Happily Ever After
By Vickiann Adams
© June 2007
All mentions of Grey's Anatomy and it's characters belong to ABC and a bunch of other people who have a lot more money and better lawyers than I do – no copyright infringement is meant.
Remember, imitation is the highest form of flattery.
"There really is no 'happily ever after'…it is merely meaningless words. Words read to overtired children to encourage sleep. Promises made by the neighbor, called over to watch a seven year old left alone as evening became night. Promises that don't come true."
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Meredith closed the bedroom door gently after checking on Christina one last time. Her friend would heal. It would take time but it would happen – broken hearts do mend. That was one thing Meredith knew for sure. It was a lesson she learned at a very early age.
Letting herself out of Christina's apartment, Meredith started to wonder about her own broken heart – her own shattered universe. Derek was flirting in a bar – with a woman. Derek was in a bar with a woman. It was hard enough to loose him when the woman was his wife, at least that had made sense. Then again, she had been Derek's woman in the bar once, he cheated on Addison with her, what could she expect?
Derek hadn't made it farther than the parking lot of the chapel in almost four hours. Preston and Christina were suppose to make it – they did everything right. If they couldn't make it what hope was there for Meredith and him?
Finding the courage to start his car, Derek realized he had nowhere to go. His heart wouldn't let him go to the trailer; he didn't think Meredith would welcome him if he showed up on her front porch. Alone in Seattle, he had no choice but to ho to the one place he still felt alive – the one place he could still feel welcome. Throwing his car into gear, Dr. Shepherd headed towards Seattle Grace Hospital.
Meredith drove past her house for the third time knowing she couldn't go home. She hated that house – it was her mother's house. She'd already spent a lifetime alone there before her fifteenth birthday. She had nothing to go home to. Without trying, she'd followed her mother's example – she had nothing in her life but her work at the hospital. Passing her driveway for the fourth time, she backed in and headed towards Seattle Grace.
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Derek stood looking at the OR board; there wasn't a single reason for him to be at the hospital this late at night. He had no surgeries scheduled for the morning, no critical post-op patients to check on.
"I've learned after a lot of years of marriage and a lot of years of staring at that board that it can't fix whatever your trying to avoid."
Derek turned around, surprised. "Richard, I assumed that you'd have gone home with Adele; and I'm not avoiding anything."
"Adele's spending one more night in the hospital, Addison's worried about the amount of bleeding she's still having. And I know you're avoiding something – all I can tell you is that she's a lot like her mother. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing but staring at this board won't solve anything – Trust me."
Dr. Webber left his attending Neurosurgeon standing in the hall contemplating options.
Meredith was surprised to see Chief Webber crossing the hospital's skywalk. Quickening her step she rushed to catch up with the doctor who had done so much for her in the past few weeks.
"Chief, would you have a few minutes?"
Richard almost wanted to laugh at the irony but he held his composure. "Certainly, Dr. Grey. Would you like to join me in my office?"
Meredith looked at the Chief of Surgery, her boss, more like a scared seven year old than a brilliant surgical resident. "Actually, I was hoping we could grab a table in the cafeteria and I could talk to the closest thing I have to a father these days."
The lines around the chief's eyes softened as he put an arm around her shoulder, "Sure, Meredith, come on. I'll buy you a cup of coffee.
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"What's wrong?"
Without looking up, Meredith stirred the spoon in her cup. "It would be easier to ask what's right, that answer is nothing."
"I know you got you intern exam scores back and that you and Dr. Yang's scores tied for highest in you class."
"Whoopee. What does that do for me? My mother was a brilliant doctor and she still died alone and unloved."
Richard looked into the eyes across the table from him, never realizing just how hurt the little girl inside the brilliant doctor was. "Your mother was never alone, she had you. She loved you."
The tears started to fall, "She didn't love me. She told me she never wanted kids; she had me for Thatcher. Thatcher wanted children but in the end, even he didn't want me – he left me – he got a new family. Do you know how many times I would hide the phone when I was little hoping that my mother would spend the whole night home with me? Do you know how many nights I spent alone in my room while one mothball scented woman after another tried to make me eat all my vegetables? Twenty years I worked to impress my mother and in the end the closest I ever got to a complement from her was that I was 'disappointingly ordinary'."
This wasn't an easy conversation to have, "Meredith, you do realize that I was one of the reasons your mother wasn't home all those nights; one of the reasons that your mother and Thatcher split up. This isn't really about your mother or Thatcher, is it?"
