Chapter 1 – The First Time

The air was hot and dry, the sun beating down furiously on his skin, in a place where he recognized. As he walked, his feet were met with the resistance of sand, weighing down every step he took. Looking up at the only sun in the sky, Kylo Ren knew he wasn't on Tattooine. He didn't know why he was on Jakku, or where he was walking towards, but every minute on the planet made him desperate to leave. A thought escaped him, of a girl who had been waiting here for 20 years—no, he told himself. He refused to think of her, the scavenger. The rejection had left an ache where his heart used to be, the heart of Ben Solo, the boy he had killed. At the time, it had made sense. They were both alone in this world, and she was his equal in the Force whether he liked to admit it or not. For a fleeting moment, he allowed himself to think back to when he felt the softness of her tiny hand in his, when he had seen her—them, side by side—at the head of an empire that lacked the weakness of the Sith and the Jedi. It had been easy, betraying his master for that future, the future he had craved since the moment they had fought on Starkiller Base. But no, in all her weakness, she had denied him that future by running back to her resistance. Back to her friends, back to General Organa. Ren longed to see them all dead at his feet, and maybe then—then, she would want hi-

He didn't allow himself to finish the thought.

In the distance, a fallen AT-AT laid, halfway buried in the sand. A feeling of dread crept up his spine the closer he got, the remnants of a fallen empire staring at him from beyond, almost mockingly. Still, Ren kept moving forward, his body betraying his instincts to run the opposite direction to a shuttle that would get him off this fucking planet. When he reached the metal corpse, he crouched down to get through a doorway someone had crudely cut into the walker. Inside, it had been hollowed out, a shell of what it used to be. To his right, a hammock made of a rough material hung between two metal poles; and to his left a makeshift table and chair made out of old starship parts. As his eyes scanned the place, he wonders what pitiful creature would live here and why he was drawn to this place. On a wall, there were number markings—whoever lived here had been living here for a long time it seems.

Ren felt a movement behind him, and his hand immediately went to reach for the hilt of his lightsaber only to find it missing. Turning around to face whoever or whatever had dared to sneak up on him, only to find a small girl of no more than 10 years old, who hadn't even so much as looked his way as she entered through the doorway easily as if she had a thousand times. The girl, dressed in rags that looked filthy, as though they hadn't been washed in days, walked right past him as if she didn't see his hulking form in the middle of her home. She hauled a sack filed with metal parts with difficulty, as it easily could've weighed more than she did. The girl sat down on the floor next to him and began to look through the metal parts, turning them over carefully as she examined each one. Not once did she acknowledge his presence, and it was almost as if he was a spectre, an unwelcome ghost haunting the girl's home as she unknowingly kept doing… whatever she was doing. Ren crouched next to the girl to get a better look, her distinct features—sun kissed skin, hazel eyes, three neat buns on top of her head, freckles—

Rey—no, he told himself, the scavanger.

Ren felt the ache in his chest again. She was so alone, and it reminded him of the childhood of the boy he had killed, of the name she had called him. He hadn't bothered to correct her, and as he had looked into her sad eyes as they stood in the throne room, he realized he didn't mind. She could call him anything, a monster, a murderous snake—there was nothing he would have done, nothing he could have done, for they both held the same loneliness that their souls recognized in each other, both reaching, desperately grasping at the other, forming a bond within the Force between the two, the moment they had invaded each others' minds back on the Finalizer after he had captured her on Takodana. Snoke claimed to have bridged their minds together, but Ren knew the truth—the Force brought them together for a reason, and the scavanger refused to accept her place at his side as his equal, his partner, his lover—

The thought escaped him too quickly. Ren knew, that ultimately, their bond would turn… physical. He couldn't deny his attraction to her, his need to posses her in every sense of the word. As a dark-sider user, he was no stranger to the power drawn from carnal pleasures. He first felt it when he hunted her down on Takodana, when she was just a means of getting the map to Skywalker. Ren remembers how she trembled under his force-hold, how her small frame fell into his arms when he made her sleep, how it seemed that she fit so well into the crevices of his own body as he carried her away like a bride. After he had her strapped to the interrogation chair, he allowed himself to look at her. The way her long eyelashes curled upwards, the freckles that dusted her sun-kissed skin, her lithe, toned body unassumingly pliant to his mercy. In that moment, she was his, there was nothing stopping him from taking her mind or her body, had he wished.

You know I can take whatever I want, right?

He could have taken her, and maybe he should have. He had spent the next several months after their fight on Starkiller imagining how her writhing body would look under his, moaning his name, taking in his cock, tears in her hazel eyes, begging him to make her cum. Those nights, he would take himself in his hand to relieve himself from the building frustration caused by his imagination. At times, he would wonder if she'd do the same—Would she graze her hands down her body to touch what lay between her honeyed thighs? Had she wanted him, the way he craved her? Ren would grow hard at the thought of her spreading the lips apart, fingers spreading her nectar across her slit, which he desperately wanted to taste. After he would spill his seed thinking of all the different ways he would take her, he would sleep, dreaming that perhaps one day she would accept his offer to become his apprentice. But instead, she had run to Skywalker, to add insult to injury. Ren had resented her for that—he had so much more he could offer to her than that old fool ever could. Ren had resolved to kill her the next time he saw her, but when he first saw her after the Force had connected them for the first time, he knew for certain that he would never be able to.

