a/n: an introspection written before dr3 happened
He doesn't understand why he was blessed with this so-called luck of his. If he could, it would be better of a curse.
Lucky, my ass. Komaeda would always wonder why it would stay on his side but at the same time torture him with the truth. The truth of having known his loved ones die right there and then when he could be also one of them. But noo, be it for his advantage or not. His luck is a curse and yet a blessing.
It all started with his parents. As fate-no- luck should have it, he was born rich. As much as he could have anything be it worldly possessions or power, he mostly wanted the affection a child desperately wants from their parents. Thanks to his luck, it never gave him what he really wanted. Instead, he was met with a cruel scene where bad people killed his parents right before his very eyes but all prior to a meteor crashing down on their plane.
He was met with a gruel conclusion afterwards. This luck of his can never go the way he wanted it to be.
After countless experiences of the good and bad side of his luck, Komaeda would often be left in despair.
Why does this happen to him? Why does it have to be him? Can't there be just an ounce of happiness in his life where it can't be tainted with his curse? Will he ever feel loved like the lonely and broken person he is?
These are his thoughts in the dead of the night and he wonders when his luck will eventually run out.
Amidst the suffering, he goes through because of his goddamn luck, he found a reason for living. Hope.
He created a new belief because of this new discovery.
"The deeper and darker the despair, the brighter and powerful the hope born from it." He would repeat to himself, like a mantra. Believing that it would further bring him to reality that there is indeed more meaning in his life.
And that is when he was accepted to Hope's Peak Academy.
How ironic he would be chosen for his extraordinary luck. Komaeda thought of it nothing more than useless and nothing more than a curse. Still, he used this to his advantage. If the students of Hope's Peak Academy can overcome any despair inducing events, then he would so gladly be there through it all.
He was dead wrong.
The same cycle goes on and on when the Tragedy struck. Countless lives are killed and him being one of the causes.
Komaeda sometimes wonders why he wasn't easily killed even if a deadly disease had struck him. Death is always a dream to him but never became a reality.
Being one of the Ultimate Despair-despite him not being part of the actual group and wanting Hope to outshine the effects of despair- he was caught and then brought to an island where he could be detained.
He wished he would have died there, in that simulation where he fucking impaled himself for crying out loud but after waking up being attached to wires and stuck inside a pod, he had enough.
Komaeda has luck anyone could have wished for but to him it is a curse. He just wanted to die after all.
{but a little part in his hopeful heart wishes he could've just felt nothing but more than a little bit of love to heal his broken self}