Putting her coffee down, Meredith looked across the table at her mother's former lover. "Derek met a woman in a bar last night."
"Mer, hon', I wish I could explain to you why men cheat. I can't even explain why I cheated. I love Adele but I loved your mother too. I couldn't give up either one without losing. Just because Derek cheated doesn't mean he loves you less. You have to ask yourself how much you love him – is he worth fighting for?"
"That's just it, Chief. He didn't cheat. As far as I know, Addison and I are the only women he's been with since he came to Seattle. He wanted me to know that he met a woman and that all he did was flirt."
"You're mad at Derek for not cheating on you?"
"He accused me of leaving him, of coming and going as I please. He told me that meeting a woman in a bar that smiled at him was the highlight of his week."
Chief Webber smiled sadly, "Is he right? Ask yourself, do you push him away and then invite him back when it's convenient – or safe? When you fell off the pier, Derek was dying right along with you. The difference was that no medical procedure could help him. Would it be so bad to let him in?"
"I did let him in. I loved him. I loved him enough to risk my career, my entire future, by falling in love with an attending. I saw all my little girl hopes and dreams – the whole happily ever after that I used to dream about. I begged him to love me, to pick me – then he left me for Addison. He walked away."
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Addison was surprised to find her ex-husband in the elevator.
"How is Christina doing?"
Derek looked at Addison confused, "How should I know, I haven't seen her since the chapel this afternoon."
"Meredith hasn't called you?"
"She doesn't call me to chat."
"Are you okay, Derek?"
"I think Meredith and I broke up this afternoon."
Ignoring the fact that this wasn't the easiest topic to discuss with her ex-husband, Addison offered a shoulder. "You want to talk about it?"
"There's nothing to talk about, she walks in and out of my life like there is a revolving door on my heart. She won't tell me what's wrong in her world. She relies on her friends when something's wrong – when her mother died . . . when Susan died . . . after the intern exam. She never came to me."
"You just said it yourself, 'she never came to me'. Go to her – show her that you're there for her. Did you ever consider that she goes to Izzie, Christina, George and Alex because they were there the one time you weren't?"
"I've been there for Meredith since we met. I saved her life – I pulled her out of the water…"
"You chose to stay with me even though you knew she was the one you loved."
Without another word, Dr. Montgomery stepped off the elevator and left Derek to his thoughts.
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"Mer, I called Addison. When I found out you and Derek were seeing each other secretly, I didn't want you to repeat the mistakes your mother and I made. He had eleven years of history to reconcile with her. What if your mom and dad had stayed together and tried to work it out? What if you'd grown up with a family?"
Meredith looked wistfully, "What if everything had worked out for the mistresses and you and my mother made a new life together – what if Derek chose me?"
"Honey, he did choose you, he walked away from Addison because he couldn't stop loving you. He tried and he couldn't. Addison was his college sweetheart and she couldn't compete with you. Now, it's your turn to choose, can you let him in?"
"What if he hurts me again?"
"Will it hurt any less if you let him walk away? You're a brilliant surgeon, Meredith, you know that surgery, and life, comes with risks – a good surgeon knows which risks are worth taking."
"Thank you, Dr. Webber. Thank you for everything: the exam, my dad, Susan. Just thank you."
Richard had nothing to say, he just nodded as he watched his lover's daughter walk away.
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Meredith walked slowly from the cafeteria to her car. She had no real reason for staying at the hospital and suddenly knew where she needed to go.
Derek continued to ride the elevator as he let Addison's words sink in. He'd promised Meredith that he'd be there for her, that he'd never leave but when it mattered most, that's exactly what he did. Choosing a floor, Derek left the elevator and headed for his car.
Without streetlights, it was even more obvious that no one was home at the trailer. Meredith checked her glove box, ashtray and cup holder one more time knowing that she had to have left the key Derek gave her somewhere. Giving up, she decided to wait for him on the picnic table near his front door. She silently prayed that he wasn't on his way home with last night's girl from the bar.
From the road, there were no lights on in the house. Opening the front door, it was obvious that no one came home after leaving the church that afternoon. Derek headed back to his car realizing that tonight had to be about Christina – Meredith needed to be there for her friend. He'd go home and call her in the morning.
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Chief Webber stood staring at the surgical board looking for answers.
"You know, staring at that board will not solve anything."
Richard laughed, "I said the same thing to Derek a couple of hours ago."
"I just saw him in the elevators, he thinks Meredith broke up with him."
"That's actually pretty funny, I just had coffee with Meredith. She's worried that Derek's not cheating on her."
