Well this was a rollercoaster to write! I'm pushing my comfort zone a bit and writing a bit darker than I'd usually write. Please be aware this story will include Substance abuse, toxic relationships, addiction, lots of swearing and sex.
I had the idea when writing 'stand beside you', to sort of subvert some of the common Fanfiction tropes that happen in Snamione fics. so I hope you like it! each chapter is going to take a little longer since i'm aiming for longer chapters this time.
please enjoy and leave a review! I do not own anything you recognize in this story.
Each morning the sun rose, and each morning Severus Snape would curse it. The war had been over for a year and he had no idea why he had been unfortunate enough to survive. He had lived his life on an edge, teasing death but staying just out of its grasp and when he opened his arms to finally submit to its siren call, Hermione Bloody Granger had poured half a bottle of Dittany on his gaping wounds, whisking him from deaths sweet embrace.
So here he was, lauded for being a hero, mooned over for his tragic love story and with absolutely zero idea of how to live in this peaceful post-war world. So he did what any other emotionally stunted, depressive person with survivor's guilt and no reason to keep going did.
He spent all day, every day pouring himself into a bottle and picking up his life where he left it before taking that blasted mark on his arm. Living in that manky Cokeworth hovel, going to underground rock concerts, doing drugs and getting to fights in dive bars.
21 years had passed since he was the angry, dirt poor mill town boy fresh out of Hogwarts that Lucius Malfoy had helped into an apprenticeship. He'd been molded into the man everyone knew as Professor Snape. He was molded by Lucius to fit in with wizarding high society, to move in the right circles and make the right connections. He was molded by Dumbledore to be the teacher, the fall guy, the perfect spy.
Even he hardly knew who he was anymore, as he stumbled out of his bed and into a shower, wincing as the spray hit the black eye he'd won the night before, he knew this wasn't him either but being this Severus made him feel a hell of a lot more alive than he'd felt in a while.
He lit up a fag as he was he was sipping his morning coffee already ticking down the hours down until he could crack a bottle of beer instead. It wasn't so much his value in what was considered a socially acceptable hour for drinking it was more his personal rule to never started drinking earlier in the day than his father would have. Since the frequently unemployed man would Crack his first can at half past ten Severus never did so before noon.
It was 9:30 when he decided eating something might be a good option, but he his barren cupboards forced him out of the house instead. It was fairly warm out for march, he wore some simple muggle clothes, black jeans and a relatively clean t-shirt he'd plucked off his floor, this one being a rather threadbare Pink Floyd shirt he'd picked in a charity shop years ago.
He squinted in the bright light, as he walked down the nearly empty streets of Cokeworth. A large portion of the houses were boarded over now, with graffiti splashed around the brick work and the small gardens grown over. The whole area felt like it was giving up it's death rattles as more and more of the buildings were bought up by developers.
He made it to the small market that forever stood on the corner six blocks from his home. His mum would send him here to buy loaves of bread with coins scraped together from digging through his fathers pockets as he laid passed out on the sofa. He'd come here as a teen to shoplift basically anything he could get his hands on.
He couldn't blame the owner for the glare he received when he came old man followed him from isle to isle watching him as he grabbed tinned beans, bread, eggs, and some tomatoes. When Severus got to the front to pay, the man carefully rang up his items and then looked Snape over carefully.
Snape sighed and said. "If you wan to pat me down you'll have to take me out for a good time first. I'm not that kind of girl." The man looked aghast and finished ringing him up and taking his money quickly just wanting to get to younger man out of his shop.
On the way out Severus noticed a woman walking down the street heading in his direction. Her short silver dress left little to the imagination and her chunky heels dragged along the ground as she shuffled along. As she got closer Severus didn't hide the fact that he was checking her out, he knew she wasn't a working girl. Her dress was too nice and the way she folded her arms around herself told him she wasn't comfortable in it. It was far to early even for the most desperate women of the night.
She kept her head down as she walked past him, still standing in front of the shop. He let out a low whistle as she passed, muttering "Nice arse." under his breath. She wheeled around to glare at him asking in her proper haughty voice who he thought he was talking too, but she was caught off guard by the sight of him.