And now, staring at the tiny form of what she had been like as a child, he knew he never could.

"Ben?"

He turned to see the scavanger behind him, her arms crossed on her chest, the look in her eyes was not unfamiliar—she had been looking at him the same way when she closed off their bond on her end after Crait. The child was now nowhere to be found, the woman in front of him having taken her place instead.

Ren took a hesitant step towards her, and she stepped back. He still hadn't replied to her, and after several minutes she asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Where is here?" He finally responded, even though he knew the answer.

"My dreams," The scavanger looked almost uncomfortable for a moment, "You're not supposed to be here, I've closed off the bond."

Ren almost laughed. "I don't think the Force cares," He said. She could try to block him out as much as she wanted, he hadn't done this voluntarily. Although, he had to at least admit to himself he wasn't exactly upset he had slipped into her dreams. It had been months since Crait, and he found himself craving her presence against his own will.

"We're having the same dream?" She asked, clearly getting agitated. "Are you doing this on purpose?"

"No," Ren snapped. "I don't particularly care about revisiting your pathetic childhood, so no. I'm not doing this on purpose."

The scavanger visibly winced at what he had said, and he felt a swell of emotions he didn't care to feel. She walked passed him then, going over to sit at the makeshift table he had seen when he had first walked in. There was a wilting flower in a vase on top of it, the petals scattered on the surface. She looked at it almost sadly, carressing the remaining petals on the flower as if they were precious to her.

"Right before I had left Jakku, it had been days since I was able to water this plant. I had little water left to drink, and I couldn't waste it and risk dehydrating," She said as she plucked the rest off the petals off the flower. "It died, and I knew watering it was pointless and a waste of resources but it was something that needed me to take care of it… and I let it die."

Ren wanted to tell her that he didn't care. After all, he had killed his own father, had killed countless of other people, what did it matter than she let a fucking flower die. She looked at him as if she knew what he was thinking. Maybe she did. If she did, she didn't say anything in exchange, and he wondered how she could still feel so lonely surrounded by friends.

Maybe it was because her soul called to his just as much as his called to hers.

He regretted the thought almost immediately. The scavanger had heard his errant ramble, and she stared at him with the same sad eyes from when they had been in the throne room, and he had asked her to join him.

Don't do this, Ben. The scavanger had begged. Please don't go this way.

He had offered her the universe. He would have given her anything. He was certain she knew this, and yet.. Here they were, months later, being pulled together by the Force, enemies once more. Ren had let his anger consume him, relishing in the power the dark offered him all while fighting the call to the light he had felt the moment the scavanger girl had entered his life. He hated it. He hated her and wanted her all the same. It was driving him mad, only to be made worse by having her so close within his grasp but just out of reach.

Emperor Kylo Ren. All the power in the galaxy, yet so alone.

He had thought, for a fleeting moment, of just forcing her to be with him, chaining her to his throne like a slave or a pet to use. She wouldn't be able to stop him, nobody could. But he selfishly wanted to posses all of her—willing to be at his side as she's supposed to be. It was all but a distant memory now, a dream that he had been wrong about. Ren ruled the galaxy with an iron fist, hunting down what was left of the Resistance with vigor. Every lead turned up empty, but he knew no one was willing to help the Resistance now, with the destruction of Hosnian Prime and D'Qar.

At least Skywalker was gone, he selfishly thought. All those years, searching for him and he was finally dead. Although, it was a pity he didn't get the chance to do it himself. Skywalker's death had only been an after effect of force projection so that the rebels could escape. Ren knew it was only a matter of time before Rey would beg him to come back to complete her Force training, but he was impatient and he would rather have her at his side than not. At first, Ren would punish her for rejecting him, and he would think of ways to do so every night. But afterwards… after she would completely submit to him and his teachings, he would offer her the place at his side again, and she would not reject him again.

"Where is the Resistance base located?" Ren mockingly inquired, fully aware she would never reveal their location, but hoping it would piss her off enough to come want to fight him again.

To his disappointment, the scavanger rolled her eyes at him. "Why would I tell you?"

"Because maybe," Ren started, choosing his next words very carefully. "Maybe, you want me to find you."

The scavanger stood then and looked up at him, searching his features for any emotion, but his face was another mask he wore. He would never let her see him so vunerable as she had in the throne room.

"It's not about what I want, Ben," She looked down as she said that name again, the name of the boy that he had killed. "It's about what's best for the galaxy."

His laugh startled her, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. They could have changed the system together, and created a new one that fit both their ideals. "If you cared about the galaxy, you would've taken up my offer, scavanger." Ren approached her then, and gently cupped her cheek, forcing her to look up at him.

"Because now, I will tear apart every corner of the fucking galaxy to find you."