Addison just shook her head, "Why is it so hard for the two of them to see what everyone else can see so clearly? I've known Derek forever and he's never once looked at me the way he looks at her."
"Do you blame me for bringing you to Seattle?"
"No. Derek and I needed to work through our issues. I can tell you now that Derek and I never really loved each other. I think we were in love for a while but it wasn't real. He married me because he wanted a storybook family – I married him because it was what needed to happen. My life had no definition without Derek. We were in trouble before Mark and Meredith ever came into the picture. I still have to reconcile who I am and what I want with my life."
"You're leaving Seattle Grace, aren't you?"
"I'll be gone by September. I need to wrap up some current cases and then I'll get on with finding out who I am."
"Does finding out who you are include Mark?"
"Right now, I don't think so. He and I have different goals – he's a lot like Derek."
Richard smiled, "I don't know if I'd admit that to either of them right now."
Addison laughed with her boss and friend, "Me either. I'm going to check on Adele and then I'm going home – You should do the same.
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The traffic was light as Derek drove from Meredith's house towards his own trailer. The late hour and quiet roads left him time to think. He had never thought about it from Meredith's point of view – she'd said 'I love you' first and he said nothing. He walked away – he walked away from her love and went back to Addie. He'd all but called her a whore. Meredith had been single when they met – he'd been the one with a wife at home, even if she was an estranged wife, it was still a marriage. He cheated – Meredith had no one to cheat on.
Derek slowly parked his car on the nearly empty ferry and got out. He had thirty-five minutes to think in the moonlight. The silver black water splashed against the side of the boat. The same ice cold water that nearly claimed Meredith as it's own. He knew that day, as he struggled in the ambulance to keep her breathing, that he couldn't live without her. When Richard had hinted that Meredith could keep him from becoming Chief, he considered walking away – he wanted to be surgical chief more than anything. He would have walked away if the choice had been life with Addison or Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace. That night, he let Meredith walk out of the trailer. He told her he didn't know if he could breath for her any more and he let her leave – he promised to be her knight in shining whatever and he let her walk away. He left her again. He got back into his car – it wouldn't look good to be standing on the deck of a ferryboat with tears streaming down his cheeks.
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As he drove down the gravel driveway that led from the main road to his trailer Derek made himself a promise – he would NEVER leave Meredith Grey again. She was the woman who saved his life, the reason he learned to breathe again; he needed her. Her car was parked in his driveway? Derek stopped, surprised to find Meredith's car parked in his driveway and no lights on in the trailer.
Walking towards the front door, Derek finally understood why the trailer was dark. Lying on the picnic table near the door was the love of his life, still bedecked in her bridesmaid dress. Quietly, he unlocked the door and lit a path to the bedroom. He then removed his suit jacket and returned to the porch to retrieve Meredith. Sliding his arm under her legs, she woke slightly.
"I shouldn't have stayed. I don't want to meet her. Just let me go home. Tell her I was drunk or something."
"Mer, sweetheart, there's no one here but you and I. You must have been dreaming."
Meredith opened her eyes as if she couldn't believe him. "Your girl from the bar, the girl you met last night – the one that smiled."
Derek carried Meredith over the threshold and into the bedroom. Placing her gently on the bed, he sat down next to her so that they could see into each other's eyes. He reached out and gently ran the back side of his had down the cheek Thatcher had bruised only days before.
"You are my girl from the bar, you are the only girl I want. I can't break up with you now; I've been in love with you for too long. This morning when I told you that you're the love of my life, I meant every word. I'm in this for the long run. Preston realized he couldn't marry Christina because he's more in love with the woman he wants Christina to become than the woman she already is. I don't have that problem – I love you for the woman you already are: dark, twisty, brilliant, extraordinary – the love of my life."
"I'm . . ."
"Meredith, please let me finish. I should have told you about Addison that first morning at the hospital. I should have told you the truth but I couldn't. I was scared to death that you'd walk away, that you go off and fall in love with someone else. I couldn't risk losing you. I knew that morning that what I felt for Addison was never as strong as what I felt for you – I couldn't breathe without you in my life."
"But when I put it all on the line and begged you to love me, pick me, you went with Addison." Meredith pulled away and stood on one side of the bed.
"I'd promised Addison to love her 'till death. I had to try."