"Hermione Bleedin' Granger in the very exposed flesh." Snape growled out.
"Professor." she gasped out.
"I'm no one's professor any more Granger." His voice dripping with disdain for the girl who cursed him to this life without purpose. "If you'll excuse me I'd rather not be seen talking to you."
"Is it because I'm a muggleborn?" she said angrily.
"No, Its because I don't fancy a solicitation charge." he said icily, he started to walk off ignoring her scandalized "how dare you!" but she was waking a few steps behind him, he turned back to her and growled. "must you chase behind me like a lost puppy?"
"I'm not chasing you, you prat." she hissed. "I was walking in this direction before you were."
"Why are even in Cokeworth, walking around like you're on the pull at 10 in the morning anyway?" He looked her up and down, her smudged eyeliner, the faint pink of smeared lipstick around her lips, the obscenely short dress at ten in the morning, ah ha! His hungover brain may be slower but he still put it all together. He felt as gleeful as a kid on Christmas. "You're on a walk of shame! My my, the princess went out and got herself an end piece last night didn't she!"
"You're disgusting!" she spat, trying to turn away from him, her face burning red.
"Why don't you just apparate where ever home is then? Or do you like parading down the street looking like a tart, so everyone can know you got railed by some random chav you met at a club"
She mumbled something, looking away from him. Her arms were folded over her body, like she was chilled even though the sun was shining brightly.
"Don't mumble Granger." His teacher voice coming out.
"I said I didn't bring my wand with me!" she snapped, clearly regretting her mistake.
"Are you stupid!?" He yelled, before realizing he was in public and stepping close to her and speaking in a furious whisper. "How could you be so reckless? Anything could happen to you, even in the muggle world! You could have run into Death Eater sympathizers or even been attacked by a muggle! Do you know what kind of degenerates live around here!?"
"I'm not a child!" She spat. "Like bloody hell you are" he said under his breath, she ignored him and continued, I went to a muggle concert and a muggle bar with some muggle friends. It was all perfectly safe and I even found out what bus to take home. I left my wand at home. It's not like I jumped into a lions den in a meat dress."
"You're on a goddamn tart walk!" He said angrily "Clearly you didn't use the brain you profess to have. Safe isn't following random stranger's to their homes to get stuffed."
"Must you be so obscene?" Hermione said, she turned to walk away, clearly fed up with him at this point but he fell into step beside her, lighting up a smoke as they walked. He offered her one which she refused and he shifted his groceries on his arm as they walked. "I'm just going to the Bus stop and then I'll be out of your hair for ever. You don't have to walk with me you know."
"I'm not walking with you, the bus stop your talking about is just past my house. Were going the same way." He said coldly. They walked on in silence for a moment before Hermione's burning curiosity got the better of her.
"Sir? What happened to your eye." she said quietly, sneaking glances at the large purple bruising.
"I was a bit on the piss last night and picked a fight with some rugby bloke." He said with a bit of a smirk. "and don't call me sir. That's not me anymore"
"What should I call you then?" she said.
"Fuck if I know Granger," he said stopping, "this isn't the start of some star crossed friendship. This is my stop, yours is up there. If you want to pop round for a good rodgering I won't turn you out, but other wise piss off." She looked scandalized, by his foul mouth started to storm off, as she neared the bus stop she found it occupied by some rough looking young men, who started cat calling her when they saw her approach.
"All right then Lovely?" one called, "you lookin' for a party?" if it had been just one she would have given them a dressing down, in her posh, middle class way. But there were four of them, yelling lewd things and the bus wasn't due for another 20 minutes. She felt absolutely out of her depth and frightened for the first time in a while.
Sighing she turned back to Snape's house. "The devil you know." she sighed. She quickly walked back to the gate but found he'd warded it. The group of men had started coming towards her now, she looked around the empty street, with all the boarded up houses and started to panic. Rattling the gate and yelling "SNAPE!" she turned and found they'd surrounded her, still saying lewd things, leering at her like dogs at a steak.
