Light's Sunder

Living on earth was complicated. That was the truth as far as Castiel knew. And he knew from experience. Most would say that ever since he met the Winchesters it became complicated and it led to his rebellion. In all honest truth, the complication began the moment he took on his orders of becoming the guardian to the one person whom he never could say no to and the one who introduced complication to him. And yet it was because of that complication that he was wondering about what he was going to do if he found the spawn of Lucifer and its mother.

Tensions had been high enough since it seemed that Dean was angry at him for killing the reaper Billie and breaking the contract she had with the Winchesters. Castiel was well aware that there were things that had cosmic consequences. Having been involved in a few things like that, he had a pretty good idea but as he had told both Sam and Dean, he cared about them both. They meant a lot to him and he did have the selfish motive of making sure that the youngest Winchester had her father and uncle and he grandmother around. Because he loved her.

Castiel knew that his search was a source of tension with his charge whom he loved. The truth was that he was torn about it and what to do. And instead of taking a leaf out of her book and talking to her or anyone, he buried himself in his search for the Nephilim sired by Lucifer. It was then that he heard it after the lights started flickering. And when he heard the crying, he turned towards the source to find his charge holding the crying baby and looking at him with a wide eyed look as she soothed the baby to sobs as she said rather than asked, "An angel is in trouble."

She was right just as he knew. The angel in trouble was Benjamin and Castiel knew that she was concerned. As much as she disliked his brothers in general, and he didn't blame her, she still would reach out to give a hand. He could tell she wanted to go out there and help since she paced in that manner she would when she wanted to rush into a fight and was schooling herself not to. Sam was holding the baby and talking it through like it was nothing.

In the end, Sam and Dean accompanied him with their dogs to find out what happened to Benjamin, leaving Angela behind to take care of the baby. Castiel knew that it was hard but he knew that Angela wasn't ready. Even though Sam's blood had revitalized her after giving birth to the baby, he knew that she still was recovering. She was doing a good job hiding it from everyone but he could see and he doubted that she would appreciate him taking a peek. Certainly Sam wouldn't and Castiel had seen the results of that several times over.

It was like that human expression Angela liked to use. It was a stroll down memory lane as Castiel was taken back to what he had done in 1901. For a brief moment, he thought how Angela would be laughing at the fact that his vessel was female. He recounted what had happened and it certainly was a shock to see Lily Sunder again.

It was a shock but not quite one since he was used to the fact that Angela was a lot older than Lily. The memory of what happened made him determined to leave Angela out of the picture as well as the baby. As he told Sam and Dean, Ishim didn't trust or like humans. The other angels in his garrison didn't understand how he became a guardian and he never really elaborated on his charge and they certainly were baffled when he showed no signs of grief when a charge died. Unfortunately it didn't turn out that way.

Lily had wounded Ishim and Castiel decided to use his powers to fully heal his old friend. It seriously drained him and left him vulnerable to when Ishim beat him down. And that was after the truth came out. The truth was that Lily's daughter was human. Ishim had killed a human child.

Castiel had felt anger when he learned that truth. It also caused some rather disturbing thoughts such as thinking about the child being Angela when she was four or the baby. He knew that he would do anything to protect the child of Sam Winchester and Angela. But he also felt the guilt of what he had been involved with the death of a child and the beating felt deserved.

The angel had forgotten though that his charge had a way of knowing and doing things. Lily had come in and started getting her revenge on Ishim. She knew her Enochian spells well and managed to push Ishim back but Castiel knew that she wouldn't be able to hold them back for long and Ishim was one of the stronger warriors. And one of his fears happened right then and there.

It was a shock all right when Angela appeared much like an angel would before they lost their wings. And it wasn't how she could do it with her spirit warrior talents. She was physically there and ready to fight. Castiel recognized the signs of her anger, the kind that said that she was, as Dean would say, pissed and it was because someone had hurt someone close to her. It wasn't like when Sam had been badly hurt; that had been… Castiel never wanted to see her like that again. This expression wasn't much better since it was a guarantee that someone was going to get hurt and more likely lose a limb.

As it turned out, it was support. Castiel had chances to witness his charge's healer ability work. He knew that it was her most powerful attribute and one that she never exploited unless it was necessary and even then it was more along the lines of pure instinct. This time though it looked as if she could control it since she had extended her hand and he could see the outline of her tattoo glowing on the underside of her wrist. It allowed Ishim to be held long enough for him to kill him with the angel blade. But then there was the moment of truth.

Castiel wouldn't have blamed the woman if she wanted to kill him. He was ready to pay for his sins even though he didn't like the fact that he would be leaving his charge alone and in pain from the loss. He didn't like the fact that he would be leaving the baby without another means of protection and that he would be hurting her. He didn't tell Angela that he assumed guardianship of the little one even though Amitiel did the same.

"You have what you wanted. You have your revenge."

Castiel thought his charge was being foolish since she got close enough to Lily and was actually touching her. It was always a tense time because there was the chance things could go wrong. But he knew her and trusted her and resisted the urge react in guardian fashion. He wouldn't have been able to anyway but he would do as Dean would and go down swinging.

"I know how you feel. I've been down the road of revenge many times because of loss."

Castiel knew that all too well. He had come to her and had questioned some of her activities when he first started getting to know her. He had seen her motivation when backed by anger. She had gone down that road and could have not come back but she did. Before taking the final step, she always stepped back.

