A/N: ...What the crap is this? I'm writing a new Kirby fic for the first time in… how many years? Well, recently my very first Kirby fic has been getting a lot of positive attention and people have been asking me to write another one so I thought… WHY THE HECK NOT. Since I'm already working on two full-length stories this one probably won't be very long, but I'll try and make it full of laughs and fun anyway. *derpface*

––

It was a beautiful and sunny afternoon on Aqua Star, the planet of oceans and lakes. On this particular day, one of the most beautiful sights of all was the Sapphire River, a quaint little creek that flowed through a pretty green forest as the sunlight peeked through the leaves. One person in particular was taking in the sights.

"What a nice river this is," Ribbon sighed as she sat on the riverbank. "So clear, so tranquil…"

"And so full of lunch! INCOMING!" Kirby cheered as he chucked a bomb straight into the river. Ribbon's eyes bulged as it exploded underwater, sending up an enormous splash and causing dozens of fish to come raining down on top of them.

Ribbon glared at her friend as a fish landed on her head. "Kirby! Don't you care at all about leaving nature alone?"

"Apparently not."

"HOLY CRAP! FISH ARE RAINING FROM THE SKY!" came a shriek from Adeleine. She, Waddle Dee and King Dedede had been hanging around a few yards away. "THE SEVEN PLAGUES OF AQUA STAR ARE UPON US! REPENT SINNERS! REPEEEEEEEENT!"

Ribbon groaned and hid her face. Believe it or not, this was pretty much a normal day for her and her unusual group of friends… or as Kirby insisted they call themselves, the Interplanetary Defenders of Awesometude. At any rate, Adeleine kept freaking out until Dedede lost his patience and gave her a smack.

"Ad, shut up already. That was just Kirby messing around with his Bomb power again. Weren't you paying attention?"

"That's a stupid question. Do I ever pay attention?"

"All right! Thanks for lunch, Kirby!" Waddle Dee cheered as he and the others sat down and started munching on the fish. Ribbon, on the other hand, just glared at them.

"Guys, you really shouldn't be eating that. You don't even know where it's been. This river might be really polluted."

The others glanced at each other. "You mean like, radioactive waste polluted?" asked Kirby.

"Well, possibly."

"So we might get superpowers?" Waddle Dee asked eagerly.

"Yes. I mean – no! Guys, seriously, stop fooling around. The only reason we came to this river in the first place is because there's supposed to be a Crystal Shard around here, remember? So let's pack up and start looking."

"I found it," said Adeleine without looking up.

Ribbon raised an eyebrow. "Ad, I just said stop fooling around."

"I'm not! It's right over there!" Adeleine insisted, pointing off downstream. Everyone looked where she was pointing and their eyes widened.

There was a very large group of people gathered around in the river, most of them sitting in pairs inside small motorboats. On the shore was a small wooden boathouse that led out to a dock, and there was a very self-important-looking Galbo standing out on the end.

But what really grabbed the group's attention was the large golden trophy the Galbo was holding, which had what was unmistakably a Crystal Shard attached to its front.

Ribbon turned back to Adeleine. "…Adeleine, how long have you known that was over there?"

"A few hours. Why?"

"I'll smack her if you want," Dedede said eagerly to Ribbon, gripping his hammer.

"You will try, fat one!" Adeleine declared, waving her arms around threateningly before Ribbon grabbed her by the ear and dragged her off. Everyone else followed after them.

––

The group walked over to the boathouse, looking awkwardly around at the large group of motorboats floating in the water. There was a lot of eager chatting going on among all the people gathered around.

"Well, whatever's going on here, that Galbo looks like he's in charge," said Ribbon. "Let's go and talk to him – and be polite, Kirby!"

"No problemo," Kirby said unconcernedly, turning to the red dinosaur thing. "HEY, BROSEPH! What's up?" he greeted, giving him a hearty slap on the back and knocking him into the river.

