Alright peoples, this is my second SasuNaru fanfic that I have decided to post on ff.net. Please be kind, rewind! Well, by that I mean read and review PLEEEAAASE! If you like my work, review it so that I may feel spurred on to write more of it! However, in this story there are a few of my original characters. Note that I write 'original characters' and not 'Mary-Sues', though there is a Mary-Sue of myself as myself, so there shouldn't be a problem. Sorry. If you want to know more about my characters, e-mail me and I will be more than happy to answer any questions. (BTW, e-mail is at lissma_151@hotmail.com)
Riiiiight, on with the show! Enjoy!
~~~~~
It was quiet. Too quiet. (The author apologizes for using such an old cliché. Sorry.) Lissy, the aspiring author whose works are rarely read and even more rarely posted on ff.net, spun round in her wheely chair in front of her computer. (She again apologizes for the blatant self-insertion, but she needs it for the story to move along. Sorry.)
"Damn it," she cursed, "I need to do something to upset all this… this quiet." She grabbed her ears and stared at the keyboard. "It's driving me INSANE!"
In any other circumstances she'd be listening to her music, but unfortunately, as of now her mother was suffering from a massive migraine that meant, "If I hear any little sound, your ass is mine". Hence, all the silence. If she was going to cause trouble, she'd have to be stealthy about it. Yes indeed.
Any ideas? Nope, none that came to mind. But wait!
*DING!*
With that funny little lightbulb shining brightly in the space above her head, Lissy dashed out of the computer room, up the stairs and into her own room, where she immediately dived into her plastic bureau thingy, where she hid her most secret stuff (you didn't hear that from me). After some frenzied digging around, she found it.
"Success!" she crowed as quietly and as triumphantly as she could, holding up a small leather pouch filled with a strange, shiny powder.
"I found it! My sacred Plushie Powder™!" she whispered, eyes glinting evilly. "Let's go to a world where I can put this to good use, especially since I've only got a little bit left…"
She sat down, frowning and thinking hard. Hmm… why not round out all the SasuNaru inequalities in Konoha? That'd show all those twerpy Sasuke x Sakura worshippers and the people who created really weird couples out of nowhere. Come on. You know they want each other so bad.
"Fuuu~fufufufufufufufufufufu," Lissy laughed, getting up and preparing herself for the trip to Konoha, "I'm going to pick on my favourite victim, one Uchiha Sasuke…"
And in a puff of pink smoke she disappeared.
It was also an almost normal day in Konoha. Of course, by normal I mean boring. Kakashi-sensei was at the academy… um… 'assisting' Iruka-sensei, Sakura was off Sasuke-hunting, Naruto was at the ramen bar and Sasuke, our victim in this story, was nowhere to be found. Of course, that'd be changed in an instant, but let's not get ahead of the story. With a few taps of a keyboard and a few fanfictional tweaks, the hapless Sasuke was pulled out of his comfy spot from wherever the hell he was onto the cold hard ground in front of Lissy's feet.
"Ow," Sasuke grumbled, rubbing his ass, "what the hell was that all about?"
He caught sight of Lissy beaming at him and he groaned loudly. "Oh no, not you…"
"Nice to see you too, Sasuke…" Lissy said, forcing herself to keep smiling. If Sasuke missed the twitch in her eye it was because he was completely blind.
"What havoc are you planning to wreak today, you insane second-rate writer?" Sasuke asked rudely. Lissy gaped.
"Second-rate writer?! H-how dare you! How dare yoou~u!!" she spluttered angrily, flushing red. "All right, I was going to ask you nicely, but I suppose you leave me no choice…"
She cleared her throat and began pacing back and forth. "Well then, Mr. Uchiha, we all know how you feel about a certain member of your team, right? You've implied that he's stupid, he's an imbecile, he has no brains and the like. Correct?"
"If you're talking about Naruto –" he started, but Lissy cut across him.
"Yes, yes, of course I'm talking about Naruto," she said impatiently, "but we all know that you are secretly in love with him, yes?"
That caught him off guard. He immediately turned a bright red, giving himself away. Smirking widely, Lissy put her hands on her hips.
"I thought so," she drawled. Then she sighed in mock sadness. "Ah, but poor, misguided, naïve Naruto-kun has no idea about this, does he? So…" She peered into her almost empty pouch and sweatdropped.
"Damn," she sighed, "I really need to get more of this stuff…"
Bewildered, Sasuke watched as she drew out a handful of sinister glittery powder and tossed it at him. With a small poof, Sasuke turned into a charming little plushie. Cue all the fawning Sasuke fangirls. ("KAWAAAAIII!! Kyaaaaaaa! Sasuke-kun!")