She pressed herself into the gate, hoping he could hear her. Hoping for something. Suddenly the gate opened and she scrambled through without looking back. When she looked up she saw Snape glaring at the group of men.
"I suggest you all leave."He said slowly, the laughed. The ring leader was posturing, getting in Snape's face and puffing up his chest.
"You got yourself a right little piece there old man!" The young man said. "We just wanted a little chat with her."
"I'm sure used to women fleeing your presence in panic and disgust so surely you didn't misinterpret the message. Leave." Severus growled.
"You better watch it old man! I run this neighborhood! I'll fuck you up if you try to step to me.!" the followers chorused with "yeahs!" and "Mess him up tony!" The boy threw sloppy punch that Snape easily caught. Twisting the arm behind the the youths back he leaned down and whispered in his ear. The young mans eyes went wide and his face went white, the second Snape let him go he ran, his friends following close behind.
Hermione stood up and was thanking the Snape when the bus she was supposed to catch flew right past her stop with out so much as tapping the break. "No! That was the only one for hours!"
"I seem to recall mentioning the area is full of degenerates." Snape said mockingly. "I bet that wand you left at home would be pretty handy right about now."
"Can I use your floo then?" Hermione asked hopefully.
"It's not connected."
"Oh..." she sighed and looked back toward the bus stop, hooligan free for now, but who knows who would come stumbling by in the next couple hours.
"Oh for fuck's sake." Snape rolled his eyes. "Come in then. I'll apparate you."
Hermione was struck by the sitting room she just walked into, It looked as though a mid century librarian were rooming with a teenage boy with a number of vices. Rows and rows of books, but also beer bottles and ash trays covered multiple surfaces, Dirty clothes strewn over the floor and furniture. A record player and a number of vinyl albums were covering one end of the small dining table.
"If you don't mind I'd like to eat first, I'm still a bit hungover," He looked her up and down. "I imagine whatever wanker took you home last night didn't bother to feed you before you left, so your welcome to join me."
"That would be lovely thanks." she said politely.
"Don't do that." he said stalking off to the kitchen.
"Do what?" Hermione hurriedly followed him. "I'm just being polite."
"Exactly. I much prefer your company when you're disgusted with me and angry." He handed her a can opener and a can of beans,(pan is on the hob" he said) before putting bread in the four slice toaster. "at least that's real. This Mrs. Manners bullshit isn't how you really feel about me so why act like it is."
"It's how I was raised. You're being nice enough to let me into your house, I'm not going to be rude to you." she sniffed.
"No, don't want to disappoint mummy and daddy, what would their friends say at bridge Thursday!" he mocked. She mumbled something under her breath. "What was that Granger?"
"I said bridge night is Wednesdays." she was breathing hard now, trying to keep calm as he needled her with out mercy. Snape merely smirked and started frying tomatoes and eggs. Hermione only huffed and started heating the beans.
When the food was plated Severus carried the plates to the table, moving some of his albums for Hermione to sit. "Thank you she said quietly."
"You're doing it again."he said annoyed.
"I don't see why me being polite bothers you so much." She said, she wanted to be annoyed but she was starving and the food was exactly the thing she needed after her wild night, "This smells amazing by the way."
"I know my way around hangover food. Lots of practice" he said, tucking in straight away. "Polite, meek people are dull, and you are hardly meek and dull."
"Thank you?" she said unsure of how to process what appeared to be a compliment of sorts. "You seem like a completely different person than the teacher I remember at Hogwarts." She observed.
"That man was a construct, a machine built to fulfill a purpose. That man died with the war." He stabbed his tomato a bit more violently than intended.
"So is this the real you." she gestured around the room. "A drunk with a foul temper and even fouler mouth?"
"Like father like son." he said scornfully. He didn't like to think of himself as a drunk, it hit to close to home. He hated any parallels between himself and his father. He liked to pretend he was better than Tobias Snape because he never married and had children. No, the Snape line would end here and the world would be a better place for it. Thinking there was a need for a change of subject he asked. "I'd particularly like to know what evening plans you had that facilitated leaving your wand at home?"