"I should just stop trying," Ribbon sighed.

The Galbo stuck his head out of the water. "Oh, um, hello there… are you all here to sign up for the race?"

"A race? Is that what's going on here?" asked Waddle Dee.

The Galbo looked at them in astonishment as he got out of the water. "You mean you don't know about it? This is the 38th Annual Sapphire River Race, the most attended and broadcasted event for miles around!" He shook his head. "You must not be from around here."

Ribbon was clearly picking her words carefully. "Well… you could say that."

"You could also say we're a bunch of planet-hopping vigilantes who are working to reassemble a big crystal that shoots laser beams," said Adeleine. The Galbo stared at her as Ribbon covered her face in her hands.

"…Uh, so anyway," said Kirby, "we actually came over here because we noticed your big, fancy trophy, mister… uh…"

"I'm Mr. Gallant. I'm in charge of this race," said the Galbo. "And this big, fancy trophy is the prize for winning the race."

"Awesome! Can we steal it?"

Mr. Gallant stared at Kirby. "Um, no. Listen, the five of you are drawing a crowd, so if you're not entering the race I'll have to ask you to – "

"Hang on," Ribbon cut in. "Look, Mr. Gallant sir, the only thing we actually want is that Crystal Shard attached to the trophy. It's… complicated, but it's absolutely crucial that we get that thing back."

Mr. Gallant just scoffed and held the trophy away. "Nice try. You're just trying to steal this thing, aren't you?" he said accusingly. "Do have any idea how often I get that? Do you know the kinds of people who would like nothing more than to swipe this highly coveted prize right out from under my nose?"

"I'm guessing people with absolutely no life," said Dedede.

"…Well, be that as it may, you're still not getting this thing."

"All right, fine… come on, everybody," Ribbon sighed, quickly ushering her friends away. Once they were out of earshot, they gathered around in a circle.

"Well, this stinks…" Waddle Dee pouted. "If this race really is such a big deal around here, that trophy is gonna be really heavily guarded… if we're going to steal that thing, we'll need a really big distraction. Ugh, this is awful."

Adeleine turned to him. "Why's it so awful?"

"Because I'M ALWAYS THE DISTRACTION!"

Adeleine folded her arms. "Well, sorry that you're the only one who can fit in the chicken suit and play the accordion!"

"C'mon guys, isn't it obvious what to do?" Kirby said with an eager smile. "We don't need to steal anything – we just enter this race and win that trophy ourselves! I'm naturally awesome, which gives us an automatic advantage in any competitive situation!"

Dedede raised an eyebrow at him. "Hang on a minute. Do you have any experience driving a boat?"

"Nope."

"Have you ever been in an official race that wasn't just for fun?"

"Nope."

"And you're planning on winning this solely based on being awesome?"

"Yep."

"All right, sounds legit."

"Ah, but wait a minute," Kirby suddenly groaned. "This race sounds like it's going to be a ton of fun, which means Ribbon automatically won't let us do it."

"Actually, Kirby, I think you guys should go for it."

Everybody stared at her.

"Wait – what?" Adeleine cried. "You're actually encouraging us to do something fun? Did you get the jungle fever?"

"Guys, honestly. Do you have any idea how refreshing it would be if we actually got a Crystal Shard legally for a change?" Ribbon said reasonably. "Imagine if we could actually win this fair and square, without having to get into a pointless fight or randomly smash things."

"I like smashing things," Dedede pouted.

Kirby and Waddle Dee exchanged a glance. "Well, I guess you've got a point, Ribbon," said Waddle Dee. "But then what do we do if we don't win?"

"Then we explain our situation in a mature and peaceful way, and try and get him to give us the Shard through civil negotiation."

The other four looked completely crestfallen and heartbroken.

Ribbon sighed. "Oh all right, fine. You can blow stuff up and steal the trophy."

"YAAAAY!" the others all cheered and high-fived.