Don't You Remember?

The laughter than had been joyous and loud only moments before got stuck in his throat, the beer bottle in his hand threatening to fall and crash into tiny shards of glass unless he regained his grip on it.

The world seemed to have a funny way of letting him forget only to bring him tumbling down. Landing the role, then hearing Lionel Richie on the radio on the drive back to his dorm. Maintaining his 4.0 GPA that he had carried on in high school, hear about her Regional win. Even walking through campus, the warm Los Angeles sun upon his face seemed to bring memories of her to the forefront of his mind.

That beautiful day, the parking lot almost empty apart from the twenty-some Range Rovers and a few buses. When he had left, it was just the scattered egg-shells and the broken girl.

When he looked down to his caller-id, the contact that he never had the will-power to delete showing up, all pretense of him being 'fine' was abandoned, excusing himself as he went back into one of the empty rooms, isolating himself from his supposed friends.

The phone continued to vibrate in his hands and it took everything in his power to press the answer button before the call would be lost, holding it away from him for a moment before placing the receiver to his ear.

"Jesse?"

Her voice was just as he remembered, an almost childlike quality mixed with the melody of it. The way she said his name still sending a chill running down his spine.

"Rachel."

It wasn't a question but it wasn't a statement either. It was more like a submission, that he knew it was her but that he didn't quite believe it. Over a year and she had made no other move to contact him, simply cutting him off for his supposed 'travesty'.

But couldn't she see that she was just as much to blame?

There was a silence between them, both lost in thoughts of the time that had past, of the year gone by. Why hadn't she tried? The wheels in his mind went mad trying to understand her. Sure, he could have easily picked up the phone and contacted her, but it was expected of him to do nothing. Her though? The love struck young girl who wanted nothing but the Romeo and Juliet romance he offered? He expected her to react much differently.

Perhaps it was because she realized that he was her Paris, her option only if she could not have him. That blubbering idiot who could barely carry a tune on his own. It was who she had wanted the entire time, wasn't it?

"What do you want, Rachel?"

All original thoughts of reconciliation were gone as he recounted her lie, the beginning of the metaphorical straws on his back and only adding to his eventual break. He wasn't even sure she knew, a slip of Finn's tongue one day after glee his only indication of her treachery.

He had been denied by her, his hands not allowed to explore the uncharted territory of her body and yet she had told Finn that her 'chasity' was now taken by those same hands she refused to let touch her.

Why?

Because she wanted Finn to be jealous, to take her back even if she was supposed to be in a relationship with him?

It was the only conclusion he could come to and it pained him that much more to know that she still would see the end of their relationship as his doing.

"I need your advice."

Advice, he thought bitterly. Not to apologize, to ask for redemption, to ask for me back...

"With Nationals?" Her silence only concreted the fact that she wouldn't expect him to care about what happened to her. He knew that she thought he wouldn't know of their Regionals, or even Sectionals, win. Hadn't he made it clear that he believed in her? That he cared?

"Yeah," she finally croaked out to him, sighing before going on her usual rant about how, even though they supported her through their Regionals victory, they were again refusing her solos and wanting nothing more than to force her to sway in the back.

Always the selfish one. He knew he was being impartial, that she wasn't as selfish as he wanted to make her out to be but some part of him knew it was true. She had always done things for herself, just as he did. It was what made them work so well, or that's what he continually tried to convince himself of. If he could see why they belonged together, then why couldn't she?

"What should I do?"

What could he possibly tell her that she didn't already know? She knew she was destined for Broadway, but winning a National title would only add to the acclaimed she should already receive. But, in the end, he let his anger win out.

"Why don't you ask Finn for his advice?" He spat the words out through gritted teeth, the alcohol already in his system doing nothing to help his cause.

"Because I want your help, not his."

Oh, now you care about what I think.

He didn't know where all the hatred, the loathing was coming from. Maybe it was the months of burying the feelings he had for her. Or maybe it was the fact that he wanted nothing more than to be talking to her face to face, to rehash everything that happened to them and then, in the end, have her in his arms again.

"I think you need to show them that you deserve it, that they won because of your song and that you want it for the team, not just yourself."

He could hear her questioning who he knew about the song in the silence that followed, a stab of regret hitting him square in the chest. "I had someone on Vocal Adrenaline tell me about Regionals."

He didn't admit that it was more of a 'keep me updating on Rachel Berry' request.

"Why?"

There was that question he'd been asking himself since she'd called, that simple word that held all of his turmoil. "Because I want to know who my team-"

"That's not what I meant."

The sudden turn in the conversation forced him to sit on the bed, running a shaky hand through his hair as he looked to his feet. "I can ask you the same thing."

"Excuse me?"

She's livid, he thought with a sigh. She had the right to be angry with him, he'd admit it, but he was just as justifiably bruised as she was.

"You egged me and left me standing in a parking lot alone. I want to know why. I have nothing to explain to you, you were the one-"

"How about tell Finn you slept with me? Or using me as a pawn in your idiotic attempt at gaining popularity? Or how you just forgot to mention the 'Jessie's Girl' fiasco that happened when I was in San Diego? Are those all 'okay' in your eyes and now void since I left and did the only thing I could do to regain my spot in Vocal Adrenaline? And, to my knowledge, you did the same thing to that girl who went over to Carmel, to a degree, did you not?"

He was bombarding her, but after months of it silently plaguing his thoughts, he had not control over it. He just lashed out, letting each bitter thought pore from his lips.

"It's not the same."

The anger boiled to an uncontrollable point as he stood again, frustration taking over him as he began to pace.

"It is the same Rachel! You just want to see how you were affected. But what about me?"

The uncharacteristic crack in his voice seemed to snap something in her, for before he could stop himself, he could hear her continued string of apologies mixing with the tears present in her voice.

"Yeah, me too."

It was a poor excuse for the planned speech he had thought of when the reality of what he had done first crashed down upon him. In comparison, it was nothing. But it seemed to do the trick for her, because the next question she managed to ask him broke any resolve he managed to keep.

"Will you come and see me? At Nationals, I mean? You should be out of school by then, right?"

He would be out. He had planned on going. But now that she presented him with the offer, he didn't know if he could handle the moronic looks she would share with Finn or the mediocre dance moves.

"I'll try," he managed.

Hearing the laughter of his 'friends' outside the room sent him back to reality, realizing that he was still three thousand miles away and there was nothing else he could do for her. And more importantly, nothing she could do for him.

"I have to go." He knew she was nodding and he had to refrain from chuckling at the image.

"But Rachel..if you need me, you can call."

Another nod, he thought with a smile. But maybe she knew him well enough to know he'd understand.

"Guess I'll see you, Jess." For once in his life, he didn't cringe at the nickname, his smile only widening as it left her lips.

"Yeah, maybe."

And with the click of his phone, Jesse St. James knew he'd be at Nationals if Rachel Berry knew about it or not.

So, I was listening to Don't You Remember and this came about. I don't know if I want to keep going or if you guys just want me to leave it a one-shot, so let me know :)