A/N: This is the events of one night, the night following "Snape's worst memory" in which he calls Lily a Mudblood, destroying their friendship, from three different points of view. Each chapter can be read as their own ficlet, but I would suggest reading all three.
And I obviously don't own any of this, if it really needed to be said.
Severus' Tale
I watched her sit down by the lake. The light of her wand illuminated her face gazing towards the water, the shimmering aurora dancing a top her flaming red hair, which was a disgrace. I could tell she was thinking about what had happened; a painful image of the sorrow in her beautiful green eyes and tears falling from them crept into my mind. It was ripping me apart just to watch her. I did this to her. I made her cry. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't watch her mourn over my stupidity. Turning away from the window harboring my pain, I slumped down, leaning against the wall, head in my hands, and thought about what I'd done.
I never meant to say what I had. I know it's a terrible excuse, but I was caught in the heat of the moment. I would never intentionally call Lily a Mudblood; I know she is much more than a Muggleborn. She's an extraordinary witch, and the most amazing girl I know. I really don't know what I'll do if she hates me; I don't think I'd be able to live with myself.
I was caught in the moment. Potter and Black were so infuriating and I didn't want help from Lily, I can stand up for myself. The word just slipped out before I could catch it. I felt terrible afterwards, I knew I had hurt her, and that was killing me. That night at dinner I searched for her, but she wasn't in the Great Hall. I needed to talk to her, to apologize, so I went and waited outside of Gryffindor Tower for someone to come in or out that could tell Lily I was out there.
Her friend Mary didn't seem thrilled to pass the message to Lily, she wasn't very fond of me, but I begged until she caved. Finally Lily came out. She would not listen to my pleas for forgiveness, she said she was done being my friend, then she stormed back inside.
No. No, it could not be over! Lily Evans is my best friend, my only real friend, and I would not give up on her that easily. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I couldn't even breath. The world was closing in on me, and somehow I ended up on the floor leaning against the wall beside the portrait of the Fat Lady.
I do not know how long I was sitting there before I heard the door creak open. I looked up, and my empty heart began to fill with hope. That unmistakable red hair was creeping out from behind the door; perhaps she had come out to talk with me. There were so many things I wanted to say, but my words became jumbled in my throat.
"Lily," I tried to mutter, but no sound came out.
She stepped out from behind the painting and peered down the hallway, as if checking to see if we were alone. She took a few quiet steps forward, then looked again before tip-toeing towards the staircase. She did not even look at me.
I finally regained my strength and stood up, quickly walking to a nearby balcony to search for her. By the time I got there, I saw that she was quite a few floors below me. Standing for a few moments, I watched her sneak her way down the staircase, nervously peaking behind her back every few stairs, and down towards the Entrance Hall. I had a feeling I knew where she was going.
Before I could stop myself, I was off at a sprint to a class room by the Astronomy Tower. I got there just in time to see a dark figure making her way towards the direction of the lake. That was Lily's spot. She would often go there to be alone and think, and often times I would join her. But tonight, I couldn't bring myself to follow. I knew she wouldn't want me to, and that she just wanted to be left alone. It was for the best that I kept my distance, and so I merely watched her from the window.
I felt sick. I had never been so disgusted with myself. How could I have hurt her like that? I let my own pride get in the way, and ended up losing what made me feel most proud: a person who cared about me.
If only I hadn't been provoked! Stupid, cocky Black and Potter, they're always egging me on, no wonder I snapped on Lily. They had pushed me to my limit, and she happened to step in the way of the crossfire. I couldn't control myself, without even thinking the unforgivable sin fell out of my mouth.
It's funny how one small word could destroy six years of friendship, how a two-syllable blaspheme could tear apart one's entire world.
Mudblood.
The word is poison, the most foul, deadly kind that should never be brewed. As such, I vow that the word will never again pass through my lips, nor will I even think it upon someone. No one deserves that kind of poison. . . Except me.
I do not blame Lily for never wanting to talk to me again, and I completely understand her motives, but I wish she would give me another chance. If it meant having her as a best friend, I would change everything about myself. I don't think she quite understands that.
Returning to the present, I stood up and went back to my position looking out towards Lily, but she was no where in sight. Squinting into the darkness of the grounds, I could see a massive black shadow patrolling the perimeter of the lake. It was far too large to be Lily, or any person for that matter. The stench of my own defeat was revolting, and I couldn't stand there searching for the woman who gave up on me any longer.
I turned my back on the window, on the lake, and on any traces of Lily and began my descend to the dungeons. Tomorrow would begin a new day in which I would think twice before acting harmful towards others. I would prove to Lily that I am not a waste of time, that I can be a great person and friend. My love for her will always burn, and I will work my hardest to show her my strength.
I don't think I will ever fully get over what I had done. I was overcome by my own inner darkness and lost what I held closest to my heart. I am a coward, consumed in my own pride.
But one day I will show Lily and the world that I am no coward. I promise you that.