He had done so well today. All big smiles at the going away party. Telling everyone how proud he was of his boyfriend. And now that they were alone, finally alone, all he could do was cry into Ludwig's chest. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was going to be strong and supportive. Not this crying ball of panic. And Ludwig just let him cry. Holding on so tight, His chest pressed against Feliciano's chest.
'Lu?' Big fat tears rolled down his cheeks.
'Yes Feli?'
'Why does it hurt so much?'
'Because your heart is so big.'
It wasn't like this was the first time. They had sent Ludwig to Africa for a two-week trip and it had somehow extended to six months. Feliciano had handled that. He had lived through it. It was a little rough but…he had made it. But this was his first tour. The first time he was going someplace so dangerous.
'I don't want you to go away.'
'I know.'
They had talked about it in the beginning. When Ludwig had been the nice officer that came into the café in the morning after his shift. But they both knew, even in the beginning that they were something special. And Feliciano had taken military regulations, deployments and shitty work schedules as the cost of something beautiful coming into his life.
'Feliciano' Ludwig buried his nose in his hair 'My Feliciano will you marry me?'
The breath caught in his throat. 'Y-yes! Yes of course but-'Feliciano bit his lip, the timing wasn't so perfect. What if something-no no no no no. He couldn't even consider it.
'No buts, please. Try and understand. It will give me something to think about in the desert. Something good. It will keep me going and it will keep you going. It may even keep your mind on good things instead of negative ones.'
'No buts' Feliciano whispered 'I just don't want to be alone again.' Ludwig kissed his hair, his temple, his cheek.
'You're so brave. I don't know what I would do in your shoes. I would lock you up and never let you go. But you just give me your love and your good-by and you let me go.'
'I know you'll come back.'
'And I know you'll be waiting for me when I come home.'
He sighed. 'I love you.'
Ludwig sighed, content. 'I love you. Are you ready to get some rest? We have an early day tomorrow.
'I think. Maybe. If you hold me like this until I fall asleep.'
'I can manage that.' And they drifted off together clinging to the other until morning