"Wh-what the hell?!" he tried to shout, but instead let out an angry squeak and fell over onto his side. Lissy grinned devilishly and wagged her finger teasingly.
"Well, Sasuke, you'll stay like this till you and Naruto reach – ah – an understanding, let's just say…"
She winked, and with an evil laugh ("OHOHOHOHOHOHO™!"), she disappeared in the same puff of pink smoke.
"Oh yeah," a loud omniscient voice said from the heavens, "just to make it even more difficult for you, I'm putting my characters in this story too, namely someone who doesn't exactly love you… Bye-bye!"
[Please note that my characters, Kazuki and Mi, are not Mary-Sues in any way, shape or form – I've got my own little Mary-Sue for that, that you're hopefully familiar with now.]
Sasuke, having been just turned into a stuffed toy, could not let out the tirade of profanities he was longing to spit out. At least his expression could change. Heck, he could barely do even that. And as of now, what little expression he had was embarrassed. How could he tell Naruto that – that – well, never mind, but since he couldn't move or do anything, how the hell could he turn back to normal?
Suddenly a terrible thought struck him.
Oh my GOD! What if one of my rabid fangirls finds me like this?! Then I'll never be free! They'll – they'll go all ditzy and stupid on me!
While he was panicking about his situation, the least likely person to help him was strolling leisurely down the path. It was Tonoka Mi.
Mi was a tall, gangly girl with short orange hair. Her collected, calm manner was intimidating to most, but she and Sasuke had never gotten along – she thought he was all talk and he thought she was weird. It was a mutual thing, you know?
She had been humming 'Haruka Kanata' to herself, and that's what alerted the poor Sasuke-plushie to his supposed newfound misfortune.
Don't notice me don't notice me don't notice me!! he screamed in his head. Still humming, Mi stopped abruptly as she saw him lying in the middle of her path.
"What's this?" she murmured, bending down to pick him up. "Hey…"
Her eyes widened in malicious delight. "It's a Sasuke plushie! Man, I know a lot of imbecilic little girls who would just love this…"
NOOOOO! Sasuke shrieked silently. NOT THAT!
"Or…" She smirked broadly, as though she could tell what Sasuke-plushie was thinking. "I could give this to Naruto… I'm sure he'd like this…"
She snickered, tucked him under her arm and set off to find everyone's favourite blonde imbecile. Sasuke fumed silently.
Damn it to HELL, when I get out of this I am going to make your life miserable!
"Oy, Naruto," Mi called, lifting up the flap to the ramen place, "I found something you might like."
"Mmm?" Naruto turned, his mouth full of ramen (big surprise). He saw what Mi was holding in her arms – and nearly choked to death (or so he thought, anyway).
"What the hell are you trying to do, kill me?!" he spluttered, folding his arms sulkily. Mi smirked.
"Well, I was walking along and I happened to come across this absolutely adorable plushie of your favourite person," she drawled, putting extra emphasis on those words. "I thought you'd might like it♥."
He snorted. "Why me? Why not to one of his fangirls?"
Mi put her arm around him lovingly. "Come now, you're not still pissed about that whole Sakura liking him thing, are you? 'Cause I'm telling you, Sasuke's a –" she snickered slightly "– a flaming homo."
'Flaming homo'?!
"Well, I don't want it," Naruto said flatly, turning away. Sasuke felt hurt. Well, at least he knew what Naruto thought of him. He sighed inwardly at the fact that he'd be stuck like this forever.
Just then, Mi's mad friend Kazuki showed up. With a wild shock of dirty blond hair and a permanently dreamy expression, you could say he looked the part of being mad, at least.
"Hullo," he said breezily. Mi waved and Naruto snorted. This guy wasn't exactly what you'd call… well, sane. However, no one could read people better than him. He saw the Sasuke plushie and immediately jumped to his conclusion.
"Naaaaaaaaa – ruuuuuuuu – toooooooo," he sang brightly, swinging round to plop down next to him, "denial's not just a river in Eeeeeeegyyypt…"
"Oh, for –"
"Take the plushie, Naruto," Mi said coolly, holding the Sasuke-plushie out to him. "Or else I'll tell everyone at school that you use strawberry shampoo."
He gasped. "H-how did you-?"