"You got your man. Now it is time to let go. They were under the impression of something else. I know that it isn't a good excuse but…"

Castiel watched as Angela stepped close to Lily and spoke to her. He was ready to pay penance but as always, she stepped in to save him. She protected him and was willing to defend him no matter what. And whatever she said, it worked. Lily looked sadly at Angela and they shared a look that told Castiel it was one of those mysterious things that not even Dean could explain. It was startling to see Angela take the woman by the face and kiss her forehead gently before pressing her forehead to the same spot.

It certainly allowed for Castiel to walk away from the potential of getting stuck with a blade that night. It certainly was moot after Sam and Dean rounded on Angela asking what she was doing there and if the baby was okay. Castiel had to marvel that Angela handled it well since she was used to fending off Winchesters that became jerks only because they cared. In fact, after the whole thing, she was the only one acting like everything was normal.

"She wants to see you."

Castiel looked up from his musings to see Angela standing there, holding the baby as the infant reached towards him. He looked up a little confused but reached for the baby anyway since he disliked it when she cried. He watched as Angela pulled up a chair to sit next to him like she was going to share in the beer that he had been nursing since Sam and Dean left. "Where are…?"

"Dean is taking care of my car and I sent Sam to his room," Angela replied with a smile. "Jess wanted to see her favorite angel."

"Hey!"

Castiel watched as Angela laughed at Gabriel's outburst. He heard Jess coo and pull at his tie. He looked down at her and saw the hazel green eyes and noticed the gold flecks that danced in them. She was a healthy baby and for all intents and purposes were human but that could change as she got older. She could be like her mother and it was already evident that she was sensitive to the supernatural since she cried when Benjamin called for help. It didn't matter though. Jess was the daughter of a Halfling and the one who had set Lucifer free and started the Apocalypse. By that principle she would be earmarked for death.

"I know you're in a tough spot Cas," Angela said, not looking at the angel. "After all according to you, Nephilim are dangerous."

"They are forbidden… At least it was in the beginning," Castiel replied as he turned his attention to the baby since she was insistent on playing with his tie.

"And I get that but I really don't see how it is so. I mean… look at me. Look at Aaron… Jess." Angela looked at Castiel with a pointed look that was gentle.

Castiel looked at her. He knew that she knew what things were to be; she knew the rules as it were and some she upheld because she knew that it was futile to mess with like the natural order of things. So he knew that she was worried about the blood contract that he had broken but she wasn't going to get up in arms about it. It was as she said and that she was in no position to judge. But Castiel thought that was nonsense since she had every right. He knew though that she was trying to get a point across. "I know. And… that is why I… I don't know what I am going to do."

"Well you said that you want to find a better way."

"And what do you suggest?"

"Probably the same I did when I found all of Azazel's special children and threw a monkey wrench in the works."

Castiel looked at his charge as she stared back. He was used to her flippant tone but he also knew that she was being serious by watching her body language. He frowned a little and asked, "What did you do?"

"I found them and hid them. Some I managed to get protection on and they didn't know it." Angela sat back in her chair and wrapped her arms around her shoulders before shrugging them. "I just… let them be to make their own choices. Mostly it has worked out. The ones that didn't… I have to live with."

"You take too much on yourself."

"It's called being human."

Castiel turned to look at Angela as she gave him a wry smile. He thought about it a little and then nodded. "Perhaps you are right."

Angela sighed and put a hand on the angel's back, "I'm only telling you what I did. Ultimately it is going to come down to what you are going to do. And… it's kind of why I like being as human as possible. I don't know what's going to happen and if it were me, I wouldn't know until I was faced with it. Sometimes that's all we can do and just hope that we make the right one."

Castiel blinked at that as he watched Angela get up from her chair but not take the baby. He frowned at her but realized she was heading towards the kitchen. He then sensed that the little one was starting to get hungry. At the moment though she was staring up at him and playing with his tie like it was the only toy she had. She gave a particularly hard yank and the angel made a slight noise in his throat and said, "Please desist."

The baby didn't listen and tugged again while taking her other hand and gently touching his hand as he tried to loosen her grip. Castiel looked at the little hand splayed on his and then at the baby staring at him with an expression similar to her mother. It had him curious and worried since it meant that if they weren't careful…

Staring at the baby, Castiel realized something. He knew that he was going to have to make some choices if and when he found Lucifer's spawn and its mother. Sam was right to point out that in the end it was still a mother and child and after learning what Ishim had done so long ago… He wondered how his charge was able to wake up each day and keep going knowing that a choice like this was down the road. The responsibility as Malachi was enormous and while he thought he had grasped that in the beginning, he really didn't. He still didn't but he did know that his charge had something special within and it showed in how she treated others, the unconditional love she gave even to those that didn't deserve it. That was what his father was about.

Looking at Jess, Castiel made his decision. He would do as his charge had done and weigh his options. There was more to a situation; not everything was black and white. If he had truly felt that way, he would have terminated his guardianship and he wouldn't have come during the times where she needed it but never thought to call. It was an unknown road ahead and he could only hope that the way he wanted it to go down would be a good one. After all he was protecting a child that was similar in most respects.

He moved his hand and felt her fingers wrap around his large one. He murmured in a low voice, "You may have blood from a possibly forbidden union but you were made with love and… you will always be safe. I'll make sure of it."

A/N: Cas is thinking about the task he has of finding the Nephilim and finds himself in a tight spot but he makes his choice. Tag to Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets. Enjoy.