"She cheated on you with your best friend. Your best friend! I'd fallen in love with you, I risked my career, my reputation, everything and all I ever got from you was an 'I'm so sorry.' I didn't know you had a whole other life. I was picturing my fairy tale, the whole happily ever after – no more strange men morning-afters, no more tequila headaches. I'd moved on to the white picket fence, two and a half kids and the big hairy dog. You think I come and go as I want? You want the truth; you want me to be all open and talkie? Fine. I go to Christina and Izzie and George and even Alex because they were there to glue me back together when you broke me. I was broken. You turned me into some kind of freak show exhibit and they helped me heal. I know they won't leave, they are all the family I have: my mother's dead, my fake mommy's dead, and my father wishes I were dead. I never cheated, I stood in that stairwell and begged and you walked away. You walked away from me and now you blame me when I don't look for you? When we got back together you promised me you'd always come back. You said that we might fight but that you'd come back. That you'd be always be there. You told me you were coming over the other night what happened? You never showed up."
"I did come. I looked in the window, you and Alex and Izzie were laughing and drinking. You haven't been that happy with me since before…Well, since before that day when…I mean…"
"You mean since I didn't try to swim? At that moment, I had very little to swim for."
"Meredith, you have me."
"Damn it, Derek. I only have you when it's convenient. When it won't affect your marriage or your career."
Meredith ran from the bedroom to the bathroom and slammed the door. This wasn't how their talk was supposed to go. She wanted him back but it was hard to stop now that she'd started. She wanted him to understand just how much he'd hurt her.
Derek stood outside the bathroom door. He needed to find a way to convince Meredith he wasn't going anywhere this time that he'd learned from his mistakes. He knew instantly the solution. He all but ran down the hall to the kitchen. Pulling out the junk drawer, he dumped the contents onto the kitchen table. Amongst fishing line, hooks, and a can opener he found the small blue velvet bag he was looking for.
"Meredith, open up."
"Go away."
"Honey, please open the door."
Meredith stepped out of the bathroom and into the hall. She was still wearing her bridesmaid dress but her stunning makeup was quite the worse for wear. Derek had never been so in love.
"What if I really promise you this time? What if I promise to always be there whether you want me or not." Derek turned Meredith slightly so he'd have room to kneel down.
"Derek, what are you doing?"
"This time it's my turn to talk. Meredith Grey, you are a brilliant surgeon, a compassionate woman, an enthusiastic lover and most importantly the very love of my life. I want to grow old with you; watch our brilliant, beautiful children graduate from medical school and outshine both of us. I want to be legally and morally obligated to come home to you every night for the rest of my life. Most importantly I want to wake up loving you every morning and go to sleep loving you every night." At this moment, Derek kneels down and offers Meredith the ring he retrieved from his junk drawer. "Meredith Grey, I pick you. I choose you. It's your turn, can you forgive me and give me one more chance?"
With fresh tears streaming down her cheeks, Meredith pulls Derek up and into her arms. "Yes, Derek, I choose you."
"The ring will probably need to be sized; I have to admit this was a little spur of the moment. If I'd planned better, I'd have gotten the ring sized first and then proposed." Meredith extended her left hand and was surprised when the ring slid on her finger as if it had been made for her.
"How did you ever get Addison to give this back? It's absolutely gorgeous."
Derek smiled, "It was easy, I never gave it to her. This ring belonged to my grandmother, she told me I'd know when I found the woman who's hand it belonged on. Addison wanted something flashy, something to wave in front of everyone. I knew she'd never be happy with a half carat diamond even if it was an heirloom."
"Seriously? Seriously? This ring is beautiful. Are you sure about this? I mean I can't promise I'll ever change. I may be dark and twisty forever."
"Meredith, as long as you can promise that you will love me forever, I don't need you to change. I don't want you to change."
Derek looked at his fiancée with tears in his eyes. He knew this was the best moment of his life; better than the moment when he'd asked Addison to marry him, better than the moment when he watched Addison walk down the aisle to him. He reached out and pulled Meredith into his arms. Without hesitation, she fell into his embrace.
"Can we wait before we announce our engagement? I want to make sure that Christina has time to heal after today."
"Mer, this is about you. You tell me what you want and when you want it. From this point on, we're in this together – as long as we end every day in each other's arms and start each day in the same place, we'll work through the rest together. Now, let me get you out of that dress and into my bed."
Meredith smiled, "Anything you say, Dr. Shepherd.
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"Maybe 'happily ever after' is more about 'happily right now.' Children dream of a knight in shining armor in their 'ever after fairytale'. By adulthood, the fairytale has all but evaporated – but maybe just maybe, a knight in shining whatever can ride in and everyone will live happily ever after after all."