Hermione turned red again, still regretting the decision. "I told you I went to a concert with some muggle friends, then we went to a muggle bar."
"what concert?" He said.
"Backstreet boys." she mumbled, Severus outright laughed at her embarrassment.
"I never pegged you for some bubblegum pop bimbo." he said through his laughter. "So then you went out for cosmos and hooked up with the first reasonably attractive muggle you saw?"
"Why are you so focused on how I spent my night?" she said through her teeth. He noticed she didn't correct his assessment. "I'm an adult, I have sex. I drink and sometimes I do those things in the muggle world. I couldn't figure out how to store my wand in this dress so I left it at home. Happy!" she sat back and crossed her arms. Severus was still chuckling.
"Surprisingly yes." he said honestly. "Was it at least good sex?"
"I don't see how its relevant." she sputtered
"You took a huge risk, going anywhere without a wand." he shrugged. "If it was good at least there was some reward to that risk."
"I'm an idiot." she groaned, putting her head in her hands.
"I'm not one to judge a person's drunken choices." he said pointing up at his still black eye. "I mean its still hilarious and I'm going to laugh about this day for years, but I won't judge you for it."
"Thanks for that I guess?" she was finding it hard to know how to handle this man.
"I thought you an Weasley were a thing?" he said pushing away his empty plate. He held up a pack of cigarettes "do you mind?" She shook her head. "If you wanted sex why not go to him for it?"
"Ron wanted to get married at the first mention of dating." she said. "I am not ready for that in any way. As much as I care about Ron I don't want to be tied to anyone for a while."
"So you prowl around for boys in bars every time you feel a little randy." He raised an eyebrow. "hardly sounds satisfying." he took a long drag of his cigarette.
"well, its been an experiment, its safe to say it's not working." She said with a sigh. "I may just buy a vibrator, at least that way I won't have to put on ridiculous dresses to get an unsatisfying feel up and I may actually enjoy it."
"Have you never cum?" He said shocked. She burned red again, it was embarrassment so much as how erotic and dirty he tended to make everything sound. "No wonder you're so uptight."
"I am not uptight!" she said in a clipped tone.
"Sure." he slowly blew out smoke, looking over at her. He stood up. "You ready?" she nodded quietly. "where to?"
"Grimauld place, I'm staying with Harry." she said not quite able to look at his face now.
"Lovely. I assume the front step is still the standard apparition point?" She nodded. He wrapped an arm around her, even though he really didn't need to and leaned down and whispered in her ear. "I was being serious earlier, if you ever want to get a leg over, no strings, no questions you know where to find me." she didn't have time to even react before he twisted and with a pop they are on the steps of the former order of the phoenix. He face burning and her body tingling in all sorts of new ways.
The door flew open before Severus had even had time to pull away and Potter was standing there looking worried. "You were supposed to be home last night! Where were yo-Professor Snape?" He merely eyed potter.
"Remember what I said Granger." He looked into her eyes before turning and apparating away.
"Hermione?" Harry looked completely lost. She just sighed and pushed past him into the house.
"I'll fill you in later Harry. I need a shower and to get out of these shoes."
Back at spinners end Snape fell into his favorite armchair with a bottle in hand. Watching the clock strike 12 he twisted off the cap hoping she'd take him up on his offer. It wasn't a matter of attraction, although he couldn't deny she was attractive, it was just the appeal of sex with out strings. Without putting in the effort to find one just drunk enough to actually want to sleep with him and not so drunk he was crossing some moral line in the sand. Then having to scarper in the morning because he didn't want them thinking he was looking for more.
Going to bed with an attractive willing woman who didn't want anything beyond the night and maybe breakfast was...ideal.
It took about a week. That Friday night a tipsy Hermione Granger Set off his wards as she stumbled past his gate. He barely noticed having been pretty drunk himself at that point and blasting 'The Clash".
