Even though everyone constantly asked where Gamzee had wandered off to shortly after Dave and Rose joined them on the meteor no one had really bothered to look except Karkat. It wasn't that they weren't worried about him it's just that no matter how much you care about someone you can't completely forget the vision of your friend's dead bodies to disappear. Even if the person who killed them is just as good a friend; and in some cases even more of a friend than the ones he killed.

After what seemed like the third day Karkat finally saw Gamzee near the rear of the meteor, sitting very close to the edge.

Initially he hesitated, not sure how his friend was going to react to him, but once he stepped forward and caught the look of pain on Gamzee's face he felt guilty for fearing him.

"Hey" he sat down slowly next to him careful not to get as close to the edge.

"Hey…" Gamzee's voice came out slow and barely audible over the sound of the others chattering in the background.

For what seemed like ever the two didn't speak and Karkat beat himself up internally for not knowing what to say and worried that if he didn't say something to reassure his best friend soon Gamzee would probably throw himself over the edge from grief.

Gamzee clutched at the front of his shirt and barely breathed trying to think of some words of justification to say to what was surely his only friend.

"Gamz' I- Karkat stumbled over his words

"You don't have to say a motherfucking thing best friend. I know you're trying to make me feel better but see I don't deserve that kind of peace. Peace is for people that did something fucked up and couldn't stop or couldn't help it. "

"Look dude you weren't yourself-

"Then who was I? Nobody was forcing my motherfucking hand Karkat. I...I killed all the little sis's and Bro's that helped make my life a fucking miracle. And I took away theirs. "

Rogue tears had started to stain Gamzee's cheeks and shirt causing the last bit of face paint to fray and run and ultimately making him look more frightening. Karkat tried to scowl his way through a sob bubbling up but failed and hoped no one heard it.

He wiped quickly at his face and put his hand on Gamzee's back trying to get a grip on the wavering in his voice.

"It was an accident."

"No, me not being culled was a motherfuckin' accident." Gamzee sighed shaking Karkat's hand off of him.

"Don't say that!" Karkat yelled; glad to have a reason to replace his pain with anger.

"I just want to say that if we get to go into this new session, I want to stay here." Gamzee's expression hardened as he turned to face his friend.

"What the fuck? There's no way we'd leave you here!"

"I already made up my motherfucking mind a long time ago Kar so don't try and make me change it."

"Gamzee nobody is blaming you out there, no one is blaming you for anything, so when we go into the new session you are going and that's the end of it!" Karkat yelled.

A flash of anger over Gamzee's face startled Karkat and before he knew it his friend was grabbing him by the front of his shirt.

"DONT YOU THINK I KNOW HOW THEY LOOK AT ME!? DONT YOU THINK IM SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW WHEN PEOPLE CAN SEE THE MOTHERFUCKING MONSTER IN ME!?" He screamed.

Karkat tried to remain angry as Gamzee released him but failed as he saw his rage melt into the now quick, quiet sobs he was releasing into the crook of his arm so no one could hear it.

Despite everyone now starting to stare at the two of them Karkat reached up and hugged Gamzee as if it was the last thing he was ever going to get to do.

"Let's just go and talk to everyone, let me show you that it's okay." Karkat said slipping out if their embrace and dragging him towards their group of weary looking friends.

Gamzee walked behind him reluctantly at first; sure of the reassuring half smile on Kanaya's face but suddenly in the crowd he swore he saw the face of Tavros beaming up at him and it broke something inside of him forever. Something he knew he could never get back.

"Someone actually loved me once, me motherfucker and I soiled it." He muttered to himself. Once he saw Tavros's face disappear he froze because he knew what he really needed to do to make it right to Tav, and everyone else.

Karkat turned around in confusion when he realized Gamzee had stopped walking behind him. Searching his face for a sign of what was wrong Gamzee just shook his head and whispered

"I'm so motherfucking sorry"

Karkat walked towards him ready to hug him and reassure him that everything was fine

"What? Why I thought-

Before Karkat could finish Gamzee used his last little bit of strength to jab a knife Dave had lent him days earlier into his chest.

The group gasped and Karkat held onto Gamzee as his body started to sink to the ground.

"OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD, GOD DAMMIT GAMZEE! WHY DIDNT YOU JUST...FUCK! SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE HELP ME! HOLD ON GAMZEE! WHY couldn't you…why couldn't you just wait...?" His voice trailed off as he sobbed.

Karkat's yelling ceased the moment he looked down and saw the abundance of violet blood spilling all over his lap.

No one else moved except Terezi to throw her arms around Karkat's shoulders. And no one said anything because they loved him, but a deep down part of them could not lie and say that seeing Gamzee's blood spilt in place of their friends and didn't somehow feel just.

Karkat shook Terezi off and buried his face into Gamzee's hair and sobbed until he was nearly hysterical with grief.

Karkat could do a lot of things, he could be a great leader and he could certainly be a good friend. Karkat could even let his guard down enough to admit he was wrong or that he was afraid or when he was sorry

But to let go of his best friends body growing colder by the second; that is something he wasn't sure he could ever do.