Title: My Everything
Author: Static-Disturbed
Summary: Angel does some deep thinking the night Conner is born. Just a short little thing that came to my mind about how Angel felt that night. Still working on my other fics don't worry. Set right after Conner was born.
Rating: PG cause the 's' word is used twice. I think that's a sufficient rating. - - -
When I was a child my mother would put my little sister in my arms and show me how to hold her correctly. She would tell me that one day I would be a wonderful father. I always swore I would. I swore that I would never be like my father, I would never hit my children or tell them they were worthless. Those memories are dim now and play in my mind like a silent film. I lost any chance of having children the night I was turned. Though I doubt I would have made a good father back then anyway. I was a drunk and basically a male whore. I most likely would have turned out like my own father. As a vampire I had children. At least I called them my children. William, Drusilla and so many others. I turned them to demons and treated them like shit. They needed to be strong to survive and I would make them strong. Strong like Darla had made me. But it was never out of concern for them. If my 'children' were strong and lived long then it made me look even more powerful. And they would treat their 'children' the same way and together we would be an unstoppable clan who would eventually rule the world. At least that's how Angelus saw it. But any thought of that vanished the night I got my soul back. All I wanted to do was die. To be human, to take back everything I had done. But I couldn't take it back and I couldn't walk out in the sun. Not because I'm noble. I didn't not kill myself because I thought I needed to suffer for my sins. I was raised Catholic and I knew I would got to hell if I died. And I was scared. I was scared of hell. That's why I kept living all those years. Not because I was brave but because I was scared.
And right now I could never be happier that the priests scared my shitlless as a child with tales of sinners who go to hell. If I had killed myself, if I had never have been turned, I wouldn't be holding my son right now. He's been in this world a little over two hours and he already means everything to me. I would do anything for this little boy. I would go back to hell in a heartbeat if it meant he would be safe. He literally is a miracle child. My miracle child. The others are panicking. Making lists of all the people who want to harm my son, putting spells on the hotel. And I appreciate it. Because they are my friends and I know they too would die for my son. It blows my mind that such evil exits, that anyone would be able to harm and innocent child. I keep thinking in my mind that if they were to just hold him in their arms they'd see how beautiful he is, how perfect he is and they'd forget all about harming him. But I know that isn't possible. Because I myself have killed and maimed infants just like my son. Evil exits that would make even Angelus cringe. And there are people and demons out there that want to hurt my son all because of who I am. But I won't let them. I won't let anyone hurt this child because he is my everything now and if I loose him I have nothing left.
Author: Static-Disturbed
Summary: Angel does some deep thinking the night Conner is born. Just a short little thing that came to my mind about how Angel felt that night. Still working on my other fics don't worry. Set right after Conner was born.
Rating: PG cause the 's' word is used twice. I think that's a sufficient rating. - - -
When I was a child my mother would put my little sister in my arms and show me how to hold her correctly. She would tell me that one day I would be a wonderful father. I always swore I would. I swore that I would never be like my father, I would never hit my children or tell them they were worthless. Those memories are dim now and play in my mind like a silent film. I lost any chance of having children the night I was turned. Though I doubt I would have made a good father back then anyway. I was a drunk and basically a male whore. I most likely would have turned out like my own father. As a vampire I had children. At least I called them my children. William, Drusilla and so many others. I turned them to demons and treated them like shit. They needed to be strong to survive and I would make them strong. Strong like Darla had made me. But it was never out of concern for them. If my 'children' were strong and lived long then it made me look even more powerful. And they would treat their 'children' the same way and together we would be an unstoppable clan who would eventually rule the world. At least that's how Angelus saw it. But any thought of that vanished the night I got my soul back. All I wanted to do was die. To be human, to take back everything I had done. But I couldn't take it back and I couldn't walk out in the sun. Not because I'm noble. I didn't not kill myself because I thought I needed to suffer for my sins. I was raised Catholic and I knew I would got to hell if I died. And I was scared. I was scared of hell. That's why I kept living all those years. Not because I was brave but because I was scared.
And right now I could never be happier that the priests scared my shitlless as a child with tales of sinners who go to hell. If I had killed myself, if I had never have been turned, I wouldn't be holding my son right now. He's been in this world a little over two hours and he already means everything to me. I would do anything for this little boy. I would go back to hell in a heartbeat if it meant he would be safe. He literally is a miracle child. My miracle child. The others are panicking. Making lists of all the people who want to harm my son, putting spells on the hotel. And I appreciate it. Because they are my friends and I know they too would die for my son. It blows my mind that such evil exits, that anyone would be able to harm and innocent child. I keep thinking in my mind that if they were to just hold him in their arms they'd see how beautiful he is, how perfect he is and they'd forget all about harming him. But I know that isn't possible. Because I myself have killed and maimed infants just like my son. Evil exits that would make even Angelus cringe. And there are people and demons out there that want to hurt my son all because of who I am. But I won't let them. I won't let anyone hurt this child because he is my everything now and if I loose him I have nothing left.