He stumbled his way to the door and pulled it open. He was shirtless, black jeans slung low around his hips. He leaned in the doorway with a cigarette hanging from his smirking lips as he watched her eyes drag down his body, swallowing slightly when she got to the trail of black hair that led into the front of his pants. He was thin, but muscular and covered in scars , including the still angry purple scaring around his neck from Nagini's bite
He was looking her up and down lasciviously. She was dressed in another rather short tight dress, this one a metallic blue, Her hair was pulled back with two little tendrils pulled out to frame her face, and her chunky heels made her a good four inches taller. He was still taller by quite a fair bit and when he leaned forward he would see she didn't have a bra on. "I imagine you didn't dress this way for me."
"I was out at a club with my friends." She said nervously.
"Come in." he pointed his wand at the record player and lowered its volume. "Drink? Although It looks like you've had a couple already." he said as she stumbled around. He handed her a beer and sat down on the sofa. She followed suit but sat down primly on the edge. "If you're really here for what I think you're here for you needn't be so damn proper. I plan to have those ridiculous shoes in the air very shortly." He growled.
Her whole body flushed at his words and her mouth opened slightly. He could see how he was effecting her. She was effecting him too, his erection was growing, straining against the black denim prison it was trapped in. He didn't bother to hide it, instead he leaned back displaying his crotch and visible erection for her viewing. She squirmed a little in her seat.
"All you have to do is ask for it Granger. Say the word and I'll ravage your body until you can't walk straight." He said nonchalantly taking a swig of his beer. He thought that she looked like a lost puppy in that moment. He could see her trying to figure out what to do next. She was clearly aroused, but he could see she needed a nudge to go over that edge. "Are you frightened Granger?" he said smoothly.
"Yes. I am" she whispered.
"How do you usually go from the club to a stranger's bed?" He spoke softer now, in an attempt to get her comfortable.
"I drink, they say 'wanna come back to mine?' and if they look cute I go." she almost wished the ground would swallow her up, hearing her say that made her sound so easy it was almost pathetic.
"And then you have a quick shag with a fumbling idiot who shoots his load in two minutes leaving you dissatisfied and even more frustrated than before.?" he finished for her, to which she nodded. "Just this one time, you don't have to ask then. Granger, do you want me to fuck you?"
She gasped, her skin prickled at the word, and she felt so warm. She could hardly breath. She nodded, swallowed and whispered. "Please."
He was on her in the next moment, kissing her, running his hands up her thighs, nibbling, suckling and tasting every inch of exposed skin he could get. At first she was unsure what to do with her hands but they soon were sliding all over his chest, lightly scratching when something felt good.
He stood up, and pulled her up with him, never breaking the kiss he unzipped her dress and slid it down her body, relishing the feeling of her breasts rubbing against his body. When he finally stepped back to see her he growled in appreciation. Her breasts were small and pert and delicious. He immediately took one dusky nipple in his mouth sucking until was swollen and tender, then he did the other.
He found her to be a fairly vocal partner, he hadn't even gotten to the good part yet and she was already moaning. He took a moment to slid off his jeans, his cock swollen and red bounced as it popped free. She audibly gasped when she saw it, which did quite a bit to stroke his already fairly large ego.
He sat back on the sofa now and pulled her down between his legs. She took the hint rather quickly, growing in confidence with every moment, and took him in her mouth, licking all around the head in swirls before sliding down as deeps and she could before sliding back up his length while pumping with her hands.
"Holy Fuck Granger!" he groaned. She inwardly grinned at his response and made a sad little noise when he pulled her away. "Enough of that, you'll end the night before we can begin." he pushed her back on the sofa and slid her sodden knickers down her thighs.
Her pink core was now tantalizingly laid out before him, shimmering with her juices. He slowly slid on finger inside her, massaging her hard nub with his thumb and he pumped a single finger in and out. She was squirming and moaning and losing control of her body, he added a second finger and she began to pulse and shake as her first orgasm ripped through her body. He sat back feeling rather proud of himself as she caught her breath.
"That was amazing!" she said after a few minutes.
"And were not even remotely done." he placed a kiss on her hip, then nipped and licked his was down before taking his first taste of her. She was even more sensitive now and after a few quick flicks with his tongue in just the right spot she came undone all over again.
