Disclaimer: I don't own and never will. Okay?
AN: Written for the KILL THAT CHARACTER (OR NOT) COMPETITION and inspired by the Next gen confessions on tumblr. The prompts are in italics.
Dear Dominique,
I'm not entirely sure what to say here. Dear Dominique sounds so…mundane, so ordinary, so…wrong.
And this is anything but ordinary really, isn't it? It really is anything but ordinary. In fact, I don't think this letter could be any less ordinary unless I was writing to Sirius Black asking for tips on making angels dance.
Do you remember that phrase, go dance with the angels? It was all you would say instead of swearing when you first heard it in our first year. It was virtually your catchphrase, making us all laugh.
Did it begin with that? The innocent laughter of thoughtless children? You always seemed to be fine and there was nothing to suggest that you objected, but maybe there was more going on under the surface than we realised. Maybe it was nothing to do with it at all. I don't know really. Hell, seems I didn't know anything really, at least, not about you.
I should have done though, shouldn't I? I was your big sister, the one who was supposed to look out for you, see you were safe, protected you from bullies and been there to listen when you needed me.
I know you were having problems. You were struggling with your OWLS and your boyfriend was an abusive little shit and you were being bullied and the signs were there for me to see if I just had the eyes to look.
You turned up with a black eye to one of our meetings in Hogsmeade and told me you'd hit your face on the door. I should have investigated further, pushed harder to find the truth but I was just a shallow and stupid little girl really, more interested in Teddy than protecting my little sister.
I should have realised you were struggling with your studies. You kept your struggles well hidden, pretending instead that you didn't care about your grades. I never knew that you stayed up half the night trying to make sense of what you were being taught, that it was something you struggled with day in, day out. I should have seen the signs of sleep deprivation and the potions you were using to stay awake. I should have been able to smell them for Merlin's sake, I've worked with them often enough.
And finally, I should have recognised you were being bullied. The way you cringed, the way you hid your face, the way you turned slowly from the bright and bubbly girl I knew into a grey and pale thing. I put it down to teenage hormones or some such nonsense. Instead of recognising that Rebecca Hamblin and her gang were busy making you feel so insecure and so…so hurt, I just ignored the signs that I should have seen and instead of actually paying any sort of attention, I wandered through the world in a sort of translucent daze, not seeing what was under my very nose. I'm your sister, not so long out of Hogwarts that I would forget just how stressful OWL exams are. I don't have the excuse of not remembering and I certainly don't have the excuse of not being able to recognise the signs. They were there even if I didn't want to see them.
And then there was the time I found you crying at Maria's wedding, just a few weeks before…before it happened.
I don't know why you were crying then. I put it down to tears of happiness, you getting caught up in the emotion of the event. The sun was shining, the day was bright and Maria looked positively angelic in her dress. Looking back I wonder now whether you were crying because you had already made your choice and you knew that you would have no such wedding or whether it was because the sheer happiness around you made you realise how badly you felt? I wish I'd talked to you then. You could have reached out to me, to anyone and talked, why didn't you? WHY DIDN'T YOU?
No, I'm being stupid now. I know why you didn't reach out. I know why you felt that way. You were the less pretty version of me, the cold icicle who had no feelings. At least that was what you wanted the world to see. Or maybe that's how you saw the world, I'm not sure which.
It's funny really. We all deal with your…with your…
I'm not sure how to say it. Well actually, I DO know how to say it, I just can't bring myself to say it.
Mum and dad are still struggling. I try to help, but…I don't know what to do. No parent should…never mind.
Louis…there's a little palfrey horse down the road in one of the fields. He wanders off and feeds him apples and talks and talks. I'm keeping an eye on him as well. I'm not going to fail him like I failed you.
As for your abusive shit of a boyfriend and those bullies? Well let's just say that a world of Weasley-Potter inspired pain has decided to plummet on their heads. I don't think they'll be so nasty in future, even if it is too late for you.
I miss you Dom. We all do really and (a tearstain appears to have dropped on the parchment) I want to ask for your forgiveness more than anything. I should have been there, I should have seen what was going on, I should have…
I know it's too late for you. I know that it's been six months since…
I should stop dancing around this. I should just say it and have done.
It's been six months since…since I found you there. Since I found you hanging from that tree. I tried to get you down, I tried to save you but…(another tearstain appears on the page.
There are some things magic can't do.
The funeral was a solemn affair, but I think you'll like the place. It's beautiful, surrounded by flowers overlooking the sea. It's…peaceful there.
I hope you're at peace, away from sadness and cruelty.
Your sister Victoire