe that's why you loved her, the soft and vulnerable girl to whom your protection and love was essential. Me, I was the best friend, your drinking buddy and the one who stayed up all night talking to you. Oh, I know I meant something to you, just not the right something. Hell, I could've been a boy for all you cared.

Annie's out of her mind grieving for you, you know. It's been more than a year, and she is still as lost to the rest of the world as ever. I catch her wandering the beaches in the evenings sometimes, singing some ancient tune to the ocean winds. At other times, she would drop whatever she's doing to rush down to the water, going knee-deep in full clothes and just look out across the sea as though she may find you there. People smile pityingly at her, shaking their heads a little and send her their condolences, and at times like these I just want to scream. She's allowed to grieve, yet I'm expected to be as strong as ever. I guess no one saw that just as her love for you is rivers deep, mine is mountains high. Ah, old Johanna Mason would be scoffing at the soppiness of that statement, but this frighteningly new Johanna Mason is somehow nodding in agreement. I'm not accustomed to this new me, Finn. It's strange and altogether too weird to feel so much. I miss the old me, the fun me who made jokes at everyone's expenses and swapped your vodka tumbler for vinegar. Remember the time we tricked Haymitch and Chaff into drinking dishwater? My sides ached for days afterwards from laughing; those two were just too drunk and so fun to pranked on. We were quite a pair, weren't we?

Maybe it's just as well that it never worked out that way for the two of us. We would've been something of the nightmare couple, what with all the tricks we had up our sleeves. And, well, little Kai would've never existed if you weren't with Annie. She had your baby, Finn. He's barely six months old, but already he's got the charming smile and twinkling eyes that you broke so many hearts with. I suggested Kai, you know. It means 'ocean' in some old language, and I thought you'd like that. The sea did mean so much to you, after all.

I think you'd scoff if anyone told you that Johanna Mason has a maternal side, but I can't deny that I have a soft spot for your son, Finnick. Maybe it's his eyes, maybe it's because you're his father. Then again, I've been spending an awful lot of time with him. Annie's been not quite here, and I guess I've kind of became Aunty Johanna. I have to say I never did like little children, but this one is something else. He's grown on me, this kid. I'm still mildly surprised that Annie asked for me to come, instead of Katniss or her mother. Trust Annie to choose the prickliest person to look out for her son. I would call her mad, but I know you'll hate me forever for that, so I won't. Maybe this strange choice of me is for her sake more than Kai's; I am the only other person who has truly known you. Well, whatever the reason, I don't mind being here. The hard truth is that District Seven is incredibly lonely. I never really belonged there, or anywhere else for that matter, but now it's like I'm an alien amongst them. I guess it's the same for Annie and your district. Ah well, birds of a feather flock together. Victors United, eh? No, more like Broken Victors United. That's much closer to the truth.

It's funny how a girl could be so afraid of water, yet so drawn to it at the same time. I've lost count of how many times I've wandered these beaches, skirting the lapping waves and never mustering up enough guts to let the water run over my bare feet. I guess the Capitol ruined that for me forever. Well, maybe one day I'll work up the courage to step into the sea. Maybe that'll be the day I can finally let you go.

I miss you, Finnick.

Your JoJo

PS: To this day, you're still the only one who had called me that.