He observed how her lip twitched as she tried not to cry. He saw the tears in her eyes.
He ran the side of the forefinger of his free hand along her left cheek. "Kusanagi Yui," he mumbled. He could feel his vocal cords vibrate when he talked this quietly. He moved his face closer to hers, the hand that rested on the wall beside her head pressing flatter. He moved his face closer to hers. "I didn't mean to hurt you. You know that I'd never hurt you on purpose."
He watched how her lips trembled as her voice, barely above a whisper, responded, "So I know that Thoth-san? I feel as if I don't know you at all anymore."
That hurt his heart. His eyes that studied her face as if it were a book holding the secrets of the world. He searched for some implication that that state was ingenuine.
His search came up empty.
He averted his eyes, looking at the books, at her body, at the wall, at his hand, everywhere but her eyes as his chest ached, ears echoing with the words I don't know you at all anymore. "You don't mean that," he whispered even still, hoping that if he said it, it'd be true.
"...Thoth-san," she responded with a small sigh, and he looked back at her face. He saw the pain written in it and the tears ready to escape her eyes. He knew that tone, too. It was one that meant, You know better than that.
He did. He knew that he'd hurt her when he told her, but...he didn't want it to be true.
He wanted to apologize, to say that he was sorry. To say that he didn't mean the things that he'd said. To say that none of it was true. That he didn't mean it.
But that would mean admitting that he was wrong. The god of knowledge could never be wrong. That would ruin him.
He signed and surveyed her face. He watched as a tear glittered as it rolled down her cheek, and he felt that burn of guilt in his chest. He got that a lot more often now, the feeling of guilt.
No, he wouldn't be rendered helpless by this girl. He wouldn't be brought to his knees and forced to apologize to her, a human.
He felt the fingers of his flattened hand curl up as the desired to punch the wall and storm out crossed his mind. It would provide a much easier way to escape this situation...
For the moment, at least. He knew that it wouldn't solve the problem, and it may even make it worse.
The only solution, he knew was to apologize.
But apologies meant weakness, and he was not
He was strong.
He was powerful.
...but was he really?
After all...after all, he wasn't strong enough to admit that he could make mistakes...or that he ever had...was he truly as powerful as he thought?
Powerful...
Powerful...
The mighty must bow to be worthy to be bowed down to.
He looked down into her eyes. "Kusanagi, I..."
He stopped himself.
If he said this, there was no turning back. He could never take it back.
"Kusanagi..."
Did he really want to do this?
"Kusanagi, I..."
"You...what, Master Thoth?" she asked, voice broken.
She was hurt because of him.
Oh, that hurt to admit, that he was responsible for hurting him.
Now, he was responsible for fixing it.
And that meant being powerful.
That meant...being strong.
"Kusanagi, I...I...I apologize for what I've done," he finally managed, voice firm and serious. "...please forgive me."