She winked. "It's not exactly difficult to figure it out, you know." She sighed in a mockingly romantic way. "Aaaah, whenever you walk by, the essence of strawberries is just so… ♥"
Naruto gaped, stuck between a rock and a hard place. Well… it was just that he didn't actually have anything against taking home the Sasuke plushie, but to save face in front of the others after that convincing display…
"F-f-fine," he spluttered, his face still beet red. Mi smiled her big sister smile.
"That's better. I trust you'll take good care of this?" she asked teasingly. Naruto scowled. He grabbed the plushie irritably out of her hands and stomped off towards his house. Sasuke felt a little guilty about pissing Naruto off. Well, if he had his way, he wouldn't even be here, stuck in Naruto's hands…
"You've caused me a lot of trouble," Naruto muttered under his breath, glaring at him. "Now I've got to go and 'take care of you', or else…"
Without another word Naruto trudged home, the Sasuke plushie tucked under his arm.
At Naruto's house, Sasuke found himself dumped rudely onto the bed.
Huh. Well, that's nice, he thought sarcastically. Naruto stomped out of sight and went into the bathroom. Sasuke waited as he heard the shower running, trying hard not to think about what Naruto was doing now … in the shower… naked….
Ah, if plushies could have hard-ons…
Sasuke's fantasies were abruptly interrupted when the bathroom door opened and Naruto came out, still wet, hair tousled, with a towel around his middle. If Sasuke had been back to normal, he'd have passed out from blood loss on the floor, but since he wasn't… well, he'd just have to settle for turning into a somewhat red plushie. Naruto, who hadn't noticed anything odd, grabbed his pajamas and went back into the bathroom to change.
Damn it!
After a few minutes, Naruto came back out in his pajamas, and flopped on his bed. He glared eye-to-eye with the Sasuke plushie for a bit, which made Sasuke very nervous.
Er… he's not gonna trash me, is he? he thought anxiously. Then, Naruto sighed. He grabbed the Sasuke plushie in his arms.
Yesss! Score!
"Too bad you're not the real thing," Naruto murmured, hugging him closer.
…What??
*POOF!*
It took Naruto a second to realize his arms were wrapped around a full-sized Sasuke on his bed.
"Sasuke!" he screamed shrilly, his voice rising three octaves and five decibels. He immediately dashed away. "What the hell?!"
"…Whaaaaat?" Sasuke asked groggily, holding his head. Man, his ears were still ringing. He lay back on the bed, staring at anywhere but Naruto, his face now bright red.
If there was ever a louder silence than that one, let's hear about it. Naruto nervously cleared his throat.
"So, uh… I guess you kinda… um, well, heard that… right?" Naruto asked hesitantly, his blush intensifying another 4 shades. Sasuke nodded and he blushed too, closing his eyes. Another looong while passed.
*cricket cricket*
"GET ON WITH IT!" all the Sasunaru 'shippers shouted at their computer screens.
"GET ON WITH IT!" the yaoi fans shouted (they wanted to see some action).
"GET ON WITH IT!" the author bellowed from her place high up in the world where fanfic writers live. Both Naruto and Sasuke started. They really didn't think that an obscure Monty Python reference would spur them on, but whatever. It was enough for Sasuke, at the very least.
Wild, half-formed (ergo, dirty) thoughts began whirling round in Sasuke's head. Now he was overcome with an ardent lust for the blonde imbecile lying on the bed near him. Ooer. He got up to pull down the window shades and cracked an evil grin at Naruto.
"W-what are you doing?" Naruto asked in a tiny voice. He reeeeeaally didn't think that Sasuke would be coming on to him. A part of his brain (a big part, actually) was cheering Sasuke on, whereas the other much smaller part was screaming "Oh stop it! Stop it!" and yet another part was saying, "Oh, have your way with me, you sexy beast!" Either way, they were both very horny at this point. Not that they'd admit it, of course.
"I suppose I've got the insane writer of this story to thank for this," Sasuke murmured, moving closer to start kissing Naruto's neck. Naruto, not wanting to admit that it felt nice, tried to fight him off, but…
Time passed. Lots and lots of time passed. Because Lissy, bless her soul, did not have the writing skills she felt that she needed to write something as graphic as *gasp* a lemon, she didn't write anything more risqué than the line in the paragraph above. But you get the idea, right? Sasuke finally got into Naruto's pants (guess Sasuke wears the pants in that relationship… no pun intended, I swear), Sakura's still left in the dark and Kakashi is off doing his own business (Iruka time!♥). So yeah, there ya go, a happy ending.
Oh, and Mi was right. Naruto's hair smelled like strawberries just like she said it would.