She stood in front of me, her pale skin shimmering in the moonlight, her hair gently blowing in the breeze. She stood like an angel at the edge of the water, her back to me, looking up at the stars. I walked towards her slowly, trying my best for my footsteps to fade into the silence of the night. She wore a long flowing lavender nightgown, its sleeves sitting just below her shoulders, and its hem sitting just above her toes. Her hair was held in a neat ponytail sitting high on her head. The moonlight reflecting off of the lake made her look like a goddess.

I was right behind her now. My hand slowly traced from the base of her neck, across her skin, down to her hand, which I gripped tightly. Her weight leaned back on me as we looked out at the sky together.

"Why don't we do this more often?" her voice spoke softly.

"I'm not sure. We could change that though."

Her head found it's way into the crook of my neck. "I would like that."

We stood for a moment in each others company, enjoying what it felt like to be together.

"Pixal?"

"Yes, Zane?" she spun around in my arms to face me. I looked into her beautiful green eyes, the brilliance of them capturing me.

"I would never let anything happen to you. Not again."

She thought for a moment before responding. "I know, but… I'm scared."

"Whatever you're scared of, I'll protect you."

Her eyes sunk lower. "What if… you're not strong enough?"

As her eyes climbed back up to look at me, mine clouded over.

"That's what I'm most afraid of."

Her right hand gently cupped my cheek, her thumb wiping away the tears that had fallen from my eyes.

"Then, I guess I'll have to protect you from it."

We stared at each other, lost for what seemed to be an eternity in each other's eyes, my heart softening, my pain melting as she looked at me. Her hand now on my neck, she slowly pulled me forward as I quickly complied, our lips slowly moving closer together.

And then she stopped.

She backed away from me, her face squinting in pain.

"Pixal, are you alright?"

She let go of me, her body suddenly exploding into a fit of coughs.

"Pixal?"

The coughs continued for a few moments before suddenly ceasing, her eyes looked up at me in terror before she grabbed her throat, her body falling backwards, hitting the ground. I ran towards her, my heart pounding, my blood racing as I reached her side.

"Pixal! Stay with me!"

I felt for a pulse, only to find nothing. Life began to leave her body as I froze. I didn't know what to do. My eyes returned to her face, blood now dripping out of her mouth onto the ground.

"No. No, no, Pixal, PIXAL!" I grabbed her shoulders, shaking her. "COME BACK TO ME, PLEASE!" More blood poured from her mouth, soaking the ground, the lake becoming a deep red, the sky shifting to match it as I screamed on the top of my lungs. I couldn't lose her, not like this. My body shook violently. The world around me blurred beyond recognition as a voice repeated in my head.

You're not strong enough

You're Not Strong Enough

YOU'RE NOT STRONG ENOUGH

"Zane, breakfast is ready!"

My eyes opened. My heart still beat as fast, and panic still ran through me, but I was in bed. My eyes looked up at the ceiling, and the voice I heard belonged to Cole.

I had been dreaming.

Again.

"Where is Pixal?" I turned to look at him. I needed to know she was alright. His face grew concerned, as he fully entered the room, closing the door behind him.

"Zane, Pixal's been gone for nearly two months now."

I looked down at my hands. It was all so real. I could still feel her body in my hands, her weight, her skin, her real physical self.

"And she hasn't been a physical person in years."

I sighed. "Right."

Cole took a few more steps into the room. "Are you okay?"

I thought for a moment. "I… I don't know."

Cole came and sat on the opposite end of my bed. "You having nightmares again?"

I thought back to the dream.

"I could have sworn… She was here. We were down by the lake, and… and she couldn't breathe, but I didn't help her… I couldn't help her… and there was blood everywhere. There was nothing I could do."

"None of it is real. Everything your saying could never happen to begin with. Pixal doesn't have blood. Pixal doesn't even breathe. Wherever she is, I'm sure she's fine."

"That does make logical sense," I sighed.

The room was silent for a long moment.

"Do you want to talk about it? I mean, I'm probably not the best person to talk to, I know nothing about girls," He chuckled a bit. "But if you have stuff you need to get out…"

"It's like I've lost my entire connection to reality. Fake situations feel real, and cause real pain, and real situations lose their purpose. It's like, without her, I'm not real anymore."

Cole leaned forward and grabbed my hands.

"Hey. Even if you feel like you're not real, you're real to me, and you're real to the rest of the guys. I know that, okay?"

I nodded slowly. "Thanks."

He smiled gently and let go of me, standing back up. "I'll give you some space. You want me to bring you in some breakfast?"

"I would appreciate that."

"No problem." He approached the door. "We're all here for you, okay?"

I nodded again as he left.

No matter how much he or anyone else told me, I still felt like I was in a dream world, like nothing I did had real meaning, because I swear I could feel her presence still inside me, around me.

Why does this keep on happening to me?

Why can't I move on from this?

Why am I not strong enough?