He sat on the couch and puller her on top of him, kissing her again. She could taste her essence on him mixing with beer and cigarettes and the faintest taste of her vanilla lip gloss.
"Have you ever ridden a cock Granger?"he growled into her ear. She nodded earnestly, he could see a hint of that old eager to please Granger but in this context her didn't quite mind so much. "Get to it then." he ordered groaning as he slid into her tight quim. She was slowly rocking her body up and down his length. He could practically feel her nerves as she moved rather stiffly.
He didn't want to hurt her feelings so he grabbed her hips and stood up, pushing her against the nearest wall he began to slam into her. Her legs were now wrapped around his waist and and he felt her relax and find the rhythm and within minutes her nails were clawing down his back as her moans rose in pitch he could feel her begin to pulse around him.
"Shit!" he said pulling out just in time to spray hot ropey cum all over her flat stomach and thighs. He fell back on the sofa breathing heavy before smirking at the picture she made, wearing nothing but those hideous shoes and his baby batter. This was an image he was going to hold on to for many years to come.
He grabbed his wand and vanished his mess, before tossing her back her dress. Which she gratefully took and slid back on. She had felt more than a little exposed with him watching her despite the face he'd been buried face first in her vulva moments earlier.
"You don't have to leave right away. If you want to stay until breakfast we can do that again in a couple hours." he winked at her as he pulled his jeans back on. She sank onto the couch gratefully, looking much more relaxed than she had been before.
"I feel as though I've been hit with a jellylegs jinx." she sighed.
"Good sex will do that to you." he lit a cigarette and leaned back. "want one?" He offered, she refused as usual. "Enjoy the afterglow, its the best part. Your body is loaded with endorphins and serotonin right now. Everything feels good."
"I don't think I've ever felt my brain this fuzzy." She closed her eyes to bask in the feeling a little wh. "I can't help but feel slightly cheated by men before. If it can feel like that why wouldn't anyone try a little harder?"
"Its not men who cheated you, Its boys." he said. "and you cheated yourself."
"How did I cheat myself." she asked, opening her eyes and looking at him.
"You take no agency in your own sexual pleasure, you put yourself out there to be used hoping its going to be good without making effort to find out what you like yourself." he said looking over at her.
"Ouch." she said dryly. "I take agency, you liked how I sucked you off well enough." she huffed.
"Exactly, you're great at that, but can you make yourself cum." he stamped out his butt, leaning towards her. "If you were to go out and pick up some bloke off the street could you walk them through making you cum?" she looked away, tears stinging her eyes, she didn't like feeling called out so harshly for her failings, especially by Snape. "I'll fuck you as many times as you like, anyway you like, and make it damn good while I'm at it, but unless you start taking control and telling me and any other man you sleep with what you want you're never going to be totally satisfied."
"You have a very unique talent at making me feel like shite. You know that, don't you Snape." she said. He felt a little bad, he was just trying to help her but he was, in his most honest opinion, utter trash so it was to be expected he'd cock-up the effort.
"I...apologize." they sat in silence for a minute before he noticed the record had run out and was playing static for a while now. He got up to shut it off and put the album away. When he came to sit back down he she had slid off her shoes and tucked her feet under herself. He found he was pleased to see she'd decided to stay despite his utter lack of tact.
"Before Hogwarts, I went to an Anglican private school, all girls."she said finishing her beer. "My parents are fairly devout and very proper middle class, British as can be. So the summary of my sex education was being told 'when the time comes on your wedding night lie back and think of England' and Lavender Brown's scandalous stories in the dorms at night."
"Sounds most ineffectual." she laughed in agreement.
"It's safe to say it was. For years I thought it was automatically supposed to feel good, and when it didn't I thought there was something wrong with me." she replied.
"Like all things it takes practice, and a bit of knowledge." he said gently.
"I'd like more practice, if you're willing to impart some knowledge."She leveled a heated look at him which he immediately returned. Without a word he grabbed her hand and dragged him back to his bedroom. A few moments later returning for the shoes, after all he did intend to see them in the air that night.